2014
The week passed by in a blur. Studies kept getting harder. Exams were looming just around the corner. They started 5th of the next month. It was also nearing 19th. That would be our two monthiversary. Five days to go. I was wondering what I could do for him. It had just been two months so I wasn't sure if I should actually do something for him, but I wanted to nevertheless. We hadn't done anything on the first month, except wish each other. Sure, it had just been two months, but I knew this was actually going somewhere. We weren't just fooling around anymore. I wanted to give him something that was symbolic of my feelings for him.
Maybe I could make a playlist?
Hmm, not a bad idea.
***
"I have to go give this book to Neha ma'am guys, be back in some time," I said. It wasn't completely a lie. I did have to give it to Neha ma'am, but planned to take a detour to the terrace, get what I mean?
Pragya raised an eyebrow at that.
"Aaj kal saara time teachers se milna hota hai tujhe?" She asked, suspicious of my recent frequent visits to teachers. (Nowadays you wanna meet the teachers all the time?)
"Staffroom ke baaju wali class mai koi ladka mil gaya kya taadne ke liye?" Added Kanak, teasing me. (Did you find a nice guy to stare at near the staffroom?)
That's not even the half of it.
I thought to myself.
"That is very weirdly specific, but to answer your question, no. Exams aa rahe hai na, toh kabhi doubts puchne, ya kabhi koi sample paper dene jaati hoon," (Exams are approaching right, so I go to ask doubts or give solved papers to our teachers)
"I'll come with?" Anquit butt into our conversation.
I rolled my eyes at him, "I don't need an escort thank you very much,"
He pouted back at me, and god I melted then and there. He looked so fucking kissable I almost forgot we had an audience. And the fact that we hadn't crossed that boundary. Yet.
"Okay,"
His answer broke me out of my trance. I shook my head at myself and my thoughts, leaving the classroom. I knew he was going to follow in five, and I couldn't wait till then.
I didn't know what reason he would give to our ever-so-nosy friends, but that was his headache not mine. I let my mind wander as I caught the lift for the fifth floor.
Among other things, that stupid fucking feeling was still there, but I didn't care about it, nope. It could go to hell for all I knew. It should go to hell honestly. I had kind of figured out what it was last night though, so kind of plus point ig? It was fear, like mind-numbing, crippling fear. Of what? I had no idea. Just this ridiculous fear of something unknown. Like the sense of foreboding you get that something is going to go terribly wrong and there'll be nothing anyone will be able to do about it. Right now I was doing my best to ignore it, and it was working for the most part, thankfully. Sometimes, however, this unsettling feeling would rise in my chest and I would feel like I can't breathe, as if there was a heavy weight I was buried under. It went away in like a minute and didn't happen more than twice in a week. But it bothered me nevertheless. There was nothing I could do about it. I knew Anquit would worry if I told him, hell, anyone would. Hence I was keeping it to myself.
I pushed those thoughts to the back of my head, thinking of happier things, like the playlist I had started making for him. I was so excited for him to listen to it. Tomorrow couldn't come sooner.
I had reached the terrace now, and sat on the parapet, facing the entrance, waiting for my boyfriend.
It felt surreal to refer to him as boyfriend. Even two months later. My heart did a flip as I thought about it.
He was here.
Finally!
I waved at him, my lips automatically lifting into a smile as our eyes met. When he was closer, I kissed him on the cheek as a way of greeting him. He smiled at me, looking like a kid on christmas.
"Sau saal jiyega," I said to him. (you'll live for a hundred years)
"Good to know you were thinking about me," he smirked.
"Always," I winked at him.
He joined me on the parapet, and we talked for a while.
I told him about my day. And my society friends.
He told me about his younger sister's shenanigans. She was the cutest from what I had heard. Had me wishing for a sibling. I think I had secretly always wanted one, but life doesn't always give you what you want. I nodded along whatever he said. But I wasn't completely here. The fear felt like a huge burden on my chest, suffocating me.
Damn you, stupid feeling!
"Kya hua?" He asked suddenly.(What happened?)
"...Nothing," I hesitated even as I answered his question. I didn't want to bother him with my problems, or want him to worry.
"You haven't been yourself for the past entire week, you seriously expect me to believe that?"
Busted.
"I just don't want you to worry,"
"You saying that already has me worried. But I'm letting it slide. This time." He looked at me pointedly. "Aakhri baar lekin, next time you're telling me what's wrong, no ifs and buts." (But this is the last time)
I rolled my eyes at him, secretly liking the way he was dealing with it.
He was still looking at me expectantly.
"Yeah ok ok," I agreed reluctantly.
***
2021
I groaned, pushing the laptop further behind on my desk and resting my head on the cool wood.
Working on five hours of sleep and two cups of coffee was definitely not ideal. Neither was staying up till 2 talking to a cousin.
I did not regret doing it, but I'm not doing it again anytime soon either.
The sound of a knock on the door made me sigh. I tried calling "Come in," but it sounded more like a warble. I honestly couldn't be bothered to get up. There's literally just one person who could be on the door, Shreya. My brain failed to register that Shreya was actually on leave today.
I was wrong, I realised when an oh-so-familiar voice reached my ears.
Enter none other than Anquit
I scrambled to raise my head.
"Ms. Sabharwal asked you to- Hey! you asleep?"
"No no, just tired, bolo" (Bolo - Tell me)
My stomach rumbled at the same time, deciding it was a good time to rebel. I reached for my water bottle, hoping he didn't hear that.
My prayers weren't answered, I realised, as his eyebrows went up.
"When was the last time you ate?"
"Pretty sure that's not what Ms. Sabharwal was asking," I said, purposefully not answering his question.
He rolled his eyes, "Just answer the question."
"I skipped lunch."
And breakfast.
but he didn't need to know that.
He looked at me like he knew I was lying.
Maybe he did.
"And what about breakfast?"
I looked anywhere but at him as I whispered "Just a coffee."
He shook his head at me.
"Alright! get up."
"Excuse me?"
"You're excused, now get up, I'm taking you out."
"I thought we were better off as friends?"
He sighed, giving me a look that said 'What am I gonna do with you'
I shrugged, as if to say 'Nothing'
"You know that was not what I meant" he said, voice a tinge softer.
I sighed, "Yeah, I know...I'm sorry"
"For what?"
"Just...being so difficult." I did not like the idea of owing him anything, and being evasive became my defense mechanism.
"No worries, but you have to agree,"
"If I say I'll pay, you won't let me, would you?" Being too tired to argue my way out of this, I had caved, and we both knew that.
"Ishvika, who's idea was it to go out?"
I knew his question was rhetorical but I answered anyway.
"Mine,"
"Wrong answer. I'm paying, no arguments."
I knew that. But it was worth a try. I got up, shutting down my laptop and packing my bag. It was past 5:30 so I'd just head home after.
Anquit wanted to take his car and leave mine at the office. He wouldn't take no for an answer.
It's not the same if we travel in different vehicles was his reasoning. He said he'll drop me back home and I could get a cab to office the next day.
I had sighed and acquiesced.
***
"Dessert before dinner?" I asked Anquit, as we stood in front of a Belgian Waffle outlet fifteen minutes later.
"Life is short, so you should have dessert first."
I smiled at that.
"Not that I'm complaining,"
We got in, looking up at the menu displayed on the overhead screen.
"I'm gonna choose the costliest waffle 'cause you're paying," I said, not meaning it at all.
"Who are you kidding? I know you're looking at the cheapest option right now because I'm paying." He said, not even looking at me.
Why did he have to know me so well goddammit!
"Yeah right!" I bristled. I was aiming for a sarcastic reply but it had been futile.
I got a coffee waffle with chocolate ice cream while he got a triple chocolate waffle. He still had his sweet tooth, apparently.
"Do you seriously like coffee that much?" He asked, jokingly.
"Yes, got a problem?"
"Actually, no."
I smiled.
We sat down on a table for two as I read all the quirky quotes framed on the wall.
Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
Batter makes everything better.
And so on. I pulled out my phone, photographing a few of them and putting it on mine, Pragya and Shreya's group chat.
"Bitch akele?!" (You went by yourself?)
"I don't come to office ONE DAY and this is what happens🥲🥲"
Pragya and Shreya respond almost immediately. And I know looking at your phone while you're out with someone was not a good habit but I couldn't help it. I replied to their texts with laughing emojis and set it aside, pledging to not look at it for the rest of the evening.
"Pragya and Shreya are jealous," I told Anquit.
"They should be," He replied, smiling at me.
Why did that make me fuzzy inside?
Must be the hunger for sure.
"That reminds me, why didn't Shreya come to office today?" He asked.
"She had a family thing to attend. Why you wanted her there kya?" I said, my tone suggestive. I was kidding obviously, Shreya was already too caught up with her feelings for what was his name again? Rohan? No, Riyaan. Yes, that's it.
"Believe me, it was better without her," He said it as if he knew something I didn't.
I dismissed it as nothing.
"You hate her that much huh?"
"No, I like y-" He was interrupted by our orders being called out. I got up, getting both our waffles and giving him his order.
"You were saying?"
"Nothing, let's eat before the ice cream melts, yeah?"
"Yeah yeah," I offered him my waffle,
"Wanna taste?"
I was trying not to think too much about the fact that sharing waffles is as good as sharing saliva.
Don't go down that road, brain.
I took a bite of his waffle as he offered it to me. It was good but I liked my coffee one better, obviously.
***
After stuffing our faces with waffles, we had eaten tacos at a nearby Taco Mania outlet and were back in his car. As we made our way back(I had put my home address on the GPS system of his car), I turned up the radio. We sat in comfortable silence as the RJ droned on about a new movie releasing next month.
I was trying not to think about the last time we were together in a car. That had been quite the spectacle. Willing my brain to focusing on the song playing on the music system.
Soon, we were pulling onto my street, and as his car slowed to a stop, I almost wished for the seatbelt to get stuck again.
Keyword: almost
I had had a good time and didn't want to say goodbye so soon. We'd be seeing each other in office tomorrow but it wasn't the same. I had seen a different Anquit today, the one I knew way back when.
Today both our guards were down, and I wanted to savour it for just a little longer.
Against my wishes, I wished him goodnight, thanking him once again for today, and stepped out of his car. The seatbelt had not malfunctioned, unsurprisingly.
***