"Y/N! Oh my gosh, Y/N guess what?"
"What?" you squealed as Chris choked you into a hug.
"He asked me to be his girlfriend!"
The news hit you like a train going at 200 miles per hour. Suddenly the world slowed down around you - your friend's delighted laughter echoed in the air, her hair flying next to your face was moving in slow motion and it felt like time itself had stopped. After a second you blacked out for a moment, taking in the shock.
"Hey Y/N!" Chris snapped her fingers in front of your eyes, bringing you back to Earth.
"That's so amazing Chris, I'm so happy for you," you blurted out, and somehow managed to put up a bright smile on your face.
"I know right? You have no idea of how happy I am! I thought Chet was the one for me, but Knox is literally perfect! We understand each other so well, and he's so sweet! I love him so much! We're going to go out..."
Her voice faded in the distance as you followed her to your next class. A tear threatened to spill from your eye, but you blinked quick enough to keep it back.
You'd had a crush on Knox Overstreet ever since you'd seen him for the first time, riding his bike in town. He'd stopped in front of the cheerleader parade in the street - which you were also watching - and the moment he took off his sunglasses you were blown away by him. He was the most handsome guy you'd ever seen, and you could tell by a simple glance that he was beautiful inside and out.
But then the dream ended when you realized he was staring amorously at one of the cheerleaders - your best friend, Christina Noel.
And it soon became obvious he had fallen heads over heels for her - him kissing her at Chet's party, reading a poem to her out loud in front of her classmates, taking her out to see a play for their first date.... Well, after that they didn't see each other for a couple of days, because apparently one of his friends had tried to kill himself. Thankfully he survived and was sent to the hospital, but it broke your heart every time you saw Knox with a worried, painful expression on his face.
You wanted to go up to him, tell him you were there for him - but you couldn't. You were too scared - you'd never even spoken to him before! And anyways, Chris was making sure he was okay. She'd hold his hand, stroke the back of his head and whisper things in his ear that seemed to cheer him up.
That's when you realized you would never be good enough for him. She knew how to make him smile, she was beautiful and kind-hearted, while you were too shy to even dare approach him.
You barely listened to your English teacher during the next class. Your heart was throbbing inside your chest, and you covered your ears, trying to deny what had just happened. There had to be some kind of mistake, right? Your eyes flickered towards the window, through which, in the distance, you could see the top of the Welton Academy building sticking out from behind the treetops.
And then you imagined Knox - runnning down the hill, storming into the classroom, grabbing your hands and declaring his love for you, just like he'd done it for Chris.
But no, that would never happen.
That afternoon, as you exited the school after your last class, you managed to push away Knox from your thoughts. It was still early - only five o'clock - and you needed to be inside your dorm at Ridgeway High by eleven, so you still had loads of time. Chris had gone to spend the evening at her parents' house, in a nearby village, and all of your other friends had scattered all over town, so you decided to go sit at a cafe to study.
But as you made your way to the plaza, you saw a tall silhouette you recognized instantly.
Not him.
Knox turned around to face you, and he frowned, putting his hand over his forehead to block the sun from his eyes. He appeared to be searching for someone. As soon as he saw you, he sprinted up to you, and a wave of panic submerged you. You remained there frozen, your eyes widened, as he got closer and closer.
"Hey, um... Y/N, right?" he asked with that beautiful voice that made your legs waver. His eyes stared straight into yours, and for a moment you lost yourself in them.
"Y-yes," you stuttered. Oh god, he was so close -
"I'm looking for Chris, do you know where she is?"
"Um - she's - out of town. Went to see her parents."
"Oh." His face fell in disappointment. "And um... do you know when she'll be back?"
"Tonight before eleven."
"Oh. Then, um... would you mind passing her a message from me, please? Tell her to meet me tomorrow night, at midnight, under the big oak on the side of the hill that goes up to Welton. Will you do that for me, please?"
At that moment your breathing stopped. It felt like you were being choked, and the air around you had suddenly turned burning hot.
"Yes," you gulped, "I will."
"Okay, thank you so much! See you around, I guess."
And with that he was gone. Oxygen was running out of your lungs, and you barely had the time to run up to a chair on the cafe terrace before collapsing on it, gasping for air.
You quietly burst into tears.
The next day, at lunchtime, you sat with Chris as she excitedly babbled about her boyfriend - boyfriend. That word struck a blow in your chest. You listened attentively, and you tried feeling some happiness for your friend - seeing her so happy would've usually made your day, but things had changed. And every time the name "Knox" came out of her mouth, you winced in pain.
As she paused to take a bite of her lunch, you were about to tell her about Knox's message - and then a wave of hesitation hit you. What if you didn't tell her? What if you went instead? This could be the occasion to tell Knox how you felt.
But you realized how stupid it was, and you brushed the thought away. Knox trusted you to tell Chris, and you were afraid that he'd never forgive you if you deceived him. Plus, how could you call yourself Chris' best friend if you did this to her? It wouldn't be fair.
The more you thought about it, the more the idea sounded absurd. What would you do once you'd told Knox about your feelings? He'd reject you, and there'd be an awkward silence, and he'd probably avoid you for the rest of your life. It was already painful enough seeing him with Chris - a verbal rejection would only make it worse for you.
"Knox wants to meet you tonight, at midnight, under the big oak on the side of the hill," you blurted out.
Chris' eyes shot up from her plate to you. "What? Tonight? At..."
"The big oak," you repeated. "On the side of the hill. At midnight. He was looking for you yesterday evening but you'd already gone, so he asked me to tell you."
A squeal of excitement rose from your best friend's throat. "A secret date! Oh, thank you so, so much for telling me!"
Please stop, you said inside your head. The very thought of the two of them having a secret midnight date made you want to run to your room and cry your eyes out.
"But - um..." Chris' tone suddenly grew hesitant, and she began fidgeting with her fingers, her eyes lowered. "It's in the middle of the night?" You nodded.
"Oh..."
Her eyes flickered to the ground, and she seemed to be thinking for a while. Then, she cleared her throat.
"The thing is - I don't feel really comfortable going there alone... in the middle of the night. So if you don't mind me asking..."
No.
"Would you mind going with me? I'll come back by myself but I'd feel safer if you just accompanied me on the way there."
No.
"Of course," you brightly smiled. "You're my best friend, I'd do anything for you."
The words sounded forced and fake as they came out of your mouth, but you didn't care.
*** TIME SKIP ***
That night, you sneaked out of the dorms at Ridgeway High with Chris.
"Thank you so much for coming," she whispered.
"No problem."
You tried to ignore the throbbing pain inside you as the two of you ran through town and soon, arrived near the oak. It was dark, but you'd brought a flashlight, and you could spot a tall silhouette waiting.
"He's here!" squealed Chris. "Thank you so much for coming, Y/N. I hope it wasn't too much of a bother."
"Not at all."
She ran up to her boyfriend, and they kissed - making you turn around. But as you were about to leave, you suddenly changed your mind.
While they were still too busing sucking each other's face off, you ran up to a bush a bit on your right and hid behind it. You were so close to him, yet so far. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to ignore the pain in your chest.
"I'm so glad you came," said Knox. "I was afraid Y/N wouldn't get the message through."
"Of course she did, she's my best friend," giggled Chris. "And besides, why wouldn't she have gotten the message through?"
You held your breathe, hanging on to every word that was being spoken.
"Because I think - " He interrupted himself.
"What?"
"I think she likes me."
An endless silence followed, and you felt your heart sinking. At the same time, a wave of panic began filling you. Why had he said that? Why? This could ruin your friendship with Chris! She might think you would want to steal Knox from her!
Your breathing quickened, and you slammed your hand over your mouth, afraid that they would hear you. Blood rushes up and down your face as you attempted to calm yourself down - but it was pointless. The damage had been done.
And then suddenly, your friend spoke.
"I know."
I know. I know. Those two words rang inside your head, and tears began spilling from your eyes. It took everything you could to avoid sobbing out loud.
"You - know?" From the tone in his voice, Knox was just as surprised as you were.
"Yeah." Chris sighed. "I've known for a long time."
"Did she - tell you?"
"No! No, of course not. She never said anything. It's just - the way her eyes light up when she hears your voice, or the way she looks at you when she thinks no one is looking, or how - "
She paused, and you could've sworn you'd heard her sniffling. "How she fakes a smile whenever I talk to her about you...."
You tightened your fists, your fingernails digging into your palms.
"It's my fault!" suddenly cried out Chris, and you saw her burying her face in Knox's shoulder. He immediately wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back. "It's my fault, it's my fault, every time I talked about you she would just sit there and listen, and I just made her feel even worse - oh God, it's all my fault..." She broke into sobs.
"No, Chris! Don't say that. It's not your fault."
"But I'm hurting her!"
"No, it's not your fault. Chris, look at me, calm down, it's not your fault..."
And then it became too much to take. Without caring about how noisy you were, you jumped to your feet and sprinted downhill, back towards the town, away from them. Your heart painfully throbbed inside your chest as you angrily wiped away your tears with the back of your sleeve.
There was no point in staying there. No point in daydreaming about him, thinking about him as you tried to fall asleep, imagining yourself with him.
He was already taken, anyway.