TW: This chapter includes blood and gore
Walking up to Ryder with Anthony by my side has me filled with all types of emotions... fear, excitement, hope, love. With all of my heart I hope Ryder agrees to the viscounts proposition.
"Baron Kingston, an honor to meet your acquaintance once more," Anthony starts before the both of them give me a reassuring and nervous glance.
The tension between the three of us rises astronomically. I can tell Ryder knows something serious is about to be asked.
"And I you," Ryder replies before lifting a single eyebrow.
"I wish for your blessing, to court Veronica. I want to be serious for once. I want to settle down, I vowed to this case. I couldn't imagine anyone else but Veronica being the woman for me," Anthony explains, confidence in his lips despite the fear that I feel coming from him.
"How should I believe this? Everyone knows that you had your heart set out for that opera singer. How can you prove your devotion?"Ryder replies still not pleased, my heart sinks.
"Yes I was in love with the opera singer Sienna. But I was naive, I knew that I could truly never be with her and my heart never truly burned for her. After meeting Veronica I have found a new perspective in life. She is a light in the dark and I am begging for your approval," Anthony continues. I cannot tell if every word he speaks is true or just a show to briefly win me over.
"I will have to consult my Father before and decision is made," Ryder replies after giving it a few minutes of silent consideration.
"So you are not saying no?" I ask my voice more desperate and excited than I meant it to be.
"I am not saying no, and I cannot promise a yes," He finishes.
"Well until you consult Father on the decision would you mind allowing us one more dance? Or perhaps chaperone us for some fresh air?" I ask not ready to leave Anthony's side for the night.
"I suppose so..." Ryder hesitates once more.
From there we head to the balcony overlooking the gardens. There is one other male outside smoking a cigar but besides that it is just Anthony and I, with Ryder watching close behind.
"I can not believe that he did not say no," I whisper as the cool breeze of the night touches my skin.
"Let's just hope your Father sees me as worthy,"
"I don't suppose it should be a problem... he just wants me to marry someone of higher status than myself. I think a Viscount such as yourself will do quite nicely. I mean the queen hasn't brought any princess this year to distract him," I weakly smile trying to keep positive past the uncertainty that is my fathers decision.
"Speaking of your family Veronica, I want to meet your mother. I recall she is sick and I would love nothing more to get to know her before things get worse,"
"Well yes, she is quite sick, I would love for you to meet her aswell but I am afraid that may be impossible..." I begin my voice turning into whimpers as tears threaten my eyes.
"And why is that?"
"I am not even allowed to see her. I doubt that mindset would change for any of my alliances,"
"Why can you not see her? Is she contagious? Benedict became quite sick for over a week a few years back and nobody was allowed to see him either,"
"No, it's cancer. My father claims it's unladylike to see anyone in such a state. So it's just sexism keeping me away,"
"But you have gone through extensive schooling, more than any girl has been permitted legally. Now they see it fit to draw the line?"
"I guess so. They stopped letting me do anything out of my own will once I returned from schooling. From that point on my life was filled with ladylike classes. The only time I could escape was while painting or before bed, then I would read my textbooks over, come up with my failed thesis,"
After a brief pause in conversation as if we each needed time to think Anthony continues, "Well maybe if I ask it will push some boundaries away, I am a man after all. If your Father is pleased with my courtship offer I feel as though some accommodations could be made,"
"I couldn't be more happy to have you offer but I just can't picture that plan going through. They haven't even said yes to the courtship. My father is very set in his ways and asking would probably just upset him,"
"Well you can't just sit here and let your Mother die without ever seeing her again,"
"I saw her the other night actually. I wasn't allowed to and nobody knows. But she did look awfully ill, her room was splattered with blood and she didn't look like herself. I could understand how being kept away is their way of protecting me. I just don't agree with it,"
"I am terribly sorry Veronica," Anthony continues before putting his hand on mine. I then turn to look at him and his eyes are staring into mine with a hunger in them. If we weren't at a ball, if Ryder wasn't right behind us, I know our lips would meet in the most passionate ways. Instead his hand on mine gives me sympathy enough.
"Thank you my lord," I weakly smile back, "Now how are we going to handle Eloise? I cannot loose her, neither can you,"
"She is a very confident minded young woman. She loves her ways, but I feel as though she just needs to get used to our reality,"
"That's not good enough, I want a plan, I want certainty,"
"I will take care of it. Trust in me. You have enough to worry your precious mind about my darling," Anthony smirks before kissing my hand ever so lightly.
***
The rest of the ball went by swiftly. Anthony and I conversed on the most random and philosophical topics leaving the deeper and more emotional questions behind us.
The carriage ride home in itself was also filled with high tension. I usually can read Ryders emotions like a book but on the ride home it was merely impossible. We did not speak, we just listened to the world while being consumed in our own thought.
Upon returning home practically the whole house was hibernating, Matilda was the only servant left awake to help me into bed.
"Matilda since I cannot talk to my mother would you mind offering me some advice?" I ask as she helps me take my corset off.
"Why of course Miss. I just cannot guarantee my council will be any good," She kindly agrees.
"I am in love. I actually am, and the man I am in love with asked Ryder for permission to court me. Ryder said he would have to converse with Father over the matter. But I am terrified he will say no. I can't imagine another wall built by them. Not allowing me to see Mother is one awful thing, but if he prevents me from courting the man I believe to be the love of my life I do not know how I will go on," I explain, talking way faster and emotionally than intended.
"Oh my..." Matilda firstly replies with while trying to find the right words to continue her speech in return, "First of all congratulations. I am happy that you have found love, someone who I hope loves you back as much as you love him," She continues still finding her words.
But even this piece of information sticks with me. She hopes he loves me as much as I love him. I do not know if I can believe that is true. I've never been in love but my attraction towards the Viscount makes me feel like I am weightless. Knowing that he still needs to 'fall in love' with me stings a little. What if he never does? What if he is still devote lessly in love with Sienna and his words to me have been simple lies? What if I am setting myself up and worrying about a horrible loveless life to begin with?
"But I would not worry about your Father and Brothers decision. If it truly is meant to be it will be," She smiles offering me a friendly hand in condolence.
"Thank you Matilda," I flatly reply, now with more worries rushing through my mind.
As I dress in my nightgown and crawl under the sheets my mind doesn't stop turning. It is such an awful feeling when you just can't stop the gears for the life of you. But still eventually I fall into a deep slumber.
"Veronica come quick it's your mother!" Matildas voice echos through my mind with the upmost indecency.
In return I jump out of bed and scramble down the hallway, feeling as though the whole room is spinning and throwing me around wall to wall.
"Mother!" I scream confused and scared. The house is illuminated in a shade of bloody red and nobody is around.
Then I hear Mother's cries, her devastating cries and whales.
I feel even more discombobulated after this as the sound bounces from wall to wall through the hallways, never ceasing.
"Mother!" I squeal again this time more desperate as her room appears to be getting further and further away, the red aura deepening.
"Veronica is that you?" She cries sounding deadly and desperate.
"Yes i'm coming," I begin to cry pushing myself towards her door.
As I am walking towards it the doors flies open and a pool of blood escapes from the doorway as if it is a tsunami.
I want to scream but it is too loud and nothing will come out. Within seconds the wave hits me and I am pulled under, fear boiling the blood.
"Mother!" I scream hysterically waking from my sleep. Coming to find that it was just a night terror does little to make me feel better. I get lost and suffocate in my sobs feeling as though the world is truly falling down on me.
I force myself to get out of bed, I have to see her. I cannot let them keep her away from me any longer.
Still wheezing and crying from the terror I tremble to her room at the end of the hall, sobs escaping my lips.
"Mother," I whimper between sobs.
Just as I make it to her door a hand grasps onto me from behind.
"Shhh, Veronica you are alright," Ryders familiar voice coos before holding me into place.
"No! Let me go! I need to see her!" I sob trying my hardest to free myself from his grasp. This only exhausts me and within second I find myself in a sobbing mess on the floor outside of her room, Ryder cradling me from behind like any good brother would do.
"I miss her so much Ryder," I cry my voice now a hoarse whisper.
"I know," He replies quietly brushing through my hair to calm me down.
"I had a horrible nightmare about her. I cannot be kept away from her much longer Ryder. I will go mad," I continue to whisper as my sobs slowly decease.
"I know," He repeats.
"Don't just say that if you don't mean it. It is so cruel,"
"I know,"
"Can't you say anything but 'I know'?" I snap turning to look at him my heart and throat both soar.
"I- yes," He replies as I notice that a few tears have escaped his eyes as well, "I will talk to father. If he doesn't permit it we will go when he is gone. You know he has been busy with business lately so I promise you it will be done,"
"Thank you," I sob finally giving him a hug as more tears escape my eyes.
"Just not tonight, now she must rest," Ryder finishes as he hugs me back.
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