It was excruciating, the silence in the car on their way back home. But for some reason, Sapnap was muse, thinking about whatever. Karl didn't dare to ask, the smaller one was rarely paying attention to anything around him. His eyes were staring holes into the floor of the car, and he hasn't stir in minutes. It was incomparably with what Karl thought Sapnap would be like now. Everyone was fine with them being a couple, with them loving each other and the brunet thought the smaller one would be immensely happy about that. But he was captivated by whatever thoughts were swaying around in his head.
But what Karl was forgetting in that moment, was on Sapnap's mind all the time.
Not everyone accepted them, not everyone knew about them. And it was making Sapnap skittish and desperate. The thought about how his mother could possibly react was gnawing at him, making him sorrow and yet he was a little bit more certain with himself because of the reaction of his friends. It was reckless to just go up to her now and tell her but it was baited anticipation, the feeling of relief that he felt as his friends embraced him as they left the diner together. Together. That's what he and Karl are.
His head finally gyrated around to the boy in the drivers seat.
Karl was driving because of him. He had taught him that, how his hands should be placed on the steering wheel and other random things that the brunet would still sometimes forget. Just like now, his hands were wrong placed on the wheel.
"Your hands", Sapnap said.
Karl winced, surprised by the sudden voice of his boyfriend that was so zoned out a few seconds ago.
"What?", he asked, clearly befuddled.
The smaller one had a soft smile on his face that was making the corners of Karl's mouth twitch for a second as well. The butterflies under his skin was making him bite down on his lip, trying to stop the upcoming smile on them.
"Your hands are placed wrong, little".
"Oh", Karl tried to reposition them and Sapnap nodded satisfied as his hands were in the right position.
"So? What have you been thinking about?", the taller boy finally asked.
Green eyes were peering out of the window, his left hand was beckoning in the air to shake off the question.
Uncertainty was invoking inside the already crestfallen body of Karl. It was dubious that the smaller one would rather not talk with him right now and it was also sort of futile to talk to him then.
But the serenity was making the brunet increasingly scared, if not involuntarily uneasy.
"Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong?", there was genuine worry in his voice as he whispered the question.
Sapnap was resonating with the tranquillity.
"No, it's not you".
"Doesn't sound very convincing", Karl's hands were slightly trembling on the steering wheel.
It was tangibly that he was sick of the abeyance in their relationship. It was abundant that Sapnap was dismissively sometimes and it was horrendous how contentedly he was with it. Karl really tried so laboriously to not say anything, to not jump down into the precipice with whatever there can be down there. But he wanted lucidity and he knew that it was much to ask for, but he couldn't bear it anymore. He finally wanted to know him, understand him, help him and just be there for him. Love him, how he will never comprehend.
But luckily, Karl didn't need to jump down into the cold water, no, it was like Sapnap was reading his mind because suddenly, he was answering his question.
"I have been thinking about telling my mum".
The brunet clearly didn't expect that. And when the car got to a halt on the pavement in front of Karl's house, he turned his head around and was now looking at his boyfriend. He watched his Adams apple bounce as Sapnap swallowed and his eyes wandered up into the fluorescent eyes. He looked oh so wistfully and it was perceptible that he had been thinking about this for a longer time now.
"I don't really know your mother, Sap", Karl reached forward and took his hand, running his thumb over the back soothingly. "You never really told me about her".
It made Sapnap feel bad when he looked back on the last few weeks. He left her alone, didn't even say goodbye and she got into oblivion. He was so happy with Karl that he clearly forgot about her. Even though she hasn't been always there for him, she was palpable loving him in her own way. The ancient relationship with her husband, Sapnap's dad was haywire and unfaltering bad for the smaller one. But also for his mother.
"She is a beautiful woman. Really, she looks like an angel", a small smile was taking over his lips. "And I really think that she cares about me... in her own way. It has been complicated between us and I think it's because she's dependent on him and now that I am gone she lives in eternal solitude".
Karl's thumb was still caressing his hand and Sapnap turned his hand, brought the one of the taller boy up towards his lips and pressed a little kiss on it. He watched enamored how the cheeks of his opponent turned pink.
"Has she tried to reach out the other days?", Karl asked.
Sapnap only nodded, unwittingly staring at the brunet. He swallowed yet again before he said: "I think she'll be okay with it".
A smile etched onto Karl's face as he tilted his head to the side a little bit.
"I'm ready whenever you are", there was a glint in his eyes that was causing Sapnap's heart to stutter.
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Initially, Sapnap was so nervous that he thought he'd need to throw up. His mind was hazy since he texted his mother, the text that was so curtly and yet it would alter so much. His head was reeling as he walked down into the kitchen. The semblance of his boyfriend was majorly making him feel more calm.
"She is on her way", his voice is feeble and Karl can hear the apprehension out of it.
"Hey, it's just your mother. She was there for you and she cares about you. You said it yourself so why wouldn't she accept her son when she loves him?", the brunet walked towards Sapnap.
"It's not that easy. Not everyone has so accepting parents like you do, Karl", the smaller one sounded way more sullen than he wanted to. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that".
Karl nodded right away, understanding it. "It's fine. I know I shouldn't say anything about your parents or-", the bell rang and he stopped in his sentence.
Sapnap's eyes wavered to the door, looking begrudgingly scared. Still he walked towards it and he opens the door without any hesitation. Karl could only see a little bit of the woman that was now entering his house. He didn't know whether to greet her yet or to just wait for them to appear in the kitchen. His question got answered as the two of them walked into the room. The mother was looking rather tired and yet she was softly smiling.
"Hello! Karl, right?", she slowly stepped forward, also unsure of this situation.
"Yes, I'm Karl", the brunet shook her hand and gave a small smile back.
They all migrated to the table, sitting down afterwards. The silence was exceeding Karl's expectations because none of them was even taking a chance to say something in more than 3 minutes. It may be unproportionally to be the one to talk but Karl couldn't bear the silence anymore.
"So how is work for you, Miss?", he didn't even knew if she had a job.
Sapnap and his mother were blatantly surprised that he is the one talking but his mother was answering in an instant.
"It's going good. I hope school is alright for you two as well", she was still gingerly with talking and Karl was retorting the cautiousness.
"It's fine", Sapnap answered wryly.
It was dubious and blatantly that the smaller one was the most tense at this table.
As they ate, he got hardly something down his throat. The worry in Karl's eyes seemed to spill out as he was peering at him a few times. All of this was useless if he couldn't even get himself to eat. How should he be able to tell her that he has a boyfriend now?
His hands were slightly shaking as he reaches to his pocket, pulling his phone out and typing quickly a message. On the other side of the table, a phone made a noise.
Please just say it
Blue eyes looked rather unsure as he shoved his phone back into his pocket. Sapnap whispered another please as he caught the look of Karl. And the brunet took a deep breath before he started talking.
"Alright, so there is a reason why Sapnap invited you today".
His mother was looking up at that, curiosity in her eyes. Karl talked ahead and he decided to just spit it out. The easiest way.
"Me and Sapnap are in a relationship. For a while now".
A breath that the women unwittingly held was now elapsing away in the room. Her head gyrated around to her son, which didn't dare to turn his own head to face his mother.
"Can you look at me?", she asked delicately.
After all, Sapnap turned his head around at her tone and he told himself to not spill a tear this evening but when he saw a tear rolling down his mother's cheek, right next to her lips that were formed into a soft smile, it made his vision hazy with tears as well. They didn't fall, but they were there for a split second.
"I'm so proud of you, my dear", her arms reached forward for a hug but it was more like a question. But after hearing his mother saying that she's proud of him for the first time, Sapnap couldn't hold himself back and he fell into the embrace of his mother.
And she was accepting him as well.
And as the smaller boy turned his head on the shoulder of his mother to peer a look at his boyfriend, he smiled at the single tear running down his pink cheek as well.
"I love you" , he mouthed.
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Hey, thank you for reading chapter thirty two of when you're drunk! I hope you like it :D
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