𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄

[𝟒𝟎] 𝐊𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐛

・𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡 𝟐・

"I still haven't told Sam."

Each of the girl's jaws dropped before my eyes, and I sank into my couch.

"Grace, get out of here." Ellie groaned, running a hand over her face shamefully, as if it were her own doing. I was feeling like shit about it, too.

Don't get me wrong, I wanted to tell him. But every time I thought about it, I imagined him getting mad at me. I told him I could get a Plan B, knowing damn well I wouldn't need one because, at the time, I thought I couldn't get pregnant. I'd be ruining his life if I told him.

"Babe, this has gone on far too long. I mean, you're showing." Annie chimed in as she rubbed the side of my knee to comfort me.

I looked down at my stomach and rubbed my palm over my belly. Annie was right. But I still had time to kill. I just looked like I'd eaten a little too much ice cream, that's all. It was nothing noticeable to anybody who didn't know there was a little thing growing inside me.

"I know," I admitted, chewing the inside of my cheek. "I just- I need time. I gotta finish processing this before I shove a test in his face and say, 'hey, look! Your sperm, my egg, equals growing being in my uterus!'"

Ray snorted, shaking her head at me. "This is serious, Grace."

"Exactly my point," I said seriously. "I don't know if... the baby is going to make it. I don't want to involve him yet until I'm far enough in to know that there's a possibility that this kid is going to... be able to be a kid."

I swallowed hard. "I wouldn't want him to get his hopes up for this. You guys know him-- he'll go out to buy a crib and a stupid carseat-" my voice cracks. "And then I'm going to lose the kid a week later."

"Grace..." Annie whispered sadly, standing to wrap her arms around me as I wiped my eyes.

"I don't want to hurt him." I sighed. "He loves kids, he'll love ours. I know that, but... there's that possibility that I'm not going to be able to successfully carry our kid."

Ray leaned into her crossed legs and toward me, rubbing her palm over my thigh and then my knee. "What's going to happen if you don't tell him, though. You can't go through this alone, you know that, don't you?"

"But I have you guys."

Ellie nodded in agreement to Ray's words as my eyes swept around the room as my eyes fell on each of them. "We love you and all, Grace, but we also have our own lives. And I don't mean it like I'm not going to be there for you but... what if you need one of us especially when it's bad, and we can't be there right that second? We can't drop everything, even if we want to."

"Yeah," Annie agreed. "But Sam would drop everything to be there for you the way we couldn't, Grace."

I heard them, I really did. They all had a point, but that didn't change anything. I still wasn't ready, and no pep talk was going to change that. I needed to accept everything before I put all of this on Sam for him to accept.

"I'm just not ready." I curled my knees into my chest, resting my chin between them. They each sighed softly, leaning back into their seats. I grabbed the TV remote from the coffee table and put on a random channel.

❛❜

The lock of the front door sounded, and I looked up from the TV to see Sam standing by the door with a few bags in hand. I immediately smiled.

"Guess what." He grinned, coming over to the couch. He was standing behind the couch when he grabbed my chin with his free hand and angled my head so our lips can meet. Rubbing my lips together to savor the flavor of his kiss, I gestured for him to take a seat next to me.

"What, baby?"

"I bought you something." He told me excitedly. I giggled at his expression. He lifted my legs as he took a seat, placing them in his lap as he rummaged through one of the bags he had to his side.

"Oh, yeah? What'd you get me?"

"Close your eyes and hold out your hands."

I did as he said, grinning as I imagined the goofy smile on his face. I felt a velvet-like material in the palm of my hand. I frowned before I opened my eyes. I gasped.

"No! I'm not marrying you yet, we are too young, Sammy!" He coughed out laughter at my reaction, tossing his head back. He leaned back into me, cupping my jaw and bringing our lips together.

He pulled away just to press his forehead to mine. "Oh trust me, my proposal is going to be wayyyy more epic. You'll never see it coming."

"Is that a promise?"

"Nope, you're way too smart."

Something of a laugh left my lips and I leaned back in to kiss him. He pulled me up and into his lap, leaning back into the couch. One of his hands was pressed to the small of my back and the other to the nape of my neck. I placed the velvet box on the side table next to the couch.

His lips worked against mine for a while before he slipped his hand under my shirt so his cold hand was touching my previously warm back. I gasped at the feeling and he chuckled, taking that opportunity to plunge his tongue into my mouth. Our tongues fought for dominance before he finally let me win.

The hand on my back trailed down to my ass and he massaged it before grabbing my hips and pulling me up. A soft sound left my lips when I felt him hard under me. His hand slipped into my hair and he tugged on it so our eyes were level.

"Is this okay?" He whispered. I hadn't even let what he said fully register in mind when I nodded my head, a small 'yes' leaving my mouth. He smiled at me, his dimples making an appearance. How I've missed them.

I began grinding against him, soft noises came from me and low moans came from him. I cupped his jaw, tilting his head to gain better access to his neck. My lips traveled from that spot behind his ear that gets him every time to his adam's apple and back again, and I drowned in the sounds of his moans and groans.

We were both already hot and panting when he finally made a move to pull my shirt off. I lifted my arms and when my top was off, I moved to stand on my knees to take off my bottoms and panties. He took both items of clothing and tossed them God knows where. Still standing on my knees, I unbuttoned his jeans and pulled at them before taking his boxers off.

That was when he finally gave in to his urge to flip us over. He pulled his shirt off in that hot way guys do, tossing it away mindlessly before leaning down to take one of my nipples in his mouth. I moaned softly, gripping his hair. I'd almost forgotten how sensitive they were. I let him continue nibbling, sucking, and lightly biting them, no longer caring about how the feeling was intensified by the sensitivity.

He kissed down the valley of my breasts. "Fuck, please never wear a bra ever again, I fucking love this."

I giggled, watching as he kissed down my stomach. I noticed that it no longer bothered me when he made any sort of contact with my tummy. In fact, it made me happy that he would embrace me the way that I was. I couldn't ask for anybody better.

I frowned when I noticed he was getting closer and closer to my vagina.

His eyes flickered to mine as he massaged my thighs, his kisses getting closer and closer to my heat. "You're okay with it?"

"Yes."

He dipped his head between my legs, watching me as he kissed me down there. I shivered as his tongue ran between my slits and pressed against my clit. I moaned, bringing my hand into his hair. His own moan vibrated against me and I jerked my hips in surprise.

His tongue ran circles against my clit and I jerked again, this time trying to close my legs. He pushed them back down, his tongue plunging inside. A loud moan escaped and I pulled on his hair. His arm came around and he started thumbing my clit as his tongue worked inside me.

"Faster." I moaned. He did as I said, swiftly pressing his tongue back against the bundle of nerves before thrusting his fingers into me as the same pase his tongue was plunging into me. He kept this up and I came quickly, soft moans spilling from my lips as he came back up to kiss me.

"Can you taste yourself?" I nodded. "Tell me."

"Yes." I answered, wrapping my legs around his waist and pulling him closer to me as I continued kissing the hell out of him.

"I don't want to stop." He said.

"Then don't."

"I don't have condoms." He frowned and suddenly I felt this surge of deja vu wash over me. With a sigh, I sat back up. I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"But then you don't get to feel... pleasured." Yeah, ew.

He chuckled, tipping my chin up. "Pleasuring you, pleasures me. Don't you dare think otherwise."

I made a weird growly noise, showering his face in kisses. "Why are you so fucking perfect? I hate you!"

The feeling from before rose in my throat again and I made a gagging sound. Sam gave me a weird look when I shoved him off of me and ran buck-naked to the bathroom in the hall. I pulled the lid open just in time for me to throw up my lunch.

I coughed out the rest, moving to push my hair behind my shoulder. Before I could, hands collected my hair into a ponytail as I emptied the rest of my insides into the bowl of the toilet.

"Was I that bad?" He joked. I giggled, shaking my head and shakily standing from the floor. He helped me up, leaning over to flush the toilet. He let go of my hair before grabbing a rubber band and tying it up for real this time.

"No, of course, not. I think I just ate something bad." I lied, knowing the real reason as to why I suddenly threw up.

"You don't think it's food poisoning, do you?"

I shook my head. "I think I would have felt it earlier."

He hummed. "How about you just get in the shower and I'll make you something to eat, okay?"

I nodded wordlessly and soon got into the shower just like he told me to.

For a second it was nice to pretend I wasn't lying to him. To pretend that I wasn't pregnant and that we could have sex like we were starved animals. But every little thing kept reminding me and I felt as though the universe was pushing me to tell him. The thing about the universe, though, is that it tends to set me up for failure. This was just more of a sign to keep quiet. So I did. Just a little while longer.

・𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡 𝟒・

I finished putting the last box into my dad's truck, tucking a hair behind my ear as I wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm so sorry, daddy. You must be so disappointed in me." My voice cracked. He shushed me, stroking my hair.

"I'm not, baby girl. It's that shithead's fault."

"I didn't know I could get preg-" My voice cracked again, cutting me off.

"You need to tell him , Gracie."

I shook my head and my dad sighed, leading me into the passenger seat. "It'll be okay."

"I'll have to take your word for it."

We were going to go sell some of my clothes from high school and get something to eat. Dad was going to be staying with me because he knew that I wasn't ready to tell Sam and I needed a support system that didn't entirely consist of my friends.

I was happy that I had a dad like him. Someone who was accepting and didn't make everything about what they thought of the situation.

❛❜

We ended up stopping by the school so I could sign up for online classes. I'd decided that while I did think it was best I took a step back from school, I also didn't want to give into the stereotype that my life and education had to stop just because I was pregnant. I didn't even know how much longer I was going to be pregnant anyway.

When we got inside my house, Abel and Calista were there in my living room. Abel was telling Evie that she was going to be an auntie in a baby-voice and Calista was holding up baby clothes.

I looked away, wrapping my arms around myself. Calista frowned, giving Abel a look. His cooing came to a stop.

"I'm sorry, bug. I didn't really think about how hard this must be for you." She brought me into her arms and I breathed in her scent, embracing her. "You're gonna be okay."

"It's not that, I just... you guys are holding up clothes and telling Evie she's going to be an aunt while I'm thinking about where I'm going to donate the clothes when I miscarry."

Calista laughed, cupping my face and making our eyes level. "How far along are you?"

"Four months now."

"The chances of you have a miscarrige is less than one percent now that your past thirteen weeks." She told me. My face fell before I tears began pooling in my eyes. We made it?

"I... What?" A small sob escaped my mouth and I wrapped my arms around her tightly. "I'm going to have a baby. I'm gonna be a mom?"

"Yeah, buggy. You're gonna be a mommy."

I couldn't believe it. Now it was official that I was going to be having a baby. I had to tell Sam. But still, one percent. Baby could be apart of that one percent.

I had to tell him. I wanted to tell him now. But that meant calling him and I couldn't just call him and be like, 'hey, so you're going to be a dad... el oh el I've known for four months to be exact but didn't want you to blame me for ruining your chances at being someone important because society has engraved into my mind that having a child at eighteen is bad and I'm ruining our lives, anyway bye i have to lay down my back hurts again'? Fuck that. Fuck all of this.

❛❜

It was now the weekend and that meant that Sam was going to be coming over now that he was done playing catch-up with his schoolwork. I'd always admired that no matter how behind he would get, he could always climb his way back up like it was nothing.

I wondered if me telling him would knock him down and if he would have the strength to get back up on his own. And if he couldn't, would he let me toss him a rescue rope? Would he trust me despite me having lied to him for so long?

A sigh escaped my lips and I shoved the huge box with the stuff to set up the crib into the corner of Ray's old room. I flattened my dress against my tummy before zipping up my jacket to hide it. God, I must look so dumb.

Earlier when dad took me to my appointment, the girl that put the cool gel on my belly told me that it was a great idea that I was gonna tell Sam by making him help me with setting up the crib. Killing two birds with one stone, she said.

Shaking out my hands, I stepped out of the room and closed the door. Just then the doorbell rang and I fast-walked to the door, pulling it open.

Sam grinned at me, brushing his hair out of his face before leaning down to kiss me. "You look good."

"Thank youuuu. I got pretty for you." I told him.

"If you're getting pretty for someone who isn't you, you're doing something wrong, sweetheart."

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up, I know I look hot, okay? But I wanted to make sure you thought I looked hot too."

"You look gorgeous, gorgeous." He kissed me again and I smiled. A weird smile tugged at his lip and I frowned. "You look like an idiot with that jacket on though."

I smirked. He fell right into my trap. "How about you come take it off me then?"

Sam grinned and I turned on my heels before he could grab a hold of me. I pressed my back to the door and opened the door to reveal the bare room to him.

He frowned, his eyes darting from one corner of the room to the next. "What's with the box?"

"Take off my jacket and you'll find out, mister." I said flirtatiously. He rolled his eyes, leaning down to me with his tongue poking out from the corner of his mouth as he undid the zipper. I let my jacket fall from my shoulders and outstretched my arms, letting him take in the entirety of my body.

He looked confused for a moment, not registering the fact that I literally had a baby bump. I rolled my eyes at him, tugging on his arm to pull him toward the box. I let go of his arm and pointed to the name that was on the box.

Let's hope he can read.

"Baby crib...?" He had that stupid look on his face again and I facepalmed.

"God, Sam!" I pointed at the box, "crib for baby," then at my stomach, "baby for crib."

I could see the gears shifting in his head before his jaw fell. I smiled triumphantly.

"Hold on- you're..." He trailed off, looking me up and down. I nodded, taking his hand in mine.

"You don't hate me, right?" I said.

"What-no, of course not, but you-we-when did... no, because you got a plan B."

A guilty smile spread across my face and he glared at me.

"You liar!"

"You said you don't hate me! Don't look at me like that, Samuel!"

"You wanted this to happen, didn't you?!" He gasped like he'd just solved every problem known to humankind.

"What? Fuck no!"

"Then how? Why-"

I slapped my hand over his mouth and instructed him to shut up. He did and I lead him out of the room, gesturing for him to take a seat on the couch. He stubbornly crossed his arms but I could tell there was a little bit of happiness behind his expression.

"Listen to me, Sam. I didn't want to get pregnant, you have to believe me" I started. He met my gaze, nodding with the same stubborn look on his face. "I just didn't know I could get pregnant. I went to the doctor like forever ago because I read something about how bulimia patients were having trouble with fertility or something and I was curious. And the doctor told me that the chances of me being able to successfully carry a child would be ever so fucking slim.

"I was told this before we did it, so I said we didn't need condoms that time because I would take care of it, thinking that my body would take care of it for us, Sammy. I would never have done that if I'd known I could have kids."

His face softened. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"'Cause I didn't tell you. And also... I understand if you don't want to be involved or anything-"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He cursed. I jumped at his tone, sinking my teeth into my lip. "Of course, I want to be involve." He grinned. "We're having a baby, Grace!"

I giggled when he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me tightly, like he never wanted to let go of me or this moment.

He pulled me up so I was standing in front of him. "Let me kiss baby."

"We're gonna name him that? You want to name him baby?" I quirked a brow and he grinned somehow wider than before.

"Him?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yup. I've got an envelope to prove it."

"Didn't I tell you number one was gonna be a boy?"

"Nope, I don't remember that." I lied, puckering my lips immaturely. He rolled his eyes for the millionth time, bringing his arms around my waist and pulling me and baby closer. He pressed his lips to my stomach, humming happily.

"I do. I also remember you saying something like, 'shut up, Sam, you're full of shit'."

I gasped, feining an incredulous look. "Sam, how could you accuse me of such a thing? I love you too much to treat you like that."

"Oh, shut up."

"You shouldn't talk to pregnant women like that."

He scoffs. "I care so much."

"I know."

With his cheek pressed to my stomach, he gasped. I jumped in surprise, pressing my palms to his shoulders.

"What?"

"Didn't you feel that?"

"I was busy being scared for my- oh!"

"He did it again! Baby kicked!

"AHHHH, WHAT THE FUCK THAT'S SO COOL-"

・𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡 𝟗・

I whimpered for what felt like the fourth time, gripping Sam's forearm tightly.

"I know, baby, we're almost there."

Sam was like ten over the speed limit. He was trying to go fast but not so fast that we'd die. My contractions were fucking killing me and I could barely think straight.

As fucked as it sounded, I was kind of wishing that I did miscarry because shit this hurt like hell. But I knew it was going to be worth it. I wished I would be pregnant without being fucking pregnant.

We got to the hospital within the next ten minutes and just a couple hours later, I was finally in labor. Nurses and doctors were working around me in a hurry, making my nerves worse than ever before. This was a nightmare.

I cried out for the twelve dozenth time and tangled my fingers with Sam's.

"It'll be over soon, my Gracie."

"This is terrible." I sobbed. "I didn't know it was going to be like this."

I let his words repeat over and over in my head until finally, I heard the doctor give me the okay to start pushing.

I wasn't exactly sure how I felt having that woman stare at my vagina but I couldn't care less. All I could think about was the fact that when the head was out, I'd have to take on the shoulders. This is fucking awful, I'm never having sex again.

Lol imagine.

Soon, well, not exactly, but soon-ish, the cries of our baby boy echoes through the room and a sob of my own came out.

Once he was cleaned up, he was placed in my arms. He immediately stopped crying and I grinned up at Sam.

"See, he's already a mama's boy."

"Shut up." He grumbled. I giggled, looking back down at him.

"Hello, Kaleb. Hi, beautiful boy." I cooed. He gave me a little toothless smile and I snorted. "Ew."

"Leave him alone, you bully." Sam scowled at me and I laughed.

"Newborns are so ugly."

"Grace! That's our fucking kid!"

I huffed, jokingly saying, "That means nothing."

"It's okay, Kaleb. Daddy loves you. Fuck mommy."

"You already did, that's why he's here."

"Grace, literally shut up! He's a baby!"