Song of the Chapter: Stars by Grace Potter & The Nocturnals
Stella's POV
Just shut your eyes Stella. Its not that hard. Ok 1..2...3.. sleep.... Nope not happening.
Too many things are on my mind to sleep. Too many emotions are flooding and disecting my brain. I creep out of the living room and I walk out of the front door and walk down the street. I hear an occasional yell or laugh from a party every now and then, but other than that, the world is still. I find a playground in the townhouse complex and I climb to the very top and lay and look at the clear night sky. Josh told me that he always found me outside at night, and I guess its true because I always am. The vast eternity of the stars stretching across the sky above me makes me feel alone, but yet it also has comforted me. Knowing that there is so much out there to discover.
I can feel the muscles in my face begin to strain as I try to hold back the frown attempting to sweep across my face. No I can't cry. I have to be strong. I cover my face with my palms and take a deep, shakey breath, then I feel my phone buzz.
Josh: Stella, I don't know where you are, but please just tell me you are okay
Me: I'm okay...
Josh: Where are you
I don't reply, but I let the tears flood my eyes. I knew this would happen. I knew he would call or text me or something and all the emotions I feel for him would be forced back into my heart. I want to go back, no you don't. I think I love him, Love is a joke. I am at a constant battle between my heart and my brain, and I don't know which one to listen to.
"it's a good place to think, isn't it?" I jump as I look down to see who it is that walked up on me.
Nolan.
"Fuck you scared me." I say and wipe the tears from my eyes, trying to make it seem like I wasn't crying, "Why aren't you asleep?"
"Well, there is a stranger sleeping in my house, and I still don't know if you're some kind of muderer or rapist yet, so I figured sleep wasn't a safe idea tonight." he says laughing as he climbs up the playground and sits beside me.
"well I can promise you i'm none of that." I smile slightly. "but isn't it like 3 am?"
"Yeah, well you're out here too, aren't you? I actually come here a lot. But only when I'm upset.. Are you okay?"
"I'd be lying if I told you yes, and a lie is never a good first impression." I look back up at the stars.
He sighs, "Did you know that there are more stars in the sky than there is grains of sand on the Earth?" he babbles out.
I laugh, "what the hell.." I laugh again, "but to answer your question, no I did not know that." I look over at him.
"Sorry, I ramble when I'm nervous."
"You're a good kid aren't you?" I squint my eyes.
"I guess you could say that. I guess I never got to be a normal teenager." he says and looks into my eyes.
I look away, "Why's that?"
"I've always taken care of my mom. Whenever Avery's dad walked out on us, I had to step into the 'man of the house' position. Parties and shit never were a priority, much less a thought for me."
I nod my head, "I can't say I understand because I obviously don't, but that sucks."
"Not really. Nothing in the world means more to me than my mom and my sister. But enough about me, what's your story?" he lays on his back and gazes at the sky. I do the same.
"It's long and depressing." I sigh.
"Well then give me the short version." he laughs.
i take a deep breath, "Orphan since birth, turned 18, ran away. Thats the shortest version I know, and I'll spare you the details for your own good."
"Oh wow. I'm not so sure I want to know the long version." he says.
"You don't. Trust me.."
"You know, you're actually pretty cool." he says.
I laugh, "you're pretty cool too I guess."
There is an awkward silence and he sighs and then stands up.
"We should probably get back, Its getting late... or early, or whatever." he says, climbing off the playground.
I nod and hop down and we start to walk back.
"So where ya from?" he asks.
"New York actually. I was living in LA for a few days before I came here."
"Who were you living with in LA?"
"Ah, that is one of the small details that I decided not to say before."
He nods his head, "Okay, understood."
We get back into the house and I get back situated on the pull out bed. I rub my eyes which are stinging from lack of sleep and from crying.
"Oh and Stella, Happy New Year." he smiles at me.
"Yeah, same to you!" i smile back and roll over on the pul out bed and attempt to close my eyes as I hear his door shut.
Right. Happy fucking New Year.
Josh's POV
"Josh, snap out of it man." Andre snaps his fingers in front of my face. I shake my head. "Dude you have been in this trance since New Years. That was almost a week ago, what is going on?"
I shake my head, "its nothing. Just exhausted." I rest my head in my palms with my elbows on the table in front of me.
"Hmm, and who the hell is this girl?" he slams a magazine in front of me and I see the picture on the front cover along with the headline, Hunger Games star Josh Hutcherson spotted with Mystery Girl.
My jaw drops. The picture is of Stella and I at the airport almost two weeks ago, hand in hand. What took them so long to publish this? Usually pictures of me get out the day they are taken. "Oh dear God." I mumble.
"What who is she? Did you meet her in New York?" he asks.
I nod my head slowly, "Well where is she now?" he questions, flipping through the magazine. I just shrug my shoulders.
"I met her when I was in Kentucky for the Thanksgiving game. She is why I went to New York in the first place. Her name is Stella. Stella Foster. She was an orphan and she ran away and stayed with me for a few weeks. She went to Kentucky with me for Christmas and my family loved her. Then we moved back here and well things got bad. We had a huge fight and now I don't know where she is." I sigh heavily.
"wow man, thats tough." he looks at me with sympathetic eyes.
"Yeah, and the thing is, I was falling in love with her. And she thought love wasn't real, but she wrote me a letter before she left saying she might have been falling for me too. She had so many insecurities and walls built up that I was trying so hard to help fix, but she thought she was nothing but a burden to me, but she wasn't. and I only wish I could tell her that."
"well don't lose hope." he says, "But I gotta run. I have a meeting, but I'll see you soon."
"yeah see ya soon." I wave him off. I have got to get out of the house.. My agent called me this morning saying I had a TV interview at 4. Thank God I have something to do.
Stella's POV
I have been living with Corie for almost a week now, and i am doing quite well. Well, not really. I have been job searching, trying to get my mind off of Josh, and it isn't working. When I was finally introduced to Avery, we instantly clicked. She reminded me a lot of Bea, which was hard to deal with the first day, but I am used to it now.
"Morning Stella!" I walk out of the room that Corie gave to me and into the kitchen.
"Goodmorning," I sit down on the couch next to Avery and she climbs into my lap. Nolan turns on the TV and it is on Ellen. She is interviewing Rebel Wilson, and we are all cracking up! Until I hear the next words.
"Aw well thank you Rebel, It was a pleasure. Next we have Hunger Games star and teenage heart throb, Josh Hutcherson! We'll be right back."
The TV flips to a commercial and my eyes feel like they are about to bulge out of my head. This can't be happening. I finally snap back into it when I hear the crowd applaud on the TV.
Josh comes out walking in a black suit and a white shirt. Looking oh so fine. Until they pull a close up on his face, his eyes are droopy and he has slight bags under them. I can feel my heart drop.
Ellen makes small talk with him about his movies but then asks him a certain question, "So who is this mystery girl?" My face shows up clearly on the screen behind them and his expression softens. Corie and Nolan both look at me.
"Hey Thats you Stella!!" Avery yells. I stay quiet and I feel the corners of my mouth turn downwards into a frown. I looked so happy with him, and I was. I was so happy.
Josh takes a deep breath, "Well, Her name is Stella. Now you all can put a name with the face!" he laughs a little. He is such a people person, "and Ellen, I can honestly tell you that she was one of the greatest people I had ever met."
"And are you two together?" she asks, "Because I'm sure we are all wondering! Right everyone?" the crowd cheers.
"No, but I wish more than anything in the world that we were." he twiddles with his thumbs. and the corwd 'awwwwwws'
My vision is becoming blurry but I blink away the tears. The room is silent as I watch the TV. I don't want to watch anymore. I get up and make a run for the bathroom. I can feel the churning in my stomach and when I make it to the bathroom, I throw up. I sit over the toilet and breathe quickly. and I start to cry. The panic rushes over me and I start hyperventalating. I can feel my chest begin to get tight. This is the first panic attack I have had since I have been here in San Diego.
I shut my eyes and take deep breaths attempting to control the panic. I grasp my chest with my hand and lean my head against the rim of the bathtub.
"Stella, are you alright?" I hear Corie's voice outside the bathroom, and then she comes in and shuts the door behind her. I flush the toilet and stand up and she wraps me in her arms.
"I miss him so much." I whisper.
"I know sweetie, I know." she whispers back, squeezing me tightly. She doesn't know truthfully, but her words comfort me. and I know I need to explain myself to her now. So I set them all down and I tell them everything. I lay it all down on the table.
It takes them a minute to register it all, like the fact that I was living with a celebrity then ran away from him, which they will never understand that part of it, no one will. Even I don't. But soon enough they will be okay with that and be used to it, and thats all they need to do. They aren't required to understand my reasoning, especially if I don't quite understand it myself.
I am lost in my own mind, lost in the world, lost without Josh. But sometimes, one must be lost in order to find themself.
Josh's POV
After the interview, I sit in my car for a minute and think about it. I wonder if Stella saw it. I hope she did. I want her to know how I feel too. She let me know, but she never gave me the chance to tell her back. I rest my forhead on the steering wheel.
I miss everything about her. Her laugh, her smile, her voice. Just everything. She stays on my mind all the time and I don't see that changing until the day I see her again.
But today I have realized something.. That if you really love someone, you must learn to wait. Maybe we are not meant to be together now, but we are meant to be together in the future. and right now, that is my plan. To wait out this storm so I can have the sun after.
You can love someone as much as you want, but now I see that you can never love someone as much as you can miss them, and I miss Stella a whole hell of a lot. It's going to be really hard to forget someone who gave me so much to remember..