It's been haunting me.
Every
Single
Day.
I needed to tell Elijah, but I was scared, scared it would change everything.
I was going to my doctor today to confirm everything, I've known since I was 16 that I was going to have a harder chance to get pregnant than others.
I was going to my doctor to see my options, the longer I wait the harder it's going to be.
I wanted to talk to Elijah about it but how do I say it... what if there isn't a way I could... have children.
Hey Elijah just letting you know I probably can't have your children! K now I'm going to go?
Like no I can't say that!
Putting on my sweater I threw on some black ripped jeans. I put on my ankle boots.
I sat on bed debating did I really want to go through with this? I mean I haven't been to my OB-GYN in awhile which is bad.
Once I convinced myself I walked out of my room. I was soon stopped by Brandon.
"Where are you going?" Brandon asked following me like a child.
"I'm going somewhere, tell Elijah I'm at brunch with Hanna" I lied as Brandon picked up on it.
"I can't lie to him, but I can't rat you out" he had a mental battle "let's pretend this conversation just never happens" Brandon scattered away.
I nodded weirdly before I left, walking into the garage I took Elijah car, with my set of keys and I drove to the doctors office.
Half way there I received a call from Elijah. Answering it knowing he would've called again if I didn't.
"Alvah where the hell did you go I went up-"
"I'm going to the doctors" I decided to tell him, as I took a sharp turn.
"Is everything alright? Why didn't you tell me I would've went with you? Sending Security to your location" Elijah said as his overprotective side came out.
"I'm alright, I would like to discuss this with you. Later after my appointment, At Susan's?"
"Yeah just let me know when you finish"
"Ok I have to go, love you" I pulled into the parking lot.
"Love you too, be safe"
Hanging up the phone, I had a hard time finding a parking space as I found one. Grabbing my purse I was then getting out and walking in.
Once I have the person up front at the desk my last and first name I sat patiently.
"Alvah" Doctor: Perkins said.
Doctor Perkins was my doctor before.
Walking into her office I sat on the lay out thing.
"Hey Alvah, it's been awhile" she smiled at me.
"Yeah, I've been having.... Concerns? About being impregnated, I wanted to try.. to make it possible" I awkwardly shuffled in my seat.
"There are ways, your not completely infertile. We can do a medical procedure, we could put you on medication?"
I nodded understanding.
"I have a few questions before we start"
"Ok"
"Are you sexually active?"
"No, I'm not" Yeah me and Elijah haven't had sex because it isn't important to us. I mean we even talked about it. I mean we would at one point but just not right now.
"Your cycle? Anything unregulated? Such as spotting, heavy bleeding?"
"No"
As she continued with the questions I answered normally.
Then I had to piss in a cup, have a exam. Then she prescribed me some pills, tell me I should use them when I get sexually active.
Eat healthier, Try and cut out caffeine. Just change a couple of things.
Getting in the car, I stopped at my local medication shop. I went in gave them the paper and they handed me this orange bottle of pills.
In the car I was reading the side affects. Which were cramps, heavy cycle, throwing up, nausea. Ehh that didn't seem as bad.
Walking inside of Susan's, I walked to the back where Elijah was writing but soon putting his notebook up when he noticed me.
I sat beside him, setting in quietness.
"How was your appointment?"
"It was alright"
"Alvah can you jus-"
"I went to the OB-GYN, I know you want children and so do I, but it's complicated. I'm at a low chance of having a child and the longer I wait the lower the chances go down. My doctor prescribed me a medication and told me some other things, but I wanted to also ask you... should I do this? Because if it works I could get pregnant. I want to be sure of this. I'm sure of you. But there would be failed attempts... but we would also have to have sex. Which isn't bad I wouldn't mind, I'm sure you wouldn't mind and know I'm rambling, but it's fine if you don't think it's a good idea. Maybe it's to early for you and that's fine...... it really is it's just the longer I wait the more slim chances I get." I rambled all at one time.
Elijah seemed very shocked by this.. gosh maybe this was a bad idea. I mean I thought of it in my sleep.
Ok maybe this was a horrible idea..
"Elijah say something" I pushed on.
"Alvah. .. this is sudden. I don't think- we are to young. I get this is a slim chance but I'm not ready" Elijah spoke out.
I nodded understanding.
"I need to.. clear my head" I got up from my seat.
"Al-"
"No it's fine, I understand" I left Susan's. Getting into the car.
I drove around for a while, I mean I can't expect Elijah to be ready. I mean it's only been 9 months.
Finding myself parking at a park that's 30 minutes away.
I got out of the car, feeling the cold wind blowing. I sat under a tree looking at the sky. It was almost noon so it was dark blue outside.
Leaning my head on the tree I thought to myself. Would I want a future without children.? I always wanted a small house with children. Being able to watch them grow.
Did I do something?
"No wonder she's pissed at you" Brandon scoffed before drinking his beer.
Yes I told Brandon, I mean I had. O one else to tell and Brandon gives good advice even though he acts like a dumbass.
"It's not that I don't want kids with her, it's deeper than that . I just told her I wasn't ready"
"We all know Alvah right now she's thinking it's her fault "
"I just.... I-"
"Eli don't tell me this, tell Alvah" Brandon said.
"Call me Eli again and I'll kill you it's Elijah dumbass"
Seeing a car pull up I noticed Elijah getting out his car. By the way he walked I could tell he had a beer.
Elijah was a light weight which was funny on some cases.
Sitting beside me I just pretended to focus on the sky.
"I love you so much, it scared me. I love you more than I've ever loved anything and that scares me Alvah. I want children with you it's just...... I'm scared.. that I'll turn out like my father" Elijah whispered the last part as he avoided eye contact.
"Elijah" I grabbed his attention "Your nothing like your father. You have a heart and you used it. I believe your good, you need to believe. I can help you see it but I can't make you believe it"
Sitting in quiet.
"We should do it" Elijah spoken.
"Elijah I don't want you to feel like you have to"
"It's fine, I want to."