Thunderstorms. Loud heart breaking and horrifying thunderstorms broke a not so peaceful sleep of a raven-haired male who came back home last night around 12 am.
He groaned loudly and let out an angry sigh as he reached for his phone to check the time because the darkness outside could definitely mislead anyone about the correct timing.
He sat up hurriedly on the bed when his phone displayed 8:40 am. If he even runs, he would be late for work. His head and stomach are not helping him at all. He groggily stood up and headed towards the washroom to splash some water on his face to get rid of the terrible headache he has at the moment. Yep, he isn't getting tipsy or drunk ever again.
He walked towards his window and saw how it is raining cats and dogs and he knows that there is no way he can go to the cafe in this weather so he dragged himself lazily to the drawing room only to find the beautiful silver-head sitting on the couch with his face buried in his knees which were pressed to his chest.
"Good morning, Tae." Jeongguk mumbled softly, suddenly last night's kiss followed by his breakdown, coming back to his head in bits and pieces.
"I don't think you're going to work in this weather." The silver-head replied in a very hoarse voice, head still not up.
"Can't." Jeongguk kept his reply short though he was somewhat concerned about the elder's sudden change of voice.
"Then do you have plans later?" The silver-head asked, his voice coming out a bit mumbled as his head was still down.
Taehyung doesn't know why he asked him this question but he just had to. Something inside him asked him to.
"Nothing important I guess. I probably will meet up with the Minho guy, last night was a disaster." Jeongguk replied laughing though he felt the lump in his throat.
He wanted to meet Minho again because he genuinely had to apologize because the kiss wasn't meant to happen. He shouldn't have done that. It was really mean from his side.
"No." Taehyung replied, immediately.
"Huh? I think I didn't catch that quite well?" Jeongguk asked with confusion laced into his voice.
"I said NO. You are not going to meet up with the Minho guy." Taehyung uttered each word sternly as now he finally raised his face to look directly at Jeongguk.
"T-Tae.." Jeongguk whispered back with a voice of disbelief because Taehyung looked terrible at the moment.
His eyes were puffy and bloodshot red. They had evident bags and dark circles under it. His nose was red as well and his lips were swollen, probably from biting on it too much. He was shivering yet his eyes held strong emotions and at the moment it held anger.
"B-Baby bear, why do y-you look like this?" Jeongguk asked with a worried voice.
"Did something happen? Did someone do something to you? Did someone hurt you? Tell me, I am going to fucking ru---"
"Yes. Yes something did happen. Someone did something to me and yes someone did hurt me but he didn't know he was." Taehyung uttered each word sternly as he got up from the couch and took a step towards the younger male.
Jeongguk stared at Taehyung with a confused expression. He couldn't really understand what was happening or what the silver-head was talking about but then suddenly it struck him. The silver-head said he didn't want him to meet Minho. Why?
No. Is it what he is thinking it is?
"Did you follow me yesterday?" Jeongguk asked with an expression that held disbelief.
"Why? You're mad about it because I saw you kissing someone?" Taehyung retorted back fiercely.
"Tae? How does it matter whether I was kissing someone? As far as I remember, it was you who wanted me to go on these dates." Jeongguk snapped back because Taehyung wasn't just talking, his voice held accusations.
"Also, you talked about how if I don't find love, I could go ahead and look for spice in life because I can have needs. Should I remind you of these?" Jeongguk continued as his nostrils flared.
Taehyung's eyes snapped big and he took fast steps towards the raven-haired male and grabbed his collars tightly.
"You don't talk to me like that. You said it wasn't working and then I suddenly see you kissing someone. Do you know how I felt?" Taehyung questioned, raising his voice as his eyes glossed.
"How you felt? Did you ever think how I felt when you kept forcing me to go on these dates when I was already in love with someone?" Jeongguk snapped back again.
Taehyung's fist on the younger's collar immediately faltered and he took a step back as he stared at Jeongguk with wide eyes.
"You're in love with someone?" Taehyung asked with a small voice as he stared at Jeongguk with disbelief.
"Then why were you kissing Minho?" Taehyung asked with his raised voice.
" How does it matter to you?" Jeongguk questioned back.
"Because I have to know. You can't just go kissing around." Taehyung snapped back, his anger evidently returning.
"Kissing around? You feel I wanted to do that? I am in love with someone, I am crazy for that someone and you feel I deliberately went ahead and kissed Minho?" Jeongguk asked with frustration laced into his voice.
Taehyung was about to reply when Jeongguk raised his hand and indicated to him to stop right away.
"No. You listen to me first. I don't go around kissing people. You told me one day that love is beautiful and it teaches people a lot of lessons and it helps them grow. Yes, it is beautiful and it helped me grow in such a way that it taught me to mask my pain in a beautiful manner. You told me that one day I would come and tell you, I found the one, the one for me, my number 1, didn't you?" Jeongguk asked as he glared at Taehyung as his fingers were pointed at him.
Jeongguk took a big step towards Taehyung as the latter immediately placed his palm on Jeongguk's chest as Jeongguk swiftly took his hand and pulled him close by the waist as Taehyung's eyes widened but he didn't move away.
"Ggukie.." Taehyung whispered while looking at Jeongguk.
"No, I haven't finished. What if I tell you that yes love is beautiful because I know what love is and I have fallen immensely in love with someone. I have found love and I found that in you, in a form which is you. What if I tell you I found my the one, my one and only, my number one and that's also you, only you. What if… what if I tell you that I love you. I love you so damn much that my heart explodes in pain, my eyes sting and my stomach churns because even though I love you, I love you crazily and I won't ever get tired of saying it, I know that you won't reciprocate it." Jeongguk whispered as he looked into his favourite turquoise eyes that turned glossy and sparkly.
"G-Ggukie---"
With that voice Jeongguk left the elder completely and took two steps behind. Taehyung just witnessed the act with disbelief in his eyes.
"But again, Taehyung, what if I tell you that I know that I don't blame you. What if I tell you that it's okay if you don't love me? What if I tell you that it's okay to not be okay. What if I tell you that it's okay to hurt. What if I tell you that it's fine because love is not only beautiful but love is pain as well." Jeongguk completed his sentence with a small sad smile though the elder didn't witness it because Jeongguk wasn't facing him.
In the next second he felt Taehyung pressing himself on his strong back. His hands wrapped tightly around Jeongguk's waist. His t-shirt got wet because the beautiful silver-head ghost was crying, shedding tears hugging him from the back, tightly.
"When you told me that love is beautiful and it leaves you beautiful memories, why didn't you tell me that love is pain and it leaves painful memories as well?" Jeongguk asked as he still didn't turn back.
"Why didn't you, Taehyung?" Jeongguk asked again as he felt his own eyes dampening.
"You already have someone who is your form of love, don't you? Just like you are my form of love, someone else is yours, isn't it?" Jeongguk asked as he chuckled dryly, placing his palm on the elder's arms that were wrapped around his waist. He took his wrist in his palm to detach them but the elder tightened it more and snuggled into his back more.
"I a-am a s-soul." Taehyung replied softly.
"That doesn't answer my question." Jeongguk replied sternly.
"Yes." The reply made Jeongguk's breath hitch.
"B-But---"
Jeongguk immediately detached himself from the elder's hold even though Taehyung kept tightening and fighting to stop the younger.
"Then that's enough to end this conversation." Jeongguk replied with a soft chuckle as he immediately rubbed his eyes to get rid of his tears.
"N-No. No, it doesn't. It doesn't because I had someone and now suddenly everything, every definition of love, every definition of beautiful memories, every definition of pain due to love, everything that my soul feels revolves around you. Everything is about you. My love suddenly is about you and it is so wrong. I am not supposed to feel this way. It is wrong it hurt when I witnessed you kissing Minho, it is wrong when my tears left my eyes because I thought I lost you, it is wrong because I fucking love you. It is so wrong that I want to hold you so tight that you forget everything else and only Taehyung stays in your mind, veins and heart. But it is wrong, so wrong." Taehyung uttered each word as he caught Jeongguk's wrist to stop him from leaving.
Jeongguk turned around immediately as his eyes were wide open and he felt himself shaken up.
"It is wrong because I know I was in love with someone. It is wrong because I thought I had a boyfriend. It is wrong because he is suddenly out of my head and I only know Jeon Jeongguk. It is wrong because I was in love with him but now suddenly everything is about you. It is wrong, you hear me? It is wrong because I love you. I fucking love you so much that souls can't hurt yet here I feel like I am tearing apart." Taehyung uttered clearly even though his eyes constantly shed tears and he kept trying to remove them with his clenched fists.
"T-Tae---"
"No! You hear me? I LOVE YOU BUT I CAN'T--I SHOULDN'T." Taehyung yelled when Jeongguk took a step towards him.
"Oh." Jeongguk halted on his step as he felt his heart breaking again. The words that left the elder's mouth---he knew he would hear something like this but now when he did, it broke him again---it broke him more.
"Then that settles it. I love you but you can't and I knew it yet when you voiced it out it hurt more. I should've known this already. I don't expect anything from you, Taehyung. Not even your love, mostly not your love---" Jeongguk started but then stopped and inhaled a deep breath though he felt like the air was suddenly suffocating him.
"But I didn't know you were in love with me as well but of course you don't love me enough to love me completely. I understand you and again I don't blame you. You think you shouldn't love me because you already had someone you loved when you were aliv--- so I guess now we both know what to do yeah? Let's forget this ever happened. You don't love me enough so it shouldn't be much difficult for you and as for me, I'll move on." Jeongguk completed his sentence with a smile on his face that didn't reach his eyes.
Taehyung snapped his head up and blinked rapidly as Jeongguk's voice echoed inside his head.
"M-Move on?" Taehyung asked, his voice cracking.
Jeongguk inhaled a deep breath. The lump on the throat made it difficult for him to breathe.
"Yes. My love for you shouldn't burden you. It shouldn't cut down your love's wings which are already wrapped around someone else." Jeongguk said as he turned around again and walked into the kitchen.
Taehyung stood on his spot frozen. His eyes blurring, his throat aching, his legs giving up almost. He felt someone was stabbing him again.
"I don't feel like cooking as I have a headache. Please manage with cereal today. I am so sorry my health isn't the best today." Jeongguk's voice was heard from the kitchen and Taehyung couldn't take it anymore. So he ran, he ran away into his bedroom and shut the door loudly with a bang and fell down on his knees and started crying again.
Jeongguk's love was cutting down Taehyung's love's wings which were wrapped around someone else?
No. It isn't. It was but the wings already had cracks in it from the very beginning. The wings were forced to wrap around someone who made sure to break it.
But now his wings wanted to wrap around Jeongguk and nothing was stopping it except for himself. His entire soul was prepared to give in, give into Jeongguk's love because Jeongguk loves him as much as he loves him if not more.
But the only thing stopping him from going ahead was himself. He didn't want to give in because wasn't he supposed to love him?
But did he ever love him like Jeongguk does? Jeongguk's love was selfless. Jeongguk's love was freedom. Jeongguk's love was for Taehyung and Taehyung only.
Taehyung stared into nothing in particular and questioned himself. Which love is he holding onto? The love he is holding onto, does that even make sense? The love for which he feels Jeongguk's selfless love is wrong, is that love even true and real?
Jeongguk's love suddenly smacked his face into reality because if Taehyung thinks that his extraordinary love for him is true love then Taehyung's love for Jeongguk cannot be explained through words.
He stood up and walked towards the drawer and took out the picture that showed two smiling faces. He now suddenly glared at the picture. The picture made him feel disgusted and annoyed.
If Taehyung's love for him was true love then Taehyung is willing to sacrifice everything and even himself for Jeongguk's love because Taehyung's love for Jeongguk was beyond the word love itself.
How does he know that? It has been years that Taehyung has already spent without him but just ask him if he can stay apart from Jeongguk for hours and when he heard Jeongguk uttering those two words, "moving on"? That tore him apart more than it did when he saw the younger male kissing Minho.
Taehyung would probably even die in the world where he can't if Jeongguk goes away from him.
But what will he do now? He fell on his knees again because isn't it just a little too late?
I left numerous hints about this 'him' Taehyung is talking about many times before, who all caught it?😂😂
I believe in confrontation. Also, are you eager to know more about the 'him'???🙃🙃
I am sorry but I am crying with you too!🤧🤧🤧
I PURPLE YOU!💜💜💜💜
Love,
Miri!😚