Chapter 17
Tulala ako at hindi makaconcentrate sa mga math formulas na dapat i-memorize.
Nag-absent si Kaori ng ilang araw dahil masama ang kaniyang pakiramdam. She was forced to stay in the hospital for a few days.
Hindi na rin nasundan ang huling pag-uusap namin.
I remember what she said.
Pilit ko iyong kinakalimutan.
I don't know what to do, or say to her. It was a whole lot different to me nang sinabi niyang inlove ako sa kaniya. That's madness, I mean.
Hindi dapat sabihin ang salitang mahal ng ganoon kadali.
She's crazy, allright. All the red string destiny fucked-up is madness. Pero iyong huling sinabi niya, tumatak sa isipan ko.
Inlove daw ako sa kaniya.
Dumagdag pa sa sakit ng ulo si Asher.
I was trying hard to stop overthinking but here I am, completely getting back from our conversation earlier with Asher.
My blood rises out of stress and irritation.
What did he say? Marry Misa?!
Nahihibang na ba siya? I think he's crazy! As if I will let him, ulol niya!
"Are you joking, Asher?" natatawa kong tanong.
Umiling siya.
My mouth opened.
"You're going to marry Misa?! Are you serious, you just seen each other for a month and you're planning on marrying her already? Don't you think you're underestimating marriage?"
He sighed.
"I'm not, son. I just want to marry her as fast as I can so that I can legally be a part of this family. Matagal ko nang pinapangarap na pakasalan ang mama mo."
"Oh, talaga? Explain then kung bakit iba ang pinakasalan mo ngayon at talagang kapangalan pa ni Misa," gigil kong sabi.
Nanlumo siya. "Thing's happened and I just messed up. My marriage is arranged by my family. Hindi ko gustong magpakasal sa babaeng hindi naman si Misa--"
"You did, kaya nga nagpakasal ka kay Misaki Smith, right?"
"Well, marami kasi akong pagpipilian pero siya ang pinili ko kasi kapangalan ni Misa."
Gago talaga. I'm so disappointed of him. Really.
"Yuki, a-anak---"
"I'm protesting. No marriage will happen."
Bumagsak ang kaniyang balikat.
"I think so too. Misa will probably say no. She hates me. You hate me too. Wala na bang mas masakit pa dito?" Nagdadrama na naman siya.
Napaungol ako sa inis.
"I'm not up for it. Wala kasalang mangyayari. Understand?"
"Grabe ka naman, Yuki. Isipin mo ha! Tatay mo ako, tas nanay mo si Misa. And we're living in my condo! Nasabi ko na rin sa pamilya ko ang tungkol sa'yo. Mahal pa rin namin ang isa't isa ni Misa. Sa tingin mo, ano na lang ang kulang?" pangeengganyo niya sa'kin.
"Hmmm..."
"It's marriage, son! Kasal! Don't you think it's time for us to experience a happy ending? Maraming nangyari at nagkasakitan kaming dalawa, but here we are again. Back in each other's arm."
I rolled my eyes.
"Too bad you can't have your happy ending because I'm here."
No man is worthy of my mother. Kahit pa tatay kita.
I lie on my bad together with my heavy burdens. Tiningnan ko ang puting kisame. It's been a while since our moving here. Malapit nang magtwo months. Ang daming nangyari, ang daming dumating. I sighed and closed my eyes.
Tumayo ako at tinuon ang atensyon sa mga librong nakadisplay sa cabinet. Dinala ko dito ang mga lumang libro na nakatambak lang dati sa inuupahan naming apartment.
It's been a while really. Naaalala ko pa ang mga panahong nagpapartime-job ako, nag-aaral habang nagtatarabaho at si Misa na palaging puyat dahil sa pagiging waitress sa mga bars.
Nung una pa lang, hindi ko na gusto ang Simoun na iyon. He's the latest ex of Misa. He's rude and lazy, sometimes violent. I hated him since then. He's a complete garbage. Thank God he's in jail now.
But Misa don't want to leave him. Akala ko ay dahil mahal na mahal niya ito. But later on, I realized. Mas mahal ako ni Misa dahil nagtitiis lang siya sa gagong iyon para sa'kin.
Looking back, to all the mean words I said to my mother. Ang tanging sagot niya ay isang ngiti. She's the most kindest and prettiest woman in my life.
That's why no man deserve my mother. Even Asher. Especially him.
Hindi sapat na kapag may anak na ay kailangan talaga ng kasal. No, marriage is more than that. It's a lifetime bondage. It's like a deal with the devil, it's either you got lucky or regret the consequences.
Masiyado nang madaming pinagdaanan si Misa. All those heartaches I've seen is enough for me to believe that Asher is like those men. Sasaktan niya rin si Misa.
At hindi ko kakayanin na makitang umiyak ulit ang nanay ko.
Bumukas ang pintuan ng kwarto. Misa rushed inside like a little kid. Nagtatatalon pa siya. I looked at her sleepily, pagod na sa pag-aaral.
"Yuki! Yuki!"
"What is it?" I yawned.
"Nagtext si Kaori! Double date daw tayo next week! Yehey!"
"She's lying. She's actually busy," natatamad kong sagot.
"Eh? Busy siya? Bakit buong gabi kaming nagchat kahapon?"
"You texted each other?" gulat kong tanong. Nagtampo ako bigla, she never texted me yesterday.
"Selos ka noh? Kawawa ka naman," she said with a teasing voice. Ngumuso ako sa inis.
"Don't ya worry, son! Ikaw naman ang main topic namin! At pati na rin kay Ash," she said with a cheerful tone. Mas lalo akong ngumuso, Kaori's probably backstabbing me.
May naisip ako bigla nang marinig ang pangalan ni Asher.
"Misa?"
"Hmmm?" tanong niya habang may nagtatype sa cellphone.
"Are you and Asher in a relationship?"
Natigil siya. Bigla siyang nanlamig. Her eyes widen.
"H-hindi! Anong relationship ka diyan? Bakit ko naman papatulan ulit ang gagong iyon? Ang tanga ko naman kung ganoon nga!" she exclaimed.
"I saw Asher entered your room. At nilock niya ang pinto. Ano kayang kailangan niya sayo?" intriga ko sa kaniya.
Pinagpawisan niya.
"H-ha? Hakdog mo, Yuki! Imagination mo lang yan!"
"So you won't say no if he ask you to marry him?"
"H-ha?"
"Paano kung alokin ka niya ng kasal? Will you say yes?"
"K-kasal?"
"Bakit niya naman ako papakasalan? That's impossible! He's not really serious, we're just playing."
"Talaga, anong nilalaro niyo?" kuryoso kong tanong.
Natahimik siya. I sighed and asked her one final question.
"Do you still love him, Misa?"
She gulped. I think I know what the answer is.
The bell ringed as a sign of dismissal. The teacher said his goodbyes and dismissed us. I walked to the door only to find out Emma waiting for me.
"Sabay tayo, Yuki," nangingiti niyang sabi.
I hardly gripped the bottle and opened it's lid. Binuksan ko dahil hindi kaya ni Emma. She thanked me and we both sat in an old bench of a sari-sari store.
Sabay kaming uminom ng Coca-cola. She sighed and drank again.
"You ace the test, again," she said. Though I find it weird that she's smilling and she don't look bitter at all.
"Thanks."
"I got second again," she sighed but she's making it a joke.
"You're always second." Shit, there goes my mouth again. Hindi ko napigilan na sabihin iyon. I was about to apologize but she cut me off.
"IKR!" She laughed. Kinunotan ko siya ng noo.
"Duh, I know right!"
"Ahhh." Tumango ako nang naiintindihan.
"I'm not bitter anymore. I feel better now, actually. Gumaan ang loob ko."
"Congrats," singit ko. She stifled a smile.
"My parents are both doctors. They're the best doctors in the field. The pressure is real talaga. I'm their only child. Kailangan... kailangan palaging nasa taas ako. Kailangan ako dapat ang manalo."
"I think I've spent my whole life studying and trying my best to make my parents proud. But... I never did," she sadly said.
Tumango ako.
"I hate being compared to someone else. That I'm not good enough for them. That I'm a disappointment because I can't be the perfect daughter they always want."
I hand her my handkerchief. Ngunit umiling siya dahil hindi naman pala siya umiiyak.
"But right now, I don't care anymore! Wala na akong pakialam! Ano ngayon kung bobo ako? Ano ngayon kung maldita ako? Ano ngayon kung second place ako palagi? Wala kayong pakialam dahil buhay ko to!" Nagulat ang mga tao sa malapit dahil sumigaw siya.
"I don't want to waste my time trying hard to be the person you want me to be even though I'm not! I don't want to waste my life wanting the attention of the people who never appreciated me!"
Hinawakan ko ang kaniyang balikat dahil nakakabahala na ang pagsigaw niya sa ibang tao. Some are even laughing at her. Kahit ako ay napatawa na rin.
"Kung ayaw niyo sa'kin, edi gumawa kayo ng bagong anak! Wala akong pake!"
Malakas akong tumawa. Ngumisi siya.
"I said that to my parents. Ang astig ko noh?"
"Oo, ang astig mo. Idol," I said with a small smile plastered on my face.
Tumagal din ang usapan namin. Ngunit may bigla akong naalala.
"Where's Jun, by the way?"
She rolled her eyes.
"Ayun, principal office ang uwi. Napaaway na naman. I wish he would just grow up and atleast, study."
"Ganiyan naman talaga ang mga lalaki sa highschool, diba?"
"Nah, boy's are just childish. Iniisip na nadadaan ang lahat sa pisikalan."
Napatawa ako.
"Really? Anong silbi ng kamao namin kung ganon?" I flexed my fist. She rolled her eyes.
"Obviously to brag and flex your 'manliness' kuno but for me, it's a big turn-off. Ayaw ko sa mga lalaking basagulero," she exclaimed.
"Well, I think girls like it when their guys look strong and manly."
"Bakit babae ka ba?" Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay.
"Hindi. Bakit lalaki ka ba?" pamimilosopo ko.
Inirapan niya ako at hindi na pinansin.
"So basted na si Jun?"
"Matagal na, pero tuloy pa rin ang peste. Ewan, ayaw akong tantanan," pag-iinarte niya.
"He's persistent. Gustong-gusto ka niya," I faced her but she suddenly looked away.
"Too bad for him because I already like someone else."
"Ouch!"
She blushed.
"That's a shame, then."
"Hmmm."
Tumagal ang katahimikan. I suddenly find it awkward. Hindi niya kasi ako tinitingnan at hindi siya komportable.
"Sino bang gusto mo?" makapal kong tanong.
"H-ha?" natataranta niyang tanong.
"Sinong nagugustuhan mo?"
Napalunok siya at umiwas ng tingin. Kuryoso ko siyang tinititigan.
"B-bakit? Mo n-natanong?" aniya sa kabadong boses.
She looks really uncomfortable. Mas lalo siyang namula ng nakitang natatawa ako sa kaniya.
"Hindi pwedeng sabihin noh?" I teased her. Umirap siya.
"Syempre! Bakit ka ba interesado?"
"Ewan, gusto ko lang makichismis," I said with an annoying girly voice that sounds like Kaori.
"He's uh, he's taken."
"Hmmm."
Huminga siya ng malalim at hinawakan ang kaniyang dibdib. She can't look at me in the eyes.
"He likes someone else." Tumawa siya ng mapakla.
"Double ouch!"
"Shut up," aniya. Lumungkot ang kaniyang mga mata.
"Anong feeling?" kuryoso kong tanong.
Her eyes widen. She looked upset. Like I just cross a red line.
"Really? Tinatanong mo pa talaga? Syempre sobrang sakit! Parang sinasaksak ang puso ko!"
We both laughed hard. Tinarayan niya naman ako ulit dahil napaka insensitive ko daw, eh, curious lang naman ako.
"You know, it's really weird right now that we're together laughing and talking. Hindi ako makapaniwala," ani Emma.
"Yeah, it's weird."
"Mas weird ang nakikita kang ngumingiti at tumatawa! You looked like a different person!"
"I guess... so."
"I remember back then, you always looked like a grumpy ice bear! Palagi kang nakasimangot, nakakairita ang mukha mo. And you're so so cold! Kaori really hate you're emotionless before."
"What? K-kaori hated me? Kailan?" nalilito kong tanong.
Pero una niya akong nakilala sa hospital. I know we're schoolmates but I'm just a nobody for someone popular and pretty.
Dati niya pa akong kilala? And she hated me?
"Two year's ago, nung grade 8 pa tayo. Palagi ka naming chinichismisan ni Kaori and she really really hate you! I don't know where her grudge coming from but now..." Natigilan siya.
"I think I get it."
Days passed and Kaori's still stucked in the hospital. Paminsan-minsan namin siyang dinadalawa. She doesn't looked ill at all. She's all smiley and cheerful na hindi mo aakalaing may sakit siya.
I kinda miss her these past few days.
Talking on the phone and texting her is not enough. Maybe I'm just used on seeing her everyday that I feel so lonely right now.
I'm busy cooking pasta. Misa's on the sofa, sleeping soundly. I can hear her loud snores. Ang pangit niyang kabonding matulog.
She's more lazy than usual. Wala na siyang balak na magtrabaho. It's like she's just counting days, wasting it.
Asher's doing... err, I don't know where he is. Nalaman kong malapit nang matapos ang bakasyon niya. Balik opisina na siya sa susunod na linggo.
After I finished cooking the pasta, I tried to take a bite. Not bad.
In all things, I'm kinda a perfectionist. Everything is supposed to be calculated correctly, all are perfect and clean. Ayaw ko ng pagkakamali.
Especially in cooking, isang pagkakamali ng lasa ay bigla akong nawawalan ng gana. And I would go sulking all day, thinking my cooking is so bad.
"Yuki! Anak!" Nagmamadaling tumakbo si Asher pababa ng hagdanan. Humina ang kaniyang takbo ng nakita si Misa na natutulog.
"What?"
"Shhh! Let's talk outside!" Hinila niya ako palabas ng bahay.
I grumpily walked back and fort. Nakapameywang ako habang pinapakinggan ang kaniyang mga explenasyon.
"I made your Mom as my secretary. Simula next week ay sabay na kaming magtatrabaho."
Matalim ko siyang tiningnan.
"What? Aren't you supposed to be happy that your mom git a job?"
"Why would I be happy when she's going to work with you? All day?!" may diin ang huling pangungusap.
"Ano ba talaga ang problema mo sa amin ni Misa? I get that you're overprotective but she needs a job, Yuki. She can't stop watching Netflix, she's addicted!"
Iyon lang ang problema niya? Really?
"Then, atleast don't let her work with you! Wala kayong magagawang trabaho dahil pagsasamantalahan mo na naman siya!"
"Anong pagsasaman-- Tsk! You know what, I have something to tell you first."
Nakapameywang pa rin ako.
"Magpopropose ako sa kaniya next week."
Umasim ang mukha ko. I gritted my teeth.
"Please help me prepare my proposal. Please, Yuki," he pleaded.
"I told you, I already said---"
"I love your mother so much. After sixteen years, I am still fucking inlove with her."
Hinawakan niya ang aking kamay.
"I have one lifetime to prove to you that I will be best man for her. I promise her sixteen years ago that I will marry her. Tutuparin ko iyon ngayon."
May nilagay siya sa kamay ko. I am shaken to the ground when I saw what it was.
Black string.
Katulad ng kay Misa.
"I'm going to marry her even if I have to crush fate myself."