"I'm sending you to Seoul next Saturday."
Seoul? South Korea? Why?
"You'll be living with your cousins there. Don't worry too much, I'll make sure you have your own flat there."
It's not like that's what I'm worried about. And I'm not worried at all. I'm more angry and annoyed.
"Is this it mom? You're finally going to send me away so you can make a new life with a new family? Is that it?!"
She looks away from me. I stand there with my hands in fists. And my tears on the verge of falling.
"Why can't you let me stay here? Don't you love me?"
"I do love you YN. That's why I'm doing this."
"By sending me away to Seoul?!"
She stands up and finally faces me.
"YN! Listen to me! I am doing this for your own good. I know everything that happens to you in that school and I know how much you're suffering. That's why as long as you are here in Australia, you'll keep being bullied and hurt. In Korea, you can start over! No one knows who you are."
What?
She...knows I'm being bullied?
Since the beginning?
Then...why didn't she do anything about it?
Why...?
"Why mom?" I whimper. "Why did you not do anything? Why up till now was I getting bullied if you knew about it? Why?!"
Her face turns to regret and she hugs herself.
"Why did you let me get bullied? Was it something I deserved? Mom! Tell me! Why? Now you're solution is to send me away? Mom I was waiting for you to ask me! Ask me at least once! About how I felt or how I was. But never have I heard a 'how was your day?' or 'Are you okay YN?'. But I heard nothing, because you're always outside doing whatever you're doing."
"I...I didn't know you felt that way YN. I-..."
"Of course you didn't know. How would you know? I'm always on my own every since dad was taken to jail. Every since then, you don't talk to me like we used to. Mom! I just...miss you. I miss you so much. I miss dad so much."
My legs gave out and I drop to the floor. Cried my eyes out. My face dripping with tears. My chest feels heavy like it has blocks of weight and its hard to breathe.
"I'm sorry YN. I'm really sorry. It's hard for me to talk and be with you because...you remind me too much of that man. And it hurts me. I can't even look at you properly without feeling disgusted and angry."
So in the end, she's thinking about herself. Once I'm gone, she can leave a new carefree life.
"YN." she calls me and goes down to my level. She wraps her arms around me and cares my back. "I know you'll never forgive me for what I've done. But I can't live in the past anymore. You'll understand me, right?"
And in the end, I have to be the one to understand everything that's diffucult and adjust to this painful change.
.
.
.
Monday morning feels different. Especially when...
"Good morning YN!"
I smile shyly seeing an energetic Felix so early in the morning waving his hand childishly. He's waiting for me by the school gate.
I run up to him. "Hey, Felix."
"YN, I got this from my mom. She said to share it with you." he hands over a plastic bag with two bottles of juice.
"Really? Send her my thanks. I like this."
Then it struck me.
I only have five days left before I go to Korea. I won't get to be with Felix anymore.
"You okay?" he asks gently squeezing my shoulder.
"Yeah, I'm okay."
"If you say so. Let's get to class."
......
The days passed by like always. Went to school, got bullied, went home early. Only, there was a slight difference. Felix would get me out of the bullying. He would walk me home, and talk a lot. It's like he was talking a lot on purpose to keep my mind away from the problems.
But as those short days passed, I've become anxious. I don't want to leave Felix just like that. But I guess luck wasn't on my side since the beginning.
How do I tell him? That I'll be flying to Seoul tomorrow morning.
Why is it that...it hurts just thinking about it? Am I attached to him more than I thought?
"YN, they have [Favorite snack] after all! Here." Felix sat beside me. We're in the cafeteria. I look over to what he got. The juices, and two [Favorite snack].
"You have to finish all that YN. Getting it from that line was crazy." he fanned himself getting dramatic and making faces.
I giggle, "Thanks Felix."
"No problem, just eat up. You haven't been eating lunch since Monday. Are you sick?" he asks taking a big amount of the food making his cheeks puff out.
It was obvious I was skipping lunch but I didn't think he'll care.
But honestly, I have an important activity to do today. And I've planned ahead. It's just a simple gift for my oh so wonderful classmates who kept me busy for almost the whole school year.
..
We head back to our classroom. I thought that the day was finally going to end a bit less bad than usual but I guess thatvs not exactly possible.
"YN, your desk..." Felix gasped.
Bad words, names and drawings are messily written on my desk. They just vandalized it. Was my desk a sketchpad?!
The whole class started to laugh and point at me.
It's like I'm surrounded by a crowd of idiots who thinks I'm the idiot. The noise of their laughter ringed in my ears like sirens.
"YN..." Felix can see the change in my expression.
I'm leaving anyway, right? So it wouldn't matter if I get back at them? Should I just snap and do what I have planned?
"Wow.. For teenagers, these hand writings are for 5 year olds. Can't even spell 'You disgusting whore' right." I say looking at my desk. "Does my desk seem like a piece of paper to you? Or are you just babies who draw wherever the fuck you want?"
One of them snickers, "What is this? You're talking back now?"
Oh I won't just be talking back now. I have nothing to lose.
I grab my stuffed bag, calmly unzipping. Felix was just beside me and his eyes widen, glancing at me and back on my bag. He knows what I'm about to do.
"You guys, I really have to thank you for keeping really busy these past months. And...you guys made me famous in this school by talking about me. I appreciate it. All you've done for me, that's real hard work there." I smiled feeling confident and badass. "So I thought...why don't I return the gesture? I'll make sure you guys experience the same way I did."
"What the hell is she talking about?"
"So what? You're taking revenge now?"
"Nah, she's gotta be all talk. She's scared of her mom finding it out."
I sighed and took an egg from my bag.
"Hold up guys, I think she's not kidding." one of them said.
"You're not gonna throw that, are you?"
I glance at Felix, he has mix emotions on his face.
"You can join if you're okay with that. But if you don't want to, I'd understand." I tell him.
He stops and gulps down on his throat.
What am I even asking?! He shouldn't be in this in the first place.
I procceed to do my thing and was about to throw the egg. But when I raised my hand another hand grabbed my arm and stopped me.
It was Felix.
"I know you hate them...but...doing this is going to make you end up just like them."
My mouth slightly opened and my whole face turned to confusion.
Then he continued, "They made you suffer everyday, I know that. But getting back at them isn't going to solve anything. Isn't it better to let them live in regrets? And feel more guilt because you were nice to them?"
THIRD POV
The whole class held still on where they were. Felix slowly brought YN arm down and taking the egg off her hand. YN's eyes follow his hand as he did his actions.
From the silence of the room, a sudden snicker emitted and followed by a laugh.
"Wahhh, seriously...ahahaha." YN sighed and smirked. She let out a laugh making her look crazy. "What a turn of events today. You guys should be thankful, if it wasn't for Felix all of you would be covered in eggs, flour and toilet water."
Her classmates flinched as she laughed more.
"You're insane!"
"Psycho bitch! GET LOST!"
"OH I WILL! You won't be seeing me anymore anyway. You should celebrate!" YN yelled back smilling half happy that she was getting out of that class.
"What...? You're leaving?"
But sadness comes over her hearing Felix's surprised tone. He looked broken hearted.
This wasn't the time she was going to tell him. It was suddenly hard to move or to even look at him.