"I hate it," Jennie breathed, exhaling what felt like years of built-up lies.
"So much." Roseanne looked up at the girl whose face just minutes ago had seemed so happy and carefree.
"I don't hate business," she tried to correct herself. "I hate that I'm studying it." Roseanne gave her a perplexed look, not quite sure what the difference was. "I mean, I just hate that I'm not dancing." Roseanne nodded, understanding the girl's point.
"Did your parents not want you to?" Roseanne asked softly and slowly like one wrong word would set off a bomb.
"No," Jennie quickly shook her head. "No." Then she paused for a moment. She normally hated telling people this, her reason for not perusing the dance career everyone had expected her to have. But she realized she wasn't dreading telling Roseanne. She didn't feel stupid like she normally did. She almost wanted to tell her.
"They never really said that," Jennie explained, almost as slowly as Roseanne. "They just, they love watching me dance. They support it. But I know how much they value education. I've never been the best at school, though, and I always focused most of my time on dancing. But I do alright," she shrugged.
"Alright enough to get into Incheon National University (INU)," Roseanne tried to compliment her, but it didn't help Jennie too much. Jennie was too embarrassed to tell her that both of her parents had attended the school, having plenty of connections to assure Jennie's admission to the university.
"Yeah," Jennie sighed. "Anyway, I mean, I just knew they wanted to make sure I got an education. You should have seen their faces," Jennie says, her voice deflating a little.
"They were so happy when I told them I was going to apply to INU. So proud." She almost looked like she was about to cry, and instinctually, Roseanne reached out and gently placed her hand on the back of Jennie's.
"Thanks," she muttered when she saw Roseanne's sympathetic expression. But Jennie's train of thought was broken. All she could think about was the warmth Roseanne's hand was brought to hers.
"So you can't dance at Incheon?" Oh right, Jennie thought, remembering their conversation.
"Um, well by the time I decided to apply, it was too late for auditions. And when I got in, they kept saying their program was full. I can audition the second semester if someone drops out, otherwise, I have to wait until next year."
"That sucks," Roseanne told the girl. "I'm sorry."
"It's alright," she sighed, looking back at the girl's hand laying on top of hers. Roseanne noticed the girl staring and slowly removed her hand, wondering if she had left it on too long. She had forgotten it was there. It wasn't even her trying to flirt, she was just trying to comfort the other girl.
A few quiet moments passed, both girls feeling the melancholy air lingering around them from their conversation.
"I have a question," Jennie blurted finally out. As soon as she realized how quickly her words came out, her face began to heat up. "Never-never mind," she said slowly. Roseanne could tell whatever she was thinking about was making Jennie really nervous.
"No," Roseanne said suddenly curious. "Ask me anything." Jennie sighed, almost unable to keep it in. "What's it like," Jennie started, mixing her ice cream around with her spoon. "What's it like to date a girl?"
Roseanne tried not to chuckle at how cute Jennie was right then, and she gave the girl, who was too embarrassed to look at her, a small smile.
"No," Jennie stopped. "I didn't mean it like that, I just, I mean, was it hard to tell your parents? You said that joke, you know, about being trapped in the closet?"
But that was what Jennie was wondering. She did want to know what it was like to date a girl. She always had. But none of the girls she knew had ever dated a girl. But she did also want to know about Roseanne, and she knew this was a more appropriate question. "We don't have to talk about it though if you don't want."
"That's okay," Roseanne let out a breathy laugh. "They were really supportive, both my parents," Roseanne explained. "I mean, they aren't together, but they're still pretty much friends. And so I was able to tell them at the same time. They didn't really react that much, didn't seem like much of a surprise," she laughed again, thinking about her parent's nonchalant expressions.
"I mean, my Dad was a little more surprised, but only because I think he hadn't thought about me dating anyone yet, but he was really great about it."
"How old were you?" Jennie asked.
"Uh fourteen, almost fifteen, I think."
"Woah, that's pretty young," she said. "I mean, most of my friends I know didn't come out until they were sixteen at least. That's awesome, though."
"You have a lot of gay friends?" Roseanne smirked.
"Dancer, remember?" Jennie smiled.
"Oh, yeah," she laughed. "Well I'm sure most of their parents had a hunch," she joked. Jennie laughed and nodded in agreement. She was right. Jennie only knew of one guy she ever had to "guess" on, the rest she knew from the moment she met them. They were all pretty open with her, too.
"So you figured it out pretty early on then? That you liked girls?"
"I don't remember ever liking boys," Roseanne admitted as she took another spoonful of her ice cream. "The hard part wasn't figuring it out. I just had to accept it and myself. I always knew I was different," she shrugged.
"I mean, when all my friends had crushes on 'N Sync or Aaron Carter in second grade, I was busy admiring Jenney Spears and her rockin' bod." Jennie giggled along with Roseanne but quickly felt awful for what the girl had to go through. She couldn't imagine feeling so conflicted at seven years old.
"That must have sucked," she said.
"Yeah," she sighed. "But I feel lucky that I figured it so early. I mean, I know what I like and I know who I am. Most people are confused for some duration of time. And some people never figure it out," she shrugged. The words hit Jennie hard. That's exactly how she was feeling right then: confused. And the beautiful girl sitting across from her sure wasn't helping.
"Yeah," Jennie sighed.
"By the way, in case you were wondering," Roseanne smirked, "being with a girl is incredible." Jennie felt herself begin to flush. "Let me know if you ever want to find out for yourself," Roseanne added, watching as the brunette's face turned ashen.
Jennie felt her heart stop. That was definitely Roseanne flirting, wasn't it? For a moment, Jennie wished she had thought quick enough to flirt back, but the direct comment had taken her too off guard. She couldn't think of anything but what the girl had said. She tried to get out another sentence, but all she could think about was being with the girl. In all honestly, it freaked her out. Her mind had never been this quick to go to sexual thoughts.
Roseanne swore she could hear the words running through Jennie's head. She didn't want to make the girl uncomfortable, but she could tell that part of the girl genuinely wanted to find out what it was like.
"Are you, um, done?" Jennie asked, looking down at Roseanne's almost empty bowl.
"Yeah," Roseanne answered, realizing the girl was ready to head back.
"Okay. Maybe I- maybe we should head back?" Roseanne wasn't sure if she had crossed a line or something, but the way Jennie stood waiting for her with a sweet expression told her she hadn't. The girl was probably just a little flustered. At least, that's what Roseanne hoped.
When they parted on the elevator, Jennie turned towards Roseanne before stepping off.
"Thanks for coming with me tonight," she smiled, calmer now than she had been downstairs. "I had a lot of fun. It was nice to talk to someone," she said sincerely.
"Yeah," Roseanne agreed. "You too."
"Cool," Jennie smiled, clearly glad that the girl felt the same way. "See you tomorrow?"
"See you tomorrow," Roseanne repeated, relieved and thrilled that the girl still wanted to see her again.
XxXxXxXxXxX
Jennie stared at the hotel room phone resting in her hand.
423. 423. That's all she had to hit. Three numbers. 423.
"Jen, you coming down for breakfast?" Her Dad called through the barely cracked open door that lead to their kitchen and living room. The good thing about having a suite was how much space they had, but Jennie still didn't have nearly as much privacy as Rosé.
"Yeah," Jennie called back, hanging the phone back up. Rosé probably wouldn't want to go snowboarding with them anyway. She told Kai she had only skied a few times, she probably wasn't into it that much. Especially with someone who had acted so awkward last night. Jennie couldn't believe how she had ended their perfect conversation. It felt so good to talk to Rosé. She intrigued Jennie. A lot. And now Jennie felt like she had ruined it. Whatever it was.
When Jennie got downstairs, she was relieved to see Kai smiling at her. Part of her was worried he was going to be upset with her for bailing last night.
"Hey," he smiled as she slid into the seat next to him. "Morning."
"Good morning," she smiled, taking a sip of the orange juice he had ordered for her.
"You ready to go boarding?" He asked, failing to contain the excitement in his voice.
"Yeah," she smiled.
"I invited Jisung, too, I hope you don't mind. He's never been boarding."
"No, that's awesome!" Jennie smiled. She loved his little brother, and she always thought watching little kids snowboard was the cutest. It also meant they wouldn't be totally alone.
"Yeah, he's really excited." Jennie looked over to where Kai's eyes were watching his little brother. Jisung, only seven years old, was standing his chair, climbing on top of his mom.
"Do you have your own board, or are you gonna rent?" He asked.
"I brought mine," she told him.
"Same, but we gotta rent for Jisung." Jennie nodded and flipped through the menu.
"I'm starving," she breathed.
"Get the buffet," Kai told her. "I'm just waiting for an omelet, they told me they'd bring it out to me."
"Oh, yeah," Jennie stood up, almost forgetting there was a buffet. Her mind must have really been all over the place, she thought. Their breakfast buffet was her favorite.
"I think I'm going to go to this spinning class," Roseanne's Dad said, pointing to the brochure he hadn't put down since they got there.
"You should," she said, stepping off the elevator. "Work on getting your cholesterol down." Her father's cholesterol had always been a little high, no matter how healthy he ate. Working out only helped a little, but it still did something.
"Yeah, yeah," he rolled his eyes. That's where Roseanne got it from.
They walked through the lobby into the breakfast buffet, heading for the only open table in the back corner.
" Rosé!" She heard a familiar voice call. "Hey!" She heard as she slowed her legs to a stop.
"I'm gonna go grab the table," her father whispered, giving her her space with her friend.
"Oh, hey Kai," she smiled, looking around for the other brunette.
"How are you?" He asked, genuinely as always.
"Good, you?"
"Good, good. Jennie's just getting some breakfast," he said, almost reading her mind. She smiled in recognition. She was a little anxious to see the girl. Last night, as she was writing, she kept playing over how Jennie had ended the night. The more and more she replayed it in her mind, the more she altered what the cat-eyed girl had really said. Eventually, trying to not drive herself crazy, she slipped her journal into the bedside drawer and went to sleep.
"Hey, we're going snowboarding today if you wanna come," Kai offered.
"Oh, I don't know-"
"Come on, it'll be fun! I'm bringing my little brother along so if you come you'll even out the numbers, you know, in case any ski lifts are only for two people."
"I've never-"
"Yeah," he said without letting her finish. "I know, but my little brother's never snowboarded either. So we'll be on a beginner's hill today teaching him. So we can teach you, too! It'll be awesome!"
Roseanne looked at the boy who was almost begging her to come along.
"Plus, he's only seven, it's not like we'll be out there all day," Kai laughed. Just as Roseanne was about to agree, Jennie popped into the conversation.
"Hey," she said, smiling hesitantly. Jennie was a little surprised to see Rosé and Kai talking. Her stomach turned a little, seeing Rosé for the first time since last night.
"Hey," Rosé smiled back. For the first time, Rosé was genuinely glad Kai was there to talk. If he hadn't spoken up right away, she felt like there might have been an awkward pause.
"I invited Rosé to come snowboarding with us. Tell her to come!" He urged Jennie, tugging at the bottom of her t-shirt.
"Yeah," Jennie said, trying not to sound like this was exactly what she had been hoping for all night.
"Yeah?" Rosé asked, trying to seem unsure.
"Yeah, come! It'll be fun, I promise."
"Alright, I'll come."
"Yes!" Kai chanted, making both the girls laugh.
"Meet us down here in an hour?" He said.
"Sounds good," she nodded.
"Do you have snow pants?" Jennie asked.
"Yeah, my Dad made me bring them."
"Good," she smiled. As soon as Rosé left, she wanted to thank Kai for inviting the girl, but she didn't want to seem weird. Instead, she scarfed down her breakfast and ran upstairs to pick out her cutest hat.
XxXxXxXxXxX
Rosé couldn't keep her eyes away from Jennie's. The girl's pink beanie only added to the beauty of her eyes.
"So is that good then?" Jennie asked for the third time. "Roseanne," she said a little louder, tugging on her arm a little, finally grabbing the girl's attention. She wasn't sure why she hadn't answered her yet, she was looking right at her.
"What? Sorry," Roseanne said. She should have been embarrassed, but she wasn't. Her eyes were incredible.
"Is that board okay?" She asked, pointing to the red snowboard the worker was trying to grab from the shelf.
"Yeah, that's fine."
"Alright, tell them your shoe size and they'll give you boots. I'll grab your board. Meet me over at that bench when you get them, okay?"
"Alright," Roseanne nodded. She watched Jennie walk away, her brown hair falling out the bottom of her beanie. Even in her white winter coat and baggy gray snow pants, the girl's figure looked unreal. She looked so cute in winter clothes, Roseanne noticed.
After she grabbed her boots, she headed over to the bench. Kai was putting on Jisung's tiny boots so Jennie offered to help Roseanne.
"They feel so weird," Roseanne said as she slipped her foot inside.
"Wait until you stand up," Jennie laughed. She was right. Walking with the boots on felt so strange. Roseanne had to exaggerate her leg movements so she wouldn't trip. When they got out onto the snow, Jennie put Roseanne's board down for her.
"What foot do you lead with?" She asked.
"Huh?"
"On the board, what foot do you lead with?"
"I don't know," Roseanne shrugged. "I've never done this, remember?"
"You've never skateboarded?"
"No, have you?"
"Yes, turn around," Jennie smiled, enjoying their little banter. She was glad things felt normal again.
Roseanne turned around and, as soon as her feet were planted, Jennie gave her a shove forward.
"Hey!" Roseanne squealed, her right foot catching her fall.
"Sorry," Jennie laughed, "You lead with your right foot."
"What?"
"That's what you caught yourself with, you lead with your right foot. You're goofy-footed. I couldn't tell you what I was doing or you'd think about it and then you might not have used your right foot."
"I'm what-footed?" Roseanne asked. She had no clue what the girl was saying, but she sure as hell looked cute trying to explain it.
"Goofy-footed," Jennie laughed, shaking her head. "Here, lean on my shoulders." She grabbed Roseanne's arms and put them on her shoulders. Now put your right foot in that binding." Roseanne didn't know exactly what she was saying, but she put her right foot towards the front of the board. Jennie slowly leaned down, Roseanne losing her grip on the girl. Jennie moved Roseanne's foot around a little, snapped some things, and soon enough Roseanne's foot was attached to the board. In one swift motion, Jennie attached her own board.
"That was fast," Roseanne laughed. Jennie smiled back.
"You guys ready?" Kai asked as he stood up from tightening his brother's binding.
"Yup!" Jennie smiled.
"Okay," Kai said. "The top of the bunny hill is right over there, so we don't have to take the chairlift yet. But we do have to skate there."
"What?" Jisung asked, just as confused as Roseanne.
"Like this," Kai said, using his free back foot to push him and his board forward. "Like skateboarding, buddy," he told Jisung. Jisung nodded and was off, just like his brother.
"Get it?" Jennie asked.
"Do you guys all lead with your left foot?" Roseanne noticed.
"Yup," Jennie smiled. "Come on, just push." Jennie pushed off once and turned towards Roseanne, encouraging her to join. Roseanne almost fell when she tried to push off, but after she regained her balance, it became a lot easier.
"There you go!" Jennie cheered. It only took about a minute to get to the top of the hill, but Roseanne's legs were already tired.
"Alright," Jennie said, falling to her ass. "Sit down," she looked at Roseanne, patting the ground next to her. Roseanne skated closer and fell down beside her.
"Sit like me," she said, and Roseanne mocked her position. She made her board horizontal to the mountain and followed Jennie's instruction to latch her other foot into the binding. Jennie gave her some instructions on how to go super slow down the mountain, how to turn, and how to stop. By the time Roseanne was ready to stand, Kai was helping Jisung down the mountain.
"Jeez," Roseanne murmured, watching Jisung hop right into it.
"You'll get it," Jennie giggled as Roseanne made it onto her feet.
"Hold on," Roseanne said. She flipped her head down so her hair fell in her face and she quickly pulled it up into a ponytail. She reached into her pocket and pulled out black ear-wrap headband.
"Sorry, my ears were cold," she said. Jennie smiled at the girl a little longer than she usually did.
"What?" Rosé asked. Jennie thought about saying "nothing" and ignoring her urge to tell the girl what she was thinking, but she didn't.
"You look really cute in that," she said honestly. Jennie had yet to see Rosé 's hair up, and now Jennie wasn't sure which one she liked better.
Rosé felt her stomach flip a little. Jennie was flirting back, right? Maybe she was just giving a compliment, but it was still better than nothing.
"Thanks," Roseanne smiled. "You don't look so bad yourself," she said with a wink. She loved over-flirting. "Alright, how do I do this thing?" Rosé tried to apply pressure to her right foot, but as soon as she started moving, she got off balance and fell backward onto her hands. It happened a few times before Jennie finally grabbed her hands to help her up.
"Come here," she sighed. Jennie leaned down to latch her foot into her boot, something she was waiting to do until her friend had started down the hill. "I'll go down with you." Since Jennie wasn't goofy-footed and led with her left foot, the girls could face each other while both still making it down the hill.
"Give me your hands," she said. Rosé quickly obliged. "Alright, lean forward," she said. Soon enough, after listening to all of Jennie's instructions, Rosé was gliding down the hill, hand in hand with Jennie.
When they made it all the way down, Rosé finished squealing and let out a shaky breath. Jennie quickly bent down and unlatched both of their back feet before they got off-balanced and fell.
"I did it! We did it! I made it!" Rosé cried in disbelief.
"You did it!" Jennie giggled, and, just as excited as Roseanne, pulled the girl into a hug. Roseanne fell into the girl's arms, her stomach tying into a knot.
She wasn't the only one. Jennie pulled away, almost too quickly, shocked at how much she liked holding the girl. As soon as she pulled away, though, she regretted it.
"You girls coming?" Kai called from the bottom of the chair lift.
"Yeah!" Jennie quickly called back. "Let's go."
Two hours later, Rosé had worn out the bunny hill. She'd admit it, she played herself down a little longer than she had to, allowing herself the opportunity to hold Jennie's hands as long as possible.
"You wanna try a real mountain?" Jennie asked. "Kai's gonna take Jisung in since he thinks it's gonna be too big for him, but he said we could get one ride in."
"You think I can?"
"It's not much harder than this, you'll be fine," Jennie said. "Plus, if you need to, I can always help you down again," she offered with a smile. Jennie had enjoyed holding Roseanne's hands, even if it wasn't in a conventional way.
"Good," she smiled. The girls skated towards the real mountain.
"Oh no," Roseanne said when the chairlift came into view. "Way too high," she shook her head.
"What?" Jennie asked.
"No, I can't go on that thing."
"It's the skate thing we were just on," Jennie explained.
"That one didn't go this high!" She cried, pointing towards the top of the mountain.
"Come on," Jennie pouted. "It won't be that bad. Just don't look down. I'll keep you busy. You won't even realize we're on a chairlift." Rosé knew Jennie didn't mean what she hoped she meant, but the offer still enticed her.
She sighed. "Alright."
"Yes!" Jennie squealed. "Let's go." They skated onto the chairlift and as soon as the bench hit Rosé 's ass, she gasped for air.
"It's okay," Jennie cooed. "It's okay."
Roseanne looked up, trying not to remember where she was.
"How does this not freak you out?" Rosé asked Jennie who was busy looking down at the skiers flying down the mountain.
"I don't know," she shrugged. "I like heights. And it's really pretty." Jennie looked over at the girl who seemed to be shaking.
"Hey, look at me," she said. "Look at me. It's only a few minutes, alright?" Rosé shook her head a few times at the brunette.
"Here, give me your hand," Jennie said, but she reached out for it anyway, not giving the girl much of a choice. Jennie took Rosé's hand in between her two, already missing their contact from earlier, and began rubbing her thumb over the back of it. Jennie liked Rosé's warmth. It's like her skin was magical, always radiating the perfect temperature.
Rosé wasn't sure if Jennie's hand calmed her down or not. She was pretty sure it was the thing that was making her heart race. Nonetheless, she liked it. A lot.
"By the way," Jennie said softly, looking down at their hands. "I'm sorry for, uh, last night," she said, not sure if she should further explain what she meant. "I didn't mean to end it like that, I just, I'm sorry."
"It's fine," Rosé said. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have said that-"
"No," Jennie quickly stopped her. She liked what Rosé had said. She had thought about it all night. She just didn't know how to say that. "I didn't mean to react like that I just, I don't know what happened."
"Hey, don't worry about it," Rosé smiled. Jennie liked how easy it was. Rosé seemed to forgive her just like that. The whole thing was just forgotten.
Jennie looked back out to the mountain and the two fell quiet.
"You're not doing a great job of distracting me," Rosé joked.
"Oh, sorry!" Jennie quickly turns Rosé who was smiling at the girl. Truth was, having her hand in Jennie's was distracting her enough. More than enough, actually. But she still felt like teasing the girl a little.
"So do you like snowboarding?" She asked and was immediately embarrassed for thinking of such a lame question.
"Your eyes are so beautiful," Rosé breathed, unable to keep it in any longer.
"Oh, thanks," Jennie blushed. She felt her insides turn.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to-" Rosé said, worried she had crossed a similar line.
"No," Jennie said, squeezing her hand. "It's okay, I promise." Rosé nodded, wondering what Jennie was thinking. She was a lot harder to read than she had expected.
"Can I ask you something?" Rosé asked, unable to go this long without an answer. Jennie nodded. "I'm gonna be real straight up with you, okay? And, I don't want you to feel like you have to answer it or answer it a certain way. It's just a question."
"Go ahead," Jennie asked, a little nervous. Rosé's heart was racing. She wondered if Jennie could feel her pulse in her hand, cause Rosé sure as hell could.
"Hypothetically," Rosé started slowly, "do you think it would ever be possible for you to maybe have feelings for someone who wasn't a guy?"
"You mean like a girl?" Jennie asked. For the first time in one of their conversations, neither of them was breaking eye contact.
"Yeah, I guess I mean a girl," Rosé breathed. "I just mean, sometimes people know they would never like a girl, but some people aren't so certain. You don't have to answer if you-"
"Yeah," Jennie cut her off in a soft voice. She felt her lip trembling a little and she prayed that Rosé couldn't see it. "I think it's definitely possible." A current of chills swept through Rosé's body.
"Yeah?" Rosé asked, trying hard not to make the question seem too personal.
"Yeah," Jennie confirmed, a hint of a smile creeping onto her lips.
"Oh," Jennie quickly said, unlocking their eyes. They were about to get off the chairlift. Jennie unlatched her hand from Rosé's and lifted up their lap bar.
"You ready?" Jennie asked, already noticing how cold her hand felt without Rosé's.
"Yup," Rosé said, gliding off the chairlift, the feeling of which she had loved this morning. It wasn't as special this time, though, since her talk with Jennie already made her feel like she was floating.
***
Didn't really feel like studying just yet so here's an update for you