A/N: Sorry about the mix up. I accidentally posted the wrong chap.
Song for this chapter: One Step Forward, Three Steps Back by Olivia Rodrigo. (play it near the end of the chapter)
I could tell I'd be sunburned by the time we left the park. But here we sat, continuing to swing and talk for hours. He never told me one thing about himself as we talked.
He kept his life a secret.
"Oh shut up." I laughed as he made some sexual joke.
"Come on, it was funny!" He laughs, slapping his own knee in mock offensiveness. He runs his hands through his hair a bit, casually pushing it out of the way.
"I can't say it was, Harry." I joke in response. I grab onto the chains and arch my back a bit, trying to relieve the tension that I've caused sitting here for a while.
"Mhm. Whatever." He scoffs, waving his hand dismissing my comment playfully. He beamed at me before swinging a bit higher.
He has a gorgeous smile.
"So how's that book you bought when we were together?" He continues, recalling the time in the bookstore where we almost kissed.
The only reason I had bought that book was because it reminded me of him. But he didn't need to know that.
"It's good actually. It's not my usual type of romance, but I enjoy it." I tell him truthfully. I try to comb through my blonde hair a bit to detangle it. My hair had gotten slightly tangled while swinging.
"You sure like books, don't you?" He states like it's obvious.
"Fictional characters are usually better than people." I wasn't lying. Main characters of my favorite books are people that I would trade anything for them to be real.
"I can't disagree." He shrugs, agreeing with me.
"What kind of books do you read, Harry?" I ask, knowing he does read considering he was able to give me a complete summary of my favorite romance novel without a second thought.
"Porn." He bluntly says, and I'm a bit thrown off by his answer. I'm not necessarily surprised as the answer came tumbling from his lips.
He watches my reaction before he busts out laughing.
"I'm kidding Blue, sex education is more my style." He says, not being able to keep a straight face at his own joke. I push his shoulder as his answer, turning away and shaking my head with a smile.
"No but seriously, I tend to enjoy mysteries and romance the most." He says quietly, letting me know a bit more about him. I swear it made my heart jump just hearing the tiniest bit of information.
"Are you a sap, Styles?" I poke his arm optimistically. A small smile appears on his lips.
"None of your business, Darling." His voice radiates so much more than just the words he's saying. It's like he's holding back telling me everything.
"So you're friends with Grant?" I change the subject, knowing I won't get past his wall with truly personal things today.
"Yeah, he's been my best mate forever." Harry surprisingly tells me. I suppose I already knew this when we saw him and Anna at the club.
"How did you two meet?" I press lightly, not wanting to overstep. That's the thing about me, I won't ever push anyone to tell me something they don't want to tell me. However, there is a line, people can have secrets, but they can't make their whole life a secret.
Grayson kept who he truly was from me. I ended up getting hurt in the end.
"I grew up with him when I was young. He was my neighbor." I nod in understanding, taking everything he says to memory.
"And you both got accepted to USC?" I still didn't know Harry's major. I suppose it was too personal. I don't know why, but he didn't want to tell me.
"Sure did. I wasn't surprised when Grant got in, he's really smart. Great with computers. He's a Lit major though, so he doesn't really use it much." I didn't know Grant was good with computers, that's an interesting talent. Grayson was good at computers as well.
"Yeah, Anna mentioned him being in Lit." I say quietly, continuing my rock on the swing back and forth.
"He talks about her a lot when I see him. He really likes her." Harry mentions, it's cute to see Anna and Grant enjoying each other's company.
"She likes him too. They look good together." They truly do. I'm surprised she likes him, he's more gentle with his features and personality. She tends to enjoy the bad boys, maybe she's learned.
"They do." He agrees. I watch as Harry twists the rings on his fingers, playing with the rose and ruby ones the most.
"I need to get to know him better, I've only really met him once." I try to continue the conversation, not wanting anything to be dead silent.
"I'll take you to the diner where he works sometime." He offers kindly. Does that mean he wants to see me again?
"That would be nice, Styles." I take my foot and kick it sideways, splashing some mulch up onto his ankles, the wood chips fall from his pant leg as he looks at me with a smile.
"I'm a nice guy." He shrugs it off, answering my previous statement.
"Interesting. I haven't met that side of you." Sarcastically joking around with Harry is more fun, he seems to have the same humour.
"Cute joke." He muses, kicking the wood chips up at me teasingly.
"I have a lot. Wanna hear?" I perk up in excitement, the conversation getting interesting.
"No." He says shortly, his lips in a flat line.
"Rude." I scoff and turn away playfully. Douche.
He's genuinely a playful person. He wasn't exactly as mean as I had expected him to be.
"I'm joking, I'm joking." His arm reaches over to pull on mine to turn me back around.
I face him once more, a giddy smile on my face.
"What bees make milk?" His face falls and I smile thinking I have him stumped.
"Boobees." He replies, this time, my face was the one to fall. I frown at him dramatically, not knowing how he knows.
"Well. Shit." I say, resting my hands in my lap looking down. I furrow my brows trying so hard to think of another joke.
"Everyone knows that joke, Blue." He comments from the side as I roll my eyes with a light smile.
"Well excuse me." I kick some playground mulch up onto his shoe again, watching when he wiggles his foot to get all the wood chips off. "You say one then, Styles."
His posture straightens as he gets ready to tell his joke, both of us being completely over dramatic about this, but that's what makes it fun.
"Knock knock." He says proudly, watching my face fall.
"Who's there?" I question him in boredom. A knock knock joke? Really?
"Hula." He continues with the joke while I sit confused. He continues the twisting of his rings, and a few pops of his knuckles.
"Hula who?" I ask timidly, not knowing where this is going. I'm slightly interested.
He says nothing else, but he takes his pointer finger, putting it sideways along the inside of his cheek and closes his mouth around it. He quickly swipes it through his mouth making a "p" sound with a pop.
I gasp as I get the joke, giggling a bit at how stupid it was. He beams at me proudly.
"You're just as bad." I try to cover up my previous giggles with a statement.
"I don't think I am, sweetheart." The pet name gives me butterflies, but his comment makes me smirk down at my hands resting in my lap.
"I beg to differ." His company was comfortable, he didn't make me feel uneasy being around him like he used to. He wasn't as intimidating anymore.
"Beg all you want. I love to hear it." His sexual joke makes us both laugh loudly, our memories of last night flash through both of our brains.
"I'm well aware." We become silent as we turn our heads to two sweet little girls running towards the slide on the playground.
Their giggles fill the air as they stumble onto the mulch. We watch from a slight distance, not saying a word. Both of us were mesmerized. They must've been twins, each with straight chocolate brown hair that was cut off that their shoulder blades, their blue and pink dresses, their tiny features. They couldn't have been more than three or four years old.
I turned to Harry with a soft smile, watching as he stared at the little kids. He was so entranced by their movements, I found it sweet.
"I love kids." He whispers once he catches me watching him, a small grin etches on his face.
"You do?" I didn't peg him as a child lover. I personally wasn't the biggest fan of them for myself. I love children, depending on the child, but I didn't want my own for a very long time.
"They're so innocent. They don't know how the world works and they are so eager to learn. They are optimistic in every way. I just love them." He rushes out quickly, but in a soft manner as he continues to watch them.
It wasn't creepy the way he was staring, he just seemed mesmerized. The longing in his eyes was so present.
"That's very sweet, Harry." I tell him truthfully, watching the kids myself.
We watch for a little while longer as they take turns on the slide and then run back up the steps. Each playing with each other so sweetly.
One of the little girls gets off the slide, and comes stumbling towards us. Harry immediately freezes and turns to me as he sees the direction she's heading. Her other twin is quickly to follow behind.
She stops directly in front of Harry and looks him dead in the eyes.
"Hey mister!" Her sweet, little, boisterous voice fills the air as she gives a wave from her spot in front of him.
Harry smiles shyly and gives a small wave from his seat.
"I don't mean to bother you, but Emma and I were wondering if we could swing." She was so polite and so well spoken for such a small girl I was a bit taken aback. Harry seemed to be as well.
"Of course sweetheart, you can have the swings." He immediately stands, moving from the side of his swing as the little girl peers up at him in amazement.
"Woah mister. You're tall." She says, her tiny mouth agape. I stifle a laugh as I get up from my seat as well handing it to who I suppose is Emma.
"I am tall." Harry says gently as he walks over towards me.
The little girl looks at her sister and giggles. They cover their mouths with their tiny hands and pinch their eyes shut in the cutest way.
I stare at them in amazement as well, my hand holding Harry's arm subconsciously.
The one whose name is Emma speaks in a much quieter voice than her sister.
"Thank you." She tells me in regards to my seat, "You're very pretty."
Her shy voice makes my heart melt in my chest, my head subconsciously leans on Harry's shoulder as I smile softly at her.
"Thank you. You're very pretty too, miss Emma." I tell her, turning my head to look at Harry. I look to see him smiling down at the girls. I turn to look in the distance to see the mom at the edge of the park on a phone call.
"There is their mom, H. We better go." I tell him quietly, not wanting the mom to find two adults talking to her twin daughters.
"Bye girls, play safe." Harry tells them as we walk off and they start to swing in the same spots we were in.
We walk back in the direction we had earlier today, both of us silent.
"And that's why I love kids." He says looking at his feet.
I hum a yes, realizing my hand still had a hold of bicep. I drop his arm subtly, not wanting to be clingy, and continuing to walk beside him.
"Did you drive?" I ask him, wondering how he got to La Madeleine.
"No, I walked. I was, uh, waiting for your call and I know you hate cars so..." My heart immediately jumped in my chest for the millionth time today.
He thought about me before he knew exactly why I don't like cars.
"Oh." Was all I said even though he knew I meant to say a thousand words.
We continued our walk back to the campus. It was a while before we could get back to my apartment complex, if that's where we were even going.
"So where to now?" He seems to have read my mind when he asks the question.
"We could go to my apartment again?" I offer, pointing across campus through the buildings where you can see the multiple apartment complexes. Mine being one of them.
"Sounds good." And we both were silent again, not knowing what to say as we walked the thirty minutes to my apartment.
As we make our way up the building steps to the second floor, I pull out my keys from my pocket. I unlock the door, stepping inside. Harry follows soon behind me.
"Anna?" I call loudly so my voice can be heard throughout the apartment.
She must still be out with her friends. We were home alone again.
I make my way to the fridge just like last time, pulling out two waters. I toss one across the kitchen to Harry who isn't paying attention.
When I expect the bottle of water to hit him, he turns toward me quickly, snatching the bottle through the air before it can touch him.
I look at him in shock as he smirks.
"I'm a talented man, Blake." As he's told me many times, but the phrase doesn't seem cocky, more as a reminder. I close my dropped mouth, tuning it into a smile.
"As you've informed me, pretty boy."
"Awe, I'm flattered," he puts his hand over his heart and dramatically stretches out the 'awe'.
"You think I'm pretty." He muses lightheartedly.
"Not as pretty as me though." I joke completely, flipping my hair and twirling around with a giddy smile.
"You're right, baby. Nobody is." He says so quietly and shyly, but holds eye contact as I stop my twirling.
The atmosphere changes as both of us become shy at each other's compliments. We awkwardly shuffle our feet before I walk into my room not saying a word.
I hear Harry's footsteps follow behind me, as I walk to my bookshelf, pulling a book from it.
I turn around to him casually leaning against the door frame, watching me.
"I uh, have this mystery book. I just remembered it. If you needed something to read..." I shyly tell him, my fingers fiddling with the pages.
"Thank you, Blue." He says, gently prying the book from my fingers. He takes a step into my room, looking around. Last time he was in here he was too drunk to notice anything.
He walks over to my large bookcase, looking at every shelf, some held pictures, some held books.
His eyes stop on the shelf level with his face, his eyes looking at the photos set along the wood. He stops at the one in the middle. A picture of an eight year old girl with blonde hair and her dad.
"Is this him?" He asks quietly.
"My forever favorite person." I tell him the truth, even though I knew him for eight years he was my everything. I'm so close with my mom, but it's a different bond. She and I are so different so our relationship works so well, opposites attract and all. However my dad and I were the same person, we enjoyed the same things. We did everything together.
"I wish." He says under his breath, his eyes still tracing over the photo.
"Do you not have a good relationship with your dad, Harry?" I ask, not really thinking. Just merely wanting to know.
He spins around so quickly and his eyes glare in my direction.
"Don't ever ask about my family, Blue." He growls, his mood changing so quick I almost cower away from him.
"W-Why?" I stutter out, his face still contorted in anger.
"Don't worry about it." He seethes.
The day just drastically changed. I had it in for me the minute I asked the question. I just didn't know this would be the outcome.
"But Harry-" He cuts me off immediately, it only makes me madder.
"No!" He yells, this time his voice was firm. I've never been on the receiving end of his yelling. It made me sad at who could've made him build such a wall around himself.
"Okay. Stop yelling at me! For fucks sake!" I scream back at him, sick of listening to his nasty tone towards me.
"You're overstepping here, Blake." He snarled meanly, like he was protecting himself.
"Holy shit. I never over step! Because I never get the chance! You shut me down every time I ask a damn question about you!" He's only making me more and more frustrated because of how much I've tried to be respectful about it.
"You don't need to know." He says calmly, the undertone of his voice still just as rude.
"Why can't I know?" I press, this was one of the only times I have ever pushed him for answers. I can't keep letting him know about me and get nothing in return.
His face is confusing. He looks angry, his eyebrows are furrowed and the corners of his mouth are turned downward. However, it's his eyes that make me question his true feelings. He looks sad, filled with regret.
It doesn't matter what is going on behind his eyes. He starts to walk towards me angrily, backing me straight up against my bedroom wall. He placed his hand near my head and leaned closer.
"Why does it matter, Blue?" He asks lowly and through gritted teeth, his eyebrows raising.
"That's right Harry. Why does it matter?" My question seems to throw him off, he can't seem to come up with anything in response.
"It just does!" He yells an answer out at me.
I bring my hands to his chest and push harshly, causing him to take a step back and his hand to leave the wall by my head.
"I know nothing about you Harry! I don't even know how old you are?" The little piece of information would mean so much, when he told me how Grant was his childhood friend I took it to memory. I don't understand why he's so scared.
"Why do you care?" This mother fucker, I can't with him.
"I just want to know! I've told you basically everything about me!" I yell back at him, my arms flailing at my sides in exasperation.
"Well that was your choice now wasn't it?" He says, cutting his eyes away from mine to look at the ground.
That hurt. I told him everything, I told him about my dad, I told him what I liked to do, what I didn't. He knows so much. Yet I know nothing but a few facts anyone could know.
"Why can't you tell me small things? Like your major or your age? I'm just trying to get to know you." I bring up the time he shut me down for asking about his major. Why was that such a secret?
"You don't need to. People who know me get hurt." He utters in a low voice. I can see the vein popping out of his neck as he clenches his teeth.
"Why?" I speak in the same tone he just gave me through gritted teeth.
"Don't ask." He demands in a sharp voice.
"I can ask whatever the hell I want." At this point, I'm fed up with his attitude. I'm upset with him telling me what to do in my own home.
"You can I suppose, doesn't mean I'll tell you." He shrugs and looks away, clearly now bored.
"You make me so mad sometimes! We had such a great day and-" He interrupts me again, cutting me off, and incorrectly finishing my sentence for me.
"You're fucking it up." He states coldly.
"Me? Me?" I ask him exasperated. My eyes almost bulge out of my head at the incredulous boy in front of me.
"Yes you. I have told you time and time again not to ask questions about me! Yet you still do it!" He throws his hands up in the air this time as well.
"Why is it a crime to try and get to know you?" What could he be hiding that is so bad? Maybe he's a murderer, I don't know. I doubt it though.
I've read enough books for those people to be kinda hot.
"It's not. It's a crime for me to let you know!" He seems to have to think about his answer as he says it. He just can't come up with an argument of why, other than he doesn't want to.
"What does that even mean?" I almost laugh coldly in his face, but I refrain.
"For fucks sake, Anderson! Can't you just stop?" He's never called me Anderson before. I don't know why it hurt so much. He calls me a lot of things, many of them good or sweet. Except Blondie of course, but we passed that I thought.
I look down at my feet, tears beginning to fill my water line. I refuse to let them drop.
"You can trust me, Harry." I say much quieter, trying to convince him to let me in.
"You fucked up a great day for me." He brushes past what I just said like he didn't even hear it.
"You really are an ass aren't you?" I yell back at him turning towards my bedroom door, walking out of it.
"And you're the pain in it!" He screams back at me, following me out into the living room.
"Why am I even still arguing with you?" He yells at me once again, the heated argument we were having wasn't how I imagined the day going.
"I don't know. It's probably the part of you that can't let anyone know shit about you!" I scream back, standing there in my living room with my arms crossed.
"Holy fuck. How many damn times-" He rolls his eyes and strains his neck.
"Just shut up, Harry. Leave if you're gonna continue this." I tell him sternly, my gaze traveling towards the door.
"Continue what? Not telling you shit?" He asks. His hand that was holding my book slams it on the kitchen counter, him mumbling something under his breath about not even wanting it.
I scoff at him.
"Just go, Harry."