"He really loves you Aya."
Yara told her honestly and Aya nodded.
"I know and this is everything I would've planned it's all I wanted, I'm just shocked."
Yara nodded in understanding even though she could never imagine herself feeling that way.
"I get that, but I think you're ready for this, you're ready for your family. So, Mrs. Booker are you ready to put on this beautiful dress?"
Aya nodded with a smile that infectiously spread across her face. Yara helped her into thee wedding dress, lacing her up snugly in the back before adjusting her veil and tiara. Upon seeing her sister Yara herself became teary-eyed, she looked exactly like her mother.
Yara shook off the memory quickly as she wrapped her hand around her glass of water. Her sister was married and Zolee was gone with D'Angelo to begin her new life. A lot had happened in the space of two weeks but above all, the only thing that stayed the same was her state. She was still pregnant and highly annoyed at the fact that she was torn and suffering with this by herself. These facts were sobering as she ambled into her kitchen.
As she allowed her eyes to scan the cereals in front of her, she exhaled before grabbing her guilty pleasure, fruit loops. She'd had cravings for it and she couldn't deny herself such a small piece of bliss.
"Yara, just keep it together."
She told herself softly as she prepared her bowl with extra milk before retiring on the couch. Jordan had called her every day, three times a day but she could never bring herself to answer. Now, the calls hadn't come in and she was wondering if he'd given up. She was sure that she had.
She was furious with him. Not only had he cheated, but he'd also gotten another woman pregnant. He'd made her, her mother and Aya's at the same time. The unassuming girlfriend and the dirty mistress. She was carrying a child that was half of him but more importantly she also still deeply cared for him, and she hated herself for being so weak.
"Still sulking over Jordan?" Ebony's voice bounced into her ears as the dark-skinned beauty emerged from what used to be Zolee's room, what would probably be the baby's nursery.
"Shut up, I'm not sulking. I'm furious, there's a difference."
"The fourth stage of grief, you're almost there love." Ebony offered Yara a pat before she made herself some cereal as well.
"So where are you then? Did you tell Kevin while I was gone?"
"Yeah, I told him and then I came to your place for refuge because I knew he wouldn't look here. So I may be in acceptance or denial."
"Well, how did he react to it?" Yara probed gently.
"He's ecstatic, he went on and on about how he's always wanted to be a dad and everything was great..."
Ebony's expression changed from one of mirth to sorrow quickly as she trailed off.
"Until?" Yara's voice was soft, she knew where this was going.
The other woman, the ever-existing complication.
"Until he remembered Zoë and Kyrie. Then, he realized he actually has to choose and I didn't want to stick around for his answer. I can't take a no right now Ya, not when I'm carrying this child, his child, my child."
Ebony mystified her. In a weird way, Yara was jealous. Ebony was sure that she wanted her child and deep down Yara knew that Ebony was secure in the fact that Kevin loved her. If it wasn't for Kyrie, Kevin would have left already but that little girl was like his daughter. Now that he had his own child, those lines would be blurred even more.
"Ebony, I think he'll choose you, but are you ready for that choice?"
"Are you ready to talk to Jordan?"
The two women sat in silence as both questions seemed to take an uncomfortable amount of space up in the room.
"No, I'm not. To be honest, I'm still not even sure I want this child but I... I don't want an abortion and I don't want to be tied to Jordan forever. I don't want to see his face and feel the betrayal that I've been trying to ignore. I don't want to love him Ebony, I didn't want to love him, but I do. I don't want to be my mother, I just want to go back in time and walk away from this all."
Yara's feelings poured out almost as quickly as her tears, shocking Ebony. Yara didn't normally break down like this. In fact, she fought so hard to stay composed 90% of the time. Now, she was crumbling.
Reaching out, Ebony wrapped the young woman in her arms and whispered affirming words into her hair.
"Ya, that baby is half of you as well. We've both gotten ourselves into less than ideal situations but we have each other and our babies will have each other too. I feel like you want to keep this baby, so is it just Jordan?"
Sighing, Yara shook her head before withdrawing from her friend.
"Sometimes you're running from yourself just as much as you're running from people Eb."
With that said, Yara retreated to her room just in time to see her phone vibrate. With a deep sigh, she answered it.
"Hello?" She didn't know why she'd picked up this time, maybe it was Ebony, maybe it was her own exhaustion.
"Yara, it's been weeks. Look I know I was an ass and I'm sorry. I'm in LA for two nights and I really want us to talk. Can we talk, please?"
She didn't want to talk but she had very little choice. If she didn't want him anymore, she needed the closure of telling him, of moving on. Now more than ever, she understood why Aya had kept Destin to herself for so long.
"Sure, I'm home. I have to get my paperwork and stuff in order before I head back in to the office."
"Good, I'll stop by after practice then around 6."
"Okay Jordan."
Yara's finger hovered over the end button when he suddenly called out to her.
"I miss you Yara."
"See you soon Jordan."
As soon as she hung up, she felt ill at ease. She'd taken the jump but was she truly ready? Suddenly, Ebony's head poked into her room.
"I think I'm going to stop running. I'm heading back to my apartment. Will you be alright Ya?"
"I'll be fine Eb, thanks for staying, it's been a weird time, but it's been even weirder since Zolee left. Who would've thought I'd miss her goofy ass this much?"
"We all did, Zolee is good people and she's in good hands with D'Angelo."
"I know Eb, I'm happy for her. They're good for each other."
"Yeah, they definitely are. Call me if you need anything, and I mean anything okay?"
"Okay Eb, I will, same to you."
Ebony shot Yara one more smile before she disappeared and Yara decided to take a nap.
-
When she woke up, loud knocks were resounding at her front door jarring her back to reality as she quickly got up and began tugging her wild hair into a messy bun.
"COMING!"
As she ambled towards the front door, she tried to steady herself. It had been a while since they'd last talked and she wasn't sure she needed this right now.
When her eyes met his, a warm feeling spread throughout her body, but her anger also flared. He looked at her as if she took his breath away while she quickly broke eye contact as she stepped aside to let him in.
He didn't let her off that easy, as soon as he closed the door behind him he gently grabbed her wrist and wrapped her in his arms. She smelt like vanilla and cinnamon, he'd missed that.
"Yara, I shouldn't have talked to you like that. I , I just I get very territorial with you."
"I'm not yours Jordan and you're not mine."
She pushed away from him and took a seat. Now she noticed that he'd brought wine, which he held up as a peace offering.
"No thanks, but feel free to pour yourself some."
They were going through the motions. She watched as he moved around in her kitchen. Her eyes followed the way the red wine splashed into the glass he'd chosen, the one he always chose that had a slight chip at the rim. He liked slightly damaged things. She wondered about that now, if he included himself on that list or her.
He sat opposite her , boring a hole into her face.
"I want you to be mine Yara."
"Jordan, I can't do this with you."
His eyebrows knitted together before he shook his head.
"What? Why? Over one stupid argument Yara?" His voice raised to a level that triggered Yara.
"No, more like over a baby Jordan. You accused me of something you were doing. You didn't just cheat on me , you got Mylin pregnant and I... I don't know what you want me to do with that. I can't be yours because you've never been mine and you never will be. Two women, two, have your children. I won't be in that line up."
He hated that she'd found out before he told her himself. He didn't want that. It was clear that he was wrong, but he didn't want to lose Yara. He loved her.
He got up and walked over to her before kneeling and placing his head in her lap. She didn't move, in fact she was holding her breath. She was furious but she couldn't help the way her body reacted to his touch.
"Yara, you're wrong. I am yours; I've been yours from the moment I saw you and you put me in my place. I tried to deny it but, the way I feel about you... I've never felt this way about anyone before. Do you know how crazy it's been not having you around, knowing what the last things I said to you made you feel? Yara..."
He began to kiss her exposed thighs. She was only wearing an oversized t-shirt and he took advantage as he moved his hands up her thighs, back and forth, slowly almost like worship.
She shuddered as she weakly tried to stop him, but she didn't want to. It had been so long...
"Mylin was a mistake, but I'm a man and I have to take care of my child. That doesn't change the fact that I want you, to take care of you, to be with you. I'm done with Mylin. I don't want anyone else but you."
His fingertips slid under her t-shirt, making her gasp as he tugged her panties down and placed his face between her thighs.
Her head fell back as her mouth opened. She let out a soft moan that gave him the encouragement he needed. He hadn't completely lost her yet. He along with his tongue did magic. As he watched the rise and fall of her chest, her breathing became more and more labored. She was close. Her thighs wrapped tightly around his head as she practically rode his face.
"Fuck Jordan, I hate you." She managed to get out the complicated thoughts that she couldn't gather due to a haze of pleasure.
Invigorated, he pulled away which only frustrated her even more. She kept her eyes shut as she tried to recompose herself, ignoring the rustling of the background. In a flash she'd found herself on her back and Jordan's glorious naked body hovered over her, practically swallowed her.
"If you don't want this tell me but Yara, I really fucking want you."
The desire she felt was intoxicating, it would just be hate sex, nothing more. She couldn't bring herself to say the words so she wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him in for a searing kiss that blanketed her scream when he plunged into her.
"Shit... Yara, I ... wow"
Placing a hand on his chest , Yara stopped his motions and levelled with him.
"I'm still pissed at you, please shut up and fuck me."
For some reason, her anger was turning him on. He liked her bossy nature.
"Whatever you want love."
He gave her what she needed and nearly forgot how to breathe when she insisted she get on top before riding him so good, it made his head spin. The sex was hot, sloppy and full of so many emotions that when they both felt their peak coming, Jordan firmly held her in place as he busted deep inside her and she clung to him, out of breath.
"Shit, Yara..." he placed hot kisses on her shoulder as he held her tight to him "I fucked up but you're all I need and like I said, I'm yours. I love you."
Her throat felt like it was closing, and her eyes began to water. She'd never felt what she was feeling now, and she hated that he'd triggered her. She was crying in his arms as he frantically tried to soothe her.
"What's wrong?"
How could his voice soothe and enrage her at the same time?
"You, us... Jordan I have never let anyone get as close to me as you did... you hurt me in ways I've been trying to avoid since I was five. I don't know if I can trust you and even though I do love you, I don't want to. Not if you're going to make me feel like how I feel right now."
He understood but he wouldn't give up.
"Yara, just give me one more chance, please."