Hiraeth (noun)
A feeling of homesickness for a home you can never return to.
♡♡
Mumbai – the city of dreams.
It witnesses thousands of dreams coming to life and millions of shattering every single day. It wakes up to newfound determination and sleeps with broken hopes, sad smiles, and tearing eyes. It's termed 'Maya nagri' the City of illusions that attracts the moth to the flame. The insect knows it'll burn if it goes any closer but the mirage of fire and its colors mesmerize it. It doesn't think rationally about the end but about living the moment, it may bring it to death but the joy of life overpowers it.
"Madame"
Mahira flinches back to the present as the impatient taxi driver blares his horn again and not so subtly gives her the look to get out of his way.
"Sorry," She murmured and stepped back from the road to the extreme side.
Mahira checks her GPS navigation and sees the red location close by. Her eyes searched for the hostel name she was walking to. A few more steps inside a narrow lane, she reads the board for the Women's Hostel she called earlier in the day.
Pragati Women Hostel
Stepping inside the old metal gates, she took in the old multi-story building. The paint was scrapped and old wooden doors and windows hardly closed because of being tortured by rain for many years. Not thinking more about the living conditions, she walked towards the desk situated at the first corner of the passageway.
She felt eyes following her and she clutched her luggage firmly, she shuffled on her feet standing in front of the woman who looked like a caretaker of the place. Clearing her throat for the middle-aged lady to look up. "G-good evening."
"Yes." The lady answered distractedly, her eyes hooked on her phone screen as she watched a Marathi drama. When she failed to hear a response, she looked up and raised her brow.
Mahira licked her dry lips, bringing in her courage after the day's fatigue. "I am M...Mahira Bose. I called this afternoon to enquire about accommodation."
A flicker of recognition passed her features and she nodded with her eyes narrowing to her bag. "How much do you earn?"
"I-I am looking for a job." She confessed biting on her lower lip. "B-but I will pay you. Trust me on this."
"Ahaan! I need the rent on the 3rd of every month or be ready to pay Rs. 500 fine for each successive day." The woman snorted mirthfully. "Washrooms will be common for the entire floor. What room do you need, single, double, or triple seater?"
"Double will do." She nodded telling her preference.
"Rs. 8000 per month. Mess included." She rattled the details.
"Okay." Mahira gulped giving in fervently. The price bite into her skin but the desperation got the best out of her.
"Wait for 10 minutes," The lady said and walked towards the room that looked like an office. She could see her shuffled through her overfilled drawer cabinet, searching for some bunch of empty forms.
"The rate she is charging is higher than what the others offer." A girl chipped standing at a distance, throwing an irked glare towards the office. "Why don't you research more on this place?"
"I am new here." Mahira looked up to a girl with what she could pull up as a friendly smile earning her an inquisitive look.
"Nice! She will be leeching off you more then."
She averted her eyes to another one who looked down at her, her face contorting in disgust eyeing her worn-out bag. Her eyes lingered on Mahira's face for more than 10 seconds before returning to her phone screen.
The girls shuffled away as soon as the lady returned, shooting dirty looks towards them. She stashed a punch in her hands arranging the leaflets.
"नई लड़की हैं कया वीना ?" (Is she new here Veena ?)
Veena scoffed at the words occupying the wooden chair that sunken at her weight.
"She is new." The girl concluded and gave the caretaker a sickly sweet smile back. Mahira witnessed the exchange but quickly shielded her curiosity to look back towards the lady who dumped a bunch of papers and a pen on the desk harshly.
"Fill this. I need your ID proof and Rs. 16000 security deposit. It will be the rent for your first month." She instructed irritated and glared at the black-haired girl who just stepped inside the threshold. "बन गई सिंगर तुम आशा भोसले की औलाद ?" (Did you become the singer, You, daughter of Asha Bhosle ?)
"बन जाऊंगी एक दिन, मैरी प्यारी वीना दीदी" (I'll become one day, My dear Veena Didi.)
The girl winked walking inside. She looked at Mahira before passing her a smile. The lady willed her eyes, turning to Mahira who quickly finished her form, and handed it back.
Veena checked the form and then looked up at Mahira who stood wordlessly.
"I-I don't have that much cash. I have Rs. 5000 right now. I will pay you the rest by tomorrow please?" Mahira confided, fearing the lady would kick her out before she would have a place to spend the night.
"Early morning before 10 AM. The ATM is two streets down the road." Veena shot her nerve-wracking stare and stiffly agreed before writing down the room number.
"Lizard." The girl grumbled hearing them, inaudible for others but Mahira heard. Her nerves were at an all-time high and little sounds were making her jumpy.
"The breakfast timing is 7 AM in the morning. There is a spare kitchen, cook if you may. Yours will be room no. 24. Second floor."
Mahira nodded at the instructions.
"Did you just say 24?" The girl retracted her steps at once hearing them.
"Kaam to kuch hota nahi, baatien sunwa lo bas." (You are of no use but eavesdropping.) Veena scowled harshly.
Mahira nodded at her and the girl beamed mischievously.
"Finally! I will have a roommate." She announced at the top of her voice gathering the attention of all the eyes present in the eating area that was at the end of this passage separated by another wooden door that could fall off its hinges any moment now.
"Chup. Jaao yahan se. Sir dukha diya hai mera." (Shut up. Get lost from here. You are giving me a headache.) Veena reprimanded.
"Yahan rehna bhi kisko hain. Come on, Roomie." (Who even wants to live here.) She snorted and took hold of Mahira's arm, dragging her away from the table and towards the stairs.
"My things." Mahira gasped, wiggling out of her hold.
"Sorry." She grimaced and abruptly took hold of her bag. Dumping the keys and a copy of the payment receipt in her hands, she frisked her towards the stairs and then the hallway towards the rooms. She, who was yet to introduce herself, carried her luggage as if it weighed nothing.
Not that she had a lot of time to pack. Unlocking the brown door, she stepped aside for Mahira to see the room she'd be living in.
"Welcome to the heaven." She giggled making a dramatic hand gesture for her to enter.
Mahira felt some warmth reaching her frozen insides at the gesture. She stepped inside to see the place she wished would provide her a roof, something she would be able to call hers for a while.
The room was a mess.
The first observation Mahira made was of piles of laundry, upside clothes, sheets of paper, and wrappers of packed food scattered on the floor.
"T-thank you?" She glanced at the girl who looked slightly ashamed but her joy in her new roommate was enough to cover it.
"Sorry. I have been busy all week to clean up the place. Not that I knew I would be blessed by a roommate today. You know I have been living here for 2 years and the last girl I shared the room with left running for the hills after Veena charged her with a fine of Rs. 20,000 after she broke the door lock. From then, there were no new entries so I have had the space for me the entire while, not that I am against sharing it. " She chatted while picking the wrappers and dumped them inside the bin, filling it to the brim. "What's your name? I never asked." She asked while picking up her bundles of clothes and dumping them in her cupboard which fell open, throwing all her clothes on the floor.
Mahira bit her lower lip to stop the chuckle at her expression which resembled a child who dropped her untouched ice cream, too close to crying. She covered the distance and crouched down to pick up her things and the girl followed her actions grimacing the whole time.
"M-mahira. My name." She said to her who looked a little confused but quickly joined the dots. Each time she told her name, a flicker of fear settled deep within her bones.
"Mahi. I'll call you Mahi." She announced.
Mahira smiled at her victorious grin, nodding in agreement.
"I'm Neharika. But never call me that" She warned her, adding "My family is obsessed with these long-ass names. You'll call me Neha or Nia. Whatever you like but do not call me Neharika. I haven't told this name at my workplace you know. The name sounds so old-fashioned. Did you decide what you will be calling me then?"
"Neha?" Mahira asked hesitantly.
"I knew I would like you." She quickly grinned. Mahira placed her undone clothes on the bed at the right side which had bed covers, assuming it to be hers.
The left side of the room was blank, with dull-painted walls, an empty cupboard, and a wooden table placed in the deserted corner.
"I'm not this desk job person so I shifted it to have more space. You can use it if you like. I can help you set up the room any way you want. That Buffalo will be coming anytime with a mattress for you. Don't mind what she says. She has a habit of not minding her own business."
Mahira nodded as she finished and Neha grinned in response. Opening her bag she started carrying her clothes to the cupboard she cleaned the shelves using a spare newspaper and set one at the base. She didn't have a lot of things but 5 pairs of clothes, and she wasn't sure if they were placed with the right set. She lifted the desk from the side and placed it near the window to let her have some walking space between the cupboard and bed. She was halfway arranging the chair when there was a knock on their door.
Neha answered not before rolling her eyes and took the mattress from Veena who eyed the mess on Neha's bed with disgust, earning a sarcastic smile from Neha.
"Do you have a bedsheet?" Neha asked placing the mattress down.
Mahira shook her head slowly. "I-I packed...in a hurry."
"No problem." She chimed and threw a folded sheet and spare pillow towards her. "Use this. Tomorrow morning I will steal two more pillows from the storage above. That woman would never climb up to count her supplies anyway."
Mahira almost smiled at her wink and spread the sheet on her bed, neatly tucking the corners of the bedsheet, and placed the pillow. She glanced at Neha who was frowning down at her pile of clothes, now folded.
"Just how many clothes do I have?" She picked up a black T-shirt in her hand narrowing her eyes at it "And why don't I wear this? When did I even buy this ?" She groaned before folding it too and keeping them back.
"You done?" Neha asked in naked surprise seeing her things arranged and the newly made bed.
Mahira nodded.
"Your neck doesn't hurt? You keep nodding, give some rest to your poor joint, and use words. You know your tongue will get rusted if not regularly used" Neha said using her hands.
Mahira rubbed her left temple embarrassedly before saying, "Yes, All done"
"See, you can speak" Neha chuckled and Mahira smiled, what she had practiced on her way hear.
Neha glanced at the black wall clock and pulled Mahira out to show her the common bathrooms at the other end of the floor and back towards the balcony which was adjacent to their room. She told her about other rules that Veena – the caretaker/manager of the hostel had set up. The most important being 'No entry in Hostel after 8 pm'.
Neha then took her to the dining area, They filled their plates with food and walked towards the window table which was the most difficult one to get according to her.
"It is me who's speaking for the last hour" Neha took a bite of her chapati "Tell me about you, Mahi."
Mahira pursed her lips, taking a bite of her food and munching it slowly to buy time for answering.
"What do you want to know ?" She asked instead and Neha who was busy munching took a sip of water.
"Basics." She shrugged "Where do you live? What do you do? Do you have a job here?"
"I have to look for one," Mahira admitted, trying to skip her first question. "I passed my CA final 2 months back but couldn't continue my job back home"
"Brainy" Neha commented impressed and Mahira ducked her head down. "You'll get jobs for sure. This is Mumbai, Mahi, The financial capital of India."
"Hopefully," Mahira said quietly.
Once they were done with dinner Neha cracked conversations and Mahira gave her words or two here and there. They both came back to their rooms with the day's newspaper which Neharika practically stole from Veena's desk.
Mahira circled down the jobs of all sorts. Teacher, Accountant, Receptionist even. She needed money to survive in this city and a few thousand in her bank would take her nowhere. She had yet to pay her rent here.
Her eyes lingered on her right-hand ring finger, she touched the purple bruise and cringed at the memory which came running back to her. She glanced at her handbag and thought about the thin gold band she had, her mother's ring.
She dreaded the scenario of what-ifs. She didn't want to think about them. She looked at the other side of the room where Neha was already in her dreamland. The day's exhaustion was coming to Mahira but her eyes refused to close and her mind kept thinking.
She looked around the room, now dark with only a tiny yellow bulb at her side. This is where she'll be living, not her room back there. This room is as cold as that one. Though the old one was better furnished it felt no-less than a cage.
Here, she might not get small luxuries but it was enough. Enough for a shell of a person, she was left. She was here to live when there she was used to dying a little every day.
Here, she was hoping to make herself back piece by piece. She was a broken vase that could be fixed back with glue, but it'll never regain its lost glory. She may fix herself but the ugly cracks will never vanish. They'll be present to remind her of her life back there.
In this city, there was no one who knew Mahira Bose. She had a chance to make her new identity and she willed to work her way with it. Pushing away from the shackles of her past, she wished to breathe freely, as much as she could with stabbed lungs.
Bundling the newspaper, she placed her diary and pen on the desk. She lay down on her bed with her lights on. Sleeping in darkness would eventually lead her to no sleep at all. Not wanting to think more, she closed her eyes forcefully.
"You little..."
"Mishti"
She jolted awake, sweat covering her face and neck, She gulped down to ease her parched throat. Her breathing was erratic, she wiped her forehead with the back of her shaky palms. She checked her phone for the time. There was still an hour for sunrise.
Knowing that she won't go back to sleep, she got up and made her bed. Her light pink kurta stuck to her skin, wet from sweat. She decided to take a shower.
She took her bag of toiletries and walked towards the bathrooms Neha showed her yesterday night. She latched the door open and saw no one inside. It was quite early to wake up.
Once showered, she stepped out and saw a few girls entering the stalls. She greeted them with a hesitant curve and walked back to her room. She applied some moisturizer to her pale skin and brushed her hair without glancing in the mirror.
She didn't like seeing herself in the mirror. Her dull brown eyes made her feel uneasy, the dark eyebags taunted her to be weak, and broken, and her forced attempt to hold her whimpering lips clenched her heart.
She braided her semi-dry hair and applied lip gloss. Once fully ready she glanced at Neha who stirred in her sleep, lazily she sat up a little and blinked seeing Mahira, her sleepy eyes taking in her form.
"Good morning." Mahira wished and Neha returned it with a yawn. "I have to go, I looked for some job advertisements last night."
"All the best." Neha nodded at the information. She wished her luck and Mahira murmured a thank you. Breakfast was a quick affair with a plate of kandha poha and tea, which was horrible to state.
She met the manager who was partially awake and listened to the same rules Neha narrated to her yesterday, Her's was a fun version but Veena sounded like a robot reading out an instruction manual. With a heavy heart, Mahira paid the amount for the room with cash, she collected her receipts and bid her gratitude. That was the last amount of cash she carried.
It was 8 AM but the people were already on the roads rushing to their jobs or destinations. She checked the address for the accountant's job and walked to the metro station, She read the board for the train chart but the crowd made her nervous. As soon as the train for Vashi arrived, a flood of people dashed to board the train.
Being in the crowd was not new for Mahira so she easily mingled between them. Pushing her way inside the train, she tuned out the cussing and yells of her fellow passengers. She clutched the pipe waiting for the train to reach her station.
The same scene replayed at Vashi Station, this time she was part of the crowd that had to find its way to get down. She was thankful that the Mumbai Local had coaches segregated according to gender or she would have never survived with male touches, be it unintentional too.
She again followed people to find her way to exit. Now the task was to look for the exact address. She turned on the GPS navigation and saw it was 25 minutes by walking and 15 minutes by driving but one can never be sure of traffic in Mumbai. She still had more than a half-hour to reach the place.
She reached the building that was hard to find seeing the congested place but nonetheless, she did. Clutching her ring finger, she sought strength from the thin band.
With a newfound determination, she walked inside the building.
After walking on the streets of Mumbai for hours, her feet were sore, so her shoulder from carrying the weight of her handbag. She was grateful that her hair was tied up and her kurta was light and soft. The heat of Mumbai was making her yearn for an ice-cold shower.
She has already been to all the interviews and has submitted her CV for potential jobs. Having good articleship training might prove to be an advantage for her. She was near her hostel, it was some 15 minutes from here but her legs needed rest, and so did her parched throat.
She glanced around her the street, her lips curved in surprise as she took in the scenic view of Versova Beach. She had missed this detail yesterday in a rush to find a place yesterday and this morning to reach the station. The sea was bordered by huge rocks to protect the small village at the other end. There was a minimal crowd of local fishermen near the shore busy in their work. She walked a little more and came to a hatched roof café, the glass doors as the entrance to a small sitting place.
Feeling the need for a drink, she walked inside. The bell announced her arrival and an old lady looked up from the heap of receipts.
Mahira searched the menu overhead and decided on her order. With a smile the lady noted her order and took the Rs. 500 bills from Mahira, giving her the change.
"You gave me an extra 100." Mahira retracted her steps back to the counter and the lady gasped.
"Oh, dear. Thank you" She took the extra money back and Mahira smiled walking to a table in the corner. Her eyes drifted back to the lady who shuffled between papers and Mahira averted her eyes as soon as she looked up.
She glanced around taking in the interior which spoke of simplicity and rustic ambience. Her eyes shifted to the server who brought her order.
She murmured a "Thank you."
Once done, she took her bag and started towards the door when the lady groaned and Mahira instinctively stopped, she walked towards her to check if there was anything wrong.
"You okay?" She asked and the lady looked up in surprise.
"I'm fine. It's just," She paused looking at the register and different receipts. "These numbers are not my forte. My daughter used to do this. Now that she's married and busy, I have to cover this. Working the numbers for a business is not easy."
Mahira licked her lip, wanting to help but hesitating. "May I?"
"Yes? You were saying something." The lady looked up, her eyes were warm and welcoming.
"I can help," She said in a small voice.
Her eyes glimmered in surprise "You can?"
Mahira nodded "I'm a..." Charted accountant "....from commerce background. I've worked as an accountant before for small businesses." She waited to catch her reaction. "I can help you if you wish."
The lady pursed her lips in thinking, she seemed to be honest and she needed help "Where do you work right now?"
"I'm not. I am looking for a job around." Mahira stuttered.
"You're from Mumbai?"
Mahira shook her head "I came here yesterday. I can give you my CV if you wish to check."
She didn't want to give so many details to a stranger but she did.
"Okay then. Work for me as an accountant. I can hire you part-time. We can discuss the salary too" The lady happily announced and Mahira's eyes widened.
"You want to hire me?" she asked unsurely and the lady nodded with a small smile.
"Why not? How about you give me your CV and I have a look at it?"
"Sure" Mahira muttered and fished a copy from her file, her hand froze in mid-air as her eyes widened a bit remembering her qualification.
The lady took the document from Mahira who clutched her eyes shut and her fingers crossed at her back.
"Impressive! You are hired."
The first glimpse of Mahira.
What do you think? Do tell me your views.