TW: Molesting, abuse, depression, anxiety, ED, cutting, abandonment, drugs, death, suicide attempts.
Today is the day!! AHHH I'm so excited but also nervous. I don't even have time to eat breakfast I have to be there in less than an hour.
Chris wasn't in bed anymore he was in the kitchen with almost everyone but I didn't even have time to say anything I just had to get dressed and get my coffee and leave. Thank god I had already prepared my outfit a long time ago so I just had to do make up hair and that's it. Which is what I did. I simply straighten my hair and put on a little bit of makeup that was only took me 10 minutes to do. I walked out with my purse and everything.
" Good morning.. Ohhhh you looking nice there y/n." Anthony said.
" Hey guys. Sorry I have to literally leave now for the interview." You said while getting your iced coffee.
" What interview?" Scarlett asked.
" The Oprah interview. It takes all day."
" Ohh when is it on air for we can all watch?"
" at 11 am."
" It's 10:47am.."
" OH SHI- CRAP! I have to leave now. Bye everyone love y'all and see ya later. Remember don't break anything." You ran out of the door and chris followed behind you.
" Hey wait!"
" Yeah bae."
" I just wanted to give you a kiss goodbye."
" Thank you." You walked closer to him and kissed him on the lips.
" Good luck out there. Text me when you get there okay?"
" thanks, I will bye."
" Bye."
I drove to the studio and go there 5 minutes early. I got introduced to Oprah and talked for not even a minute until the producers told us to take our seats and get ready. It was a very nice crew and Oprah was amazing. But as amazing as she is. Her questions never are. The producers counted down.
1.. 2.. 3.. On air now.
" Ladies and Gentleman y/n Y/l/n."
" Heyy." You waved to the camera.
" Hey how are you doing?"
" I'm great and you Oprah?"
" I'm doing well. Are you nervous?"
" Mmm not really."
" That's good because if your not nervous I'm not nervous."
" Haha yup."
" Well y/n I recently saw that you and Chris Evans were holding hands. Are you guys dating?"
" Yes we are dating."
" That's great. How is he?"
" He's great. I still can't understand why he hasn't at least found a wife."
" Do you think you'll marry him?"
" I mean I have no idea.. Everyone has a chance in marrying me so who knows."
" Wow so honest like that huh?"
" Yeah of course this is an interview."
" So I have a chance in marrying you?"
" I would say yes right now."
You both started laughing.
" Okay okay. Y/n tell us about yourself?"
" What do you want to know Oprah?"
" Let's start all the way from the beginning. How was your childhood? From what you remember."
" It uh it wasn't a very nice childhood. I only have 2 nice memories from my whole child hood."
" Which was..?"
" Meeting my best friend and having parties and Christmas's at her house."
" Let's start from the beginning beginning. How were your mom and dad's relationship?"
" It was complicated before I was even born. Well that's what I've heard."
" Complicated how?"
" Well I have an older sister. She told me that he cheated on her many times and had to many arguments until they had me. "
" What happen when you were born?"
" Well I guess I made them get closer since I was the youngest and stuff."
" Are they still together?"
" No they're not."
" What happened?"
" Well I started to get older of course and I loved swimming. We lived in an apartment at the time so there was a community pool that me and my mom used to go to while my sister was at school and my dad at work. One day I went to the pool and my mom met this guy."
" mhm."
" They started to talk more and more. My mom kinda used me as an excuse to go meet him knowing that I loved going to the pool. At some point I started to go less and less. They both exchanged numbers and kept the friendship. One day they both went out together without my dad or sister knowing. That day my mom cheated on my dad."
" What happened then..?"
" My mom told my dad and he wanted a divorce even tho he cheated on her before when they were younger. But they got a divorce finally. I had to move back and forth between house. It wasn't easy since my dad found a pretty bad step mom for me. She didn't do anything wrong she was just something I wasn't used to. The guy moved into my moms house and they started to date. At that time my sister moved out so it was even harder since I didn't even have my own sister's support."
" Did anything happen when she moved out?"
" Well The guy wasn't really stable on his own. He always quitted jobs and stuff which caused my to sleep in the same room as them. They even made me sleep in their closet because they needed " alone time together". Which they had enough of because he didn't work neither did she and I was already in school."
" How about you dad?"
" Well since I didn't live there permanently and the house only had one room I had to sleep on the floor right next to their bed."
" So you never had a room of your own?"
" Nope. I either had to sleep on a couch or the floor or in a closet. I thought it was normal since I was young and of course they are my parents. But I grew up and started to learn that it wasn't normal. At all. "
" Did things get worse?"
" Yeah they really did."
" Tell me more about that."
" Well I was about 8 years old when my mom one day went to the salon. I went with her and one of her friends was there. A male drunk friend.. He sat next to me and start to umm touch me."
" Did your mom find out?"
" I told her but she didn't believe me.. She still doesn't." You started to get water in your eyes.
" What happened back at your moms house?"
" Well things stayed like that for a long time until they both broke up.. He still lived there but with her unstable job and him always quitting. My mom had to find someone else to live in the living room. That's when I had a actual bed but no privacy. My mom started to change.. In attitude and everything. She always got into fights with me for stupid reason and used to beat me pretty hard."
" Can I ask with what?"
" Well regular hispanics with a shoe or belt. Some times she took it to far and beat me with wires and things that aren't even normal to beat a child with."
" Do you have scars?"
" Yes I do still.." One tear rolled down your face.
" Did your dad ever find out?"
" He saw them but I was scared of my mother so I blamed it on school like I fell in the play ground or something stupid like that."
" You were scared she would beat you if you told your dad?"
" She would beat the shit out of me.. So bad she left body marks and stuff on me. How would I not be scared?"
" Can you tell us about how you met your best friend?"
" Yeah of course. Well my dad moved into a house. We had a neighbor that had a daughter my same age. My dad knew those neighbors where he grew up. So it was perfect. We both used to play in the pool, go into the front lawn and run away and play stupid games. We of course as kids made games up like an airplane fell and we were the survivors and stuff. She made my childhood better. I alway s want to go to her house and played. Her parents love me and sometimes even call me their daughter because me and my best friend were so alike. She was my only true friend."
" Can you tell us about your teenager self?"
" Yeah well I started middle school in a school that sucked. That's when people started judging each other based on looks and stuff. I hated 6 grade because I didn't know anyone or anything. It was hard. People didn't want to talk to me cause I was fit for their standers and stuff. I started to hate how I looked and how I was as a person and my life. The middle of 6 grade my dad got into a coma. And unfortunately he did pass away.."
" How was it?"
" It was pretty painful. My mom and my sister were never the type of having touch as their love language and my dad was the only one. I got it from him and since he was gone it was painful knowing I could never receive the love I wanted.. My mom cried when she found out and I got angry at her." You looked down and played with your fingers trying not to cry.
" Why were you angry at her?"
" She cheated on my dad. She didn't love him anymore so why cry about someone you hurt the most? She was a cold hearted person when she cheated on my dad so why show emotion the moment he dies? Because she finally knew I couldn't go to his house on the weekends and escape from me or receive child support from him?"
" How was it after he passed away?"
" Well me and my best friend lost touch since I don't near her anymore.. I got diagnosed with depression in 7th grade and also with anxiety. It was hard knowing that everyone grows up to end up being judgement and stuff. I was always judged for my looks. I tried to work out and go on diets but they never helped. I developed an eating disorder because of it. It wasn't easy to get out of it especially how my mom always told me that I looked fat and blamed me for many things that I don't have control over."
" What did she blame you in?"
" She blamed me that the time she has left in life is gone because she had me. Which isn't true because she had an option for abortion but she just didn't chose it."
" She was going to abort you?"
" Yes because of her age."
" Okay so what happened with the guy?"
" He ended up being a drug addicted and always did harm to my mother. Not physically but emotional and mentally yes. My mom didn't notice cause she was blinded by love.. She was pretty blind to realize that her daughter was asking for help in everything."
" Everything meaning?"
" Yeah like my depression got worse through the days.. I had started cutting, not eating, stealing and everything. She was too worried for the love of her life."
" How did you go through this by yourself?"
" To be honest Oprah I have no idea. I just told myself that I will move out and all of this would be gone and I will be successful and nothing can hurt me anymore. Not even my blood."
" We heard that she abandoned you. Is that true?"
" Yes it is. I was 15, he had a metal crisis and blamed it on me. He said that he needed her but she wasn't there because of me. Which wasn't true unless he was talking about that we sleep in the same room. He ended up leaving the house and My mother hated me. She blamed me for everything. Until she had enough and told me one day " If I had a gun and there was 2 serial killers in the room. I would kill you." That's when our huge fight happened."
" What happened in that fight?"
" She told me that she hated me, the love of her life is gone because of me, she couldn't be free because of me, that I should rotten in hell, I should finally commit suicide and make it official. I did want to listen that anymore especially at 15 years old. I had a voice and I had to speak. I told her that she was the reason why I am how I am, she doesn't know how to be a mother, she doesn't know how to do anything for herself unless a man told her too. That's when she had enough and alway slapped me. Of course me at 15 wasn't going to let myself get myself beat up because of her so I took her hand to stop her. She froze and realized what I did. She stood there in shook while I packed my bags and left. I left with everything I need to survive. With my passport, birth certificate, everything. I called my sister and lived in her house for about a year until I got a full time job and rented a studio. I was proud of myself for what I did at 16 years old. I lived in a studio that I rented out at 16. I thought my luck was turning around until my mother came to my studio. I opened the door shocked of how she looked. She looked like she hasn't showered, ate or nothing in days."
" What did you do?"
" I let her inside and asked what she wanted. She said that she was sorry of what she did and asked for money. I knew she was a drug addicted of some sort. I told her to take a shower and i'll put her clothes to wash. She got out of the shower and I gave her some of my clothes that I didn't want anymore. I gave her a plate of food and she explained to me that the guy went back to her since I was gone. She started to do horrible things to herself and she didn't want to do them anymore and she needed help."
" Did you help her?"
" At the moment no because my ego and pride were too big. Then I did help her out. I got her a place of her own. Well she did get it on her own, I just helped. She started to work and stuff. After she was were she wanted to be in life she left me again. I was torn apart. I couldn't believe the second time my mother left her daughter."
" What happened years later?"
" Well me and my best friend got in touch again. We both grew up and graduated high school and got into the same college. We rented an apartment since we both had jobs and went to college together. It was a pretty fun experience. Knowing that my only true friend was their by my side. We started to talk about out careers and she wanted to be a business women and I wanted to be an actress. She believed in me since threw everything I went through she had no idea what I was going threw. She believed in me and she supported it. I went to acting classes and that's where I met Sebastian."
" Sebastian Stan right?"
" Yes. We had a little project I guess you can say and we did pretty well in it. We started to become friends. One day he started to vent about everything. I offered if he would want to stay in my apartment with my best friend. He said yes and a couple months later my best friend go accepted to het dream university. I told her to go and I will be there for her from a distance and that's what she did."
" Did you and Sebastian hooked up?"
" Well yeah we did.. two times out of the years we known each other. "
" How did that happen?"
" Well the two times we were drunk. Like black out drunk."
" Are you guys close because of that?"
" Yup we are. That's why we're so comfortable with each other in sex scene's in our films."
" I see. How are you mentally now?"
" I'm happier than I have ever been. I bought some land and gave it to my best friend to start her business in. I gave my sister a house of her own under her name. I also bought a vineyard. But it's mostly run by my best friend. I basically have whatever I want.. and give people who have gone through worse than others things as well."
" I'm glad to hear your story y/n. Can I say that I am surprised that you are still alive today to tell your story."
" Believe me Oprah I am too."
" I'm sorry for everything you have gone through.. You have gone through some horrible things. You even made me cry. That means a lot if you made me cry."
" Hey what can I say. At least I can say I made Oprah cry now in the future."
" Hahaha yes you can."
We started to talk more about what I want to do in the future. If I want a family, career and stuff like that. We did cry a little bit more but we also laughed a little bit more. We talked about how my relationship is with people and how fame changed my life. I t was nice to talk all of this out even tho I forgot I have to go back home to a house full of people knowing how I spent my life. I'm not looking for sympathy i just want to be normal but just accepting this interview it changes all of that. The interview finished around 10pm and I said my goodbyes to everyone and exchanged numbers with Oprah. I drove back home thinking about what can happen at home. Would I get stares? Would I get showered with hugs and kisses? What can happen. By the looks of my phone blowing up by Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, Nickie, Salma , Angelina Jolie, Jamie Lee Curtis, and big Hollywood rock band leaders and actors. It seemed like I made my life worse. My instagram was blowing up and so was titter and snapchat. I just got my phone and put it in night mode to silence everything. I finally pulled up to the drive way. The lights in the house were still on. Theres still cars in the drive threw and everything was the same as when I left. I walked back inside. I didn't see anyone visibly inside only Chris. Everyone was outside talking. Dogger was outside playing with the kids. Chris took steps closer to me and I just looked at him. I did see he was crying before. His eyes were red and puffy. His nose the same shade of red as his eyes. He sort of ran towards me and hugged me. I don't know why but this hug impacted me more than it should have. Too much that I started to cry on his shoulder. He picked me up and walked towards my room. I cried on him for way too long. Well I didn't just cry, he did too. My legs still wrapped around his torso and him huddled over to reach me. We cried together for a long time.
" I'm so sorry what you had to go through." He whisper in my ear with his husky voice.
" It's okay now. I'm safe with you and nothing can hurt me again." You said softly with a few sniffs.
He held my waist and I held on to his neck. We had about a hour of a crying session together. Until we couldn't get any tears. We both washed up and I changed. We both walked to outside. The kids greeted me with hugs and kisses. So did dogger. I hugged them each for about 5 minutes. I did also hug dogger for five minutes. I had a 10 minute hugging session with everyone. Some longer than others like Holland and Hiddleston. Everyone went back inside and got themselves ready to sleep. Instead of me going to kiss everyone good night. Everyone came to me. I have finally found a family.
Chris and I didn't let each other threw the whole night. We didn't go to sleep until maybe 2 am. But mean while we tried I sometimes had to whip his tears away. I had to calm him down with my touch because if it wasn't my touch then nothing whole calm him down. I showed him my scars and cutting scars. Most of them you couldn't see but could feel them. So was the same with my back. The was a huge line down my back but my tattoo covered it. I made him feel assured that I was okay and safe. Sometimes he cried in silence but sometimes he didn't. Every time he cried I had reassure him. I had to turn him around she he could lay on my chest like a baby. That's when he feel fast asleep and so did i.