Tessa
I was knocked out. Complete power down, straight for a good few hours or more. Not sure how much exactly . Probably and surely because of the drug that I was forced to inhale by that bastard. And more so because of the exhaustion. I was beat tired and my body was dead on the battery. I was mentally fatigued too, as the result of last forty-eight hour , with an even more dramatic ending, last night. So that explains the dream less sleep or passed out form on my behalf, Whichever you may choose to tag.
I stirred up when a thin, very thin ray of sunlight hit my eyes like laser, and I squinted them to block it away. The entire ordeal lasted a mere couple of seconds I guess, because the ray of light stopped bothering me, after a moment. I think I heard a few curses from a deep voice, curtain shuffles before the surroundings when comfortably dark again. Through my screwed shut eyes I felt the disappearance of the torturous glare of the sun.
I was relieved. And had no intention to dwell my mind on the voice I heard, or wake up to reality, which I dreaded, so I turned to sleep more, until I had enough courage, but then I groaned.
Every thing hurt. And that broke through my knocked out slumber right there.
As the sleep slipped away from my eyes slowly, I forcefully focused on my body about how it felt. And to my disappointment but not a surprise, everything ached, profusely, thoroughly.
My body ached. My arms ached. My wrists ached. My neck ached. Also it was somewhat stiff. My spine was stiff too.
My head was almost ready to burst, from the internal pounding, which I assumed immidiately, was from the
drug . I tried opening my eyes but it felt heavy. I groaned some more and slowly blinked them open in the mildly dark room.
I almost had a heart attack when the first thing I saw opening my eyes, were a bright green orb staring down at me. Hovering exactly on my face with curious, concerned expression. I felt my eyes going to slits from being heavy, in half a second. My achy hands flying to my chest, when a shriek slips past my lips, followed by a violent coughing fits.
For three years, I woke up every morning or sometimes in the middle of the night, gasping and sweating from nightmares. Night mares, where those same green and gold circumference haunted and taunted me. I was forced to live through that moment on loop every night. Without fail, without interval, without retreat
So, I choked on my own breath when the actual scorner , yet my saviour held me captive with real eyes. With his forever intimidating burning gaze.
He didn't utter a single word when I wheezed like a maniac. I wheezed so hard that I cramped a muscle down my abdomen. He just helped me up, breaking the intense staring match, while standing at the bedside. Even his touch burned me in both negative and positive way. He patted my back and I allowed him to continue, even through my skin crawled and soothed altogether. Because I was too caught up in my own violent barks. Because I was too shocked, too hurt, too exhausted and too filled with slow shimmering rage.
" You'kay?" He finally mumbles for the first time since I have woken up, stopping me from rehashing the entire morning till now, the electrocution caused by voice is almost immidiate and blaring. I stop finally, coughing, then move my hand to rub a spot near my hip to relax the cramp and nod. The awkward tension descending quickly.
He hands me a glass of water, but not letting it go. Tilting his head up for a flash of a second he directs me to drink the water.
Same, daring authority which I had fallen in love with But now hate since that day at his penthouse . But I, indulge him, without chewing his head off because my throat is dry, everything aches and he saved me from those French snakes.
I don't dare and look up at his face, because right now I don't trust my emotions. It's jumbled and scattered. The silence prevailing on is somewhat uncomfortable as he places the glass back . Like calm before the storm. But I don't feel unsafe around him, always. Even though this is the first time I am seeing him after almost three years.
Fuck, three years...
He pushes me back by the shoulder, so that I rest my back on the headrest. I relax back, almost unwillingly, for a fleeting second my eyes travel the room.
Of course, it is some ultra expensive suite of a hotel. Extremely luxurious. Rich asshole.
My eyes also take in the portion of the large bed which is still completely made and clean.
So he did not share the bed...
He might have noticed my travelling and roaming eyes because he opens his mouth again to mumble
" Just.. Um.. So you know... I dinnot sleep here..." he says granting me his voice again.
I should be relieved, shouldn't I? That he kept his distance. He saved me and stayed away.
But somehow I am not. In fact it makes me angry. More at myself... More because I am stunned at my brain for so easily expecting things.
How can I even expect anything after he left me like that?
So I grant him a nonchalant shrug, trying just to be civil, given that he saved me
Yes, Tessa. Just be civil. That's it. You can do that.
" But I didn't leave considering, the last time you woke up and freaked out..."
I snap to look at him, straight at his face. My mind stops working for a few seconds, turning into a mush at his words, because it tries to match. Whether I am thinking right about what he said.
My thoughts take me back unwillingly to the last time, when something similar happened. I woke up last time, thinking that I was in the room of my Assaulter. And I panicked like crazy, almost scrubbed my skin off.
The bile rising in my throat, at his thoughtfulness is kind of impossible to push back down.
My eyes involuntarily fill up.
He cannot do this. He cannot suddenly appear and act as if he cares. He doesn't. I know be doesn't. He left me.
From standing he quickly sits beside me. " Hey it's okay... You are safe now..." he brings forward his hand for a slight second as if to touch me, but retreats back immidiately.
I nod and look down at my lap. Blinking back the tears. I am almost ready to laugh at my own fate but I don't. Fate is dramatic and cruel.
I hiss, quite dramatically in the silence of the room, when I try tucking away a disturbing lock of hair... My temple burns beneath something sticky.. Bringing some residue down I stare at it.
" It's some ointment. The skin there is grazed...." He supplies, his voice timid than normal, as if pained.
" Thanks"
"Does it hurt?"
The words are out at the same time. I swallow back my acknowledgement as anger comes back in wave..
He dares to ask me whether I am hurt...? Hilarious.. Huh?
I stare right back at him... My mental state on a rollercoaster trip.
" Less than, everything else..."
A flash of surprise plasters his face, follow by the fall of his face. His throats ripples and he swallows.
I look away again. To avoid the pain that courses through his eyes. Even if he has hurt me, I don't think I am capable of giving him that back. It's just impossible to return his level of cruelty, he made me endure.
There my eyes falls on my dress. It's the same from last night. Crumpled but not heavily damaged, unlike last time.
He didn't change it. I am not sure I am relieved or I am slapped with some more disappointment.
" When we got you last night and you passed out , it was around three in the morning. So I felt it was better to let you sleep through the drug effect. I just cleaned up your temples as Lilian suggested.. " He explains superfast answering my thought like a bloody sorcerer.
And that makes me suddenly scream out in anger, before I even have the time to stop myself. He does not have any bloody right to interfere in my thoughts. " Stop doing that.... " I bark at him. His capabilities are too much too take for my hungover brain. " Stop prying my thought. Please... For God's sake.." I spit while rubbing my scratch free temple.
He looks a little taken aback at my accusation. If possible, he physically leans backwards blinking those hypnotic eyes, like he is sure I am not talking sense.
But then he looks aways. Unsure and awkward. " I just wanted to... Um... Help..." He mumbles his shoulder falling.
I want to hate him. Trust me I do, want to. I am trying but it is hard. The first time I meet him after three years is the time when he saves me again like my Knight in shining armour. It's definately hard even though once upon a time he ruined me.
" Thanks for saving me last night." I mumble again to be civil. The room is wierdly warm for this time of the year. The air conditioning is somewhat divine. Perks of having money, ofcourse
"You don't have to thank me" he rasps, his voice heavy.
I want to like the pain I sense in his. But I can't.
Ughhh.
My dignity is trash.
I have to continue hating him.
He left me back then. He wouldn't care if I was a victim... It was just a coincidence that he found me there in clutches of François last night .
So the next formal word come out in ease to rile him up.
"No. I do. It was a huge favor, which you didn't have to do, but you did. Unexpectedly I might not be able to repay back. So thank you.." I say him, trying to remember my nightmare, his betrayal, his scornful behaviour, him leaving me in a mess.
He scrunches his face up almsot immidiately , clenching his teeth. My motives successful when I see frustration and offense emanating from him.
" It wasn't a favor Theresa. You don't need to repay shit. I would do anything to keep you_"
He stops, his eyes widening, in between his angry blabbers. He suddenly gets up, away from the bed and leaves out an exhausted sigh.
He must be exhausted, from last night. The dark circle under his eyes marring his beautiful face is a straight give away.
YOU SHOULDN'T CARE TESSA.
I don't care.
"You should eat..." he says, out of nowhere while fishing out his phone from his pocket.
This time my jaws feel like it will break and fall off from the clenching.
"You shouldn't tell me, What I should." I spit and throw away the blanket covering me. I stand up, out of the bed and my knees buckle like it's screw less. And much as I would to deny, but I can't that I am relieved when I don't fall. Thanks to Hardin's quick reflexes, he grabs me by my arms to steady me like I am those hit-me-toys on a roll, an absolute dwarf toy for him.
And as for my heart rate, it goes high, and tall like Hardin, hovering over me. Our proximity hitches my breathe and I am momentarily blown away in a parallel universe, where Hardin and me are still together, where I can still relish in his touch. Where I can cry, crashing myself into his arms after having the traumatic experience. Where he could kiss me and erase the word pain from my dictionary. Where he didn't break me into a million pieces.
Momentarily because I feel dizzy... Very vague haze like dizziness. Because I clearly feel. When he makes me sit back on the edge of the bed. My eyes lightly shut.
"For god sake. You are what, nineteen, still?" Hardin screams and I open my eyes to find his annoyed and frustrated face, almost at my eye level. He is bending down to face me with his one arm still on my shoulders.
"Don't you dare raise your voice at me, Hardin Scott..." I scream. He flinches at my loud comeback. "You might be Vulture or any other animal for anyone, I don't care... " I continue rendering him shocked. "You saved me, so thanks. , That doesn't mean you can order me around."
By the time I have finished screaming on Hardin I am running out of breath, and energy. He looks so taken aback, and I find it somewhat satisfactory. He gulps and sighs. He stands up and wets his lips. Closing his eyes he pinches the bridge of his nose...
It has been three god damn years but I can still read his taletell of bubbling temper, frustration and exhaustion..
"I have no intention to order your around... You are passing out and you needs of food in your system, regardless of what I feel you should do." He says calmly, surprising me. I open my mouth for a comeback but he raises a finger at me to stop me, "We are expecting a visit from the doctor to check up on you. Because you were drugged. It is important for me and you too, to know what kind of drug it was, because François doesn't deal with normal drugs. So please co-operate..."
I am flabbergasted, and left with a dry throat, by body in the awakening of goosebump. The information, feels so movie like that I almost have the urge to not believe it. But I was myself was a victim so I do not doubt it. What leaves me actually stunned is that Hardin's unfiltered information.
I nod at him, suddenly realising the gravity of the situation.
" I will order... " He says and I nod again.
"I want to take a shower. " I mumble loud enough, and stand up while he is typing furiously on his cellphone.
I feel dirty. And I seriously need warm water running down my aching body to soothe myself.
He looks at me, frowning. His eyes taking in my body. I surprisingly and annoyingly don't feel stripped and naked. Instead his green eyes warm me up with concern flooding his eyes.
"Will you be fine by yourself" he asks after a bit.
I shoot him an ugly glare.
Who does he even think he is, trying to suggest something so inappropriate?
When I don't answer him and he stares at me some more. Then almost comically rolls his eyes, " Be civil Theresa. We do not have any idea about the drug used on you, we don't know the effects. You are starved. Ofcourse you won't be comfortable with me inside to keep an eyes on you. So kindly keep the door unlocked. I do not want to break the door open, if you by chance pass out."
Once again I am stumped and I cannot even hate him properly. He sounds so composed, civil, chivalrous and I cannot even scream at him to get that satisfaction I didnt get three years back. So I do, what I can do now. I stubbornly whirl my face away from him and mutter.
" Fine.. "
" En suite 's that way.. Theresa.." he says pointing behind him.
I walk past him, slowly. Not risking to spend much energy by making haste. And just before I shut the door I yell, " Hardin.."
"Yeh.." He swirls to face me.
" It's Tessa. My name is Tessa. Do not address me as Theresa, unless you want me to claw your tongue out... " I deliver slowly with all the venoms my body can extract, then I shut the door on his stunned face with a little bang.
If I am hearing things, then I do hears him chuckle after a good few minutes. And I actually have to resist the urge to go claw his tongue out.
But I don't.
Civil There-.... Ugh. Tessa. It's Tessa....
Everything comes crashing down on me when I finally stand under the warm scalding water. Steam fogs up the bathroom and I cannot see a thing, in a metre distance. Even then my raging thought, my breaking heart, my traumatized body doesn't want to ease up.
My angry facade of covering up my broken heart somehow melts under the cascading water. As tears break the dam I built today, I stand there ready to laugh at my fate.
It's not like I had plans to move on. It's not like I had moved on. It's like It was a habit I created. Hardin Scott kept torturing me in my dreams every night and my mind had created it's own vervain, letting me survive. Even though my life was changed permanently with Hardin's effect.
I never imagined seeing him again . And nothing can actually act as an antidote of Hardin's compelling green eyes. Which rearranges your every gut and resolve.
More so, in this circumstances where he is being my Hardin, my old Hardin the version of him with which I fell in love.
It's like the universe is playing some trick on me. Ugly trick. Tantalizing me with the sweetest present but I know I can never have it. I doubt if it was never mine to have. He was just a flash of passion. He was a spark of fire.
But it was all that, momentary.
I don't really know what I'm supposed to do, with this change of events in the last forty eight hours, except for one thing.
I am never going to forgive him for how he broke up with me. How he made me believe I was nothing to him. How he left me because I couldn't fit in. He left and never turned back to see Whether I survived. Whether I remained alive after unbearable losses....
Never...
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Nevahhh say nevahhhh.... It's a song right?
I was just jotting the points for this chapter when I accidentally pressed PUBLISH. I felt so bad for that, I wrote the entire chapter today morning. And now I cannot sit straight. Huh...
Anyways, do tell me your thought about this chapter. Or Tell me one or two term to define their interaction in this chapter.. I feel it was funny...? No?
COMMENT AND VOTE. PLEASE?
Take love, ND