~
"You will always be my favorite
what if"
~
*Trigger Warning*
"Are you sure you're okay to drive back by yourself?" Dwight asks me, looking at me concernedly.
I give Dwight a weak smile. I've been trying to convince him I'll be okay for the past half hour.
"Yeah, I promise." I tell him, and he gives me a pointed look.
"Go Dwight, I'll see you back at the house." I give a small push and he sighs before walking towards Jake's truck.
I let out a sigh before opening my car door.
They all know now.
I wonder if they're mad.
Is Jake still mad at me?
I sink back into my seat and sigh again.
I don't even know how to feel.
I've cried so much that I've got nothing left. I've been so angry these days that I have no more anger left in me.
I'm just done feeling.
Looking up in the rear view mirror, I see Dwight start my brother's truck and drive around probably waiting for me to follow.
I don't want to face them.
But I'm tired of running away.
As I start my car the sleeve of my top pushes back and I catch a glimpse of my tattoo.
Warrior.
I got this as a reminder that despite everything that Mason took from me, I won't give up.
Mason took so much from me, including my will to live. But, there's one thing that he didn't, and could never, take from me.
My friends.
They've been there for me despite all my outbursts both angry and sad.
I smile to myself before driving off, back in the direction of the Miller's house.
They'll be there for me like they always have.
I just have to let them in.
'~'
I park outside the Miller's place and spot Jake's truck already parked outside.
They're all waiting inside Em. All you have to do is take the first step.
I try to move my body, but I hesitate. I can't shake the feeling of doubt that creeps into my mind as I'm now faced with reality.
It's okay. I can do this.
I get out of my car and walk to the front door. The house seems eerily silent but I hear the sound of voices the closer I get to the kitchen.
"She's probably fine Jake, just give her a bit of time." I hear Kara's voice say.
"You're sure she was right behind you Dwight?" Jake's worried voice echos out. My heart clenches at how concerned he sounds.
I hate it when we fight. I know Jake has a short fuse but so do I, we are twins after all. But I also know most of his words and actions are said out of love and worry for me.
I take a deep breath and walk in.
"I'm fine Jake." I say trying to ease his worry. As soon as he hears my voice, his head snaps towards me and he leaps off the island.
I'm soon engulfed in a tight warm hug.
"I'm sorry Em." He says immediately. "I should have remembered...I'm so fucking sorry." I return his hug and try to shake my head against his shoulder.
"I'm sorry too. For everything." I say.
I know I've put Jake through a lot, he won that aspect of our argument earlier. I tried to deny it in the moment but he was right when he said I never really let him in.
He pulls away and I see him scan my face. I give him a weak grin and he visibly relaxes a little, but his protective side is still up.
I give him another quick hug and walk over to the gang. Somewhere deep down I still had that inkling of doubt that they would be angry that I kept such a huge secret from them, but all I see are worried expressions.
I let out a sigh of relief and see Dwight smile encouragingly at me.
"You had us so freaking worried Em." Kara says with a teary smile, coming up to hug me next.
"I'm pretty sure you just took ten years off of my life." Austin says, pulling me in next.
"Please yell your location next time you storm out." Travis jokes, having to drag me away from Austin's really long hug.
"I will." I say laughing lightly.
Sierra doesn't say a word as she squeezes the life out of me. Chase manges to loosen her grip and he gives me a quick hug before starting to lead me to the living room.
"Come on guys, let's all sit down. We clearly need to talk." I say sighing.
I sit down in the middle of their large couch. Kara sits down next to my left and Jake at my right. Austin sits down on the floor, leaning against the armchair beside us. Travis, Sierra and Chase sit across from me. Dwight stays standing with his arms folded and just leans up against the wall near Travis.
I fidget with my fingers, my nerves getting to me.
"Take your time chica, we'll still be here." Sierra says.
Kara puts her hand on top of mine, giving me a small squeeze.
Smiling at their actions, I take a deep breath.
Dwight's words from earlier echo in my head and I look around at my friends.
We're going to be right here by your side.
He's right.
There's no need to be afraid.
So I begin.
"As you've just found out I haven't been completely honest with y'all." I start off. "Last year, not long after Mason..." I trail off before taking a deep breath. "I started feeling weird." I manage to get out as everything begins to flood my memory again.
"I started to constantly get sick in the morning and felt nauseous all the time. I tried to pass it off as side effects from the nightmares I kept getting and just all of the stuff I was going through in general. But one morning, mom found me and decided to take me to the hospital and get me checked out.
"The doctors did all the scans and found out that I was pregnant. At first I broke down. I was so scared. I kept thinking that I couldn't raise a child...that I couldn't raise a child that came from Mason." I stop for a second to take a breath. I've never admitted that before.
"I couldn't become a mother so young..." I say, my eyes beginning to water.
No one says a thing but Kara just squeezes my hand even tighter.
"It took me a while but I had finally accepted that I was going to have this child. And my parents were so supportive, reassuring me that I would be okay and that I wasn't alone in any of this, no matter what I decided. I started to believe them despite still being so scared. Scared of Mason and what he did to me, scared to go to sleep at night, thinking he'd come after me. Scared of myself and doubting whether or not I would be worth it, if I would be strong enough to build myself back up and raise a child." At this point tears started streaming down my face.
All of those feelings rushed back into my head and travelled throughout my body. It reminded me of the hell I went through.
All because of one person.
I take a second to calm down. Jake just wraps an arm around me and gives my shoulder a comforting squeeze.
You're not alone Em.
You can do this.
And so I continue.
"But then any thoughts I had of being okay vanished today a year ago. I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night and just felt a loss. There was a lot of blood, and I was confused and sensed that something was really wrong. I started to panic and yelled for my mom and she came bursting in along with Jake. We all rushed to the hospital but by then it was too late...my baby was gone."
"Oh Em..." Kara whispers beside me through her own tears.
"I remember crying so much and I remember blaming myself. I couldn't even take care of myself enough to bring a child into this world. I remember thinking 'what's the point anymore?'"
"So I locked myself in my room and didn't come out. I told Jake not to tell you guys because I was so ashamed. I didn't...I couldn't look y'all in the eye and tell y'all I failed again. That it was my fault again." I sob.
"Em..." Chase starts softly, but I cut him off.
"I should've listened to y'all from the start. If I did then none of this would've happened. I wouldn't have continued to be with Mason. I wouldn't have caught him with Bridgett. I wouldn't have left the party. I wouldn't have been assaulted. I wouldn't have gotten pregnant. I wouldn't have lost the baby." I say, rambling as tears stream down my face in a constant stream, all of the emotions I've kept locked up for so long finally breaking through.
I can tell someone is about to cut me off, so I keep talking to get everything out.
"And I'm still making mistakes...I should've been more careful with Alex. I should have listened to y'all again...but I didn't. And now I'm so broken...again. I've hurt y'all so many times and it's all because I didn't fucking listen to you!" I say, the emotions raging.
"Emma, none of this is your fault. None." Austin starts softly.
"Yeah, Mason made the choices that he did because he's an asshole. He saw your beautiful spirit and decided to take advantage of it. He did, not you. And as for Alex, that's not your fault either. Just because you have a good heart, just because you see the best in people, doesn't mean it's your fault that they take advantage of you." Kara says.
I don't know what to say to that, so I just continue with my thoughts.
"I've just been so angry these past couple of months, and I hate that because it makes me feel like him...and I know that I've pushed y'all away and shut you out, but I think that it's because deep down I thought y'all would see me like you see him: so angry and violent.
"And I think some of that anger was directed at myself because deep down I told myself that y'all would blame me just like I blame myself. That you guys would also be ashamed of me for not being better and for losing the baby. I realize now that's not true and I just...I-I'm so sorry." I finally say, managing to get it all out.
The silence in the room is almost deafening as I admit that. Jake just rubs my back and Kara continues to squeeze my hand. Sierra, however, breaks it.
"Damn you, Em." She says. I look up at her and my mouth almost falls open.
Sierra is crying.
She rarely ever cries.
"How could you think that we would ever be ashamed of you!?" She cries out.
"Of course we were super worried about you throughout the year, especially with your sudden bursts of anger coming out, but not once did we blame you for what happened. We unanimously agreed to give you space and support you until you came back to us. And the anger, girl none of us blame you for that. I would've probably killed him if I went through half of what you did. Honestly, we were surprised that the anger hadn't come sooner." She continues.
"As for the baby...I'm so sorry Em." She says, through her tears. "I'm sorry that we couldn't help you, that we couldn't be there for you." Sierra wipes her tears as they're falling and Chase puts a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"Your decision to tell us or not doesn't change the fact that we all still love and care about you Em. That will never change." Kara says softly.
"Yeah, that information was yours to keep and do with as you wanted. But, we're so glad that you told us now. We may not have been able to help you then, but we sure as hell are going to help you now. We're here for you, you're not alone." Travis says, giving me a smile.
Silence fills the room again and I sigh, finally feeling like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
"Well all I have to say is damn, my best friend is strong." Austin says, finally breaking the silence.
The rest of them start to agree and I shake my head.
"Stop it, a strong person wouldn't have fallen as much as I have. They wouldn't have hidden so much from their friends..."
"Emma, you gotta give yourself some credit. You've been through so much and you're still standing. That's a lot to be proud of and damn am I proud of you." Austin says, getting up and coming over to hug me.
It's an awkward hug seeing as how I'm sitting and he's standing, but he makes it work.
"I promise I'm gonna be better." I tell them when I pull away.
"Em, we don't have a doubt that you will. But do it for yourself, not for us." Dwight says finally, giving me a smile.
"Okay, group hug!" Austin practically screams, causing them to all jump up and join the hug, practically tackling me into the couch.
"Ow!" I say, suffocating.
"Travis, why did you just kick me?" Austin asks from somewhere in this group hug of eight.
"Oops my bad." Travis says montonely.
"Rude!" Austin yells back, causing Travis to laugh as they all unpile from on top of me.
"Let's watch movies to take our minds off of everything!" Austin practically yells.
"For once, stop shouting!" Travis yells right back.
"Do we have to?" Kara whines as the tension begins to slip from the room.
"Yes." Chase and Austin say simultaneously.
"Stop, that's creepy. I can't handle all of these twins around us." Dwight says, rolling his eyes.
"There's only two sets, you'll survive." Austin says, already following Sierra to the movie room that the Miller's have.
"Whatever." Dwight mutters, stopping me as I head towards the movie room.
He wraps his arms around me and I sink into his embrace.
"We love you Em." He says softly. "And we're always here for you."
I smile into his chest as I nod.
"I love y'all too."
'~'
"Why is she going back into the house?! Someone stop her!" Austin shrieks from the floor. I'm pretty sure I've lost circulation in my leg from how hard he was squeezing it.
The girls and I were all huddled at one end of the couch in the Miller's movie room, while the rest of the guys were sprawled out between the couch and recliners. What was annoying me was that they looked bored out of their minds.
Except Austin.
Austin somehow ended up on the floor in front of us girls, and every time he gets scared, he grabs one of our legs or hands.
After spending the entire day watching comedies, the guys talked us into watching a scary movie since it was dark outside now. Unfortunately, we ended up watching The Conjuring and so far I'm not pleased with the decision.
"They're gonna die. Carolyn's gonna kill them, it's over." Kara mutters in fear beside me. I was holding her in death grip and she was gripping onto Sierra.
In short, we are petrified and so is Austin.
To make matters worse, the Miller's movie room is actually a shed in their backyard, bordering the woods. They thought it would be fun to redo the shed and make it into this really cool theatre room, underestimating how terrifying scary movies at night would be.
"Ed, forget about calling a freaking priest and perform the damn exorcism yourself!" Austin yells as we watch Carolyn trying to kill April. I nod furiously with Austin, burying my face into Kara's arm.
I don't think I can do this.
"Odio esto.¿Por qué dejé que ustedes me convencieron de esto? Querido dios sálvame ahora..." It sounds like Sierra is muttering a prayer.
"Honestly, I find your mumbling more scary than this movie. What did you even say?" Travis asks, unfazed by the chaos on the screen.
"She's throwing shade at us cause we talked her into watching a horror." Chase explains from behind his phone screen.
"Oh my freaking--Exorcise her!!" Austin yells at the screen, causing Kara, Sierra and I to jump out of our skin.
"Austin! Don't yell like that!" I say, hitting his head.
He waves me off, his eyes glued to the screen and I get another jumpscare from the movie.
My heart can't do this right now. I don't know how the rest of the guys are on their phones right now.
As the movie ends, my grip on Kara still hasn't loosened and neither has hers on Sierra. Austin has most definitely not let go of my leg, if anything his grip got tighter.
I jump as the light suddenly turns on and Travis rolls his eyes.
"Oh come on guys, the movie wasn't even that scary." He says.
"Easy for you to say! You've done a bunch of scary and dangerous things. Don't talk to me about scary." I say, rolling my eyes.
"Anyways, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Get a grip before I come back." Chase says with a yawn, standing up to leave.
"Brother no, don't leave me." Austin says, holding out one arm.
Chase completely ignores him and leaves the safety of the shed.
"Em, I'm sleeping over at yours. There's no way I'm staying alone by myself in my house." Kara says.
"I'm staying over too." Sierra says.
"You have your parents and your younger brother!" Kara points out.
"And? It's not like they will be able to protect me. They're the ones most likely to get possessed!"
"Alright let's head back inside you scaredy cats." Jake says, coming over to help Kara up.
We get up to leave but the door suddenly flies open causing my heart almost launch right out of my chest.
"What the actual hell Chase?!" Kara yells.
"Guys..." His face was void of color which is starting to creep me out.
"I think there's something out there..." Chase says, sounding out of breath.
"Yeah right. You're just trying to scare us." I say, trying to convince myself.
As if on cue, something starts banging on the walls of the shed.
"Chase, stop. This isn't funny." Kara says, but her face is betraying her. She looks petrified.
"Si muero te mataré." Sierra says, taking a step back in fear.
"You can't kill me if you're dead babe." Chase says.
"I can damn well try, so stop messing around." She mutters back.
"Can we please just go inside?!" Travis says, sounding exasperated.
However, before any of us can say anything, the lights go out.
A girlish scream pierces our ears as pitch black engulfs us.
"Sierra?" I ask.
"Wasn't me. Kara?"
"No, I don't sound like that."
"It was Austin. He's been screaming like that since we were kids." Chase says.
The lights come back on, then flicker, then go off again.
"One of you freaking fix this right now." Sierra calls out, moving towards Chase and grabbing his arm.
"Baby, I can't do anything when you're gripping my arm like that." He informs her.
"Come on, let's go outside, maybe it's just the power tripping." Travis says.
I'm still a little hesitant but we slowly shuffle our way towards the shed door, Austin holding onto me for dear life.
But the second we step foot outside, a figure runs up to us screaming.
I scream and Austin screams louder, falling to the ground, while Kara jumps into Jake's arms screaming.
Sierra just looks like she's going to die.
"I wanna go home!" Austin yells.
"You are home." The figure says, and I sigh in relief as I recognize Mr. David, the Miller's dad.
"You're literally so awful. Why would you do that?" Austin asks as I help him up from the ground.
"Because it was funny to see you scream louder than your sister."
"That's not funny dad!" Austin says.
"You're right it's hilarious." Dwight says, laughing.
"Shut up." Austin mutters.
"Uh guys..." I say, looking over at their house to see the lights rapidly flickering.
"Wha--" Austin starts, but trails off.
"Dad, stop! It's not funny anymore." He says, trying to be tough but I can see the fear in his eyes.
"It's not me, I swear. I'm standing right here you idiot." Mr. David says.
"Mom?" Chase asks.
"She's out of town for the weekend." he says, his voice slightly shaking.
"Then what the hell is happening to y'all's house?!" Kara practically screeches.
"My heart can't take much more of this..." Sierra says clutching her chest.
Suddenly the lights stop flickering, and a figure appears wearing all dark.
I'm gonna die. We're all gonna die.
"Okay! Half of us run left, the other run right? We have more than this figure. We can do it. We won't die." Kara says really fast, but I can tell she doesn't believe it.
"That's what people who are gonna die say. Haven't you seen the movies?" I say back to her, shakily.
"The movie is what got us in this mess in the first place!" Sierra hisses back.
"Uh guys--" Chase says pointing at the figure who's getting closer. I squint through the dark and see that they're holding something.
"Is that a knife?" I ask hesitantly.
"No, I can't do this." Austin says, before he takes off running.
"Austin don't—and he's gone." Travis starts but cuts himself off when he sees it's already too late.
Austin has ran away to the woods, which is pretty dumb if you ask me, while screaming.
Kara, Sierra and I have been backing up since that figure started coming towards us, but then we hear laughing.
"Stop...I can't hold it in...that's too funny." The figure says, it sounds like a girl.
"Sadie?!" Sierra yells.
"Hey girl." She says, taking the hood off.
Sadie Miller is gorgeous with blonde hair and blue eyes. She's their older sister and has been away at college. The last I heard, she wasn't able to come home for Thanksgiving.
"What are you doing here?" Chase asks, pulling her in for a hug.
"Scaring the crap out of my little brother." She says, laughing as she hugs him back.
"I've missed you!" Sierra says, pulling her in for a hug next.
"I missed you more." Sadie says, smiling.
Sierra and Sadie have been close pretty much since Chase and Sierra started dating. Sierra has always thought of her as the sister she never had, which I guess she kind of is.
"Well thanks, for scaring the ever living out of us." Chase says as Travis pulls Sadie in for a hug.
"You're more than welcome little brother. Anything to scare Austin, which by the way, where did he go?" She asks, looking around.
"It's alright, I'll go get him." Travis says, sighing as he pulls away.
"Alright everyone, that's enough scares for tonight, let's actually head inside." Mr. David says, clapping his hands. He starts to herd us in like the group of kindergarteners while we catch up with Sadie.
As we get settled in the living room, Mr. David makes hot chocolate for all of us, probably to calm down our nerves.
I'm sipping on my hot cocoa, listening to Sadie's wild college stories, when we hear roaring from outside.
"Hey look! There's Austin!" Sadie says, waving cheerfully out the window.
But the scene is anything but cheerful.
I almost spit out my hot chocolate at the scene before us.
Travis is dragging Austin's body on the ground but Austin is yelling and trying to pull away from Travis. I see Travis start to yell back at Austin, but it doesn't look like Austin is cooperating. He keeps pointing to the house and making a bunch of crazy hand motions.
"Boys come back in, it's late! Austin stop screeching and get back into the house!" Mr. David yells out of the window he opened.
"Hell no! Our house is possessed dad!" Austin yells back.
"For the hundredth time you idiot, it was Sadie!" Travis says, starting to sound frustrated.
"That's what they all say!" Austin says, crossing his arms.
"He's such a baby I swear." Sadie mutters under her breath as she gets up and sets her hot chocolate down.
"Austin you idiot, come in here." She yells, settling outside.
"Sadie? What are you doing here?" He yells, finally coming towards the house and practically tackling her.
"School got off early so I was able to come back. I'm here for the whole month of December." She says, hugging him back.
"And you thought that on your first night back, you would scare me half to death?"
"Well yeah, what else am I here for?" She says, laughing.
"I hate you." He says,
"Sure you do." She says, and they come back inside.
"You're a baby." I inform him as he sits down next to me.
"Shut up." He pouts.
"So, who's up for a horror movie?" Sadie asks.
The only response she got was a bunch of pillows being thrown at her.
'~'
Hey y'all!
Sorry about the late upload once again! Both of our schedules lately have not been aligning but thanks for being patient.
Don't forget to give us your feedback! Comment and vote!
P.S. Surprise POV (and I think y'all will love this one) in the next chapter!
~Marie Black :)