I kept feeling someone holding my hand, painfully tight at times. And though I couldn't hear clearly, faint whispers drifted around in my foggy head. I knew without knowing that some of them were Xiao. I wanted so badly to wake up right away... but I was just so tired...
When I did eventually wake up, I instantly regretted it. Everything hurt so much. It was some of the worst pain I'd ever felt... But I forced my eyes open, desperate to see Xiao. To know he was still there. I was in a dark room lit by a single candle. The faint aroma of mint clung to the fresh air. I turned my head and gasped. Xiao was slumped over in a seat beside my bed, head resting on the mattress while his hand clung desperately to mine. My fingers looked pale and limp next to his dark glove. I lifted them, curling them tightly around the back of his hand. He flinched and I squeezed tighter.
"Xiao?" My throat ached and I coughed lightly. "I'm awake... Xiao?" I squeezed his hand again and this time his eyes flew open and he jolted upright. His mouth fell open when he met my eyes. I laughed, pushing back the tears forming in the corner of my eyes. "Hey, you." I smiled past the fierce pain in my torso.
"Y-you're-" Xiao's eyes watered and he closed his mouth, biting his lip. "Y-you really scared me." he said in a wavering tone. "Are you really- are you really there?" He leaned forward, eyes wide and painfully hopeful.
"I'm here." I smiled, bumping my forehead against his. Xiao's hands landed on my shoulders, gently pulling me close. I tensed from pain but melted into his embrace, failing to fight back tears. "I'm sorry I worried you." He didn't say anything but I felt his shoulders shaking, and warm teardrops on my shoulders.
"I-it was my fault!" he choked out, hiding his face in my shoulder. "I should've been more careful, I should've moved faster, I should've-"
"Xiao!" I leaned back, hands on his shoulders. He sniffed, looking away as tears streamed down his face. "Don't say that! It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself for that. I would never." I said softly, cupping his face in my hands.
"Y-y-you jumped in front of me. Nobody had ever done that- I- I didn't know what to do-" he sobbed, grabbing my wrists.
"Aw, Xiao..." I whispered, gently pulling his face forward. "It's alright. I'm here. It was my choice- I didn't want to see you hurt-"
"I don't want to see you hurt either!" he yelled, golden eyes damp and narrowed. "Do you have any idea- any idea how much this hurts?? I- I'm sick with worry." He hunched his shoulders, avoiding my eyes. "I can't think about anything else. My chest feels tight and I was scared- so scared... I don't want to feel like this."
"Like what?" I asked, brushing hair away from his face. He didn't stop me, allowing to see the glistening droplets escaping the corner of his eyes. The red makeup at the corner of his eyes was smudged and imperfect...
"Weak." he said with a whimper, leaning into my touch. "I feel weak..."
"You're not weak. You're just feeling a lot at once, and it can be overwhelming. Just... just take a breath. It's alright if you don't know what to say or do... but I'm here, and I care. It's going to be alright."
"How do I believe you so easily..." he sighed. I leaned forward and kissed his forehead, letting my lips linger for just a moment on his warm skin...
"That's just a sign you trust me. And you know I trust you." I smiled. He blinked several times, color rushing to his cheeks. "It's okay, Xiao. I'm okay." I smiled and he threw his arms around me again, pulling me close and squeezing- instantly triggering jolts of pain up and down my body. "Ah- still fragile!" I squeaked.
"I'm so sorry." Xiao leaned back with hands raised.
"It's fine." I gave a sheepish smile. "Just... gently, ok?" Xiao nodded and moved forward again, his hands just brushing my skin as he embraced me. I hugged him in return, surrounded by his wonderful warmth.
For several weeks, I slowly recovered from the arrow wound in my torso. The pain was constant and never left... sometimes I could nearly forget about it, distracted for hours at a time. And other times... it struck in agonizing waves where it felt like I could barely breathe. But Xiao was there. Through it all. I was told by a doctor that he had stayed for the time I was unconscious too, barely letting anyone get close to me. During nighttime, I think he left... but I could tell he didn't want to. He always held my hand and talked to me- really talked, openly and honestly, and I wasn't the only one coming up with conversation starters.
And when I got back on my feet, he was constantly guarding me. He accompanied me on even the least troublesome of commissions. And I saw proof of what the doctor said- he warded off anyone who came near me with an overwhelmingly terrifying aura. I calmed him down although I couldn't stop thinking about how endearing it was.
Unrelated, my Mora suffered dearly for how much almond tofu I'd cooked of late.