hahaaaaa
hi babes
i already know some of you wont be satisfied with the canon ending to this fic, so here's a non-canon one to soothe your worries and dissatisfaction
(as of right now, i'm unaware of a proper nb term for parent [i'd say parent but then it sounds weird] so i looked up and found that mother/father could be gender-neutral too, so when prompted, i'll put mother/father--mom/dad and you can choose whichever floats your boat)
SO, HERE'S HOW LIFE WOULD'VE WENT IF EVERYTHING WAS NICE AND RAINBOWS AND HAPPY AND-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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"this isn't fair." i grumbled, crouching in front of the little igloo made of cushions and pillows. "how come i can't get in the fort?"
"because only papa can come inside, and you're too big anyway!" cadavere whined, puffing out his little cheeks as he hugged a plush seal.
great. my own son is as much of a prick as his father.
"you heard the king," doppio laughed, tossing a popcorn kernel at my face, "entry denied!"
"what if i brought you both some snacks, hm? would that make ya happy?"
"yeah, but i still wont let you inside!"
i sighed and sulked out of the dimly-lit room, decorated with anything and everything doppio seemed fit for a kid-- our kid, to be exact.
the child's my little partner in crime, my sidekick, hence why i call him 'cadavere' and not his actual name, lampone. however, tonight, it seems he's a traitor no different than mista and the others... who insist on visiting every other weekend to spoil the brat.
what did mista and the gang do to betray me, you ask? they went out to eat without me last week. typical.
"hmm, what would aunt alessia think of your behavior?" i said aloud, as though i was talking to myself while leaving the room. "i don't think she'll take you over to that candy shop next time she visits if she hears of this..."
"huh?!" pfft, my manipulation at its finest. "w-wait!"
"no, i dont think i will... i might just go watch this barbie movie all by myself too.."
"mommy/daddy, dont you dare! i wanna watch it too!"
i huffed, forcing back an amused smile while walking over to my bedroom. "ahh, i'm all alone! my husband hates me, my child hates me... i guess i'll just watch all of the barbie movies by myself!"
"no, no! im coming too!" cadavere yelled, inching out of his fort and leaving doppio behind to laugh.
funny, the kid looks exactly like his idiotic dad. stupid pink hair, chubby cheeks littered with freckles, he even has his fucking brown eyes! well- that's a lie, he only has one brown eye, and the other green, but that's besides the point! it's still brown!
however, while he may have gotten doppios looks, the kid definitely inherited my personality and... questionable traits.
often times, i catch him manipulating poor doppio into giving him one more snack before bed, or into letting him watch one more episode of whatever show he's watching. other times, he's walking around with a bandana across his face and beating up his stuffed animals; his alias? 'cadavere vivente'.
its embarrassing to admit, but... one time, doppio walked in on me dressed up as morte, and cadavere in his own little costume he made for himself, pretending to fight crime. "oh, look! it's morte noscosta, and cadavere vivente! please, spare me!" i remember him saying.
its safe to say i got concerned when lampone started to attack him with his toy knife-- and by concerned, i mean very proud.
"hey, can i watch barbie with you both as well?" doppio grinned, emerging from the fort like some little goblin crawling out of his cave.
"nope, not unless you give me-" cadavere looked up at me for a moment, then back at his father. "not unless you give us hot chocolate!"
"my, you're quite demanding... i wonder who that reminds me of?"
i couldn't help but shoot a cold glare at doppio.
"fine. lampone, you go get the movie on, and i'll go help your dad with the drinks, got it?" i ruffled his messy rose hair, which doppio insisted on keeping long.
"hey, dont you use my real name! i could get caught!"
"oh- right! sorry, cadavere vivente!"
"yeah, you're lucky i like you, else you'd be bye-bye!"
"sure, i'd totally be bye-bye. thank you for your kindness, oh sinister one."
i watched his tiny ass run inside my bedroom and eagerly start searching for the remote, letting out a little laugh when he hopped onto the bed and immediately fell off. soon, i noticed doppio had appeared at my side, leaning on my shoulder with my hand intertwined with his.
"...let's make another." i heard him whisper.
"absolutely not."
"c'mon! pretty please!"
"no. not in a million years."
"then... what about in a million-and-one?"
as much as i tried to keep a straight face, i couldn't help but burst into giggles the moment he gave me his signature smile, jumping into a tight hug and peppering kisses all along my face-- or really, anywhere he could reach.
"fine, in a million-and-one years, we can have another kid." i laughed, giving his forehead a quick peck before dragging him to the kitchen. "for now, let's focus on this hot chocolate."
making hot chocolate was as easy as cake, and by that, i mean it took forever. i was about ready to throw doppio out the window when he decided to try and sneak his hands into my pants for the fifth time.
"hey, pinkie, hands off while im working." i huffed, chuckling under my breath.
"hm? i have no clue what you're talking about... im just standing here, no big deal."
but he was, in fact, not standing just standing there, and he knew such when he decided to slip his fingers beneath my underwear. what an ass.
"doppio, i have hot drinks in my hands--"
"then i guess you shouldn't do anything to spill them, right?"
sitting down both steaming mugs while trying not to lose my cool, i placed both palms on the counter and counted to ten, hoping that by doing exactly as my therapist taught me, i wont get the urge to-
"hm, i don't hear you complaining anymore-"
"get your hands out of my pants right now."
"but i refuse."
"refuse one more time motherfucker and i'll have you pinned to my bed by the end of this, you hear me?"
"oh," he muttered, fingers grazing right above my crotch, "now i really dont want to."
"you're pushing your luck, vinegar, i might just have to-"
"papa, mommy/daddy, hurry up!" a light voice called from the hallway, doppios hands immediately flying out of my sweatpants.
"we're coming, one second!" he called, reaching past me to snatch the steaming mugs and leaving me worse than bothered.
the very moment cadavere goes to bed, i can promise you doppio will be in for it.
-----
a quick knock came front he front door, light and hesitant. i already knew who it was, and didn't bother to move from where i sat when i heard cadaveres little feet rush to answer it for me.
"aunt alessia!" i heard him cheer, my body springing off of the couch to run toward the door.
fucking hell, i thought it was bucciarati!
"hey there kid, what's going on? how's- mph!"
i dont care if i cut her off with my hug, nor do i care if i practically envelope her little body in my own... though, i did care that i accidently knocked her hat off her head, which i quickly grabbed off the floor and put back on.
"did ya miss me?" she laughed, hugging me back with a slight grin.
"...no."
"hmm, if you say sooo~!" still as spunky as ever, she pushed me aside and marched into my house like she owned the place, looking around with a searching gaze. "now, where's my brother-in-law?"
"ah-- doppio got in the mood to workout last night, so he's pretty sore right now."
"...i see."
the glare she shot me told me she already knew what happened, and the fury behind her eyes let me know i was in for it the moment cadavere wasn't around.
"aunt alessia, let's go play knight and princess!" the kid whined, tugging on her hand and leading her out of the room.
"aww, you know that's my favorite game, how could i ever say no?" despite her cheery voice, i could tell she was on the brink of beating my ass with her purse, which was only stopped by my sweet, innocent child pulling her further into his room and leaving me alive another day. bless you, cadavere, you're a real one.
now, to go check on that trouble maker...
"did you learn your lesson, doppio?" i purred, peeking into my bedroom. "if not, i'll be glad to start round six~"
a weak groan resonated from the bed, a little pink head poking out beneath purple covers, a set of hazel eyes narrowing at the sight of me. "how the hell are you not exhausted?" doppio snapped.
"hey, i wasn't the one eating pillow last night, don't think i'm on the same level as you."
"you suck."
"you're damn right i do; and you taste delicious."
he grunted in annoyance before rolling back over, head ducking back underneath the covers and leaving me to laugh, "aww, is someone embarrassed?"
"shut up." his muffled voice mumbled.
"make me."
"you know i can barely move!"
"oh, you poor thing~!" i gushed, hopping onto the bed to smother him in a hug. "you must feel awful!"
"g-get the hell off me! your cuddling license has been revoked!" doppio thrashed in my hold, unable to do enough to escape due to his aching body, and ultimately giving in.
everything was silent for a moment, and for the first time in a while, i took a moment to appreciate what i had. who knows, maybe in some parallel universe, i do something crazy-- like become a serial killer and try to kill doppio by joining the mob or something... instead of having what i do now.
man, just thinking about having that kind of life made me a little sick to my stomach. good thing i dont actually live in that universe. that'd be sad.
after a moment of holding the sorry mess of a man, i felt his body shift under my arms, and his head turn to hide away in the crook of my shoulder. "...i hate you."
i let out a quick laugh, pinching his cheek. "hey, that's my line!"
doppios fists hit my chest as he giggled, leaning up to press a little kiss on my chin before nuzzling his head back into my chest.
...yeah, it really would be sad if i didn't have this life...
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damn, too bad this shit aint canon...
SUCKS FOR YALL I GUESS
LMAO
also new fic out to replace this one, just letting you know
shits about lil children la squadra getting adopted by a soldier. random, i know, but it's good trust me
trust me
trust me i promise i wont do anything bad i swear-
ANYWAYS!
so yeah this is the end uwu
i hope you at least liekd reading this a bit, i recently looked back to review the early chapters writing and it's safe to say i gagged at how gross it was
thanks to yall for sticking around anyways tho, only hot people do that
and ur hot
so
<3
go drink some water before i say this chapter was "just (y/n)s imagination as they died, thinking about what couldve been"
>:)
stay safe, love yourself, and goodnight!
~trash author