A/n: I've been wanting to write a one-shot about the "Living Land Mine" audio drama for SO LONG and I finally got around it while watching a late-night stream rn
◦•●◉✿ Ｂ𝔢𝔢ρ ✿◉●•◦
"Hey, Lucif- bleh...Satan! I-" You stumbled over your words.
"What did you just say?" Satan slowly turned to glare at you.
"Uh oh..." Levi whispered under his breath. He paused his game, afraid of how things were unraveling.
Satan slammed his book shut and violently dropped it on the coffee table.
"Who are you calling Lucifer..? Me?!" Satan had a wild look in his eyes.
"I m-meant...I-" You were too scared to form a proper sentence.
"Did you just mistake me for Lucifer?!" Satan lurched towards you.
"W-W-Wait Satan!! Stop! Calm down!" Levi scrambled to his feet and jumped in front of you.
"Move, Levi!" Satan barked
"W-Wait! It's not like Y/n called you that on purpose! Right, Y/n?" Levi looked back at you.
"Y-yeah! It was a mistake!" You said timidly.
"See? Nothing but regrets here! Everything's okay..." Levi had a nervous smile on.
"Not on purpose? Are you implying that Lucifer and I are similar?" Satan scowled at you.
"N-no! That's not what I-" You shook your head vigorously.
"We've got more trash lying around here than Lucifer and I have things in common!" He spat
"He's so frickin mad..." Levi whined.
"What do I and that stuck-up, arrogant, scary looking, lowest of the low demon have in common!? Go on, say it!! Give me one. Try it!!" Satan roared.
You gripped Levi's arm as Satan yelled at the two of you. You knew you should've written your will earlier that day...
"Pfft stuck up, arrogant, and is literally you though! Hahaha-ow!"
You jabbed Levi's side before he was able to finish. He slapped his mouth once he realized what he just slipped out.
"If we weren't going to die earlier, we definitely are now..." You whispered as you hid your face behind Levi's arm.
"HAAH?!" Satan was so furious he flickered to his demon form.
"How about you tell me more, Leviathan?" Satan taunted.
You and Levi screamed as you held onto each other.
"Y/n say some magical human words that calm down wrathful demons!" Levi pushed you into the danger zone.
"U-Uh! Um, you're have nothing in common at all! Yep! Completely different! Even...Even if you both look scary when you're angry-" You slipped up out of nerves.
"Huh?! You think I look scary when I'm angry?! just like him?! I bet you think I look sadistic like him too, don't you?!" Satan yelled.
"Idiot! You just added more fuel to the fire!!" Levi panicked as he pulled you away from Satan.
He wrapped his arms around you, trying to protect you from a possible outburst.
"Hm...so that's what you think of me, huh? Hahaha...HAHAHA!" Satan's lost it.
"Scary scary scary scary!! Even his smile is scaryy!!" Levi gripped onto you.
"Th-there's a ton of positive things about you!! You're extremely intelligent and your vast knowledge and wisdom is admirable!!" You said.
"Y-yeah! You're smart and know a bunch of big words, all those positive things are super sim-" Levi's eyes widened as he realized how badly he screwed up.
"Sup..."
"il..."
"er..."
"ar to Luci..."
"Simi...lar...to Luci...?" The fire in Satan's eyes grew.
"Y-yeah, in the best....b-best possible way...?" Levi's grip on you tightened as he tried to salvage what little peace he could muster.
"Well, it was nice knowing you, Levi..." You pulled his hand towards your face and made him cover your eyes.
"BEST POSSIBLE WAY?!" Satan exclaimed.
"MOVE Y/N!" Satan screamed.
"Satan- ah!"
Levi pushed you out of the way as Satan lunged at him.
"ENOUGH MESSING AROUND YOU SHUT-IN-"
Satan began to yell a bunch of...questionable insults as he put his hands around Levi's throat. You struggled to figure out how to help Levi out.
"Time out, time out! You're strangling me! I'm gonna pass out before you can enjoy torturing me!" Levi choked.
"This is your last chance, you two. Give me the right answer." Satan threatened.
Levi gasped for air. You held onto him so he wouldn't fall over.
"Wait, wait!! I messed up before, I'm sorry! What-what I meant to say was 'Satan, I think Lucifer brought you that limited edition cat-themed drink you've been talking about!' You know...the one with that came with a cute keychain..?" You said beige squeezing your eyes shut.
"...he brought me what?" Satan asked.
"That one cat drink from the cat-eye cafe! It's...it's in the kitchen! You should go get it before Beel finds it." You said anxiously.
Satan stared at the two of you for an unbearable amount of time. It was hard to tell if he was mad or not. You and Levi shared a glance, unsure what to do next. All you knew for sure is that you were too scared to even move a finger. Satan took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and reverted to his normal form.
"...alright then. The both of you...be careful next time." Satan said before leaving.
As soon as he was out of earshot, you both let out a sigh of relief and collapsed onto the couch. You felt like turning to mush after staring at the face of death. With a shaky hand, you reached out for Levi and gripped onto his shirt.
"Are...are you still alive?" You said.
"I...think so?" Levi held onto your hand to reassure himself he somehow didn't die of shock.
"Thank you cats for existing..." Levi cried.