Once we got home, Luke took me to the cemetery as promised. It was close to dinnertime, so Dominic said he'd help Danela make me a fabulous meal, which I was hoping I'd be able to enjoy once we returned.
I wasn't sure that I'd have the strength to eat after seeing My mother's grave. But if anyone could tempt my appetite, it would be Dominic.
The other members of my court had things to do as well, so they couldn't come with us. Adrian was helping the new members of our team find sleeping arrangements, and Erick chose to participate in that rather than dare to ask me if he could come. We settled Brin in an unused music room with double doors which led to the back gardens so that he didn't have to stay in human form, and he was getting himself settled in.
Ciaran had asked the banmuinen to work a bit more on their sword work since they had done little while we were at the training grounds. Hence, he was seeing to their progress.
Luis hated graveyards. He had a fear of the dead, which always made me wonder why he stuck to me, considering my powers. Luis tolerated my little birds and dealt with the ghosts, but he wouldn't set a toe into a cemetery. I worried about him, seeing as we would be entering the underworld. So far, he hadn't seemed fazed by the idea. Then again, he spent so much time fretting over what others might do or not do to me I don't think it had hit him yet.
Nevertheless, that meant that Luke and I took our stroll alone. The winds that flurried the snowy landscape had died down, and the night was clear and crisp. Someone had cleared a path to the cemetery, making our progress more manageable.
I was well bundled with an orange muffler, heavy violet coat, and a black stocking hat with pink tassels on the end. Luke was wearing a light jacket over our new uniform. The others had switched to regular clothes, but he'd not taken off his yet. Luke was walking like a stern sentry beside me. His copper hair gleamed under the soft moonlight of the twin moons this world possessed, and it emphasized how otherworldly he was.
"How are you not cold, Luke? I remember you greeted me the other day in just a suit."
"My elemental fire abilities."
"Oh yeah, I remember you saying that thing about fire during training. So that's why you don't get cold?" I hugged my body to gather more warmth to myself and recalled how much like a furnace he was at the Becoming ceremony.
"That is correct." He seemed like he was taking a walk on a spring day, and I was jealous.
"Oh, well, that's lucky. I wish I had that superpower. I hate being cold." I blew on my hands, which were still suffering a chill even in the thick gloves.
"I will make you a necklace to ward off the cold when I get back tonight. I also have some skill in metal magic and am sought by many for my jewelry. I can imbue metal with various spells."
That was... sweet. "I think you should probably rest up rather than make me a necklace. Don't we need to start bright and early tomorrow with our task?"
"It will not take much time." He looked at me with a tender smile that disarmed me. I wasn't expecting the way his face looked younger and more vulnerable.
My heart skipped a beat, and I put a hand to my chest. "If you insist, then. That will be helpful."
"You are welcome." His smile grew, and I was once again struck by how handsome he looked.
"You should do that more."
"What is it I should do?" He tilted his head.
"Smile."
When he laughed, I noticed he had small lines near his eyes that creased when he did. He was so young but was already getting lines, and it made me sad again that he'd had to assume so much responsibility when he was so young.
"Why weren't you like this when I first met you, Luke? I feel like I'm just meeting the real you. Actually, I was pretty sure that you disliked me."
The smile fled from his face. "Dislike you? Why?"
"Well, you kept looking at me up and down like I was a stray mutt when I first showed up at your door." A flurry of wind blew around us, and I held onto my hat tightly.
He was looking at me like I was the densest human being on the planet. "I was trying hard not to kiss you where you stood if you must know. Your figure and face are exquisite, or did you not remember how that cretin Parson leered at you?"
I shrieked and put my hand over my mouth, quivering with mirth. When I finally had control over myself, I said, "You did not want to do that. Stop."
"I did. It is why I immediately proposed to you in the study." His ears were turning red as he scowled up at the trees.
"No. That was a proposal?" My laughter rang out over the quiet countryside. An owl hooted in a tree and flew up into the air. It looked like a shadowy fog against the unfamiliar constellations of the night sky.
"You are disturbing the locals, Madeline." His voice sounded stern again, but I now heard a tiny note of amusement. I hadn't realized that Luke could be funny.
I couldn't believe how much had changed in three short days. If you'd asked me three days ago if I would be having an intimate conversation with this man, I would have called you nuts. As I realized that he was becoming a friend, I said, "I'm sorry I said we could never be friends, Luke. That's changed now."
"And I apologize for being so heavy-handed all this time. I thought if I could make everything perfect, no one would try to harm you, but I was wrong."
I wondered when things had changed? I was still mad about the way they had brought me to Aleria. That hadn't changed. Being kidnapped would never be okay with me. No one had ever thought to ask me if I would come.
Would I have said yes? I smirked to myself. No, I would not have said yes. I was sold on my desire to do absolutely nothing until I turned eighteen. Saving a world was not in my wheelhouse.
I decided that my feelings for Luke changed during that intense moment in the study. Or it might have been when we sealed our bond at the Becoming ceremony. Whatever the reason, Luke was not just a stiff suit to me anymore.
"You have so many expressions flitting across your face, Madeline. Whatever are you thinking?"
I didn't want to share my thoughts just yet. "I was thinking of that hideous painting in your study."
"Hideous! I love that painting!" He frowned.
"It looks nothing like Mother and me. I don't have dimples, and I'm no angel."
He smirked at me. "Very well, but I disagree as to your angelic state."
I cleared my throat and asked another awkward question. "You... did you love my mother? As in, did you want to marry her? I know you said you were your brother's second but did you want to marry her?"
"Did I love your mother..." He looked thoughtful. "My feelings for her were simply a boyish crush, and I only realized recently that my love for her was childish and not real. I know what I want now." He gave me a pointed look.
I looked at my hands, feeling shy at his bold confession. I wasn't sure how to answer him yet, but I was grateful that he took me to see Mother. That meant so much to me. "I appreciate that you did this for me," I said as we came to the gates of the cemetery.
"I am yours, Madeline. It is my delight to help you."
"No, Luke, you belong to yourself, and I belong to myself. We are friends who support each other, and I want all of our relationships to be like that."
"I appreciate your opinion, but I wish to consider myself yours. If I belong to myself, I should be allowed to give myself away."
I gave him an exasperated smile. "Well, I can't stop you."
My smile faded as I turned towards the gates. Luke held them open for me, and I stepped through. Many stones were jutting up from the snow-encrusted earth, but one in the center was the most ornate. Concrete roses twined on marble vines all along the edges of the headstone. A tiny figure of my mother stood at the top of it, and the roses formed an arch over her. On the stone was her name and the words 'Most Beloved'.
In the cemetery, no one had cleared the ground of snow. As I walked towards the stone, each footstep seemed like weights were in my shoes. I sunk into the snow with each motion forward. The cold sapped into my boots, and I felt my heart chill as well. I was getting closer to all the proof that my mother no longer existed in this world. I had hoped it wasn't true all this time, but the evidence was there, etched in cold gray. My tears fell and turned to ice crystals on my frozen face. I reached the end of her grave and fell onto my knees in the snow.
"Madeline, please," Luke tried to get me to stand up. "It is too cold."
I shook him off and swept my hand over the bed of her grave as I felt my sanity break. "She must be so cold in there; I need to clean this snow off."
"Madeline... she can no longer experience the cold." His voice grew concerned.
Had we just been laughing and joking? Why had I done that? Why had I been so callous when Mother was so cold?
I sniffled and kept sweeping my hands over the concrete slab that covered the bed of her grave. As I cleaned it, all the memories of me futilely waiting in that alley for her each year pierced me. "Why, Mother? Why did you leave me all alone in San Francisco if you were never going to come back? I waited for you! I waited. All those birthdays you missed, Mother..."
Why was I yelling at Mother? I was the one at fault. If only I had listened. If only I hadn't made a friend that betrayed me. "I'm so sorry. I failed you. Forgive me for failing you... Forgive me for being angry at you..." I shook with my sorrow, and great, heaving sobs stole away my breath.
Luke kneeled in the snow with me and put his arms around my shoulders. "Madeline, you have failed no one. You are saving us; you are saving me. The Brigid would not have wanted this world to die."
I turned towards him and wrapped my arms around him. My tears soaked his coat as he pulled us both to stand. "Are you sure, Luke? I want to make the right decision. All my decisions have been wrong! What if I fail this stupid game, and everyone dies, anyway?" I wailed more, the sight of my mother's grave unhinging all the bravado I'd sealed my emotions in so that I could do the job.
"Madeline, you must stop. You will get sick if you keep going on like this."
He pressed his warm lips on my cold forehead as he rocked me in his arms—the intensity of his worry, sorrow, and desire to comfort washed over me. I lifted my face like a flower to that comfort, and his lips landed on mine. Then, I kissed him back while crying and clinging to him. He was feathering his lips over my face and into my hair. I fisted my hands into the back of his jacket as his mouth met mine again. He'd pulled the pins from my hair, making it tumble down my back, and it brushed against my knees. My stocking hat fell to the ground. Then he buried his fingers into my hair as his kiss seared me with heat and dried my tears. He was so warm, and I was so lost and cold. He picked me up to make our embrace more comfortable.
Until...
I heard a growl at the gate.
I ended our kiss and made myself drop. Then I spun towards the sound. Luis was in the cemetery's gateway in his dog form. He barked three times, and they ricocheted in the air, striking my heart each time. He turned and ran from the gate.
I wiped my eyes and pulled away from Luke. "Luis!"