Chapter Eighteen--
The silence was defeaning as we stood in Alaric's livingroom. I had literally stopped breathing, afraid the noise would crumble the peace that was holding me together right now.
I felt Elena grab ahold of my hand, squeezing it a bit to remind me that she was here for me.
Bull crap, if she was here for me why in the world would she show me my kinda-boyfriend-but-don't-want-to-admit-it-cause-hes-psychotic in a coma.
Words couldn't describe the feelings I felt at the moment, and the surprise that I was feeling them.
It was like an ice cold wake up when I saw his pale lifeless body laying there with all sorts of cords in him.
The feelings hit me like a wrecking ball.
All those times I tried to deny my feelings, to Caroline to Kai and to myself, all that denial just washed away.
I liked Kai.
I didn't know if I was in love with him, but I knew I felt something for him. Something real was there.
A great big weight on my chest was lifted off and it felt like I could breath again.
What. The. Hell.
"I know how you feel."
I looked over at Elena, seemingly forgetting that she was there. I suddenly felt embarrassed, did she see me gulping for air as if I was drowning two seconds ago?
"It hurts doesn't it?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I've known you, your whole life Kaitlyn. Of course you know what I'm talking about."
She grabbed ahold of my chin, I tried to pull away but she was using her vamp strength.
"Kaitlyn, its okay. Its okay to be hurt."
I stared into her eyes, I could tell she was being sincere, but I felt too ashamed to admit it.
"What happened to us? We used to be so close, we told each other everything. Please tell me Kitty, don't carry all this guilt by yourself, trust me its not worth it. Just remember I'm the last person to judge when it comes to boys."
She cracked a small smile at the end and that was all it took for the waterworks to start.
It started off as a few tears and then turned into a full on dam.
She let go of my chin and put her arms around me, the feeling of being comforted was so foreign.
It was always the other way around, I was usually comforting people. I didn't like to show weakness and crying was the biggest form of that.
"Shh, let it all out."
Elena smoothed down my hair, patting my back and whispering sweet words in my ear.
This was the Elena I knew and loved.
The Elena before she was turned into a vampire.
Scratch that the Elena before she was introduced to Vampirism.
I pulled away after a few pathetic sobs, embaressed that I broke down.
"Why did you bring me here Lena?"
She had a thoughtful look on her face, contemplating what to say next.
"When he kidnapped me, he would not shut up about you. Literally, it was Kaitlyn this and Kaitlyn that. He wanted to know everything about you, he was so enamored. It was a real sight."
I wiped away a few stray tears, wondering what she was getting at.
"When Damon came to rescue me, Jo was with him. When Kai caught site of her he went full on psycho. Yelling at her about something to do with a lamp and hurting you."
She rose an eyebrow in my direction and I gave her a look telling her I'd tell her later.
"I knew then that all those feelings he was harboring were real, that he really did feel something for you. Maybe that he even loved you."
I winced as she talked about his love in past tense, the reality of the situation finally sinking in.
"So what? You brought me here to curve your guilt? Is that what this is? Or maybe you were sick of my emotionless state that you wanted me to finally admit I have feelings."
I couldn't keep the anger and hostility out of my voice, even after seeing the hurt in her eyes I couldn't stop myself from the harsh words.
"Well you can rest easy Lena." I mocked. "Because soon he'll be dead, merged with Jo and just be dead, but you won't feel any guilt because at least you showed me him one last time right? And we all know how you are with feelings. Weak."
I didn't stay around to hear anymore, with one last glance at Kai's unconscious form I did the thing I did best.
I ran from my problems.
****
My feet ended up taking me to the medical center.
The only person I wanted to see right now was Caroline, and I heard that the blood had backfired and her mom had been admitted so here I was.
Once again she was sitting in one of those plastic chairs outside her mothers room, her legs were pulled to her chest as she silently rocked backwards and forward.
I sat down putting an arm around her shaking form, not saying anything. I knew the last thing to do right now was to talk, so I waited for her to break the silence.
"I-i killed-d her Kaitlyn. I k-killed my own mom. I'm a monster."
She broke down again, I was surprised she could even form a sentence knowing how much she's been crying.
"Don't you talk like that Caroline Marie Forbes, do you hear me?"
She looked up at me after I scolded her and once again I got the feeling she was a small child.
She had been going through so much these past weeks and I've barely been there for her.
My stomach dropped in shame.
I'm not a good friend, I'm not a good anything really.
"I gave her my blood, I should've been more careful but I was to blinded to see that there had to be faults, miracles jusr don't exist but I couldn't help being hopeful. I can't face her after that, I should just run."
"Hey, look. I would have down the exact same thing if I was in that position so don't you dare blame yourself. Now stop crying, get your shit together and go inside and be there when your mother wakes up, even if she makes it or not she deserves to see you. The both of us have down too much crying and that is going to stop right now. You're a Forbes, Caroline. You are so strong."
Her dejected look went to one of determination. She wiped a few stray tears before squaring her shoulders.
"That's my girl."
I gave her a quick peck on her forehead before standing up.
"Call me if you need anything."
She nodded her head before giving me one last hug.
Although it was short and sweet the hug made me realized just how much I missed being hugged.
More specifically by Kai.
At the mention of his name I felt the back of my eyes prick and butterflies in my stomach.
Gosh dammit.
Even in a comatose state he still has an effect on me.
I could just imagine him, a full blown smirk on his cocky face as he teased me about my growing feelings.
I absentmindedly smiled, turning on my heel to leave.
To an empty house where I could cry all my sorrows in piece.
// A/N Sorry I took forever to update, and sorry its so crappy. This is more of a filler chapter, next is going to be full on Kai. I know I said this was a Kai × Kaitlyn Chappie, but I forgot he got his ass handed to him, anyway Because the merging comes up next and I have this awesome idea, so stick around. :) //
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