Sid
The last week into the show.
This was it, I would be back to the real world and the predictable routine of shuttling between the gym,shoots and foreign tours.
I would probably reminiscent the bb house a few months later but presently I just had an urge to go back to my world.
Would I win?
I put my whole effort into every task, there's nothing more I could discern so I let the nagging doubt recede.
My problem was just the monotone.
Every face that I had befriended now irritated and bored me, except of course the girl who was currently huddled in my arms.
I used to get a kick out of irritating each one of the housemates but after I find their itch factor it is a moot point.
But Shehnaz giving an unpredictable reaction every time sparked my curiosity and amusement. And that morphed into fascination and protectiveness...
Protectiveness became possessiveness and only then I realised that Shehnaaz was not like a bacchi to me. The concern and affection was pointing towards something else.
But at that point of time I had watched Shehnaaz and Paras' interactions keenly.She always went back to him.He was the end point.
Not me.
That hurt so fucking bad but it was too late for me to not feel for her.
Shehnaz had trapped me in her vices. Whether she had feelings for me or not became irrelevant.
I feel so much and I'd tried to cut myself from all the passion and hurt so many times and failed miserably.
I couldn't leave her alone now. I didn't have it in me to.
I viewed her discretely with a poker face,hoping the cameras will not catch how my eyes softened at her sight.
She huddled closer to me, clutching the hem of my shirt like a little baby.
I felt her soft breaths tickle my neck and sensed a pang deep in my stomach.
You know, like acidity.
I pulled her closer by the waist and relaxed.
I usually had an issue with cuddling and unnecessary touching.
Except when I wanted to make out, of course.
But Shehnaz, she could slap me, smother me with kisses, cradle in my lap and do whatever the heck she wanted to.
I would savour each moment of it.
She was just indescribably precious.
I wanted to just take her away and hide her from the world.
All to myself...
Which is the most illogical thing that I could think of. I can't force her to be with me all the time.She had a life and a career as well.
It was simple.
I expect her to keep seeing me after the show and to keep reassuring me that she loved me even though I won't be able to say the same.
It was a selfish thought but at the same time the most selfless I had been in the thirty-nine years of my life.
I saw potential for us to be much more but I turned a blind eye to it knowing our thirteen year age gap was insurmountable and she deserved better.
And also the fact that in my possessive rage, I tend to go overboard and lash out at her.
I had almost driven her to the point of hating me last week and the mere thought of it happening again scared me.
If I could make her become that cold Shehnaz from last week who implicitly ignored my existence , it could happen again.
It was a gnawing concern because I didn't exactly have a check over my temper.
Most of my girlfriends used to step back when they sense that I'm enraged. As if I would hurt them or something.
No one had the guts to engulf me into a hug and order me to calm down.
Except well,this girl.
One day she could belong to another man or she could fly away but I would prolong our time together as much as possible.
Shehnaz sensed me shifting and her warm brown eyes peered up at me, groggy and hooded.
"Kya hua?"
"Kuch nahi baby, so ja."
I patted her hair in an effort to lull her back to sleep in the cocoon of my arms but she was awake.
Sh moved back to peer at my face suspiciously, "Tu naraz hai abhi bhi?"
"Nahi."
That marriage show could go to fucking hell, I was going to pay production and shut it down.
"Tujhe karna hai woh shadi wala show?" I murmured on second thoughts. I could not stop her from pursuing something she liked.
"Nahi, mujhe nahi karni.Mujhe sirf yeh tha ki kahi mujhe bahar kaam na mile toh-Bas issiliye maine haa boli."
I scoffed internally.Every guest who'd visit gushed so much about her and yet she had these stupid doubts.
I made no comment, pulling her closer.
"Hug," I mouthed, hiding my face in the dark away from the cameras.
She didn't question how needy I was beginning to get,expecting her to sleep beside me and hug me everyday.
Her arms went around me on autopilot and I breathed in her intoxicating scent.
Man,this was an addiction.
We were drowsy for God knows how long before the cock alarm began to blare and Shehnaz pulled away,glancing at the camera.
"Aisa kyu kiya Bigg Boss aapne , mey itni achi
neend mey thi itne dino k baad."
I hid my self-pleased smile at her statement, watching her stretch like a cat.
"Shehnaz!" Asim called from the living room and I rolled my eyes.
I thought she would prefer my company just like I preferred hers over anyone's but she perked up instantly.
Asim was chuckling, "Yaha aa, ek baat sun le yeh jo kehri hai."
That was enough to amuse her and she discarded her blankets and I watch nonplussed as she joined the giggling group wanting to know the joke.
I turned over to face them.
God,how did everyone manage to be liked by her?
After a moment of silence ,she broke into a fit of cheerful giggles, tucking her brunette strands of hair behind her ear.
I watched with bated breath.
After a moment, I realised that I was peering up at Shehnaz very obviously in the living room and Mahira was noticing that behind me.
"Kisko dekh rahe ho aap? Rashami ko?" She raised her brows playfully.
I scoffed blatantly, "Interest hi nahi hai."
I swept my feet off the mattress, fixing my mike sash over my torso.
I spared a glance at the kitchen essentials before fixing myself a cup of tea.
I liked my tea to be strong and less sweet but I'd seen Shehnaz pour more dollops of milk and sugar into hers so I replicated the same, hoping this would catch her attention.
I didn't need to call for her, I just held the two mugs in my hand, deliberately walking over to the garden after glancing at her.
When she was still bantering with them I sighed internally before calling out, "Oye moti!"
No one really reacted except Arti and Shehnaz who flipped their heads back to look at me.
Our camaraderie was probably of interest to an outside audience but our war of push and pull was something the housemates lost interest in so most people ignore us when we are together.
-Which is a damn good thing.
It didnt take long for her to abandon her sensible friends when I motioned with a finger for her to follow me.
She fell back on the garden bed and took my cup and I watched her take a sip and grin up at me with a thumbs-up,as if to say perfect.
I was pleased.
I imagined for a moment how it would feel if she were in my home, drinking the chai I made everyday, giving me the best head massages, falling asleep in my arms...
Did she ever think that way?
Did she also maybe want that?
'Mey tere se expect karti hu,boht kuch.Aagey bhi karungi.' Her saying that openly had managed to please and confuse me.
Shehnaz raised an eyebrow when I said nothing,observing her sipping the chai noisily and then giggling.
"Kya chahti hai tu abhi?" I asked her openly.I was serious.
"Matlab?" She asked, " Career wise? Mey chahti hu ki mujhe boht kaam mile aur mujhe salman sir k saath ek chota mota role bhi mil jaye. Hayer,sochi agar mujhe --"
"Abey, mey mere baare mey puch raha tha."
"Tere saath ek picture? Haa ,haa kyu nahi!" She brightened.
This girl!
I felt strange.
Was it love or acidity?
Or both??
__________
How many of you watched #JabSidnaazMet? 😍❤
Mujhe toh end mey rona aagaya🥺
P.S Dedicated to all those cuties who were asking for updates, sorry to keep u guys waiting, updated coz I felt guilty .. Not sure how this part is!