Content Warning: Mentioned of death and blood.
"Sino 'yang hampas lupa na 'yan? Bobo ba siya? Wala ba siyang utak? Nakanang!" hindi ko napigilan ang mapapikit ng marinig ang sunod-sunod na birada ni Annica sa harapan ko ngayon. Nang malaman kasi nila ang nangyari ay hindi na natigil ang galit niya. Her face is a bit red, her perfect arched brows are furrow, her eyes are burning and she keeps cursing.
"I know that some people will judge at first glance but that's just over board. Hindi porket may boyfriend ka at may kaibigan kang lalaki ay malandi ka na agad at nakikipagkalantari ka na agad sa iba." Maayos na suhestyon ni Aryanna bago sumimsim sa kape niya. Agad naman akong napabuntong hininga.
"Do you think that Vico will misunderstand my intention sa friendship namin? I mean I just want to be kind to him at least." Maayos na tanong ko sa kanila. Nagtama pa ang tingin nila bago tuluyang umiling ng sabay na parang dismayado.
"Malinaw naman yung intensyon mo. It's just friendship and kindness. Desisyon lang talaga ni Vico ang pagpayag. I just think you should be more sensitive with Vico's feeling. Hindi naman porket he's saying yes to you, eh he's not hurting himself in the process." saad ni Arya. Parang may kung anong tumarak sa dibdib ko ng sabihin niya iyon. Suddenly a flash of memories of me and Vico studying in the library or the unfaithful encounters we have played in my mind.
Hindi ko napigilan ang pagkalukot ng mukha dahil sa problema. I know, I was at fault at some point in this. Sobrang nakampante ako na my intentions towards this friendship is good while overlooking his feelings towards me. Hindi man niya direktang sinabi sa akin iyon ay dapat at some point, nakuha kong makiramdam. It's not entirely Vico's fault for agreeing. Hindi dapat siya naiipit sa sitwasyon kagaya nito.
The girl who said those words from that day said sorry to me at the end of the class, kahit pa labas sa ilong niyang sinabi iyon just for the sake of being civil with me ay tinanggap ko na lang din. I heard from one of the girl, Aisha, who told me the whole scenario why Vico is so upset that morning.
Naabutan daw ni Vico na pinag-uusapan ako ng iilang babae sa classroom namin. Them calling me names were a bit loud kaya naman rinig na rinig ni Vico. He glared at them with death in his eyes and they instantly shut up. Hindi man daw nagsalita si Vico, randam daw ng buong room ang tensyon dahil sa kanya. When I arrived ay halos mataranta daw si Aisha dahil nga sa nangyari. She eventually lecture the two girls that it is not there business to meddle with my love life and friendship towards Vico. Kung gusto daw nila maging kaibigan si Vico, just approach him. He's very kind and friendly!
Simula rin ng incident na iyon ay hindi na ulit kami nagkausap ni Vico. Whenever I try to approach him ay sobrang obcious na gusto niya akong iwasan kaya naman unconsciously akong umiwas na rin sa kanya. Rahim is even wondering what's up with me pero hindi ko naman masabi sa kanya ang problema.
"Alam mo Monique, hindi mo naman kailangan i-please lahat ng tao. I want you to proud and clear whenever you make a decision. This is you life and how you handle your relationships whether platonic or romantic is based solely on you. Kapag nakita ko talaga yung mga butiking nagsabing malandi ka dahil lang kinaibigan mo si Vico, sasakalin ko sila!" Hindi ko naman mapigilan ang matawa and be comforted by Annica's words.
"Sayang si Vico. Torpe kasi eh. If Rahim is not your boyfriend, I would really root for him. Kaso Rahim is just too perfect to begin with. Kung saan ka masaya naman Monique." Dugtong pa ni Aryanna.
"Luh, cheesy nito! Hanap ka na kasi ng bagong kipay mo!" Sigaw ni Annica sa kanya at binato siya ng unan. Agad naman akong natawa ng itaas ni Aryanna ang middle finger niya.
"Tangina nito, kala mo may napatol sa kanya. Tuyo ka ngang lilipat ng US." Para naman gusto ko ng takpan ang tenga ko sa patutunguhan ng conversation namin. I'm just really thankful that I have my friend in times like this. I felt so lonely ng marinig iyon sa mga kaklase ko, more over kapwa babae ko pa. But having my friends with me, pakiramdam ko hindi talaga ako nag-iisa. Bukod sa napaka empowered nila parehas ay alam na alam nila ang sasabihin sa panahong ganito.
After that night ay maaga din kaming umuwi dahil may kanya-kanya pa kaming aasikasuhin. I have tons of work to do, si Arya ay busy sa trabaho pati na rin sa MA niya while Annica is finalizing all of her requirements for her flight.
"Hey, you're back." Narinig kong saad ni Rahim ng isarado ko ang pinto ng unit niya. I smile at him at agad na lumapit sa kanya para bigyan siya ng yakap. He just came out of his shower. Ang basang buhok niya ay may mga butil pa ng tubig, his built was sculpted in his fitted muscle tee habang ang kanyang biceps ay litaw na litaw. Agad ko siyang tinaasan ng isang kilay ng makita ang itsura niya.
"Mukhang 'di ka haggard na law student." Pang-aasar ko kaya agad naman nalukot ang mukha niya. Ibinaba ko ang shoulder bag ko sa couch at muling yumakap sa kanya para aluin ang pagka-badtrip niya. I settle myself in his hard chest at nilanghap ang amoy ng shower gel niya.
"We're almost done with our works. I'll have more time for you." Dahil sa sinabi niya ay napabitaw ako sa yakap. Gulat akong tumingin sa kanya. He smirk at me when he saw how shock and excited I'm.
"Seryoso ba 'yan?! For real?!" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko.
"Yup. Just some paper works and where gonna chill for a little while. Magsisimula na kong mag-review for midtems." He explains kaya naman hindi ko mapigilan ang matuwa. It means he will have more time here at home and to rest as well!
"Omege! Let's celebrate this! Teka magluluto ako!" I said happily. Agad naman niya akong kinulong sa isang yakap. I couldn't help but scream a little ng ibagsak niya ang katawan namin sa sofa.
"Let's stay here a little." He whispers habang mas lalong humihigpit ang yakap niya sa akin. Lihim naman akong nangiti habang nakalapat ang sarili sa malapad niyang dibdib.
"Masyado mo naman akong na-miss." Mahina kong saad para asarin siya pero isang dampi lang ng halik ang naramdaman ko sa ulo ko mula sa kanya.
If Vico were the first one to come in my life before Rahim, I think I will still end up with Rahim no matter what. We just compliment each other so much that I don't even know what to do without him. I just wish this would last forever.
Nang mga sumunod na araw hindi ko in-expect na sobrang babagsakan kami ng gawain dahil papalapit na ang midterms. Para akong nalugi ng makita ko ang to do list ko dahil sa haba noon. Na pabuga na lamang ako ng hininga bago i-text si Rahim na baka mag-stay ako sa library ng ilang oras para matapos ang isang research assignment. Nagagalit kasi si Dr. Ramirez kapag galing lang sa internet articles ang kinukuha naming references, matuto daw kaming magbuklat ng libro.
Inayos ko na ang mga gamit ko kahit pa lumong-lumo na ako sa mga kailangan kong gawin. Puno ang klase ko today pero kailangan ko pa din mag-aral sa library pagkatapos!
Nagulat ako ng may mabangga ako pagkatayo ko sa upuan ko. Nang i-angat ko ang tingin ko ay nakita ko agad ang mata ni Vico. I immediately step aside unconsciously ng ma-realize kong siya iyon. Biglang nag-iba ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya ng makita ang ginawa ko kaya naman mas lalo akong nahiya. Alam ko naman kasing iniiwasan niya ako! Kaya dapat mauna na akong lumayo sa kanya!
Parang mas lalong bumigat ang pakiramdam ko dahil sa nangyari. I don't want to avoid Vico, pero noong naramdaman kong siya mismo ang nalayo sa akin pagkatapos ng incident na iyon ay alam ko na agad ang sagot sa mga gusto kong itanong sa kanya. I feel like I was left alone all of the sudden without even the explanation.
Even though the exhaustion is already reaching me, it didn't stop me to continue to do my work. I even occupy a desk in the library all by myself just so I could place all my things there. My iPad is flopping out, some of my print outs from our latest topic and then some of the reference books from the library. I was typing the key points and important topics that I need to include in the research. Ayon lamang ang inatupag ko ng ilang oras na pagtratrabaho.
Almost three hours had past before I decided to give up already. Hindi na kaya ng brain cells ko ang um-absorb pa ng kahit anong information. Agad na akong nagligpit ng mga gamit ko at nag-desisyon na ibalik na ang makakapal na libro kung saan ko kinuha ang mga iyon.
When I was on the aisle of the shelves where I was supposed to bring back the books that I borrowed ay may nakita agad akong pamilyar na bulto sa gitna noon. Vico is standing there, intently looking at the books on the shelves na parang may hinahanap na libro. Nakaramdam agad ako ng kaba sa dibdib ko at pag-aalinlangan kung ibabalik ko na ba ngayon ang libro o hindi. I don't want him to feel awkward around me, kailangan kong mag-adjust!
Hindi pa man ako nakakapag-isip ng dapat gawin ay nagawi na sa direksyon ko ang tingin niya. I was taken a back by his gaze on me pero ng ma-realize niyang andoon ako ay ibinalik niya lamang ang tingin sa mga libro. Mas lalo tuloy akong hindi makapag-decide kung ibabalik ko ba ang librong hawak ko.
In the end, I still decided to go. Ibabalik ko lang naman ang libro sa shelf, hindi ko naman kailangan ng kahit anong interaction sa kanya. Tama! Iyon na lang ang gagawin ko.
Kahit pa may kaba sa dibdib ko ay naglakad na ako patungo sa shelf kung saan ko kinuha ang librong hiniram. Mabuti na lang at may halos isang metrong pagitan iyon mula sa kinatatayuan niya. I gulped when I saw him closer. Ang mata ay nakadikit sa pagtingin sa mga librong nasa shelf sa harapan niya. Agad kong iniiwas ang tingin ko sa kanya at ibinalik na ang mga librong hiniram ko. Nang matapos kong ibalik iyon ay nag-alinlangan pa ako kung aalis na ba akong kagaad. I took a final peek at Vico pero nagulat ako ng makitang nakatingin din siya sa akin.
"I will go na-" hindi ko pa man natatapos ang sasabihin ko ay naramdaman ko na ang kamay niya sa palapulsuhan ko. Para akong nalamig ng maramdaman iyon doon dahil sa gulat. If people see that we are here like this, they might get the wrong idea again. Ayoko ng ilagay sa ganoong posisyon ulit si Vico.
"Vico-"
"I'm sorry!" I was stunned by how he immediately said those words. Ang mukha niya ay pulang-pula at parang hindi alam ang gagawin. His hawk eyes couldn't even look at me directly habang habol-habol niya ang hininga niya,
"W-Why are you apologizing to me?" Hindi ko na napigilang itanong iyon lalo pa ng makita ang taranta sa mukha niya. I look at him and he was taken back by my question. Unti-unti niyang binitawan ang palapulsuhan ko dahil sa narinig.
"I-I should. I-I avoided... you" The guilt in his face is evident lalo pa ng iniiwas niya na ang tingin sa akin. I look at him more intently dahi sa narinig. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat maramdaman. But above all I'm relieved to finally have a conversation with him about this matter.
"I think I should be the one apologizing. Pasensya ka na at nadamay ka sa petty issues ng mga babae sa klase natin. I should be more careful and sensitive about your feelings. I shouldn't just—"
"Bakit ka nahingi ng tawad sa akin? You didn't do anything wrong." Natahimik ako dahil sa sinabi niya. I stared at him directly in his deep eyes and saw that he is really genuine on what he said. Nang ma-realize niyang nakatitig ako sa mata niya ay agad niya ng iniiwas ang tingin sa akin. I felt a warm feeling inside my chest by looking at him. Parang nabawasan ang tinik sa dibdib ko ng ma-realize na we are talking again after days of completely ignoring each other.
He really is familiar... he really felt like he was there the whole time even though he wasn't. He's the feeling of safe place. That by just looking at him, you know completely that you'll never be alone. I'm very grateful that Vico is existing because he somewhat bring comfort to me.
"Thank you." I whisper underneath my breath. Narinig ko naman ang pagsinghap niya dahil sa sinabi ko. He looks at me with those observant eyes bago niya ako hinila ng bahagya para lumabas sa hilera ng mga shelves.
"Teka Vico—"
"I'm sorry for ignoring you. I just can't— I just can't bear it. Hindi ka nila dapat pinag uusapan ng ganoon." I was taken back by how direct he is with me. Ang mga mata ay iwas sa akin pero diretso niyang sinabi sa akin iyon.
"I don't really mind, Vico-"
"When I said yes to your friendship, I know what I'm getting into. I want to be your friend. I want to know you, not from a far nor just a study peer but as a friend. Ung feelings ko sayo, kontento na sa kung anong kaya mong ibigay sa akin." I jaw literally dropped because of how direct he is! He isn't even stuttering like he used to!
"Wow." I whisper underneath my breath and look at him with amazement painted in my face.
"Kaya mo palang magsalita ng hindi nahihiya sa akin." Nang ma-realize niya ang sinabi ko ay tuluyan ng namula ang mukha niya. Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtawa dahil nangamatis na siya ng tuluyan sa harapan ko. Narinig ko pang sinita kami ng librarian dahil sa ingay ng tawa ko.
It was a relief that Vico and I are actually okay now. Umuwi akong my ngiti sa mga labi ko ng araw na iyon dahil ayos na kaming dalawa. I actually consider him as a genuine friend dahil hindi nga sobrang friendly ng mga tao sa klase ko. I'm just glad that I have someone I can share my experiences in med school lalo pa't kulang na lang iyakan ko ang dami ng kailangan kong gawin.
"Hey!" Agad akong napangiti ng makita si Rahim sa loob ng condo. It is a brand new sight to have him here. Para akong naninibago na may araw pa ay nasa bahay na siya.
"Hey! This is a good sight." Pabiro kong saad sa kanya. Doon ko lang napansin na apron lang ang pantaas niya at naka cotton shorts lang siya. Marahan ko namang kinurot ang braso niya dahil sa itsura niya.
"Bakit naman ganyan lang ang suot mo!? Mukha kang macho dancer!" Nagbago naman agad ang mukha niya dahil sa sinabi ko. I laughed immediately ng magsulubong na ang kilay niya at panlisikan niya na ko ng tingin. I grab my hair tie from my wrist at umupo sa sofa. I pat the space beside me at ini-stretch ang hair tie na hawak ko. Kahit pa nakasimangot ay umupo naman din siya sa aking tabi.
"What are you cooking, hmm?" I ask while gathering his long hair. Marahan ko iyong nilipon sa tuktok ng kanyang ulo para maitali.
"Some pasta. I actually plan to ask you out to day pero nakita ko ang to do list mo sa table. I guess we have to stay over tonight for you to finish all of those." He explains as he behave properly habang tinatalian ko siya. I carefully tie his hair and his signature palm tree hair is back!
"I'm sorry. Sobrang dami lang talagang gawain. I'll try to finish some of them para naman makalabas tayo." I said. Inilingan naman niya ako dahil sa sinabi ko.
"It's fine. Besides I'll be home for the next days, I'll be with you if you need me here in the house. That's already enough for me."
"But I want to spend time with you—"
"Yeah and your profs too!" He said as he stands up and headed to the kitchen. Bumusangot naman ako ng ma-realize ang sinabi niya. Why does he have to be free while I have tons of work to do? How is this fair?!
"I'll just take charge on feeding you." Nagliwanag naman ang mukha ko ng marinig ko iyon habang papasok ako ng kitchen. He's checking on the pasta now.
His broad chest is the glistening view I saw when I entered the kitchen. Dahil sa apron lang ang pantaas niya ay kitang-kita ang paggalaw ng muscles niya sa likod habang busy siya sa pagluluto. I felt myself blush just by looking at that half-naked man's body! I remeber Annica teasing me the other day how would girls moan over Rahim's body! Walang hiya talaga!
I swiftly place myself behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. His body suddenly stiffen but immediately recover from my action and continue to do his chores as if wala ako sa likod niya. His long arms could easily reach all the tools that he need ng hindi gumagalaw sa kinatatayuan niya.
Dahil katangkaran siya sa akin ay kailangan ko pang tumingkayad para ipatong ang ulo sa kanyang balikat. I saw a glimpse of smirk on the side of his face kaya naman napairap na lamang ako.
"Ugh! I miss this!" I said habang sinisilip ang niluluto niyang carbonara. I slightly lean my head on his at naramdaman kong ganoon din ang ginawa niya.
"Let's go somewhere on the end of our school year." He whisper. Hindi ko napigilan ang mapangiti dahil sa naisip niyang plano. I'll be looking forward to that lalo pa't graduate na siya ng mga panahon na iyon and maybe done on taking the bar exam.
"What will you do after you graduate, Rahim?" I asked out of nowhere.
"I think I'll go with the firm I worked with as a part time. Their known and decent. " marahan naman akong tumango dahil sa sinabi niya.
"I want to try working with medical projects in indigenous parts of the country. Will that be okay with you?"
"I'll probably go with you if you'd like that." Napasinghap naman ako dahil sa sinabi niya at bumaba mula sa pagkakatingkayad. Mahina kong hinampas ang kanyang likod kaya naman namutawi ang tawa sa kanya.
"You have your job!" Sermon ko, he turns to me slightly and raise an eyebrow.
"Then I'll probably apply to your hospital as your legal lawyer." Doon ko na hindi napigilan ang pagkurot sa kanya. Ang isinagot naman niya sa akin ay isang tawa bago ibalik ang tingin sa niluluto.
"Siraulo ka! I'll be fine, no! You don't need to go through such lengths!"
"You'll be doctor, and I'll be a legal lawyer of your hospital. Isn't that ideal?!"
"Ideal ka diyan! Baliw na baliw ka na naman sa akin!"
"I'm just giving you the upperhand to see me almost everyday."
"Kapal ng mukha mo!"
Everything with Rahim feels surreal and like a dream. Kahit pa ganoon lang naman ang ginagawa namin sa mga sumunod na araw. I would go to school early in the morning and stay atleast two to three hours in finishing my tasks at the lib with Vico, sometimes with Aisha. I would go home with Rahim preparing for dinner. Kahit pa nakailang turn down na ako sa kanya sa outside date ay hindi siya nag-rereklamo. We just often spend our time in the living room studying, mostly me for having an all nighter dahil sobrang dami kong gawain!
From: Rahim
You think we can go out tonight?
Halos nanlumo ako ng makita ang message ni Rahim sa akin. Mas lalo yatang lumubog ang puso ko ng makitang umupo si Vico sa harapan ko at ilapag ang dalawang kopya ng librong gagamitin para sa readings namin.
"Hindi natin ito matatapos today, Vico!" Alma ko sa kanya. Inilingan niya lamang ako at umupo na sa upuan niya. We plan to finish this whole reading and some research assignment today ng magkakasama. Si Aisha ay nag-volunteer ng bumili ng kape para sa aming tatlo. Gusto ko na lamang maiyak dahil bukas na ang pasahan neto!
"We can decide to that conclusion later." Saad niya sa pagrereklamo ko. Mas lalong sumimangot ang mukha ko at kinuha na ang highlighter at ballpen ko ulit.
To: Rahim
I need to finish my tasks today Rahim. Pasahan bukas :(( I'm so sorry.
Malungkot ko ng ibinagsak ang phone ko. This is his last day na hindi busy, bukas ay babalik na ulit siya sa pagiging busy niya! Ni hindi man lang namin na-enjoy ang araw na wala siyang ginagawa dahil ako naman ang tambak ang gawain! Sobrang dami kong kailangan gawin at tapusin at parang hindi na sila mauubos! I can remember myself crying the other night dahil sa pagod!
From: Rahim
I see. That's okay. I'll see you at home later.
"You weren't able to go out with him?" Nang marinig ko ang tanong ni Vico ay agad na napaangat ang tingin ko sa kanya. He wasn't even looking at me. His eyes are intently observing the book that he is scanning.
"With all these mess in front of us, you know the answer." Matamlay kong saad. Over the past few days ay lagi ko na ngang kasama si Vico sa pag-aaral. Aisha would sometimes come with us but most of the time siya lang iyong kasama ko. He has been quite and shy as always but he started asking questions and opening conversation every now and then and I guess it is a big improvement with our friendship. Sobrang natutuwa lang ako na at least he is opening up with me.
He even sometimes ask about my relationship with Rahim but it never ends up to the point na awkward para sa aming dalawa. He is really a man of two words kapag ako ang kasama niya but when he converse with his basketball teammates ay mukha naman siyang madaldal. There are really more things to know about Vico.
"Hoy! I have good news!!!" Agad kong tinakpan ang bibig ni Aisha ng marinig ang sigaw niya. Inayos niya pa ng bahagya ang salamin bago ako irapan.
"Good news! Na-move pasahan ng research! Next week na daw!" Parang nag-liwanag ang paningin ko dahil sa sinabi ni Aisha. Agad kong sinarado ang makapal na libro dahil sa sinabi niya at nag-unat. Ramdam ko ang sakit ng likod dahil sa mag-hapong pag-upo rito sa library para matapos namin itong research na hindi ko man lang nakalahati!!!
"Thank you, Lord." I couldn't help but utter those words. I heard a deep sigh of relief from Vico and a few giggles from Aisha.
"Dahil diyan! Mag-party tayo! May bar hopping iyong iba nating classmate later diyan sa Makati! Tara sama kayo! Vico kasama iyong mga team mates mong syota ni Brithney! Ikaw, Monique sumama ka para makilala ka naman ng ibang classmate natin! Sobrang ilap mo naman kasi!" She didn't even stutter while she said those. Inaayos niya pa ang mga gamit niya habang patuloy kaming kinukumbinsi ni Vico na sumama sa pag gimik nila.
"Titignan ko nga, Aisha! I'll just chat you if anycase that I'll come." Saad ko para lamang matigil siya.
"Tokis ka yata, e! Andyan naman si Vico for sure may kausap ka! Tama na muna kakaaral!" Pangungulit niya pa sa akin. Vico jus shrug on me dahil mukhang hindi naman din niya kayang pigilan si Aisha sa pangungulit sa aming dalawa.
"I'll come Aisha." Huling saad ni Vico nang makarating kami sa parking lot. Mas lalo yatang ginanahan si Aisha na kumbinsihin akong sumama dahil kay Vico.
"Kapag hindi ka sumama, Monique. Magtatampo talaga ako! Sabihin mo na kay attorney na minsan lang naman 'to! Kung gusto niya mag chauffeur pwede naman! Welcome siya!" napa-iling na lamang ako sa sinabi ni Aisha.
Even after getting inside my car ay hindi niya pinalampas ang pangungumbinsi sa akin. Bago magsimulang magmaneho ay nagdesisyon na kong i-text muna si Rahim.
To: Rahim
Your home na?
Buong byahe ay iniisip ko pa rin kung dapat ba akong magpauto kay Aisha at sumama sa bar hopping na iyon. Huling nakapunta ako ng bar ay iyong incident ni Arya, other than that ay minsang pag-inom ni Rahim sa may Katipunan ay sinusundo ko siya noong third year siya kasama sina Ace. Other than that, wala na akong experience sa bar or party.
Nang makarating sa bahay ay wala pa rin akong natanggap na reply galing kay Rahim. I decided that I will go to the party if ever man na hindi pa siya nakakauwi ng alas otso ng gabi. I feel like I deserve this break from all the stress that I have been into dahil sa dami ng gawin na meron ako!
I took a short shower and decided to wear a long sleeve white off shoulder and partner it with a black shorts. Sinuot ko lang din ang block heels ko para kahit papaano ay naayon ang ayos ko. I put some light make-up and put my long sleek black hair into a low ponytail. Hinayaan ko namang tumakas sa mukha ko ang iilang hibla ng buhok para makadagdaga sa buong itsura ko.
It's already past 8 PM and I still haven't receive any reply from Rahim. Kaya nagdesisyon na akong sumama sa party.
To: Rahim
Hey, I was home early today. Our deadline was move next week. I guess I'll be spending some time with my classmates. I'll text you the address if you can pick me up :) I love you.
Even after waiting for a few minutes ay hindi ako nakatanggap ng reply kay Rahim. He must be really busy dahil mukhang hindi niya napapansin ang phone niya. I hit up Aisha that I'll be going para lamang alam niya. I started to fix my small clutch bag para sa iilang bitbitin ng tumunog ang phone ko dahil sa isang mensahe.
From: Aisha
Fantastic! I told Vico to pick you up! Andyan ka sa condo ng jowa mo diba! I told him the right condo if that's the case!
Para akong nanlamig dahil sa sinabi ni Aisha! Ito talagang babaeng ito! Kahit kelan may dark evil spirit talaga sa kanya! Hindi nga nagsisinungaling si Aisha because after a few minutes ay naka-recieve na ako ng message from Vico na nasa baba na siya! I took a last look at my messages kung nag-reply si Rahim but to my dismay ay wala pa rin. I immediately keep my phone inside my bag at binaba na si Vico.
When I saw him in the parking lot ay agad akong napatigil ng makita ang isang itim na motor sa gilid niya. It was bigger than usual and it's matte black finish makes it more exquisite to look at. Nang lumipat na ang tingin ko kay Vico ay doon ko lamang nakita ang suot niyang black-buttons down at faded jeans. He looks so casual in this outfit dahil halos lagi siyang naka-vasity jacket or sports get-up kapag nagkakasama kami.
"Hey!" I said at doon ko na nakuha ang atensyon niya. His eyes were looking at me intently ng makita ako. I smile at him slowly at naglakad palapit.
"I'm sorry you have to pick me up. Si Aisha kasi eh! Hindi ka na dapat niya inistorbo! Nakakahiya." Hindi ko mapigilang kainin ng hiya sa harapan niya. I can even imagine Aisha grinning just by the thought that Vico picked me up.
"It's fine, Monique. You don't need to apologize. Nakapagpaalam ka ba?" Now that he mentioned it ay hindi pa rin nagrereply si Rahim. Marahan na lamang akong tumango sa kanya dahil hindi ko na naman alam ang sagot kung oo o hindi dahil hindi sinasagot ni Rahim ang messages ko. I'll just go home early or have him fetch me.
"C'mon. It's okay for you to ride my bike, right? I don't have my car today."
"Ayos lang! Walang problema." He smirks at me shyly bago buksan ang compartment ng motorcycle niya at kinuha doon ang isang itim na helmet. I look at him and saw him grab a bigger helmet na nakasabit sa harapan noong motor.
"Here." He said and walk across me. Marahan niyang tinannggal ang clasp ng helmet at dahan-dahan iyong isinuot sa ulo ko. I just studied him as he fixex the helmet in me.
Vico has a proud face, iyong mahahalata mong gusto siyang ng maraming tao. He's a basketball star after-all. He's face screams victory, hawk-eyes, rugged cut hair and those thin lips. Hindi na ako magugulat kung bakit maraming babae ang nababaliw sa kanya. He really radiates the celebrity aura out of him. The way he stand, the way he looks and even talks with his friends. No wonder I didn't have the guts to approach him back in our college days because I feel like he's out of my league. Now, I know there is a side of Vico that's totally different from his spotlight personality. He's gentle and caring, he's silent but occupant, he's quite but he is there.
I must admit that the first semester of law school was easier because I was with him this whole time. He's smart, diligent and even hard working despite all of his other hobbies. He's just amazing. And being his friend really makes me grateful.
"Tara?" I snap out of my thoughts when I heard him. I smile at him before nodding and helping myself out into riding onto his motorcycle.
"Hold on tight. I'm not a gentle driver." Tumaas naman ang isa kong kilay dahil sa sinabi niya. I hold onto his firm waist lightly just so I would not put him into an awkward position. I'm still trying to be careful with my actions towards him.
"Remember, I warn you." Nang simulan na niya ang makina ay hindi ko na napigilan ang sariling mapayakap sa bewang niya ng tuluyan ng patakbuhin niya na ang motor.
The strong wind gushing through my face kahit pa nakaharang ang likod niya sa mukha ko. He skillfully drive our way. His pace is fast but careful. I can feel him maneuver the bike with mastery. I never knew he could ride motorcycle!
Napangiti ako sa aking sarili habang nakasandal ang ulo ko sa kanyang likod. I didn't expect to be friends with him. For the past four years, approaching people especially a guy like him with the same aura of him. Makes me uncomfortable just by looking at them. Pero mali ako, marami pa nga akong hindi alam sa mundong ito.
"Thank you, Vico." I'm so glad that you've became friends with me. Despite your feelings, despite the difficulties of reaching me.
Mabilis lamang ang naging byahe namin. Before I even know it ay nasa parking lot na kami ng bar kung asan ang iba kong kaklase. I saw some of them na papasok pa lamang sa loob. Naunang bumaba si Vico sa motor at inalalayan akong makababa rin.
I removed my helmet and took a glance at the whole place. It isn't wild as I expect it to be, unlike the last bar that Arya and I went too. The neon lights is scattered all over the place, some people are outside smoking, habang kitang-kita naman ang mga high stool at iilang tables sa loob ng bar mula sa kinatatayuan namin.
"Hoy! Pare! What's up!?" Nagulat ako ng batiin ng isang grupo si Vico. Some of them are familliar faces from our basketball team in college at iilang babaeng kilala sa school. The guys eye me for a moment at proud na lumingon kay Vico while the girls stared down on me from head to foot which really makes me awkward.
"Congrats pare! Akala ko hindi ka na poporma kay Monique, eh! Mas torpe ka pa sa torpe!" nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil sa narinig mula sa isang lalaki. Agad naman siyang siniko ni Vico dahil sa sinabi.
"Gago! Kaibigan ko lang si Monique. Andyan mga kaklase namin from UP sa loob."
"Ow shit! By the way, hi Monique! Long time no see! Pasok na kami Vico, ah! Join ka sa table namin laters!" Agad naman din silang nagpaalam kay Vico after that. Some of the guys keeps on teasing him about me pero mukhang sanay na si Vico sa kanila.
"I'm sorry about that. Tara pasok na tayo." Paghingi niya ng tawad. Bahagya niya pang kinamot ang batok at iniiwas ang tingin sa akin.
"It's okay! Ano ka ba?! Tara andoon na si Aisha, oh!" I said to divert our awkward conversation. Tuluyan na nga kaming pumasok sa loob ng bar.
"Ayan na pala si Vico, eh! Woah! Monique, you're here too!" Sigaw ng isa naming lalaking kaklase. Some of thema re already tipsy sa lagay ng itsura nila. Agad naman akong nagulat ng maramdaman ang akbay ng isang babae sa akin, nang makita kung sino iyon ay agad din akong napasimangot. Aisha's malicious smirks faces me kaya agad ko naman din siyang inirapan.
"That's not funny, Aisha! Nakakahiya kay Vico!" Naiinis kong bulong sa kanya.
"Oh, c'mon! We all know Vico would do anything for you. He basically worship you kahit pa may boyfriend ka na!" Kinurot ko naman siya dahil sa naging sagot niya sa akin. Sinuklian niya lamang ako ng tawa bago hilahin papa upo sa table ng mga kaklase namin.
"First time ni Monique! Nainom ka ba, Monique! Sinama ka talaga ni Aisha, siraulo 'to!" Saad ni Simon, isa naming kaklase.
"Nainom naman ako. Ayos lang minsan lang naman. " I told back to them kaya naman inabutan na ako ni Aisha ng isang bote ng beer. Kahit pa hindi iyon ang red horse na usually iniinom ko kay na Arya ay pwede na din.
Vico places himself beside me with the right amount of distant. Agad ko siyang nginitian ng magawi sa akin ang tingin niya and he just intently look at me. Napailing na lamang ako at napaiwas ng ayain ako ni Aisha na magpicture at mag-video para sa IG Story niya. I saw some of my classmates are busy on there own topic.
"I told you! This would be fun! Dapat lagi kang nasama sa labas ng mga classmate natin para hindi ka mukhang hostile sa paningin nila!" Sita sa akin ni Aisha. Kinurot ko naman siya dahil sa sinabi niya at uminom ng beer. I look around the bar and even saw some familiar faces. Hindi ko na maalala kung saan but they are familliar to me. Ang isang lalaki sa kanila ay itinuro pa ang banda namin kaya naman agad akong umiwas ng tingin.
"Hoy! Monique! Halika sumayaw tayo!" Yaya sa akin ni Aisha at ng ibang babaeng kaklase.
"Hala! Ayoko nakakahiya!" Pagtanggit ko. Naramdaman ko namang naupo na ang bagong dating naming mga kaklase sa sofa na inuupuan namin kaya naman nausog ng bahagya sa akin si Vico. Marahan naman niyang tinulak ang katabi niya para hindi siya masiksik sa akin.
"Usog naman Vico, pre! Paupo lang, e!" Vico just shove him away and move a little away from me at muli akong sinilip. Muli ko siyang tinignan ng ma-realize na intentionally niyang kine-keep ang distance sa pagitan naming dalawa. Agad akong napaisip if he knows my past and this is why he respect my personal space.
"Are you okay here?" Napabalik ang tingin ko kay Vico ng marinig siyang magtanong. Marahan ko naman siyang tinanguan at binigyan ng isang ngiti. He looks up and stare behind me bago magtangis ang panga niya. Napakunot naman ang noo ko ng makita ang reaksyon niya kaya naman agad ko ring sinubukang lumingon sa tinitignan niya.
"Monique, stay here. Dont' go anywhere." Halos mapatalon ako ng hapitin niya ako papalapit sa kanya. I was stiffen by the sudden invasion of my personal space pero mas naagaw ng atensyon ko ang seryosong mukha ni Vico. I heard some of our classmate tease us because of the sudden skinship. His one hand is behind my back while his other is holding his bottle of beer.
Nakita ko pang nilingon niya ang paligid kaya naman mas lalo akong nagtaka sa biglang pagkilos niya. I can feel the sudden tension from his body lalo pa ng hindi siya gumalaw sa posisyon na iyon at mukhang may hinahanap sa dagat ng mga tao sa likod namin.
"V-Vico what's happening—"
"Monique!!!" Para akong nanlamig ng marinig ang sigaw na iyon. Vico immediately move back when he heard the sudden roar of my name. Nang dahan-dahan akong lumingon ay agad na nawala ang dugo sa aking mukha ng makita ang galit na mukha ni Rahim. He's still catching his breath, his eyes are killing Vico in his seat as his brows furrow together at kitang-kita ang pagpipigil ng galit niya.
Si Ace at Jace ay parehong andoon at parang gustong pigilan ang galit na si Rahim. Above all circumstances, why did he have to show up at the times like this? Ni hindi ko nga naintindihan kung bakit naging ganoon ang asta ni Vico!
"Rahim— Rahim!!!" Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagsigaw ng bigla na lamang akong hilahin ni Rahim patayo. Our classmates are already worried about the situation kaya lahat sila ay tutok na tutok sa amin.
"We're fucking going home." He said in a stern voice, full of restraint. After that, he immediately drag me out of the group. I immediately winch because of how tight his grip is, ni hindi na ko makapagreklamo dahil sa kabang nararamdaman. Parang kakalabog palabas ang puso ko dahil sa takot kay Rahim.
"Teka pare nasasaktan si Monique-" As if Rahim didn't hear what Ace said. Magsasalita pa dapat si Jace but we imemdaitely pass by them.
"Rahim!!! Please, nasasaktan ako!" Alma ko ng tuluyan na kaming makalabas at nasa harapan na kami ng kotse niya. The danger in his face screams terror kaya naman agad ulit akong natuptop sa kinatatayuan ko at palihim na hinaplos ang palapulsuhang hawak niya kanina.
"Get the fuck in, Monique!" I can feel my body shake because of the sudden fear inside of me. At the back of my mind, I can sens it resurfacing in my memories. Those mad eyes, crumpled face because of anger and even the restraint to go berserk in front of me. Dahil sa kaba at takot ay agad akong pumasok sa loob ng sasakyan niya.
Pabalang niyang isinarado ang pintuan ng kotse that I almost jump in my seat. I watch him march towards the driver seat and hear numerous curses from him.
"Fuck! Damn it! You ditch me because of this? because of him?!" Para akong nanlamig ng marinig ang sinabi niya. Marahas akong umiling para itanggi ang sinabi niya.
"No! No! It was just a sudden decision Rahim! you weren't replying—"
"But it doesn't mean that you'll go out with him without my approvale! Fuck, Monique! That fucking guy worship you!"
"But Vico is a nice guy—"
"I know he is! That's why I'm so fucking mad and scared when I saw him wrapped all around you!!! What the actual fuck does he think he's doing?!" nagulat ako ng buhayin niya ang makina ng kotse. My eyes literally widen when he started driving harshly. Nang lingunin ko ang windshield ng sasakyan ay nakita ko agad si Vico palabas ng bar. He was searching the whole lot and when he found something ay agad na nahanap din ng mata niya ang sasakyan namin.
"Rahim!!! You shouldn't drive like this! " sigaw ko ng maramdaman na mas mabilis ang pagmamaneho niya kumpara sa karaniwan. My heartbeat races ng mas lalong bumilis ang pagpapatakbo niya.
"I tried so hard. Fucking so hard to make time for you... and this... this is what I get." he whispers in pure anger and frustration. His jaws are tense, his brows are furrow in anger as he gritted his teeth.
"Rahim!! Please slow down. Hindi ito katulad ng iniisip mo!"
"Then make me understand, Monique! You spend hours everyday with him to study when you can do it at home! You even go to school early just so you could study together! I tried to be understanding and patient! I tried to now be greedy with you... but fuck it!!!" His shouts terrify the hell out of me. His whole face screams how mad he is and how he bottled everything up until today.
"Please, Rahim... We're just friends... please slow the car down!!!"
"Then why is he holding you?! Who fucking give him the permission to fucking hold you, Monique!"
"I don't know, Rahim! Please believe me! I don't know!!!" Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtaas ng boses ko at ang pagtakas ng luha sa mata ng makitang bumilis pa ang takbo namin. I want to cry out and plead him to stop but he just won't take any words that I'm saying!!!
"Bullshit!!!"
"Rahim!!! Please slow down! Oh God! Rahim!" I can't remember how many times I told him to stop, I can't even recognize my own voice because of the fear. I just want it to stop, I just want it to stop.
"Parang awa mo na Rahim—-"
"I tried my best, Monique. I really tried but fuck it! I feel so neglected! I feel so far away from you!—"
"Rahim!! Please slow down!"
"I don't fucking know what to do with myself! I can't help but be selfish!"
"Rahim!! Please!! Listen to me, I love you. Okay? Please slow down-"
"But that guy just won't listen!! That fucking guy!!—"
"Rahim!!! Pleaseee I love you please stop the car—- "
Suddenly everything became distorted. The violent impact from the back of the car push me forward and made me hit my head on the dash board. Instantly blacking me out of my own consciousness before I could even think of how painful my body is and worry about Rahim, everything went black.
The flashing light makes me nauseous. All of the sudden a tremendous amount of pain hit me in my abdomen before I could even understand what's happening, I can already see blood on the cold pavement in which I lay. I feel lifeless and cold, definitely in series of pain in every inch of my body. When I took a glimpse of my body, I saw metal piercing my stomach. Adrenaline came rushing to my body, panic overwhelms my consciousness and the wants to scream loud and asks for help. I can hear murmurs from a far, sounds of ambulance and even saw some people looking over.
Rahim! Where is Rahim?! I muster all the strength left in me to see Rahim. He is still inside the car, I can vividly see the blood coming from his head and rushing down his beautiful face. He still intact with the seatbelt which makes me feel a little relief. He's alive.
After that confirmation, electrifying shots of pain get through me. Suddenly diffusing all the nerve-racking torments makes me want to scream. I slowly close my eyes and hold onto myself consciousness. I don't want to fall asleep, I'm so afraid that I might never wake up.
"No! No! He's not dead!" When I hear a sudden commotion from a far, I took a short and dizzy glimpse of what's happening. A familiar red car was wrecked at the back of ours. There was no one inside of it. Beside it was a black matte motorcycle. When I realize how familiar that motor was, I felt the sudden coldness inside of me.
A man was lying on the cold hard ground. There were blood all around his arms, his hands stretching to my direction. When I saw the side of his face, I can feel my own life living my body. Diffusing the soul out of me. No! This can't be!
"Please! Tell me! My son is not dead! No! No!!!" The unstoppable tears came when everything made sense. That broken helmet was from him. It was the helmet he was wearing awhile ago!
No! No! It can't be! Please, NO!!!!
"Please! Buhayin niyo ung anak ko! No! Please! Baby!!!" the sudden fear of being left alone overpowered the pain that my body was feeling. I tried to reach my out my hand, thinking that I might reach those lying hand on the other side of the pavement.
"Patient here is now conscious! Miss! Huwag kang gumalaw! Medic! Stretcher! Double-time! The patient is now conscious—" I couldn't even comprehend the people that surrounds me. All I could see was his hand reaching out for me. I need to grab it, I won't let go of it. No! He can't do this to me! Why is he here?! He wasn't supposed to be in this place!
"Miss! Please don't move, you might cause other —-"
I ignored them, reaching my hands as far as I can to try and reach him. I couldn't reach him. I couldn't even hold it close with me. No!! I refuse to accept this! Not this! Not again!!!
"Please, d-don't do this to me-" I whisper to myself.
Before I could even move an inch more. They were already moving him. Nakita ko kung paano inilagay ang katawan niya sa iisang bag. My last memory of his face will be this. His lifeless face, angel-like sleeping one.
Cold and dead.
It should have been me... I should have died! Why does it have to be this way!? What did I do for this to happen to me again?!
"Time of death 11:53 PM."
I was left there, reaching out for Vico.
I was left there, seeing his lifeless body.
I was left there, again.
It should have been me.
Now, Vico is dead.