The next week flew by in a flash to Y/N. She really only spoke when spoken to, and was distance. Everyone on the team was concerned for her, but no one knew what to say. The day of the attack, the team went out for shawarma after but she refused to join. The images of Tony flying into the portal and then falling kept her mind going. She hadn't slept since the attack. Her mind was finding all the ways it could to blame herself for Tony's almost death. It wasn't sensible. But nothing was anymore.
Tony had been trying to speak to her since the day of the attack, with no luck. She would either straight up ignore him or seemingly disappear out of thin air. He wanted to-no, needed to talk to her. So after Thor and Loki had left with the Tesseract back to Asgard, Tony went up to Steve.
"Where is she?" Tony asked. Steve looked up at him, raising an eyebrow in question. "I thought she'd be here to see the cube off."
Steve sighed, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against his bike. "I couldn't get her out of the apartment. She won't... she doesn't speak. Doesn't eat, or sleep. When I look at her, it's like she's not even here."
"I need to speak with her."
"I don't think that's a good idea, Tony," Steve shook his head. "Not until she's feeling more like herself."
"I'm not sure if you know this, Rogers, since you were in the ice when it happened. But your sister and I were close at one point. We helped each other through the tough stuff. And so I-"
"Well from what I heard from Fury, you threw her out a window. Which explains the tiny scars on her face." Tony opened his mouth to speak but Steve just continued on, a little louder. "I also heard, that you told her that if she walked out on you, there would be no coming back. So I really don't see how you talking to her can help."
"Just tell me where she is, Rogers," Tony pled. "I'll just visit her and if she doesn't want me there, I'll leave. I promise. I just need to see her."
"Fine," Steve sighed. "I'll send you the address. But you can't come until tonight. I've got to run some errands first, but I want to be there when you're talking to her. Got it?"
"Got it."
The team went their separate ways from the point in Central Park that they all were at. Steve had lied to Tony, he didn't have any errands to run. He just wanted to try and coax Y/N out himself, before Tony would. When Steve arrived at the apartment, he found Y/N where he had left her. Sitting at her chair in her bedroom, staring out the window.
"Thor took Loki and the Tesseract back to Asgard," Steve stated, shrugging his leather jacket off and throwing it onto Y/N's dresser. "Everyone on the team asked about you. Y/N..." Steve moved to kneel next to her, "they're all worried. I'm worried."
Y/N just stared blankly out the window. Steve followed her line of sight, gasping at the sight before him. How had he never noticed that you could see Stark Tower from her window? He quickly got up and closed the blinds. Steve then turned around and knelt in front of Y/N, carefully putting his hands on her cheeks.
"Y/N, I need you to say something, or just... just acknowledge me in someway! I can't stand to see you like this. I don't even know why you're like this. So, please... just say something and let me help you."
"Tony..." The name fell from Y/N's lips too quick for her liking, very raspy.
"Tony? What about Tony?"
"I... I..."
"Do you need him? He's suppose to come over later. I can see if he can come now."
"No." Y/N shook his head. "Tell him not to come..."
"What? Why?"
"Cause... I... I almost killed him... I closed the portal and... I almost killed, Tony."
That was not what Steve thought Y/N would say. How could she possibly believe that Tony's near death experience was her fault?
"That was not your fault, Y/N. You hear me? It was not your fault that we almost lost Tony. If its anyones fault, its Tony and me. Tony was the one who decided to send the nuke through the portal and I'm the one who told you to shut it. It is not your fault and plus, Tony is alive. He survived and he is worried about you. I haven't known that man for long, but I can tell his not the type to beg to see anyone. And he begged to see you."
"I don't want to see him."
"Okay." Steve brushed some hair out of her face. "I'll call him and tell him that tonight won't work. But, if I'm going to do that, then I need you to eat something. Can you do that for me?"
"Yes."
"Okay." Steve leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'll be right back with food. I just have to call Tony first."
Steve rushed out of her bedroom, shutting the door behind him, and into the kitchen. He had set his keys and phone on the counter upon entering the apartment. He grabbed his phone and dialed Tony's number.
"This is Stark," Tony answered.
"Stark, it's Steve."
"Rogers! Am I okay to come over now? I can leave immediately. I don't want to keep her-"
"She doesn't want to see you."
"What?"
"I finally got her to speak. And she... she doesn't want to see you. And I think that might be a good idea, at least for now."
"You can't be serious, Rogers! I am coming to see her."
"And I'm telling you no. She asked that you not. Tony, she... I don't even think I should tell you this... But she's blaming herself for you almost dying, Tony."
"She's.... What? But it's not her fault. I decided to-"
"I tried telling her that. I don't think she fully understands that."
"Then I need to see her! I can convince her."
"Tony, you can't. It's best we go by her rules right now. She's struggling. I think between almost closing the portal on you, watching Coulson get stabbed, and falling from your tower-"
"I did catch her!"
"Still, all those things piled on top of her. Y/N just needs time to process. I will keep you updated, Stark. And as soon as Y/N's comfortable with seeing you, I let you know."
~~~
It took two weeks for Steve to get Y/N to leave her bedroom, and two more weeks to get her to leave the apartment. Once Y/N had returned to SHIELD HQ in New York, she busied herself with missions. Steve worried constantly for her. She was almost never home, and when she was, she wasn't sleeping. Steve would hear Y/N call out for Tony, sometimes even Bucky at night. Each time, Steve would run in there and wake her from her nightmare, only for her to push him away.
Tony texted Steve daily for updates. Steve willingly gave them, but never told him that it was okay to see her. Tony eventually found out that Y/N had been taking back to back missions. He tried calling her personally, but she never answered him. It only caused his worry and anxiety to grow. Tony had barely slept since falling from that portal. What he saw through there, terrified him. He didn't want to burden Pepper with his anxieties and that she wouldn't understand. He knew that Y/N could help him, and him her. It just took him getting a hold of her.
Two months after what folks were calling the Battle of New York, Y/N had a mission in Los Angeles. The mission was technically over, she just wasn't ready to go home yet. She sat in the bar, sipping away at her drink, as she waited for the person she was to meet.
"Didn't think I'd ever see you again," Rhodey said, slipping into the other side of the both.
"Well, that is my job," Y/N responded.
"I was surprised to get your call."
"Trust me, I was probably just as surprised when I called you. How've you been?"
"Really? How've I been? I should be asking you that. You stopped an alien invasion. That can't have come without consequences."
"You have no idea." Y/N tipped her head back and finished her drink. "The struggle's been real."
"Yeah, I wasn't going to say anything but you look like hell."
"Thanks."
"He's struggling too, by the way. Won't admit it, but Pepper, Happy, and I can see it. He needs you. And by the looks of it, you need him too."
"I didn't call you here to talk about him."
"Are you sure?" Rhodey sighed as Y/N played with her empty glass. "Stop putting this aside, Y/N. Call him at least, especially while you're here. It could help both of you."
"He shouldn't want to see me."
"Tony told me that you were blaming yourself. Y/N," Rhodey leaned forward, "nothing that happened was your fault. Got that?"
"You can't understand. You weren't there."
"No, I wasn't. But Tony was. Y/N, you could help each other through whatever it is each of you are going though."
Y/N stood up, abruptly. "I've got to go. It was nice seeing you, Rhodey." She began walking away.
"Y/N," Rhodey called out, causing her to pause. "At least send him a text before you leave. It would mean a lot to him. Even though he's with Pepper, he hasn't been the same since you left."
~~~
Y/N paced in the safe house she was staying in for hours after she had met up with Rhodey. She had guessed that Tony had been struggling, by the voicemails that he left her. But she had chosen to ignore it. Ignore him. She didn't want to face him after closing that portal. It was one in the morning when she muttered a 'screw it' to herself, got into her car, and headed to the Stark Mansion. She typed in her code once she arrived at the gate, surprised that it still worked.
It took her a few minutes to gain the courage and make her way to the doorstep. Before she could make herself knock, she looked at her watch. It was a few minutes after two in the morning. It was too late to make a house call now. She turned around and began heading back to the car. Y/N didn't get very far when she heard the door open. She looked back to see Tony standing in the doorway.
"You've come all this way and you're leaving already? Without even so much as a hello?" Tony said.
"I suddenly remembered what time it was," she responded. "I didn't want to disturb you and Pepper."
"You seem to have forgotten that I don't sleep much and I have an AI watching the property."
"Yeah, well... sorry to bug you this late. I think that I'm going to head." Y/N turned back towards the car.
"Why don't you come in? Keep me company. You're obviously not going to sleep anytime soon."
"I don't want to over step-"
"Y/N. You're never overstepping. Just come in."