hey y'all!!! i'm backkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!! did ya miss me ;)
Seraphina Amor
I've never been one to struggle with lying, it's always come as a second nature to me. I think I learned how to lie before I even learned how to tell the truth. It's simply just easy.
Throughout my time in this career, lying becomes a staple, a necessity to go about your daily life. Telling lies is how you make it home at the end of the day and are able to dodge the bullet that could end up in your head. Lying's saved me more than once and I know for a fact that it won't let me down any time soon.
The thing about lies, though, is that they can spiral out of control. The longer you keep them locked away and hidden from the light, the more they build and build, growing larger and larger until you are not able to keep a hold on them anymore. I know this and I've learned from this knowledge, but the possibility of it happening still lingers in my head day to day. That's why, more recently, I've kept track of my lies and tried to get myself out of them before they get too big and my grip on them slips.
My list of lies right now is long and it seems last night I added one more to the list.
I'm not worried about Harry finding out about me sneaking out. Frankly, I don't really care. I'm a grown woman and I know how to handle myself if the situation to do so ever arised. I don't need Harry to babysit me and follow my every move. Sure, we're partners right now, but that doesn't mean I wasn't able to look into things on my own time.
And truth be told, I know Harry is lying to me about things as well; it's the same with Leon and Wyatt too. We're all hiding things from each other and that doesn't bother me at all, unless it has to do with the assignment which was precisely why I went out on my own to look into Pete.
They had failed to mention that Pete was an agent originally, not until he was found dead in a photo along with the other lifeless bodies of numerous agents. Even thinking about the picture made me shutter, the disturbing and revolting images flashing in my mind. I wasn't mad per say about the Pete situation, but actively knowing they didn't tell me that at first until it was exposed makes me wonder what else they're keeping from me.
However, I guess I could be called a hypocrite because I'm also keeping things from, or at least plan to. For example, I don't plan on telling Harry about the little piece of bloodied paper that I hold in my hand with an address scribbled across it.
I stared at paper until the sun peeked up from over the horizon as I contemplated what to do with it. It could be nothing, honestly, just an address of a client that Pete had. Yes he was an agent, but he also did genuinely run a picture store, meaning that he did have normal, everyday people as clients. If I told Harry about it and it turns out to be someone's home or something, I know for sure that I'll get criticized for wasting time when we have two perfectly good addresses from Wyatt that we can use and more likely than not find a lead on Jensen.
Which is exactly why I hid the paper in one of the drawers beneath my bras and underwear, confident enough that Harry wouldn't go searching through there.
Once again, it's just another lie and I shouldn't let it bother me.
My hands run over my face as I sit at the edge of the bed, eyes trained on the drawer that the paper sits in. It's presence is overbearing and although I can't see it, I can feel it burning through the wood that separates me from it. I don't know what I'm going to do with it, truly. There's a lot more certain things to go by and even though it was hidden somewhat, it could have just fallen as collateral damage of Pete's fight against his attackers.
Sighing, I shake my head and push myself up from the bed, averting my sight away from the drawer. There's not much I can do right now with it anyway as Harry and I already agreed that today we would go and check out the address of where Pete was taken. He was waiting for me to finish getting ready and I know at this point, I'm just stalling.
I grab my bag from the top of the counter, sliding it over my shoulder before sucking in a deep breath and pulling open my door, stepping out into the hallway. I can distantly hear the sounds of Harry moving around in the foyer of his apartment, clattering of objects as he moves things around and takes the things we need for today.
My steps are light as I walk down the hall, heart pounding in my chest. There's not many times I get nervous but it seems that right now is the exception. I've avoided Harry like the plague so far this morning, not only because of that address, but because of what happened between us. I still couldn't wrap my head around it all.
I kissed Harry and hooked up with him yesterday.
I want to laugh at how absurd it all sounds.
I don't like Harry, but I'd just be lying if I said that I didn't have some sort of attraction towards him. In fact, anyone would be a red faced liar if they said he wasn't one of the most attractive men they've ever seen. I thought that from the first time I saw him and even though I didn't like his personality at first, I certainly liked his face. He would be great arm candy.
Now, even though he wasn't dealing with the situation with awkwardness, I was and that made me freak out. I'm not one to have issues with things like this and that fact that I am and with Harry of all people is unbelievable. I tried to play it off yesterday but I think that's because it hadn't caught up to me of what we had done. Last night, however, after I got home from Pete's store, it finally resonated with me what happened.
I kissed Harry and liked it.
The thought makes me shiver.
My hold on my bag tightens as I catch sight of Harry leaning over the kitchen counter, typing something on his computer. I assume it's to get the correct address for the place where Pete and the other agents were and my guess is deemed correct as I hear Harry mumbling a number and street name under his breath, writing it onto a piece of ripped paper next to him.
"Whatcha doing there?"
My voice cuts through the silent room and it causes Harry's head to snap up immediately, turning around to stare at me with wide eyes. I stand in my spot, biting on the inside of my cheek as I fall under Harry's gaze. It makes my stomach flip when he smiles gently at me, his dimples popping out faintly.
"Just getting the proper address," he answers, lifting up the paper to further prove his point.
I knew that already but I nod in understanding anyway, shifting my weight between my feet. I stare at Harry for a moment, unsure of what to say but before I can even get a word out, Harry beats me to it.
"So, how did you sleep last night?"
His question makes my entire body heat up but I make sure not to change the casual expression on my face. It will give away everything as I know if anyone were to pick up on my lying, it would be Harry.
"The usual," I brush off, stepping towards him, desperately trying to fall back into the swing of the way everything was before yesterday. "What about you?"
Harry watches me as I move towards the door, his gentle smile remaining on his face. "Same as you."
I hum softly as I scratch at the inside of my arms, sniffing lightly. "That's good."
My response is short and it makes Harry's brows furrow and his plump lips to pull into a subtle frown. It makes me want to scream because of how tempting they look right now. It's taking every ounce of control in me not to kiss him because I know if I do, it will lead to something else that I won't try to stop and we have more important things to attend to.
In the seconds I lost myself in thought, Harry had walked over to me as the smell of him invades my nose and there's a hand placed gently on my shoulder. The touch sends shocks down the entire expanse of my arm, lighting up every cell and nerve. My eyes widen slightly as I glance up at Harry with parted lips.
"Are you sure you're alright? You seem off," Harry asks, concern pooling in the evergreen color of his eyes.
The way he asks it so genuinely makes me stiffen before I take a step back, giving him a defensive glare. "I'm fine, Harry. We should go."
I know I'm trying to steer away from the topic but I'm just so on edge around him at the moment for a multitude of things that I'm not sure what to do with myself. I've never felt like this before, so confused with what I was feeling that I don't know how to act.
Apparently my tone was harsher than I anticipated as the second I go to open the door, Harry is grabbing my wrist loosely, forcing me to place my attention on him once again.
When my eyes meet his, they're filled with questioning and uncertainty and a flood of guilt washes over me. Harry looks so confused at my sudden change of attitude from yesterday and it makes me feel awful. I'm not actively trying to be rude, I just don't know what to do.
I'm so fucking lost right now.
"Why are you lying?" Harry demands and that makes my stomach drop. He must know. He has to, but how would he figure it out? "Is this about what happened between us yesterday?"
His following question makes my mind stop racing and I realize that he just thinks it's about our kiss. It makes me let out a subtle sigh of relief knowing that his assumptions were wrong; well at least partially wrong.
His worry makes my chest tighten and I shake my head. "No, it's not, Harry. I just didn't sleep well last night, you know this."
Harry's frown deepens as he stares at me and for the first time I hate that we are nearly the same height because that means our eye contact is direct. It makes my palms sweat as it reminds me of how he looked at me yesterday, except that was filled with more lust and desire rather than this confused and uncertain gleam.
"I know that," Harry agrees, his hold on my wrist loosening just the tiniest bit. "I just think you're being a little off this morning, that's all. You haven't said one snarky comment and I can't help but think it's because of me and what happened."
My eyes widen and I swear my stomach falls to my ass from the dust of self doubt that sprinkles itself in his words. Normally, in any other situation, this would have made me feel glorious that Harry was experiencing self doubt, but not right now, not when things have shifted in our relationship.
"No, no, it's not that at all," I try to reason and Harry doesn't seem to believe me as his frown doesn't falter.
"I don't believe you," he mumbles and I sigh as I try to contain myself from yelling at how awful I'm handling this. "You said you didn't regret it."
"I don't!" I say loudly and I feel my face heat up on how fast I answered him. "I don't regret it, Harry. I just didn't sleep well."
There's desperation dripping in my tone and it almost makes me feel embarrassed. I don't know why I'm trying so hard to make him understand but I want him to know that I don't regret it at all. Do I get why I kissed him? No. Do I get why I hooked up with him in the middle of his living room? Also no. But that doesn't mean I regret it, not in the slightest.
"I don't know," Harry says, moving away from me and the absence of his hold on me makes my skin run cold. "If what happened is going to ruin our partnership or make you uncomfortable, we can always just ignore it and pretend it didn't happen like I said before."
Harry's eyes move away from mine as he grabs his keys, stuffing them into his pocket. I watch him with owlish eyes and parted lips, trying to wrap my head around what he was saying. He seemed so certain about how I was feeling and that made me want to yell at him. Sure he was right in the sense that he was the reason I was acting like this, but it was for the exact opposite of what he believes.
As he moves to walk past me, I don't let myself think about it before I grab his forearms, stopping him from going any further.
Harry turns to me, eyes wide with confusion and brows drawn down. "Amor, what are you–"
He doesn't get to finish his sentence as I'm grabbing his face and placing my lips on his in a rash decision.
My eyes squeeze shut at the feeling of kissing him, goosebumps raising across my skin. I feel Harry tense for a fraction of a moment before he's returning the sentiment, leaning into the kiss and wrapping his hands around my forearms, holding on tightly.
The touch causes my mind to buzz on adrenaline, making me feel dizzy and drunk on the feeling and touch of Harry.
I don't think I'll ever be able to get over the feeling of kissing him.
I can say confidently that Harry was the best kisser I've ever experienced and I don't think anyone will be able to live up to him. His lips are so soft, gentle and pillowy that it contrasts the passion behind his movements beautifully.
There's this need within me that drives me to make sure Harry understands. Even if I'm not his biggest fan and he still bothers me, I don't want him to ever stop kissing me. I can look past the things I'm not fond of about him and focus on the attraction that I have to him. It's there, no matter how hard I try to ignore it.
That's not saying I liked him, though. He's just a wonderful kisser.
My hands slide down from his cheeks to rest on his neck, feeling the warm skin beneath my palms. Harry keeps one hand planted on my arm while the other drops to my waist, pulling me closer to him. His chest is against mine and I pray to whoever is listening that he can't feel the insistent pounding of my heart.
A thump echoes faintly in my ears, my bag falling to the floor forgotten. I don't pay it any mind, though, too entirely focused on the way Harry's fingers are digging into my hip softly.
Right now, I'm hyper aware of everything he is doing and it drives my mind wild. I notice the way his long eyelashes flutter against my cheeks. I notice the way his cold rings are touching my arm. I notice the way he breathes in harshly through his nose, not wanting to pull away. I notice the hums in the back of his throat as my lips move against his.
Nothing went unnoticed by me and I'm glad that it didn't.
When my head starts to go light not just from the kiss but also from the lack of oxygen, I pull back. My eyes blink open and I watch as Harry's eyes remain closed for a second, heavy breaths slipping past his parted lips. The color of them has darkened as it makes me smile to myself, and I can't stop myself from bringing my thumb to his bottom lip and tracing it gently.
The act makes Harry's eyes flutter open and they appear foggy as he stares at me, sight darting over my face. I chew on my bottom lip as I take in his dazed appearance, my confidence that I was lacking only moments before suddenly returning.
I grin at him, tilting my head to the side. "Now do you believe I don't regret it, Styles?"
Harry blinks at me, unresponsive to my question for a second before a smirk dances on his lips. It makes my stomach flip as he shakes his head, hand rubbing gently on my hip.
"No... I don't think so, darling. Care to show me again?"
His coy teasing makes my grin grow even more, relaxing mentally as we fell back into our own groove again.
I hum softly as I pucker my lips, pretending to look deep in thought. As I do so, I allow my hands to travel down Harry's chest, feeling the planes of muscle that reside under the fabric of his shirt. Harry shudders under my touch and it causes a rush of adrenaline to go to my head.
"I don't know, Styles," I drawl, dancing my hands back up to his neck and to the curls that frame his face. "We've got things we have to do today. Can't stop them all because you want to keep kissing me."
Harry chuckles under his breath, his dimples finally popping out fully. I allow my sight to flicker down to his lips, observing the way they curl into his infamous smile that has begun to make an appearance more often. I'm not mad about it. I prefer it to the harsh words that are formed by the very same lips.
It's crazy to think that a mouth that could say such rude things could simultaneously be the sweetest kisser.
"Says who?" Harry whispers, already beginning to lean closer to me.
I swear my mind is on a high and not making me think clearly because I know that if he goes to kiss me again, I'm going to let him. There's a voice screaming in the back of my head that tells me to stop, to go do my job and to ignore whatever it is I'm feeling for Harry. But, there's a larger part that tells me to keep going, that doesn't make me second guess myself when I allow myself to kiss Harry back when his lips meet mine.
I know it's irresponsible and frankly a little out of character for me to do, but I can't stop myself. Kissing Harry is making me feel things that I haven't felt in a long time and I'm going to relish that for as long as I possibly can before reality strikes me hard in the face.
Bringing my hands into Harry's hair, I card my fingers through the soft curls and I feel Harry let out a soft moan. It makes the edges of my lips twitch upwards in satisfaction and it prompts me to do it again, eliciting the same reaction from him before he pulls back, staring at me with dark eyes.
"Don't start something we can't finish right now, darling," he says darkly and it makes me grin.
My focus moves to where my finger is twirling a delicate curl around my finger, chewing on my bottom lip as my lips curl into a grin.
"I would never," I answer slyly and although every ounce of my body is screaming at me not to, I step away from Harry, letting fingers run down his chest as I do so. I grab my bag and move towards door, glancing over my shoulder at Harry. "Come on, darling, we've got places to go."
Harry's eyes widen in surprise at the usage of the name on him, but he just shakes his head as he licks his lips but nonetheless, makes his way over to where I'm opening the door.
"You are absolutely evil," Harry mumbles as he walks past me and into the hall.
"Oh no," I reply sarcastically and Harry rolls his eyes at me as I shut the door behind me and he goes to lock it. "Guess you'll have to wait until a little later then, hm?"
Harry glares at me but it's not one of hatred like it usually is. It's more with a dissatisfied taste as I stopped everything before it could get too far.
"Once again," he says as we begin walking towards the elevators, "You are unbearable."
That makes me bite back a smirk as now I know there's no true venom behind his words at this moment. It's quite exhilarating to know the effects I have on him, a power kick to the head.
Though, as much as I liked kissing Harry, I would also like finding out who exactly killed all those agents and why.
It's no question that it was the work of Jensen; I think the letters carved into the stomachs of the agents made that clear enough. Still, it didn't answer the question of how he did it and how he got away with it all. It was a bold move to play on his part and certainly a gruesome one. That doesn't make me question that this guy is arrogant as hell. He knows he can get away with it and he knows he will. It annoys me beyond belief how self assured this guy is and it makes me eager to take him down.
Finding him will be the most difficult part, I know that for sure and as awful as it sounds, the more agents he kills and the more crimes he commits give us an insight into his goals and him as a person. There's always a driving reason behind people like this and I am determined to figure it out. Catching this creep is my redemption and I have no intentions of messing that up.
This is how I'm going to cement my place on the top and stop everyone from questioning my power.
"I can practically see the gears turning in your head right now, darling."
I blink out of my thoughts and turn my head over to Harry as he presses the 'down' button of the elevator. He's staring at me with an intrigued expression and I shrug, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Just thinking about the assignment is all," I answer and Harry hums.
"Seems to be a little more than just thinking," he teases and I give him a bored glare.
The elevator in front of us dings and the doors slide open, letting us step inside and hit the button for the lobby. I lean against the back wall and Harry stands next to me, waiting for my response.
Letting out a deep breath, I look over to him, finger tapping against my bicep. "I just think that Jensen is a little bold, you know? I've seen things before but I've never seen a guy carve his own name into agents who were trying to stop him. It's like he knows he won't get caught."
"The guy's probably a grade A narcissist," Harry says and I nod.
"Yeah, just like you!"
Harry glowers at my faux expression of shock. "Very funny, darling. I'm laughing my ass off."
Despite the unamused look Harry tries to pull, I can spot the subtle way he's biting the inside of his mouth to stop from smiling.
Instead of calling him out for it, I just shrug my shoulders. "I don't know, I think I'm pretty funny."
That makes Harry roll his eyes at me, scoffing under his breath. "And you call me the narcissist."
I smile softly, shaking my head as I turn to look forward again. The elevator stops moving and the doors open, revealing the decently busy lobby. Harry and I walk out, brushing past bustling people who are going to who knows where but rushing to get there. We push through the front doors and step out onto the street, the cool air hitting my face.
"I do think that Jensen is getting a bit reckless," Harry says suddenly as we head towards his car, hands shoved into his pockets.
His comment makes my brows raise in surprise. "Really? How come?"
"It's like you said," Harry begins, pulling his hand out to unlock the car as we near it. "The way he killed those agents was bold, extremely bold. He's getting cocky with his work because he knows that no one is directly onto him."
"You think he's doing this for his own amusement?" I ask and Harry shrugs his shoulders as he rounds to his side of the car.
"Maybe. All I know is that the guy is good and he knows it. Based on the fact that he's already done something this big, the deaths are probably going to get worse. However, as the deaths get more reckless–"
"The more likely he is to slip up," I finish for him and Harry nods, looking over the hood of the car at me. "Which means the greater likelihood of catching this guy."
"Exactly what I was thinking, darling," Harry says, giving me a dimpled grin. "Just means we're one step closer to getting him."
Grabbing the handle of the car door, I pull it open and slide into the seat. I close the door behind me and Harry locks it, sitting in the driver's seat as he pulls out the piece of paper with Pete's location on it. He types it into the GPS, clicking on the 'GO' button and buckles his seatbelt and I do the same.
"He can only keep this up for so much longer," I say as I toss my bag into the back. "It's still not going to be easy and his slip up isn't going to be noticeable, but it's bound to happen."
Harry looks over to me and I see the determination pooling in his eyes. "And we'll be ready for it when it does, darling."
That, for the first time throughout this mission, gives me confidence that we will find Jensen.
a/n: hey everyone!!! this is my official return!! i know i've been gone for a while and i apologize for that but i'm back and ready to write this story again. i actually missed H and S so much lol. i left at such a good point but i'm back!! if you've waited for me to return, thank you sm i appreciate it. i know how annoying it can be when an author drops off the face the earth randomly. BUT i was able to pick up where i left off and am prepared to get you all to the end of this story. i'm so so so excited and i can't for all i have in store. see you all soon! -j