THE MUSIC WAS ALREADY BLARING,
Lucy's own heart was drumming by its influence. She could almost already see the bright, flashing lights all over the common room, how they made it even more red than what it already was. Could already smell the smoke, the drinks, the closeness of people. It was her scene, it was her scene, it was her scene.
But her feet remained glued to the same spot on the ground, where the air was still clear, the castle softly lit, and she was still alone. It almost felt like the more appealing option. But she should be happy– she was. She was grateful that Melody (because it always had to be her) had taken the time to plan such an impromptu party to celebrate their team. She was grateful Madam Pomfrey knew exactly what to do to let her out in a jiffy (she probably did know what they were planning). But it sure did seem like an exhausting day to be herself.
"Feeling well, Lucy?" Strangely, she was not tired for Edward's presence. He had a surprisingly mellow quality to him.
"Just reloading the batteries." She shrugged, for lack of a better way to express I'm trying to decide how I'm going to act.
Edward didn't question her when she didn't want to. She appreciated that about him. "Congratulations for today. Your whole team." He nodded, "I don't suppose you're injured anymore?"
"Thank you." She smiled with closed lips, grabbing the snitch from her pocket to take another look at it. It was rather pretty, meticulously pretty, when it wasn't zooming away, "No. It was nothing critical. And Poppy works wonders," She explained, "Good to go in, then?"
"Of course. After you."
Swarmed. A hazy, blurry swarm. She was used to greeting people, but this was truly something else. She had barely glanced at one person before the other was already congratulating her, shaking her hand, pulling her into a tight hug, she even felt a cople kisses on her cheek, which honestly may have ben a bit much. Was that how celebrities felt like every day?
"Lucy! Where were you in the changing rooms? We missed you so– ouch!" Hector Holland was interrupted by Aurora classily flicking him on the head. "We did miss her! Not like that– I mean, a bit like that, ouch! Blanc!"
"Oh, you just keep calling for such measures, is all," Aurora said politely, quickly disappearing into the crowd once again.
"It's a joke! But I'll bet you did miss James, didn't you? Missed the exclusive view?"
"Hector, I've no idea what you're talking about," Lucy said, smiling lopsidedly, "Sounds like you liked the view, though. Interesting." She winked, clapping his shoulder.
What was it about her and James? In terms of dodging the subject, Lucy considered herself exceptional. There was nothing she wanted to speak of, and nothing existent to speak of. She was used to the question, and all its colourful variants and side effects— the dirty looks, the knowing ones, the invasive nature. But it was so painfully obvious there was nothing more. They worked because they didn't cross that line.
'We would absolutely kill each other', Lucy chuckled at her own thought.
"My Queen! She's here!" Lucy grinned at the familiar voice. Sure, it was a bit overboard of Fred to stand on top of a table to announce it, but it was the sentiment that counted.
With a helping hand from him, Lucy stepped onto the table, as well. Faces were a bit clearer from that height. Lively, intrigued faces, that did not just belong to Gryffindors. Somehow, they felt far away from her. Like they were staring at her through a looking glass, trapped in the other end. Maybe it was her who was trapped.
"It's the start of a new, glorious era for the team, I am calling it now!" He declared, passing her one of the infamous red cups, as he raised his own. "James, mate, any words?"
Standing by the front of the crowd, James flashed an easy grin that only he could muster, "Well, well, we know who's pulling everyone together, right?" A hard thing to tell, especially over the loud cheering and laughing, but his speech had begun to slur slightly, "But, really, it's such an easy calculation. I've got the best bunch. They might be a wee late, lookin' a bit like shite, but they're the best. Here's to us."
"Us." Lucy echoed, immediately breaking eye contact she didn't realise she was making, taking a long, bold sip of the burning, cinnamon tasting Firewhisky, before clinging her cup with Fred's. Us. Such a little word for such a big meaning.
"Will you come off now? I didn't even give you your winner's hug." James held his hand up, brushing past the crowd.
"Actually, Prongs, you have, but cheers for the hand," Said Fred distractedly, accepting his hand to climb off the table.
"Did you eat clown for breakfast?" James sent him an incredulous look, which Fred answered with a very unusually innocent shrug.
Lucy had already managed to light up a cigarette. If she was already there, better to go all the way. Even the worse things. "Endearing." She pointed out, with a simple jump to the ground, a few drops of her cup spilling.
"Curse Dumbledore, you're back with that again?" Fred protested, swatting away the smoke, before excusing himself (most likely to see if Aurora wanted to drown him in compliments).
Drinking whisky as though it was fresh water, Lucy took one good look at James, his hair spiking up messier than usual, dark brown eyes alight with affection– when had he ever grown so much? She had the brief impression she was looking at someone else, not James. Not James Sirius Potter, who tried to eat his feet while his mother wasn't watching, who threw mud at her and laughed because 'you look uglier than Loch Ness monster!' This... whoever this was in front of her... he made her feel. Was it a rush of energy or a rush of blood throughout her body? Never mind that, she did not like it. She didn't like it one bit.
"What?" He asked, sounding somewhere between amused and sincerely confused.
"Goddamit," Lucy muttered, attempting to rub her temples, "You're so handsome."
"I am?" James cocked an eyebrow, not bothering to bite back a grin, "Didn't know you felt that way, Stewart." He ran one of his hands through his hair, as if it needed to be even messier.
"It's more of a complaint, Potter." Lucy corrected, "And there's no feel." She downed the rest of her drink, throat immediately burning afterwards. "I need to get more of this."
"I'll go get it!"
"Oh, please, I can—"
"We won thanks to you, c'mon!" He insisted, taking her cup from her hands.
She was going to let him that time, she'd stopped forcing about, just in time for Mia to basically skip to them, placing herself right in the middle. "James! Bless Rowena you're here, we need to–" She made some sort of beak shape with her hand, moving it about, "–talk."
"Right now?" Asked James. It was almost pitiful how unconsciously his expression had deflated.
"Right now. Pronto. Presto."
Lucy smiled. An almost forced, awkward smile, but a smile nevertheless. "I'll leave you to it." She nodded.
"Oh, you were– I just realised. You were with–oh, no. See this is why I can't do alcohol." Mia broke off in laughter at herself.
James wanted to laugh along, but he couldn't find it as hilarious as she did. "Mia. Mills. Sweetheart. Cut to the chase, I beg you."
"True! Funny, I was just gonna tell you 'bout Lucy, I swear– run. Run while you can."
"What?"
"Run, dumbarse! Run!" Mia said particularly loudly, even for a party's standard, "Lucy- lovely Lucy, she's kind of the Antichrist of romance. Dunno, at least at this point of her life, she is. She wants to say she isn't because she hates her past self and all, but, she still is, I mean-"
"Mills, I'm really, really not understanding a word you're saying." It could be the music that was bound to cause an earthquake, or the mild fuzzy feeling from the firewhiskey, maybe James was just an idiot, it could well be a possibility.
"She's gonna squeeze your heart, chew on it, spit it out, and then she is going to step on it to make a fine dust! There! Clear enough for you?" Mia said, tiptoeing to reach eye-to-eye level, "I adore her, favourite cousin n' all, but she's going to. And we're mates, so... I'm telling you."
"That is not true. You know that is not true."
"But it is. She might not even realise it, honestly, but it's true." Mia shrugged. There was a certain sadness to it. "Plus, listen, it might be just a crush? A mix up? And you've got a bright future... loads of Quidditch chances ahead, y'know, maybe it's the wrong time to focus on that."
"No, it's different, Mills. It's sort of a Potter thing, I guess," James said, scratching the back of his neck, "Thanks for the concerns. Lovely. But I'd rather run the risk than hope to wait it out." Waiting it out would be just as, if not even more painful. To watch more tim go by, knowing there might've been something more sounded like the affliction of a lifetime.
"And she's not... she's not even the romance anti- anti-whatever. She practically serenaded Teddy each time she saw him at the house, this one time she baked pumpkin pie when he was ill- and she didn't even let me have a tiny little sliver..." Tragic memory indeed, but he couldn't help but smile at it, "Plus, if Fred knows how to talk to Aurora, that's all Lucy's credit. Don't tell her I said so. She just does these things, and it feels like-"
"James, I severely doubt you're istening to me," Interrupted Mia gravely, "A future in Quidditch. Believe me, your wooing skills are no match to your flying talent- oh, and there's so much generational talent there, please!" She grabbed his shoulders, shaking him urgently.
"Fuckin' hell, I hear you!" He flashed a sheepish grin to the people they had bumped into, gently moving Mia's hands off his shoulders, "I won't overlook it. Promise. But could you just help me out instead? Please?" James batted his eyelashes dramatically.
Mia rolled her eyes, looking indignantly at him, "Fine! Fine, fine- just for that stupid puppy dog face."
"See? You're great, Mills. Even if your Quidditch team is obviously inferior to mine." James pinched her cheeks, annoyingly, but caringly.
"Not gonna argue about bullshit, James." Mia scoffed, "Now come on, I'll combust if I don't get to dance."
I'm so sick of men.
He's your best friend.
He's still men.
He's your best friend!
He's still causing this! He's evil and we need to disappear into the night.
It's bollocks! He's your best friend!
"Well, that makes it worse, Lucy!" Lucy Stewart herself cried in exasperation, spilling a good part of her fourth cup's contents. I'm gonna need to quarantine. Immediately.
Don't be so stupid.
If I'm stupid, you're a fucking idiot.
No, I'm your conscience. Been a hot minute since we talked.
"Useless piece of shit," Lucy muttered, stumbling amongst people, one of them who mumbled 'I know' under their breath.
Listen, these are just your hormones. We know this is what alcohol does to you. See pretty boy, all the blood goes south. It always happens. Always. It's nothing special.
"Godric, I'm a menace to society," She whined, "I hate being with me."
"Awh, Lucy, you're good people," Spoke Dominique Weasley, downing the liquid in her own cup, "You okay? You look tragic."
"I'm great. We just won." Just a bit of self loathing after a match, nothing monumental.
"Oh. Good, good. Hey, let me ask you something." Dominique looked around preventively, before leaning to whisper in her ear, "Your style. I love it. How do you pull it off?"
"My clothes?" Lucy slurred, "Well, I would call it the 'look like I don't try but I'm absolutely trying'. Stylish skimpy meets rebel goth. It gets you dress coded... like a bazillion million and one times, though. I'm sick of it."
"Fuck the dress code!" Dominique claimed.
"Fuck the dress code." Lucy agreed, clinking her cup with hers.
"Have you ever met my Mum? She's killer gorgeous. Not just 'cause she's my Mum, I'm tellin' ya. And she's all proper lady-like. Might pass out if she sees me like that," Dominique rambled, "But it looks so cool..."
"Life's too short. Too short. Too short to give a shit. Carpa dime." Lucy adviced.
"Carpa dime," Dominique said, nodding as if in profuse thought, before it promptly turned into an excited grin, "Lei! You're here! Let's go dance, yes?" She greeted her friend with an eager wave, "James says Lucy's actually a decent dancer, you can judge!"
Leilani did not look anywhere as amused as Dominique, yet against herself, she let out a laugh, "Not up for it, Dom. Let's go."
"I don't bite, Lani." Lucy pointed out before Dominique had the chance to speak, accompanying it with a wink.
It was perhaps the first time in years Leilani actually looked her in the eyes again. There was something in her languid posture, half-lidded eyes that pierced right through her, that little smirk resting on her face, Leilani felt fire coursing through her, boiling, burning. "I'm not up for you, Lucy," She corrected, "Funny. This isn't the snakes' common room, yet you got in."
"Oh, you're mad at me?" Genuine surprise appeared on Lucy's features, yet she still smiled, "Why are you mad again?"
"You know," Leilani said curtly, "You know. You did it then, and you're perfectly happy doing it again, with my best friend this time. You're a heinous, conniving vixen."
"Is it a snake or a vixen, Lani?" Lucy sneered, narrowing her eyes.
"Okay. Okay. No need. Let's go now." Dominique's senses seemed to finally click together again, reaching out for Leilani's arm.
"No." Lucy clumsily placed her cup away, walking between the two. Without the wall to lean on, it was a harder task, "No. I'm tired. I am so tired." She chuckled erratically, running her hands through her hair. "It's been three years. Three long, long years. Not enough for it to sink in, Lani? I didn't steal your boyfriend. It was a game. A game which you invited me to, got it?"
Leilani pushed her back, fuming. Blood rushed to her face, making it feel like it was almost pulsating. "Friends don't do that to friends, Lucy! You want to act all radical and aware but you're so fucking full of yourself, you betrayed me!"
It was just two seconds, but it was like everything stopped. Everything, including the air, had suddenly stopped existing. A horrid, heavy silence, despite the music, and the loud voices in the background.
"You know what?" Lucy suddenly asked, raising her eyebrows. Her voice was calm, so eerily calm, almost calculated.
In one swift, impulsive move, she turned around, and kissed Dominique full on the lips. The unexpectedness of the action made Dominique widen her eyes, and Leilani cover her gasp with her hand.
Pulling away, Lucy stumbled to look back at Leilani, "There. There you go. See if history repeats itself," She sputtered out, "Wake up from the fever dream. I did not steal James from you, Lei. He was just not that into you."
She felt fantastic. Lucy felt like she could reach the very clouds. In that moment, everything felt so simple. So liberating. So blissfully far away from her.
And from one second to another, she was falling. Each part of her felt like she was falling into an endless black abyss. She was thinking of everything and nothing at all. Felt everything and absolutely nothing. It was wrong. It was wrong. It was wrong, it was wrong, it was wrong–
"Lucy, what did you do?" She felt a hand touch her back, immediately flinching at it.
"Where's Thomas?"
"Uh, dunno, with Hannah? Maybe Elio, I–" Melody guessed, cutting herself off, "–I think we've ought to get you to the dorm." She decided it was not a good time to question Lucy on what she had just seen, her laboured breathing, and her eyes desperately scanning the room were tell-tale signs, it was a matter of acting on the spot.
She gently gave her both her arms to hold on to, and this time Lucy took the offer. "No. Their dorm."
Melody only nodded, guiding the two of them upstairs to the boys' dormitories.
"Mel," Lucy spoke again, looking at her guiltily, "I think I did something mean."
"We all do sometimes, Luce," Melody said in return.
Upon opening the door, they were met by Fred and Aurora, who were instances away from opening the door as well. "Blimey, you guys need to knock! Can't just barge– wait, what are you doing? What's going on?"
"Mon amour, let them in," Aurora said, the two of them stepping back, "My Melody, what's happened? She looks like she's seen the guillotine in action."
"Leilani and her spoke again. Both drunk," Melody explained, a worried expression falling on Fred's face, a confused one on Aurora's.
"Who's this Leilani?"
"You good, Lucy? Do you need anything?"
"Thomas. And James," Lucy said absentmindedly, taking hesitant steps around the room. Usually, she was able to tell which bed belonged to whom, but on the spot, it seemed impossible.
All until she heard Jacy's familiar hoot, the owl greeting her from the bedside table of the four-poster next to the window, on the right hand.
"Hi, beautiful." She managed a smile, plopping herself down on the bed. Ironically enough, tears almost flooded her eyes. What if that owl idolised her? Wouldn't she be so profoundly disappointed? Wouldn't she stop loving her?
The questions progressively became an echo in her mind, as did the footsteps in the dormitory, merciful sleep had caught up with her.
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brief little author's note, thank you so much for 9K views. wishing you all well! <3