Saudade: a nostalgic longing to be near again to something distant.
【 ϟ 】
Amora
February 1st 1998
It was one of those warm rainy nights when Amora awoke to a startling thud on the door. Tonks and Remus had been out for around two days hopping safe house to safe house checking on the order, delivering as much help as they could give. So when Amora crept down the hallway, listening to the quiet thuds of rain on the thin roof above her, she expected to see them at the door.
She pulled her sleeve down to ensure her veins wouldn't show.
Bang, bang, bang.
The door knocked again.
Amora opened the door quickly, about to say something when she caught herself surprised when she felt cold arms wrap around her, soft sobs admitting from the person. Sprinkles of rain spotted her face as she pushed the person away carefully.
"Hazel?"
The girl looked at her now, tears ran frantically down her face
, she nodded.
"Hazel— what are yo-?"
Hazel limped into the cottage, water dripping from her clothes. Hazel looked corpse like. Almost.
She wasn't sobbing anymore, just numbly looking around the room.
"Hazel? What happened?"
Hazel looked at her pleadingly.
"I- I don't want to say yet-"
Hazel said, almost wincing.
"Okay Hazel, go sit on the couch I'll get Ginny and we'll make you tea."
Hazel grabbed her arm as she was about to walk away.
"No— dont leave me alone, please."
"Okay."
Amora sighed before turning her head to the hall.
"Ginny!"
Hazel made her way to the sofa, sitting down with caution, staring at the paintings on the wall numbly. She soon pulled out photographs from her coat pocket, Hazel and Theo the young couple smiling together on all of them.
A fleece curtain in the kitchen blew heavily into a candle that sat lit on the counter, she blew it out immediately and shut the window.
As Amora shuffled around the kitchen she heard Ginny stop in her tracks at the end of the hallway, she turned around to face her. Ginny opened her mouth slightly, Amora shook her head and held up the muggle tea kettle. Ginny seemed to understand and continued to help her prepare a cup of tea.
"Did she say why she,"
Ginny whispered, mimicking tears on her own face.
Amora shook her head 'no' and brought the small cup to Hazel, sitting down. Ginny trailed silently behind. Amora set the cup down in Hazels lap, the girl took it but didn't drink, she just stared at the tea swirling in her cup.
Hazel looked at Amora suddenly, ignoring Ginny as she sat on the other side of her. Hazel looked at her with those same pleading eyes.
"He's dead."
Hazel said, her lip quivering as another tear rolled down her face dropping from her chin.
Amora understood before Hazel went to elaborate, letting out a shaky breath. Ginny understood too, grasping Amoras hand protectively. Hazel just stared, tears running down her face seemingly endlessly.
"He was a death eater. I didn't know I promise— I just- I have no where to go I- my sister told me I couldn't stay with her.. she told me I should've known what he was I-"
Hazel ranted on and on. Amora didn't really feel anything, her mind went blank as if she really wasn't in her body at all.
"We know he was a death eater but— how did he die if he was one?"
Ginny asked from beside hazel.
"Apparently he wasn't loyal Enough. He left me a note-" Hazel stuffed a shaky hand in her jacket pocket, pulling out a coffee coloured tear stained paper "he knew."
She handed it to Amora, Amora found her eyes glossing over the paper as she processed the words it contained.
"Hazel,
My dearest,
There's so much I haven't told you, there's so much you didn't know because I needed to keep you safe. But you need to know now, because I won't be alive to tell you. I'm a death eater, I was when we met and to this day I still am. I wish I could say when I got it I didn't want it, but I can't. I was needy. Though now I think the dark lord doesn't think I'm loyal enough, he's called a meeting, I can feel my death nearly over my shoulder. You need to leave Hogwarts, I need you to find my sister. Check safe houses, your smart you'll get it. The gryffindor sword, tell them the gryffindor sword can destroy horcrux's. Amora will understand.
I'm sorry, but this is where our story ends.
I wished I'd told you before, I love you Hazel.
Yours always, Theodore.'
Ginnys head reached over, reading the note with her.
"Shit."
Ginny whispered.
The slytherin looked up at Hazel and spoke as if they were discussing the weather.
"My parents, they're dead too. Correct?"
Hazel shook her head apologetically.
"I'm sorry..."
"But we're still wanted, aren't we?"
Hazel shook her head yes.
"Well," Amora said, setting the note in Hazels lap "he chose his side."
Hazel looked up at her again, tears still spilling down her face like a cup overflowed ever so slightly. Amora couldn't imagine the pain she was feeling, if Ginny ever- she wouldn't be able to cope. She felt as though she'd be far worse.
"The obliviate spell, you can make me forget him can't you?"
Her voice broke on the word 'him'
This, this surprised her.
"What."
Ginny said, almost as a statement.
"I can do it but-"
"We're not erasing her memories Amora!"
"Let me finish Ginny I was only going to tell her no-"
Hazel turned to Amora.
"Do it,"
"Please..."
"I need you to take away my pain Amora" her voice breaking.
"That's vile Hazel, we can't do that." Ginny spoke, addressing the girl.
"I need to forget him" her voice broke as she let out a sob more tears running down her face "please."
"I loved your brother, I loved him Amora. After everything he did I can't even believe it but I still love him and- I can't keep living like this" her voice broke again "I can't keep living being so in love with him while he's- while he's-" she sobbed again "while he's dead, while Theo is dead."
"Do this, and I'll leave.. I'll start a new life in the muggle word I-"
Amoras head ran empty, luckily Ginny responded.
"Okay. We don't have a wand though, I have to warn you if Amora does this it's going to hurt. You'll pass out afterwards, it will hurt. She's going to have to physically pull the memories from your mind."
For some reason Amora felt compelled to laugh, since when did Ginny agree to things like this?
"Just do it."
She vaguely heard Hazel reply a moment later.
"Amora."
Ginny tapped had palm. She snapped out of her trance.
"Right, yeah."
She put her fingers on Hazels temples and began muttering the spell in latin she heard from her mother once when she'd preformed the same spell on a traitor. It was a tricky spell, one that wasn't usually preformed but still untraceable regardless.
She heard Ginny walk out from the hall. She handed her an empty potion container.
Hazels face stood the same as she'd left it, tear stained and empty. Tears still ran as her mind experienced silent pain. Though Amora caught a light in her eyes as she felt the grief leave her body.
When the spell ended Amora levitated the memories into the potion jar. When she twisted the lid shut Hazel fell unconscious.
Neither Ginny nor Amora spoke for a moment, the only sound was the door swinging open.
"What happened?!"
Tonks asked, setting their bag down on the carpet below. Remus ran in soon after.
Amora levitated Hazel to one of the many guest rooms as Ginny quickly explained date sincuation.
Later that night amongst all the chaos Amora found herself almost alone in the warm kitchen.
"That wasn't like you."
Ginny tied her hair up as she flipped a pancake sizzling on a small pan. (An impulsive decision Amora didn't feel like talking her out of)
"What wasn't like me?"
Amora leaned on the counter. Ginny eyed her like she was a glass plate about to fall and shatter, maybe she was. She self consciously pulled down her sleeve.
"Your the gryffindor aren't you supposed to fight for what's— right-"
Ginny raised an eyebrow.
"You don't think erasing hazels memories was right?"
"Generally no, not really."
Ginny flipped her pancake again.
"I just realized that if I were in her sincuation, I wouldn't be opposed to that either. I think I'd handle grief well but that doesn't mean I want to experience it."
Ginny continued.
"Speaking of, are you okay?"
The snake blinked.
"Yes, he had every chance to choose any other path. He choose his side."
Even weeks later Amora couldn't recall much of what happened from then on that night. All she remembered were people talking when she simply couldn't listen.
Most of the time when you hear about times where people loose their loved ones you hear about how they they couldn't sleep for days after the fact, how they cried. Amora wondered idly why it all felt like a dream.
She went to bed peacefully that night.
【 ϟ 】
Ginny
February 4th 1998
There was definitely something wrong with Amora.
The next day Remus and Tonks had left to go set up a semi comfy muggle life for Hazel, leaving Amora and Ginny alone again.
Amoras magic had already been iffy but now it would definitely land her in a loony bin. It was annoying, honestly. Everytime Ginny brought it up Amora would shut her down immediately. And the son of a bitch was stubborn. Once she shut her down she wouldn't let her bring it back up, even when they had cups flying full force at walls.
Even now with stolen alcohol on the cottage rooftop they still found leaves floating about their heads. It was nice though, the stars reminded her a lot of the astronomy tower. She always thought they never really looked like stars at all, more like an entire galaxy. Perhaps in another galaxy universes away they would be okay, things would be better. It was hard to pretend things were that simple.
She took a swig of firewhisky, allowing it to consume her thoughts for just a moment. She allowed the firewhisky to fill her mind with nothingness memories of Amora and her blissfully ignorant back at hogwarts. You know, she found it quite funny how they thought of their time back at hogwarts as simpler times. In a way, they weren't wrong. Simpler, but not simple.
"Are we even safe here, really?"
There it was, the time where even firewhisky couldn't keep the demons away. Amoras head laid on her lap, a half smoked cigarette in her hand.
"Why do we always have to have gloomy conversations whenever firewhisky is involved?"
Amora chuckled lightly and blew smoke in her face.
"We always have gloomy conversations."
"No you have gloomy conversations and don't like it when I try to make them positive."
Amora shook her head and put her cigarette to her lips. She muttered something along the lines of "pretentious gryffindors"
Ginny idly twirled a strand of Amoras hair around her finger. She found herself smiling a bit, she remembered she once saw Draco try and move a strand of hair from her face, she hexed him immediately. She never minded when Ginny touched her hair.
"Do you really believe we'll defeat vold- er- him?"
Amora asked, not looking at all lucid.
Ginny answered without a moment of hesitation.
"Yes. If I have to I'll kill him myself."
Amora sighed.
"What are we going to do about the sword?"
Ginny took a large drink of her firewhisky.
"I think that's why Harry left, to hunt horcrux's. I doubt there's much we can do from here- that's why-"
Amora sat up suddenly, Ginny knew she had understood what she said.
"Ginny, no."
"We could sneak away, find Harry and help him. We're both smart the he'd be dead in no time."
Amora shook her head, rubbing her temples intently.
"You don't get it.."
"As soon as we leave the border on this house they can track us. We're outnumbered to the thousand. My mother was the dark lords right hand, they won't stop until our heads are on platters. In terms of numbers, we're right behind Harry and his little trio."
"Well you can't blame me for wanting to go anywhere else."
Ginny bit back. Perhaps the firewhisky played into her anger issues.
Amora laid back, taking a large puff before blowing out her cigarette. Ginny watched the transparent ribbons of the smoke disappear into the night.
"I don't blame you love, I just think you grew up way better than I did. Which is great, but that also allowed you hope. Hope is one sick son of a bitch."
Ginny laid back aswell. Perhaps Amora was right, not about staying, or her lack of interest in winning the war.
But one thing was for certain;
Hope was a sick son of a bitch.
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A/N: it's a bird! It's a plane! Its.. Mars posting at a semi decent time?! 😱 (emphasis on the semi)
!! Again I do not condone underage drug/alcohol use !!
So yeah, our girls whole family just died and she's living in denial, fun!
- Mars