Mark Masahiro
I think the thing that makes me nervous in dating another man is the sex part. Who would want the excruciating pain it would bring when someone else's dick enters your ass? But now that I have passed this stage, I don't know if I am even planning to stop.
I can blame everything on those drugs that spiked my drink that night as I went opening my legs wide for P Vee and allow him to have that killer and most incredible sex with me.
Yes, it was incredible! Painful at first but tremendously pleasurable when I started to get used to it. How many times have I repeated those scenes inside my head, I cannot count anymore. I didn't know having sex with another man would give me that kind of orgasm. Absolutely mind blowing!
"Masa! Woooii! You are spilling water on your shirt!" I was brought back from my day dreaming when Jane snatched my water bottle away from my mouth.
"Are you a kid or something?" She scolded as she handed me some tissues to wipe myself. Jane and I are on our free time so we came over to watch Pran in his swimming club. He said he'll be participating with the selection of freshies who just joined their club.
"I wonder where P Vee is. He's supposed to be here already." Jane extended her neck to look for that architecture student who was no other than the subject of my day dreaming. P Vee is a member of the swimming club too. And I believe niisama saw him here first.
"Oh there he is! Aaaaaaaah! Can't get enough from looking at that gorgeous body of his." Jane went loco ogling over the topless form of P Vee who gracefully walked around the pool talking to his club mates.
"What's with you drooling over his body Jane? What's so good about it? It's just ok." It's beyond from just ok! He's extremely gorgeous! I have to look away because I'm remembering once again how that body made me feel that night.
After he confessed liking me, I was deeply shaken to the core. When it comes to my feelings for him, I'm not sure about the word love yet. I only know I feel comfortable and happier when I am with him. That he makes me feel good. And if it's not him, I wouldn't be doing all those lustful things I did with him in bed.
"Huh! Say that to your face that is not blushing right now, Masa Masahiro! Look at you!" I cupped my own face that was now heating up. Damn it! Jane will not stop teasing me now. She's pulling my hands away to look clearly to my blushing face. Annoying!
"Oh! Why is P Vee walking towards us? Is he coming to talk to us? Kyaaaah!" Jane and me stopped messing around with each other hearing the first year girls screaming behind us. I turned to look at the half naked man walking indeed towards our direction. But his eyes were not on the freshies. He was only looking at me.
"Hello P Vee. Came to talk to Mas?" Jane greeted him cheerfully. He smiled and greeted her back before sitting unusually close next to me.
I can hear the girls behind us giggling. So as Jane who also tried pushing me closer to P Vee, our shoulders now touching. I was fidgeting from embarrassment as the man beside me sees me blushing. I heard him chuckling softly seeing me acting all shy so I nudged my elbow hard on his side making him hissed in pain.
"What are you doing here? Go away!" I was talking so quietly so the people around us won't hear.
"What? What's wrong with me being here? I wanted to see you." He whispered back.
"You can still see me when you're at the pool."
"Ah! My eyes are suffering from near-sightedness Mas. It always wanted to be near you." I have to roll my eyes to stop myself from cringing. Jane on the other hand snickered beside me. She was listening attentively to our conversation.
"Stop with your cheesy pick-up lines P! I wanna vomit at your face." I nudged my elbow on his side again but more gently this time.
"Aw! You wanna vomit to your handsome boyfriend's face? But you were licking it deliciously just two days ago, weren't you?" The second sentence he whispered so closely to my ears, so that only I could hear it.
"Oh shiya!" It was Jane who reacted first. She covered her face with her hands and was bouncing up and down beside me. She even heard that last sentence even if it was delivered so softly into my ears. Damn this woman!
"Look what you have done to this woman! Go away already!" I pushed him away but he only grabbed my hand and gave it a quick kiss before letting it go. The girls behind us were screaming. And I think Jane fake fainted beside me. I almost punch him in the face but he was smiling so brightly I could only sigh out loud.
"Did we not agree on this already?" I pursed my lips whispering to him again. I was trying to remind him the conditions we laid to each other upon getting back to dating once more.
I said yes to P Vee when he asked me to be his boyfriend for the second time around. I'm not sure if I said yes because I was at the height of feeling good after we had sex. But point is, I said yes, so we are technically dating each other again.
But I told him I wanted the relationship to be more private this time. No need to announce all over the social media about us. No need to change our relationship status on facebook again. And if possible, make it known to a few people like our small circle of friends only. I don't want it to be grand like we're some kind of celebrity. I'd like to keep it low key and simple. I believe the relationship between two individuals is not for the whole world to discuss.
P Vee went ecstatic after hearing me say yes. He was all happy aggreeing to everything I said after that.
"Did you come to see me?" He started talking again after I calmed down. I got distracted by the way he rubs his naked chest unconsciously.
"Do you think your body is that good looking that you go out all naked to come up here? Do you think everything is about you, huh?" I was furrowing my eyebrows as I scold him about his over confidence with himself. I hated how the girls kept on taking pictures of him wearing nothing but his board shorts.
"Aw! What's wrong with this? We're in a tropical country Mas and I'm about to go in the pool anyway." He reasoned outs smiling from time to time to those who were calling his name.
"Then get into the pool and drown yourself already! You are annoying me here." I don't know why I get this irritation from him giving his handsome smile just to anyone who asks.
"Whoa! Are you jealous? You are jealous!" He teased me and started poking on my cheeks that was closest to him.
"I'm not. I'm annoyed." I close my eyes trying to ignore him. But I felt him coming closer to my face as I felt his warm breath on my ears.
"This body only belongs to Mas. Don't get jealous na?" I can't help but twitch my mouth into a small smile. Those words are giving me assurance of ownership.
"Wait for me ok? I will send you home after the club activities is done." He said before standing up to go back to the pool.
"No. Uhmm. I need to buy something for my mom at the hospital." I can't let him take me home. The house where we live now is the same house when P Vee and me meet when we were children. He's gonna suspect if he'll realized me and niisama were the twins he and his brother used to play with. What if he starts asking about niisama? What if he would link the sudden change in my personality to my niisama's absence? What it he tells mom? It's too risky.
"Oh. So how about dinner before you go to the hospital?" Is he asking me for a date? His eyes were looking a little hopeful as he waited for my answer.
"Ok. Now go back there already." I shoved at him once again and pointed at the pool.
"Yes! Think of what you wanted to eat later. My treat." He wink at me, smiled at Jane and the girls behind us and hurried back to the pool. He was whooping on his way and accidentally slipped on the wet tiles making me laugh at his clumsiness. I saw him scratching his head from embarrassment and tried to avoid looking back at my direction. Why do I think he's cute? Sigh.
"Ai Masa! Woi Masa! Stop looking at your boyfriend already!" I forgot Jane was still there. I was too focused on P Vee I forgot there are still people around us.
"I wasn't. Stop imaging things Jane. It was our stupid friend, Pran I was looking at."
"So you are not denying about the boyfriend thing?" I averted my eyes from Jane and nodded once.
"Oh my god! Oh my god! Masaaa! Ma uhmp!" I hurriedly covered her mouth before she could even shout it to the whole university to hear.
"Shush! Shut up! Don't go announcing it to everyone!" I whispered to her as she wrestles herself to get free from my hands. She was panting when I finally freed her.
"Kyaaaa! My VeeMas heart has resurrected!" She giggled more quietly this time, tugging on my shirt as her obsession for y series awakens.
"Promise me that you will tell nobody but Pran about this. Promise me." I told her holding a pinky to seal our truce. She immediately locked hers with mine looking so eagerly.
"I promise with my fujoshi blood in me." She said like she's some samurai warrior. Baka onna!
She then made me tell the the story in details, gasping at some point and almost hyperventilated when I get to the part where P Vee carried me in his arms towards the guestroom. Of course I skipped on the NC part. Her puppy eyes begged me for more but I stopped right at the scene that I just made up for the sake of giving my narration a closure. I lied to Jane telling her P Vee kissed me, confessed, we hugged and then sleep peacefully. End of story!
So I was the subject of Jane and Pran's constant teasing until we parted at the parking lot. They wished me luck in my dinner date with P Vee.
"And we want you to remember this no matter what Mas." The two annoying creatures each grabbed one of my hands and looked at me solemnly.
"What!" I hissed at them.
"No glove no Love Masahiro kun!" They both shouted at me before scampering away, laughing.
I was smiling at their silliness as I leaned at my car waiting for that senior from the architecture department.
I took out two of of my smartphones I have with me to check if I have some important emails. As soon as I switched on the phone that belongs to me, an international call immediately registered. It was Saya 's private number. I stared at it as it disconnects only to connect once again. This repeated like 5 times before I finally answered on the sixth.
"..."
[Mark?]Hearing someone calls me by my real name is like a breath of fresh air. How long has it been since I've heard someone calling me Mark? Sometimes I get so used of being called by my niisama's name that I forgot I have one of my own.
"Saya." I missed calling out her name too for some reasons I can't explain.
[Ah! Finally! I've been trying to contact you for ages. I am so worried about you Mark. How are you doing?]She was talking to me in Japanese. Her voice was full of concern. I used to smile every time I heard her shrilly voice while talking to me. It sounded so girly and compliments well with her pretty face.
"I'm fine. Let's cut to the chase though, why did you call me?" I was surprise that my Japanese is still as smooth as before. Speaking this language makes me sound a little more fiercer compared to speaking Thai.
[Well I miss you! Damn you! How could you disappear like this? And what the hell do you think you are doing there in Thailand? Don't you lie to me because I have my ways in knowing.] Who misses who? Why was she talking like me and her are still together?
"And what is it to do with you? Why do you sound like I still have the obligation to report everything to you? Let me remind you that it was you who ended everything with me."
[Mark. Gome. I regret doing that. I'm sorry Mark. I realized I can't live without you in my life.] She sniffled and sounded like she was already crying.
When we were still dating, I used to panic when Saya cries in front of me. I don't want to see her in tears as it breaks my heart as well. But it doesn't have the same effect to me now. I feel nothing as I continue to listen to her sobbing.
[Mark. Saya still loves you. I only did that because I don't want you to get hurt. But God knows how I was hurting when I said all that to you. And when Masa kun died because of me, I was totally devastated. I blame myself for it. Please don't hate me.] She was crying so hard upon mentioning niisama's death. It opened an old wound inside my heart.
Pointing a finger on who to blame with my brother's death was part of the stages of my grieving. But mostly, I blamed myself. I don't think it's right to throw it all to Saya. She has no control over that delinquent fan of hers. It was only plausible to blame myself because niisama was mistaken to be me. This curse of having the same face with another person is wacked with so much misfortunes. And niisama was on the disadvantaged when it happened.
"It's ok Saya. I do not hate you. And I never blamed you for what happened to niisama. It was entirely my fault. So don't be too hard on yourself."
[Mark. You still love me right? Please come back to me. Please?] Do I still love her? Even if this girl holds a special place in my heart, I don't think it's love anymore. Something in niisama's death had totally change my way of perception in life. And that includes my relationship with Saya. I guess it all ended that night she broke up with me and my brother died.
"I'm afraid i can't do that. I'm sorry. My love for you is no longer the same Saya. I don't think we can go back to the way we used to."
[No. No. I don't believe you. You are only saying that because you get distracted with your current life in Thailand. Why don't we try it when you go back here Mark? I guarantee you will love me more than you did before.] The confidence in her voice was a little shaky. I don't think she believed it herself.
"I don't think so Saya. It's not that easy. The Mark you knew before is not the same Mark as I am now."
[No! It doesn't mean you live and act like Masa kun you are no longer Mark! You are still you Mark! I know why you are doing this but please don't loose yourself in that play of pretend.] I gripped the phone more tightly hearing her say that. Did she knew what I am up to?
"Saya. You...."
[Yes Mark! I know what you are doing there. You are fooling everyone pretending you are Masa kun!]
"How did you..."
[Oh I can use every drop of my money for you Mark. I have my sources. Mark, I understand why you are doing this. It's for your mother. But don't forget you have a life of your own. Don't forget you are not your brother. Someday your play of pretend will end. Will you continue to live your dead brother's life? Will you continue dating his boyfriend for him? Will you be able to take all of it? Remember, they think you are Masa kun, that's why they treat and love you that way. How about Mark? Will they still accept you if they knew you are not Masa kun? No! They will hate you for it! Even if your intentions are good, they will still hate you for lying to them.]
Saya's words brought discomfort in my heart because all that she pointed out were true.
"Mas? Have you been waiting long for me?" P Vee appeared in front of me panting. He must have run his way to reach at me faster. His handsome face showed excitement and delight seeing me waiting for him. Is he that excited on our first date?
[Mark. It's best to tell them the truth when it's not too late yet. I know your mother will be able to accept it gradually with you around her.] Saya continued talking. P Vee raised and eyebrow seeing me talking to the phone. How can I tell this person that I am not my niisama after he confessed his feelings for him. Yes. His feelings for him. Saya was right. They all treat me well because they thought I was my brother. P Vee confessed his love for me because he thought I was my niisama. I was so stupid and delusional to think he likes the real me, the one who is called Mark, not Masa.
"I think it's already too late Saya." I told her before I finally hang up my phone. I smiled at P Vee and started acting and thinking like niisama once again.
I wanted to enjoy being with this person while I still can. Even if he calls me by my brother's name, I will accept it as long as I can stay by his side a little longer. And if someday he would hate me for this, I would gladly accept it too because I almost sold my soul to the devil for literally living a borrowed identity in exchange for love.
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