The moon had changed spots with the sun. Flooding the room with almost a burning white light, I squinted as my eyes burned behind my eyelids. My room looked different as my eyes blinked open.
Not a thing has changed around me, but it just... feels different. Is it the room? Or is it me?
Definitely me.
There is something to say about the way someone can make you feel. Within less than two weeks, Harry entering my life has completely changed how I could ever view life. So much that I don't even feel like I belong in my own room anymore.
Harry feels more like home than the house I've always lived in.
I reached for my phone, remembering Harry and I falling asleep on call. I clicked it on, seeing that there was no call anymore, but a message.
'Good morning, Love. had to go but didn't want to wake you.'
There is a sting in my chest over the fact that this is as good as it gets. Phone calls, text messages.
Will I ever see him again?
I responded, wishing there was a way to really be with him.
Huffing, I smushed my head back into the pillows littering my bed, trying to go back to sleep. I'm slowly drifting off, but shocked back awake by the bird that lives outside my window squawking.
I sat up, letting out a hefty sigh, and throwing my legs over the side of the bed. I brought myself up, making my way over to the window, and sliding it open.
Eye to eye, this bird and I have a stare off. He has sat outside my window for the past six months, and every morning, if I am not up by nine O'clock, he makes sure I don't sleep anymore.
"Oh how I've missed you, Gerald." I speak to him.
He caws back and I just roll my eyes, slamming down the window.
I decided, since I am awake now, I might as well have some coffee. Down the stairs, I see the pot of coffee still has about a mug left from what my parents already drank earlier.
After I pour a cup, I sit at the island. There is a written note on the back of a random envelope.
Dad and I went to the hospital. Come when y'all wake up. Love you. Mom.
I wasn't ready, this early in the morning, to begin to grieve. But here we are.
In the grand room, Byerly sits there mindlessly flipping through the channels on the TV. I walked up, sitting down in the chair next to the couch.
She flinched. "Good lord," she huffed. "I didn't see you walk in." she clutched her chest.
"What are you watching?" I asked.
"I don't even know, yet. But we need to leave soon to go see Grams." she responded.
I nod, but my suitcase caught my eye in the corner of the room, perched next to the front door with my backpack slouched on top.
"I know, but I have something I need to do first." I said, standing up, leaving my half drunk cup of coffee on the side table.
I grabbed my backpack, going straight up the stairs and into my room. I ignored my suitcase, knowing it would take too much out of me to bring it up the stairs after I'd just woken up. It will be a two-man job for later.
Opening my door, I made sure I shut it behind me all the way, not wanting it to drift open and act as an open invitation for B to just waltz in.
I lightly tossed my backpack on my unmade bed, yet again wanting to save any sort of labor for a later time. The comforter may be half hanging off the edge of my bed, and a few of the many pillows are scattered on the floor, but I'll save that for another time.
Unzipping the bag, I pull out two things; The painting and my camera. I picked up the canvas, admiring the front along with the back. I don't even remember him writing this on the back, because I'm sure I would have noticed plenty before being in the airport.
I look around my room, trying to find a place to display it. My eyes landed on a small space surrounded by Aspyn and I's horrible attempts to become artists. There are drawings, paintings, poems, and photographs all hung among a small corner.
For a brief second, I reminisce on the times we'd spent all last summer trying to complete as many Pinterest projects as possible before heading back to school.
I fit the painting in with the many memories I'd captured in art form. I stood back, seeing how it fit perfectly among all of the random scattered attempts. A smile crept up on my lips from seeing Harry mixed in with my home.
Feeling a boost of energy, I can tell that the caffeine just hit my bloodstream. I spun around on my heel and rushed over to my dresser, seeing the drawers were all still half empty. They are full of random holes where I'd taken clothes and stuffed them in my suitcase. With the select few choices for my outfit for the day, I settled on a pair of black jeans, a white graphic tee, and some hightop converse.
Fully dressed, I brushed my hair out, coating my eyelashes with a thin layer of mascara, and I grabbed my camera. I swung the strap around my neck and left my room.
Stomping down the stairs, I B-lined for the back door, trying to skip passed going by where Byerly resided, melting into the couch cushions in the other room. I scooped up my car keys that haven't been moved in weeks from the small side table that stood right next to the door, and swung the door open.
"Where are you going?" she yelled out to me after she heard the door creak.
"I'll be back in a little." I responded before letting the door shut behind me.
I trotted down the short steps, letting the strap of my camera dangle and swing along with me. I slid right into the driver's seat of my car, hearing the soft purr of the engine light up my ears after not hearing it for so long.
"Oh, how I've missed you, Roxy." I said, letting my hand pet the steering wheel.
I backed out, hitting the main road, and quickly finding myself in the small photo development shop just mere minutes from my house. I walked in, the bell at the top of the door notifying the workers that someone was in the store. I made my way to the back, where the film is developed.
"Hey Carter." I said to the boy working. I barely know him, but have seen him in the halls at school enough to know he's in my class.
"Hey Oakland." he greeted. "What do you need today?"
I took the strap of the camera from around my neck and sat it on the counter. "I just need some photos developed."
"Yeah, we can get that done in no time. Been pretty slow today." he spoke back, sliding my camera off the counter and passing it to another worker behind him. "Won't take more than thirty minutes."
I nodded, and decided to browse the store while I waited, not seeing a reason to leave when I would just have to turn around instantly.
I passed up and down the aisles, and found myself standing back at the counter with Carter. We just talked about senior year, and all of the odd prepping he's done and that I still need to do before we go back. For something that is so far away, there is plenty to do before graduation creeps up.
Soon after giving my film to them, I was handed an envelope full of the pictures.
"There are some real good ones in there." the older worker told me as I took the thick envelope from him.
"Thank you." I nodded, paying and quickly leaving after I said bye to Carter.
Back in my car, I took the quick trip back home. I pulled up the driveway and threw the car in park, but didn't find myself moving from the driver's seat. I took a deep inhale, looking to my left and seeing the tan envelope sitting in the seat next to me.
I didn't turn off the car, but instead I grabbed it and opened it. Tipping it down, the pictures spilled out into my hand in a neat stack. Through the speakers played Olivia by The Backseat Lovers.
On the top of the stack lay the last picture taken. Harry and I's lips attached for the last time. I stared down at the photo with my hands holding it in my lap. I found it too hard to see just that one, so I quickly stuffed the rest back into the envelope and turned off my car.
The second my foot passed the threshold of the back door, Byerly was standing in the kitchen. She seemed to have been waiting on me, so when her head snapped up from her phone, she let out a sigh of relief.
"Where have you been?"
"I just wanted to go get my photos developed." I shrugged.
She rolled her eyes. "Well, mom wants us to go see Grams... like ASAP."
"Okay, then let's go." I said, attitude in my tone radiating like hers. "I'm not driving though." I added on as my hand regripped the still half open door's handle.
She let out a groan from behind me, and I heard her keys scrape the doorside table as she grabbed them quickly. We made our way down the steps and to her car, and she quickly played some music that just wasn't my vibe.
On the way to the hospital, we stopped to get some snacks. Our favorite snacks that we've loved since we could remember. Grams would always take us to get junk food, but would make us promise not to tell our mother, since she didn't condone excess sugar.
B grabbed gummy bears, while I got some pretzels. We also got a pack of Reese's, since that was what Grams would alway get with us.
We finally got to the local Hospital, got a parking ticket, and I took a picture of the letter of which level of the parking deck we were on.
We signed in, and we both slapped the visitor stickers to our shirts before trying to find which floor and room they were on. We ended up calling mother for some help, and soon enough made it to the floor.
Our quick steps came to a halt right in front of the room. 312. My left hand clutched the snacks a little tighter in subconscious anxiety, while my right almost let the photos fall out of the open envelope and disperse across the laminated speckled checker floor.
I heard Byerly take a gulp before taking three confidant knocks to the wooden door. It creaked open, clearly from not being shut all the way. Our mother's voice instantly flooded my ears.
As we softly walked in, dad was leaning against the far wall next to the large window with the sheer blinds pulled closed, staying silent while mom was seeming a bit wired and pacing around the room, trying to make it as comfortable as possible. Gramps was sitting in the chair perched in the corner, tapping his foot against the floor.
And there she was.
My Grams.
Pale as ever, blending into the white sheets that had the pink quilt that usually sat in our hallway closet collecting dust draped over her feet. Mother had brought her a pillow also, trying to make her feel as at home as she could.
There was an underlying chill that filled the room, but not coming from the air conditioner, but from how we all felt as if we needed to tiptoe around this whole building.
A staleness, if you will.
"Hey, Grams." Byerly said with fluff in her tone. We both painted on a warming smile, not wanting Grams to feel fragile.
"My girls." her voice was scratchy, and it seemed hard for her to even say those two words. "Please tell your mother that she needs to take a seat. She has been nonstop ever since she got here."
She plastered on a smile matching ours, but anyone could tell that she was in pain still. I stepped over to mom, placing my hand on her shoulder.
"Relax mom." I said as she met my eyes. "Why don't you go get Grams some ice chips from the cafeteria?" I offered, wanting her to take a breather.
She nodded, picking up what I was putting down, and letting out the breath she was holding.
"I'll be back." she announced, making her way to the door.
"Grab me a pudding cup while you're at it!" Byerly yelled after her.
While B went to hug Grams, I went over to hug Gramps, who seemed almost as on edge as my mother. He was sweet, hugging me as he usually does; warm with a tight squeeze at the end. We switched, and as I was carefully hugging up to Grams, I noticed that father still hadn't spoken.
He seems lost in a thought, his eyes focused on the small specks littering the pattern of the floor. I don't say anything to him, knowing something fell over him. My grandma Eloise, his mother, had passed a few years before both Byerly and I were born, so seeing my mother's mother in a hospital bed is probably sending him back.
She fought her battle with cancer for as long as she could, but one's body can only hold on for so long until it becomes too hard. He still visits her grave every year for her birthday and mother's day. I only ever see him shed tears over her, and even then, it's been so long that the tears become thinner and thinner each time.
"Grams, we got you a treat." B pipes up, bringing over the candy.
"Oh girls." She gives us her iconic smile. One that would light up a room or warm anyone's heart. "I want to hear about y'all's trip."
"It was so fun," Byerly begins. "Oak has some fun stories." she sends me a wink.
Grams turns her head towards where I'm sitting at the foot of the bed, pleading for me to tell. I look around to Gramps, dad, and B. I'd rather just be with Grams alone right now.
"Um..." I trail off. "Can I have some time alone with Grams?" I politely ask.
They all nod, making their way out into the hall. "We are going to go meet your mother in the cafe." dad says before shutting the door, completely this time.
"So... who's the mystery man?" Grams jumps right to the point.
I'm taken back by her spot on assumption, raising an eyebrow in surprise. "How'd you know?"
"You forget, sweetie. I'm on social media." she points to her phone sitting on the table.
About a year ago, Lucca and I helped her set up an instagram account, not expecting her to be able to actually function it. Even my parents struggled with the whole new media thing, but Grams picked up quickly, and now she always knows what is going on in our lives.
She mainly just posts pictures of Gramps, her cats, or the flowers blooming in her garden, but nonetheless, she still keeps up with the grandkids.
"His name is Harry." I say in almost a whisper.
"Is that all you are going to tell me?" he eggs on, eager for me to elaborate.
I scoot up, squeezing into the bed right next to her after she pats the open space. I snuggle up, feeling a bit giddy to tell her about Harry.
"He's a singer..." I try to think of things to tell her, but I quickly notice that he is just indescribable. "I think he is just the closest thing to perfect someone can get."
"Oh, Honey. That's you." She smiles at me, resting her palm on my cheek.
Soon enough, I am showing her the pictures that I'd brought along.
"He looks like a greek god." she exclaims after just seeing one photo. "Whoever is out there took extra time on him."
I continued showing her every last one, ending on the first picture from when Harry and I watched the sunrise on our cliff. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Him standing in front of the sun, looking like he had just flown down from heaven, and was an angel personally sent from God.
"My old camera did a great job, huh?" she asked.
I softly squeezed her arm closer to me. "Thank you, Grams. I'm thankful you trust me with it."
"Oak, can I say something?"
I nod, slightly nervous by what is going to be said.
"You haven't stopped smiling since you said his name for the first time, my dear. You better hang onto him. I can tell even through the photos that there is something special there. It won't matter if he is thousands of miles away if you truly love him." she says, raising her eyebrows.
"Grams, I don't love him. I only knew him for two weeks." I responded.
"Silly girl. You forget that by your Gramps and I's second date, I knew I was going to marry that man. Have faith in the future."
It's true, their love story is one of a movie's plot. Highschool sweethearts that never fell out of love. Ended up getting married right out of school, and she followed him all around the world as he traveled in the army.
"You're right, Grams." I said, snuggling up right next to her, careful as she still seems fragile.
"Now," she starts, rubbing her hands together. "With a man looking that good, was there any other fun?" she raised her brows a few times at me.
"Grams!" I exclaimed. What is up with this whole family wanting to know my personal life, and being so vulgar.
"Oh Oakland. You keep me young." She laughs a little too hard, causing her to begin to cough. It only got worse, and she looked like she couldn't get enough air into her lungs.
I sit up in worry, not knowing that is happening. I sprung up, rushing to the door to see if there was a nurse around, but the second the door opened, I met eyes with my family who were all walking down the hall having small talk.
I guess they saw the frantic state I was portraying on my face, because they all instantly quickened their steps and dropped their features.
Mother rushed the fastest, seeing the spiking heart rate on the monitor. She went into the bathroom, grabbing her a cup of water before pressing the 'nurse' button on the wall.
Within seconds, there were a few women and a man dressed in scrubs coming to the assistance. They asked for all of us to step out besides Gramps, but since visiting hours are coming to an end, B and I felt like we needed to leave. We didn't want to take up any unnecessary space, and the only people allowed to stay outside of visiting hours are Mom and Gramps.
Once we all made it back home, Dad offered to order take-out for dinner, since none of us really knew how to cook, and usually left that to Mom. My heart beat hasn't slowed down since its spike with Grams, so I just pushed around the Chinese food on my plate, unable to allow my brain and heart to slow down long enough for me to intake a single bite.
The sun set over the horizon, and I found myself laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling. It seems really bad this time. There is a deep gut feeling growing, one where I feel like I am about to actually lose my Grams.
If we lose her, I may have been one of the last people she talked to. My Grams, gone. I can't even fathom it. She raised me almost as much as my own mother, treating me to stuff that my mom wouldn't want, but that's what Grandmothers are for.
I hear a soft knock at my door, B peeking her head around the small opening.
"Hey." she whispers. She noticed my uneasy state that I tried to mask.
"Hey." I say, not taking my eyes off of the plain white ceiling.
"Mom just called. She said Grams is under control, but she wants to stay the night at the hospital." she tells me.
"Okay." I try to keep my words short in hopes that she will leave me alone to my thoughts.
She stands there for a few more seconds before accepting that I won't be talking anymore, so I hear my door shut, and I let out a relieved sigh. I need to be alone right now.
Right as the last ounce of breath leaves my lungs, my phone starts buzzing from my nightstand. I hope it will just go to voicemail, but my anxiousness doesn't let it ring long enough before I am reaching over to see who is calling.
Harry.
I stare at his name for a second too long before the call ends. I feel a brief wave of relief followed by guilt. But I just can't talk to anyone right now.
I toss my phone back where it was, along with flicking off the lamp. I reside back in my spot staring at the blank ceiling.
After a few minutes, I cave and reach for my phone blindly in the dark. Once I clicked it on, my face scrunched up from the bright light burning my eyes. I swipe over on his name, returning the call. He instantly picks up and I put him on speaker as I lay back down in my same position.
"Hey, you." Harry's accent floods the speakers.
"Hey."
"How was your day?" he asks.
"Um... it was fine." I respond, not sounding as confident in my answer as I should.
"Don't want to talk?" she picks up on my distance.
I hum a 'no'.
"Want me to hang up?"
I hum another 'no'. "Just stay on." I tell him, just wanting his far away distance to feel a little closer.
"Will do, Love. goodnight."
"Goodnight." I say.
As my eyes fixate on the blankness above me, I mouth a 'I love you.' knowing he wouldn't hear me, but trusting Grams intuition, and having faith in the future.
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I hope you enjoyed this chapter!!
Sending all my love<3<3<3