My vision was blurry as I helped the nurses push the bed where Adrien was lying towards the ambulance. The crowd was dispersed by the police, though there were still a few of them who lingered to film the incident. I left Nathaniel with the few detectives who came rushing into the scene after ignoring his plea for me to stay behind.
I gripped on the metal railing of the bed, not daring to look at Adrien's state. Even though I wasn't looking, I couldn't ignore the blood that stained his blond hair and his green eyes that were closed shut. My heart couldn't be any faster as I entered the back of the ambulance along with the two other nurses that came to Adrien's aid.
As I sat down the cold seat, this time, I couldn't help looking at Adrien. I bit back tears of relief when I saw his chest slowly rise and fall, which was the only thing I was holding on to as an assurance that he would wake up sooner or later. I shifted my attention to his head that was full of blood, it stained not just his hair, but also his pillow.
"Thankfully, nobody got shot," the nurse spoke as he placed two fingers on Adrien's neck to check his pulse. "But Mr. Adrien Agreste had quite a hard hit on his head with the metal bars back there. Possibly a severe concussion --- but let's not jump to conclusions," he added hastily the moment he looked up and saw the horrified expression on my face.
A hard hit on the head? I thought as I looked back at the unconscious Adrien.
Without thinking twice, I grabbed Adrien's motionless hand and squeezed it as tight as I could, praying to whoever is listening that I could feel the warmth in them again. I knew there was someone else I should think about --- Felix, specifically --- but it was hard to prioritize anything else while I was stuck with the knowledge that Adrien was in a critical condition. Just as when things were finally going to be okay, even just a little bit . . .
I wiped the tears on my cheeks with my shoulders and took a deep breath. I never let go of Adrien's hand until we've finally reached the hospital, where they had to rush him to the emergency room. I wasn't allowed to go any further, so I stayed at the nearest hallway alone, pacing back and forth, trying to take deep breaths to calm myself down.
"Where did Felix go?" I exclaimed as I ran towards the nurses who placed Adrien's unconscious body on the wheeled stretcher, my feet quickening when I reached them to match their speed.
"Felix? Who's Felix?"
"The other one, stupid!"
"Oh, he . . . he ---"
"---he managed to escape, ma'am."
Felix managed to escape. Felix managed to escape.
Felix managed to escape.
Not knowing what to do and overwhelmed by a variety of emotions, I plopped myself down on the cold metal chairs at the sides of the white, empty hallway as I let out a massive, tired, sigh.
I sat there alone, with two or three medical workers passing by from time to time. Minutes passed by. Hours felt like years.
After a long while, footsteps came rushing closer, and I lifted my head up, expecting to see another nurse or doctor but was greeted by a pair of kind blue eyes.
"Marinette," Nathaniel gasped, and without warning, I stood up and threw my arms around him as I began to cry my heart out. Nathaniel immediately embraced me back, his other hand on the back of my head as he gently patted my hair.
"I don't know what to do," I spoke through sobs, my shoulders shaking violently. "What if he'd never wake up? What if he'd have another amnesia, and . . . and I have to . . . to spend the rest of my years trying to make him remember again . . . ?"
"Hey, now," Nathaniel whispered, pulling himself back to cup my cheeks and wipe my tears, "Nobody's getting amnesia, all right? And most certainly, nobody's going to die."
We both knew that what he said were nothing else but hollow words of comfort; we didn't know what would happen in the future, but it was better to turn a blind eye on the bad possibilities for now.
"Felix," I spoke, completely pulling away from Nathaniel and sat back down, "he managed to escape. Did the police say anything?"
The look on Nathaniel's face scrunched up in disgust and worry. "No, not yet. That bastard had quite the help, alright. But they're actively on the search for him."
I looked down, worry etched on my face. What if he appears in the hospital and finish what he started? Now that Adrien's weaker than ever, there was no better opportunity to do what he desired the most.
"It's not likely that he will show up soon, that Felix," Nathaniel spoke as he sat down beside me. "Now that he basically exposed himself and his intentions in front of international television, the whole world has their eyes open for his presence. It's gonna be hard to step out of his hiding zone, wherever he is."
I looked at Nathaniel and couldn't help smiling despite the heavy heart. "You can definitely read my mind, can't you?"
Nathaniel looks back at me and we lock eyes, and I instantly felt safe. He gives a soft smile. "I guess so."
"Just so you know, you're one of the very few chosen ones I allow to read my brain," I whispered as I leaned closer to him. "Because if anyone can read my mind, they'd be very scared. I sometimes calculate plans to make my desire for world domination come true, you know."
He lets out a chuckle, his fluffy red hair bouncing along with him. "Well, I feel very honored. I solemnly swear that I will not expose your strong desire for world domination to any living creature."
I squinted my eyes and nodded, "As you should. Otherwise, you'd be off with your head."
We both looked at each other for a while, then bursted into quiet laughter. It was strange, to laugh in a situation like this, but we knew we needed to lift up our spirits. Nathaniel's presence was already more than enough to make me feel comforted, and I have never felt so grateful to have met this tomato haired boy.
"So, um, how are things with Chloe?" I blurted out after a moment of silence. After a while, my face warmed up when I realized I asked the wrong question. Nathaniel lets out a sigh and smiled.
"We're fine. She's ignoring me again," he replied, a hint of sadness evident in both his voice and his eyes. "I think she feels that she's the reason why we . . . you know."
I nodded in reply, staring at the blank, white wall.
A few minutes later, a frantic Alya appeared, running towards me.
"Oh my god, Marinette, don't just disappear like that!" Alya gasped, embracing me in a tight hug as soon as she saw me.
"Sorry," I whispered as she let go of me, her brown eyes wide.
"How about Adrien? How is he?" Alya asked as she sat down and held my hand. Nathaniel's head whipped to his side to look at us, listening to our conversation.
"They said . . . they said he would possibly have a severe concussion," I replied, my mouth as dry as a desert. Alya's eyebrows furrowed and she didn't reply back, which I was thankful for, and Nathaniel's jaw clenched as he leaned on his chair and crossed his arms.
The three of us stayed there in silence, waiting for any information about Adrien's state. I couldn't bring myself to think about Felix even more, and since Nathaniel assured me about him not showing up anytime soon, he wasn't a priority now.
After a few more hours of just sitting there in silence, a man wearing a lab coat with a dark blue stethoscope resting around his shoulders came out of the emergency room, and our attention shifted to him; except for Nathaniel, though. He was once again asleep, his mouth hanging open, and his arms crossed against his chest.
"Are you companions of Adrien Agreste?" he asked, stopping in front of both Alya and I.
"Yes," I replied, my heart pounding against my ribcage.
"Is there any relative of his present here right now? I'd like it better if I were to talk to them," he said coolly, his brown eyes serious and stern.
I shook my head, and he let out a sigh. "Alright, then. Well, I will be straightforward with you."
I bit my lower lip, getting ready for the upcoming news. Whatever it was, I was sure that it was anything but good.
"The hard hit on his head may have caused TBI, or traumatic brain injury. There are different kinds of TBI, and from what we have gathered so far, it's possible that Mr. Agreste is experiencing a contusion or he may have hematoma in a certain part of his brain," he said, saying it slowly to make sure we'd understand what he's saying, "We are still investigating his current state, but this is what we have got so far, and I figured I ought to tell you."
I nodded, repeating his words over and over again in my head. Contusion. Hema . . . hema what was that again? "Thank you, doctor."
He nods, then speaks again, "We would need him to stay in here for a while. He needs all the rest he can get, and so do you. You'll be allowed to visit him by tomorrow."
We silently nodded, and the doctor turned on his heel and went back inside the emergency room. Alya stood to wake Nathaniel up, aggressively shaking his shoulders.
"What time is it?" Nathaniel asked groggily, rubbing the sleep in his eyes as he yawned. Then he quickly sat straight as soon as he saw me, his eyes wide but tired. "Oh, shoot, right. How's Adrien?"
"The doctor said Adrien might need to stay here for a while. We can't visit him until tomorrow, so I think it's time we'd come back home and rest. This day is the worst," Alya replied for me, grabbing my hand as she helped me up.
"Oh, you guys go on ahead," I said as soon as I remembered something important, waving my hand as I turned in a different direction from them. "I still have something to do."
"Like what, Mari? Out of the three of us, you're the one who deserves to rest," Alya said matter-of-factly, raising an eyebrow. "Whatever that is, you can do that tomorrow."
"No, I have to do it now," I said, shaking my head. "Please, Alya."
Alya hesitated, then slumped her shoulders in defeat, grabbing Nathanie's arm. "Alright. But I'll wait for you outside the entrance."
I was about to disagree but they already walked away, not bothering to hear what I have to say. With a sigh, I walked out of the waiting hall and turned to the direction of the hospital's private rooms.
Hands behind my back, I walked slowly across each massive room, reading the plates with names on them beside the doors, searching for a certain last name. I stopped in front of a closed door with the name "Agreste" embossed on the silver plate, then knocked a few times.
"Proceed," a voice from the inside spoke, and I almost let out a small snort by how he spoke.
I closed the door quietly as soon as I entered, and tried not to change my expression as I saw Gabriel Agreste for the first time after a few weeks. Last time, he had little to no hair on his head, but this time, there wasn't a single hair in sight. His cheekbones appeared deeper on his skin, his skin was gray, and his breathing looked shallow and slow.
"Proceed? Really?" I spoke, trying not to look as if I was in any way affected by his new appearance, knowing that he hated to receive someone else's pity. "It's the 21st Century, Mr. Agre --- Gabriel. We don't speak like that anymore."
When I was expecting a snarl, I was taken aback by a smile and a little chuckle.
"You don't have to pretend you don't pity me, Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I know you do," he said, his voice that was once smooth as butter turned into something hoarse and almost whisper-like. "What brings you here?"
He took a long, deep breath, and it looked like he had to use most of his energy for that, as his exhale was as rough as his voice, and his face scrunched a little in difficulty.
I casually sat down on the chair beside his hospital bed, silently admiring the space of the room, even though I've been here last time. "It's about Adrien."
"Ah," he said without a moment's thought, his eyes drooping down in visible disappointment. "I know. I saw."
Even though this has already happened, it still felt weird to have such a casual atmosphere around this terrifying man, and the old me wouldn't have ever thought about sitting down on a chair right next to Gabriel Agreste's hospital bed, comfortably having an easy going conversation without remorse or insults, as if we were old friends catching up.
"Um, I thought I had to tell you about his situation," I said as I nervously played with my fingers.
There was a slight pause before he said, "Alright. Go on."
I proceeded to tell him everything that the doctor had said, though Mr. Agreste was the one who corrected most of the medical terms that I mentioned.
"It's hematoma, you stupid girl," he said while I was in the middle of talking about Adrien's condition as he narrowed his eyes, but they weren't as piercing and as terrifying as they once were.
After a few incorrect medical terms later, Gabriel Agreste lets out a massive sigh and looks out his big window, his eyes softening.
"Adrien has always been too soft," Gabriel spoke as he tried to adjust his blanket. I helped him lift it up to his chest, and surprisingly, he didn't resist. "Just like his mother. He probably thought Felix had a change of heart and brought his cousin along with him, believing that he has changed."
"About that . . ."
"What Felix said was true," Gabriel says, cutting me off. He slowly turns his head to look back at me. "Adrien and Felix are brothers. However, I did not "throw him away". Amelie was infertile, and was desperate for a child. She got jealous of Emily and I and demanded that we give her one of our sons. I didn't want to, but Emily . . . she did not like seeing her sister suffer without a child."
He paused to take a few breaths as he closed his eyes, as if talking was already such a big and tiring exercise. "And so we gave her Felix. We were not aware of those certain chemical imbalances in the child's brain, but Amelie eventually found out, and accused us of giving her the "defected" one. After that, she has never spoken to us out of anger, and . . . apparently, she shared her hatred towards us with her adopted son."
"I shouldn't know about this." I hastily replied, shaking my head. "This is family matter."
Gabriel shrugged and took another deep breath with difficulty. "Well, there's no one I can really talk to around here anymore. My son despises me, his brother is somewhere out there with no plans of showing up, and my wife is not exactly available for a casual conversation --- or any conversation. I suppose I am just deprived of company," he says, pausing as he coughed. "Forgive me for talking too much."
Not knowing what to say, I looked down and played with my fingers. "It's okay."
Seriously, Marinette? This is a dying man who just needs someone who talk to and sincerely apologized for sharing a bit of super personal family stuff to you, and you say, "it's okay"?
"Before I forget, Marinette, open the drawer on this table next to me," Gabriel finally spoke, and since I badly wanted to end the awkwardness, I immediately stood up and walked quite quickly to the bedside table and opened the drawer. It was empty except for the leather-bound notebook lying inside.
I paused for a moment, then took the notebook and tried to give it to Gabriel Agreste, but he placed a hand between us.
"That is not for me. It is for you."
I blinked, holding the notebook to my chest in shock.
Gabriel Agreste, giving me a gift? Are pigs finally flying?
"U-uh, thanks, I guess, sir?"
I badly wanted to slam myself on the wall behind me and never talk to anyone ever again. "I guess"? Seriously?
"Don't be silly, it's not a gift," Gabriel Agreste scoffed. I looked at the notebook once more and scanned it.
My feet went cold when I noticed the name embroidered in perfect cursive at the bottom right of the notebook.
Adrien Agreste.
"What's this?" I asked, suddenly feeling the urge to throw it away. This was Adrien's.
"It's Adrien's journal. I am lending it to you because I think you will find all the answers you need there," Gabriel said casually, as if he weren't giving me a piece of completely confidential information about Adrien's private life.
"Um," I began, trying to look for the right words to say. "I'm not sure if this is ---"
"---that is my dying wish, Dupain-Cheng."
TO READ ADRIEN'S DIARY?!
"You already know our family's situation. Reading that diary will be like scanning a book you've read over and over again."
"Gabriel . . . sir . . . Mr. Agreste," I stammered, fighting the urge to throw the notebook out of the window and run for my life. "this notebook involves Adrien's personal feelings. I don't think he intended to let someone else read it."
Then, Gabriel suddenly coughed rather loudly. He didn't stop coughing until a few seconds later, with his blood splattered on his hands. "Ah, look, I'm dying," he casually said, showing me his palm, which earned a huge gasp from me. "It is a little heartless for you to refuse a simple request of a dying man, don't you think?"
I gripped on the notebook and bit my lower lip. What is he doing?
"Well," he sighs and shifts his position so that his whole body was facing the ceiling, "I suppose I will die without feeling contented. Just one, small, request, and you cannot do it? It truly breaks my heart, Dupain-Cheng. Truly."
"Alright, alright! I'll take it," I flailed my arms in frustration and guilt. "I'll read it. Geez."
Am I really heartless for refusing? But if this is for Gabriel Agreste's benefit, it definitely won't be Adrien's. Ugghhhh, I can't believe I'm giving in to Gabriel Agreste's request.
"Good," Gabriel Agreste said, and suddenly, he did not look as tired and as dull as he suddenly acted out to be. Though he still coughed up blood, he hid it with a surprising smile. "You will thank me later. Now, leave."
"Excuse me?" I scoffed, placing a hand on my chest in disbelief.
"You are not deaf, surely you heard me well and clear?" Gabriel Agreste raised an eyebrow and pointed at the door. "Leave my room, and take the journal with you."
"Rude!" I blurted out, but I followed what he did anyway. Before I could close the door, Gabriel Agreste called for me once more.
"Oh, Marinette, girl," he spoke, and I turned my head to the side to look at him. There was a slight pause as he opened and closed his mouth, his eyes searching for the words he wanted to say. He opens his mouth once more, "I know . . . that I have been a terrible man. And I know nothing can make you completely forgive me. And I ---"
"Are you apologizing, Mr. Agreste?"
He scowled, but I replied with a smile. "What do you think?" he spoke through gritted teeth..
I shrugged and gestured for him to continue, clutching the notebook in my hand.
He takes one deep breath, then looked straight into my eyes. "I . . . am sorry. And I do not wish for you to forgive me because I'm dying; I want you to forgive me when you are ready. Though . . . I don't think I'm worthy of any forgiveness."
At this moment, while holding Adrien Agreste's sacred diary that he basically blackmailed me to take, I realized that maybe Gabriel Agreste does have a heart . . . it's just really, really small. But it's there.
With one last look, I closed the door and let out an exhale. I looked down at the leather bounded notebook and decided to just read it now, since at the apartment I wouldn't have any opportunity to be alone with the diary. I can't really resist Alya, and it already felt such a violation to read Adrien's diary by myself, let alone with someone else.
I sat down the nearest chair and texted Alya to go home without me. I got comfortable in my seat as I traced the embroidered name across the cover. Looking around, I realized that just like awhile ago, I was completely alone in the hall, which was good.
I opened the diary and, with a deep breath, began to read the first page.
25th of December, 20xx
Hello, this is Adrien Agreste. It feels kinda weird to introduce myself to a notebook, but father says I can do whatever I want with this. So I decided to just turn this into a diary. Or a journal. Whatever it's called. Anyway, Merry Christmas, and welcome to my life.