Chapter 17: It’s kind of a full time thing
To say that I was in one of the worst most torn and bellow rock bottom moods ever, would be an understatement. And there is one simple reason for that. And he is tall dark and handsome and the definition of hot and bad.
Yep, you guessed it, Nick Branigan.
Yesterday was great. It was the most fun I had have had since – well since we pulled that prank on Caden, but that’s beside the point. The point is I had a great time and I was so sure that Nick did too.
But everything that has happened today goes completely against the notion. For starters, he would barley say three words to me since he took me to school this morning. And on various occasions I have seen him turn the other way in the corridors when he sees me coming.
What an ass.
I should have expected it, I guess. I mean what did I really expect? We shared one kiss and he would ask me to be his girlfriend? Did I even want to be his girlfriend? He has probably kissed tons of girls – which is kind of disturbing – and not done anything about that, after he has.
Why did I think this case would be any different? Like I said to him when I was first getting to know him, he would probably fuck anything with tits and legs. I guess, I’m hurt more because I actually like him.
Stupid I know. After what happened with Caden I shouldn’t have allowed myself to become attracted to anyone. Especially not the notorious bad boy, with the player reputation. But after we became friends, I convinced myself that he would never hurt me.
To be honest I am beyond confused. So the only thing I keep telling myself, to put my mind at rest, is that boys are stupid and complicated. That’s the only option there is because to think about the option, that he might have never liked me, hurts too much.
“Ok dude, seriously what’s up? You look worse than an obese kid being starved whilst someone is dangling a bar of chocolate in his face. Tortured and broken, so what’s up?” Kenzi urged, giving me a stern glare.
I ran my fingers through my hair and licked my dry lips, then continued to push my chips around my plate. “It’s nothing really, just tired”
Ethan scoffed loudly “Bullshit. We have known you for ages, so don’t think you can sit there and lie to us? Babe it’s just not right”
I sigh and slouch in my sit, glancing over at Nick’s table and smile weakly at Jester who was staring over at us. Then I turn back to my friends “Well it’s something, but it’s nothing. I just kind of you know … kissed Nick” I mumbled.
Both of them gasped allowed, looking at me in bewilderment. Ethan was grinning like a Cheshire cat, while Kenzi was still just staring with a smile playing at the corners of her lips. “That’s great … but why do you have a face like a slapped ass?”
I glowered at Kenzi before huffing in annoyance “Because” I started throwing my hands up in anger “He has been a complete ass today, he has barley said three words to me and has been purposely avoiding me”
Ethan’s grin dropped instantly, while anger spiked and burned in Kenzi’s eyes “That ass” she spat, glaring at Nick’s table.
I sighed in despair “I know, but it doesn’t matter. Listen, I’ll see you guys later ok?” I mutter, offering them both a forced smile.
***
My stomach was twisting uncomfortably as I took small daunting steps towards Nick’s motorbike at the end of the school day. He was staring down at his phone, his fingers flying over the buttons.
His lips were set downwards in a frown and his usually bright eyes weren’t sparkling. My heart was pounding and I gulped, while twiddling with the hem of my shirt. “H-hey” I stuttered.
His eyes snapped to me in shock and I watched as his Adam’s apple bombed as he gulped. “Hey” he replied, much more smoothly then I did. Then without another word he sexily climbed onto his bike and passed me a helmet with a small smile.
I licked my lips and awkwardly placed the hat on my head, securing it before climbing behind him. Unlike yesterday I didn’t cherish the moment, being this close to him. Because, I had that nagging feeling of hurt coursing through my body.
I wasn’t sure if it was the speed that we were zipping through the traffic, or if it was my turmoil of emotions making my eyes brim with tears. But I just bit my throbbing lip and squeezed my eye shut tight.
I wouldn’t cry. Not now. Not in front of anyone.
It wasn’t until the purr of the engine stopped and the bike jittered to a stop, that I allowed my eyes to fly open. And at that exact moment my heart stopped and I felt bile rise in my throat.
Outside my house sat a sleek silver BMW, which only meant one thing. My life had just got a whole lot worse. And that this just might be the second most worse day of my life. In list after my father’s death, dramatic maybe, but untrue? No.
My body turned rigid as my hand tightened around Nick’s waist. I wasn’t even sure if I was breathing anymore as I just stared motionless at the car on my driveway. My body jumped at the sudden contact, and my eyes trailed to Nick’s as he lay a hand on my cheek.
“Ashley, are you ok?” his voice was thick and laced with concern. I swallowed and begrudgingly torn my eyes off of his to linger on the sleek vehicle.
Lie, I begged myself.
Just lie to him.
Lie.
“No” I whispered, as my voice cracked slightly. Why? I scolded myself for not being able to lie to him. Even when it’s his fault for making me suffer in my own pit of restless emotions, all day.
I didn’t stay around to answer any question, which I’m sure were about to come, by the curiosity shinning in his eyes. I just bit my lip again and hurriedly shuffled off the bike, unclasping the helmet.
Hesitantly I gingerly passed him the tattered old thing, but even I couldn’t managed to muster up a smile “Thanks for the ride Nick”
He jumped off the bike and jogged in pursuit after me as I shuffled along the road, trying to delay what was about to come. “Wait Ash, I’m sorry for ignoring you today. I just want you to talk to me, what’s wrong? Is it me?”
I looked down at his hand clamped around my wrist, before rolling my lips inside my mouth with a shake of my head. “No Nick, it’s not you. Well you have hurt me … badly, but no. It’s not you” I whisper.
Once again cursing myself for sounding so broken, weak and pathetic.
His face broke, his whole expression sagging, pain and regret evident in his eyes. Making my anger at him, soften. It look as if it genuinely pained him, knowing that he had hurt me. But I didn’t stop to take the time out to question his questioning behaviour.
I just numbly took his hand in my own and gentle peeled it off my wrist and gave him a blind smile, before numbly staggering towards my front door. I glanced over my shoulder to see Nick still standing there staring at the ground, where I had been stood moments ago.
I nibbled on my lip as I bored a hole in the front door, trying to compose myself and get my emotions in order. It’ the only way I can face this, if I’m emotionless or else I will explode. Sucking in a ragged breath I open my front door plastering on a saccharine smirk.
The moment the loud bang of the door slamming behind me, echoed around the house. The cringing sound of clicking heels grew louder, alerting me that someone was coming towards me.
I leaned against the wall with a irritating smirk, while crossing my arms over my chest with attitude.
“Ashley Vicky Donovan, what sort of stunt is this?” an annoyingly smooth, clipped and emotionless voice asked. The words were meant to be said with anger, yet they were spoken detachedly.
“Well hello mother dearest, is the world ending? Have you been replaced by someone who actually pretends to care? Or have you actually remembered that you have a family?” I ask, trying to match her tone.
My so called mother was a beautiful woman with looks so similar to Mayce’s. Whenever I see her she is always clad in a pencil shirt, with a whit button up shirt and waist blazer. Her blond hair is up in a tight bun, with not a single strand loose, or a spot on her face untouched by makeup.
“Don’t use that tone with me young lady, whether you think it or not I am your mother!” she finally cracked and allowed her voice to rise slightly with anger.
I scoff and throw my head back to laugh humourlessly, and then dramatically wipe a fake tear from my eye. Push past her roughly and make my way into the kitchen.
“That’s funny Elizabeth. You come in here, for God knows what reason, parading around claiming to be our mother. Here’s a new flash, you can’t just pick and choose to act like one, when the time suits you. The funny thing about being a mother is it’s kind of a full time thing, trust me I know, I have practically be Lizzy’s real mother”
“Don’t” she warns pointing a slim finger at me as she follows after me, her heels clacking against the wooden floor irritably. “You know, that I am your mother and that I do everything I do for this family. So don’t make me out to be the bad guy” she glowers through gritted teeth.
“No! No what you do is not for this family, it’s for yourself. Don’t act like the innocent one, because we all know the real reason Elizabeth. It’s because dad died!” I start, my voice high and clouded with anger.
“Don’t” she shouts “Even make this about him!” she warns advancing on me.
I scoff “Why shouldn’t I? It’s the reason it’s it? You became a workaholic because he died, claiming that we need the money when we are more than well off. Or is it because whenever you’re around us, we remind you so much of him? News flash, you’re not the only one who is hurting Elizabeth”
Her mouth just opens and closes, as she wordlessly tells me that everything I just accused her of was true.
“The difference between us mother is that I have always been here for my family, when they needed me most. Where have you been? At the office. You think we care about stupid fucking money? We care – no cared about you, but you never were there when we need you. You are never here” I scream, gesturing wildly around the house.
A floor board creaks and both mine and my mother’s head snap in the direction of a pissed looking max. I had completely forgotten that he stayed here today, instead of coming to school because of how beaten up he was.
His eyes were blazing with anger as he glared at my mother, but they momentary met mine and soften. I lick my lips and run my fingers through my hair in frustration. My mum clears her throat, stands up straight after fixing her clothes.
“Who are you and what are you doing in my house?” she ask in a smart tone, looking down at him. This coursed my anger to spike again.
I stand in front of her vision, blocking Max from her view as I growl at her “He is my friend and I don’t care what you say he is staying her. Because I will always take care and be there for the people I love and care about. So don’t you dare think you have the right to judge and look down on my friends, like you have the right to”
“I do have the right to Ashley, I am your mother” she insisted, glaring at me as her lips turned down in a frown.
“No Elizabeth. You might be related to me by blood, but as far as I’m concerned I lost my mum the day my dad died” I dare to say, my voice deathly calm. I knew I didn’t need anger to get my point across.
Her eyes widened as I saw her gulp visibly “When are you going to realise that I have always been here for you? Nothing I ever do is good enough for you. What do you want from me?” her voice for once in her life is weak.
My eyes soften knowing this, I glance back at Max who was watching the whole event with interest and sadness.
I lick my lips and look back at her to answer “Either be here, or go. Because if you’re not willing to try then you’re just making this harder and worse for all of us especially Lizzy. So what’s it going to be?”
She stare at me intently, her eyes glazed over. She looks around the house as if something would contain the answer, but the look on her face, she didn’t find what she was looking for.
“Think carefully, because if your going to stay you have to be here for us all. No more nights spent at the office, can you do that?” I urge her to think.
Part of me wanted her to just leave before Lizzy saw here and thought that her mother would be here for us again. Another part of me wanted her to stay and try, to be here for our birthdays and to just spend Friday nights in front of the tv.
But that nagging part of my brain the rationally part of my brain, knew that she has tried this once before. She managed to keep it up for two weeks before she slowly began to stay at the office again.
Which only made it worse, when she started to not come back. Lizzy would ask me ever night, where mum was and when she was going to come back. She even asked me if mummy even loved her and it broke my heart, eventually she just stopped asking all together.
She couldn’t go through this again, none of us could deal with losing her again.
Her lip began quivering as she shook her head, no. I sighed and let my head drop in disappointment. I knew it was better this way, for her to be gone before Mayce or Lizzy would see her and get their hopes up.
Silent tears streamed down my face as I dumbly shuffled towards her. She had a single traitorous tear trailing down her face, as I held her cheeks in my hands.
I gently kissed her forehead “Goodbye mum”
I heard a sob wrack her body as it begin to shake, she gentle placed her arms around my waist in a hug. Then as quick as she did it, she tore herself away and hurried out of the kitchen.
I jog after her wiping at my eyes. I watched helplessly as she ran out of the front door towards her car, wiping her eyes.
“Mum” I shouted, making her glance up at me with the car door open. “Please just try to be here for Mayce’s and Lizzy’s birthday, ok?” I pleaded, with a watery smile.
She licked her lips and wiped under her eyes, with a wordless nod she skittered into her car, and pulled out of the drive. I stood motionless in the open doorway, watching as her car drove out of sight.
I quietly shut the door, before slumping down onto the floor with my head in my hands and my back against the door. I hated myself, for sobbing uncontrollably. But I couldn’t keep this much sadness bottled up inside of me.
I would kill myself, if I tried to do that. No one could deal with this much sadness bubbling inside of them.
“Ash” someone whispered hesitantly, I looked up to see Max crouched down in front of me in concern. “Are you ok?”
I laughed for some deranged reason, before wiping my eyes “No I’m not but thanks Max … I’m just kind of tired now” I mumble.
He just stares at me intensely for a moment, his face stiff and intent as if he was conversing with himself. Finally he let a sigh ripple through his chest as he cautiously reach out to pull me into a sideways hug, and awkwardly pat me on the back.
I laugh and it was a real laugh. That has got to be the worst attempt of a hug, but it was nice anyway. I would never expect him to try and comfort me, especially when he doesn’t like physical contact with anyone.
“What’s that for?” I mumble with a smile, when he quickly pulls away almost instantly after he touched me.
“Well I, err … yesterday you hugged me and said it was comfort. So I thought that – doesn’t matter!” she grumbled, letting a frown crease his forehead.
I laugh again and cautiously rub his back “Thanks Max”
He watches me as I climb to my feet and begin to stumble towards the stairs “When Mayce and Lizzy come back, can you tell them I’m in bed. I’ll be up to make dinner, ok?”
He rises to his feet and nods, with the same stony expression, which I have grown to ignore. I put on a fake smile and climb up the stairs. Stripping down into my underwear and just a large shirt, which was one of my dad’s favourite shirts.
I curl up in bed and smile as I clench the shirt in my fist and snuggle into the pillows. Tears were still slowly trailing down my face and creating a damp patch on my pillow. I was too tired and emotionally exhausted to care, so I just let sleep take me over.
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Hey beautiful people! :)
Soooooo sorry it took so long to upload, but I did it one day before I was going to. I know it's short, crappy and not funny, but please keep reading this story.
What are you thoughts on naughty Nick? Max? Ashley's mum? What did you think about what happened with Ash and her mum? Please comment, vote and fan - Don't be a silent reader ;)
I was so suprised that my last chapter got over 100 votes and 90 comments, can we pretty please try and get that again? At least 40 comments please, thank you everyone!
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