This motivated him to work well on the stage and push further his limits.
He was going to win that fucking program and let every single soul inside there to know who Choi San was capable of.
Especially Wooyoung. He wouldn't have disappointed him. And all the things he learnt thank to that guy, he'd be forever grateful.
This was San's deepest intention for that week, but, for the first time, he wasn't accomplishing the task.
The coach kept saying that his mind was somewhere else, that he was messing with the steps and that his concentration wasn't existent. San wasn't sure if it was for real or they just had higher expectation for the final round. Though, he started to feel the pressure of it.
Although Wooyoung wasn't there, Seonghwa was, and the two could rely on each other as the days passed and the broadcast came closer. It was incredible to process that in a couple of days that journey was going to be over forever. And so did their trainings, if they won.
And we're going to.
And it's important to mention Yeosang, too. Because it happened, after the three days break, that he started to talk to San as back to their old times, when there was no jealousy nor bad attitude towards each other. No stress, just positive feelings for a very deep friendship. This was all thanks to Seonghwa, who got closer to Yeosang and managed to make him break his walls and understand that someone like San didn't deserve to be pushed away.
Basically, everything was going perfectly.
Except for Wooyoung's absence. Which San was feeling way too much. The more he tried to hide it, the more obvious it was for all the people except him. He was distracted, daydreaming, not focused and lacked energy during his practice. They all blamed Wooyoung so much when Yeonjun got eliminated but, right now, San definitely could understand that mood. More than anyone here. Especially now that he was feeling worried and no one's arms were like Wooyoung's.
No one's.
Despite all this dramatical, romantic and teen feelings, San still wanted to win that program. After the first three days of confusion, he collected his concerns and tried to go on.
The atmosphere was so generally panicked that he didn't find a huge difference between himself and the others.
___ • ___
San was sitting between Seonghwa and Hongjoong, each having earphones on to repeat their choreos, while the stylists were fixing their hair. They weren't going to wear such complicated outfits or strong makeups, but the overall appearance was important as usual.
The broadcast was live, and this helped to increase even more the tension in that small room, full of nine trainees and even more stylists. It was becoming hard to breathe and keeping in focus.
Seonghwa wasn't stopping tapping his foot on the ground, whereas Hongjoong kept biting away the skin of his lips, making the mua to sigh at him, since it was the nth time of reapplying his lipstick.
Everyone was now only focusing on his own reflection. Their throats were quivering as their shoulders, so it was impossible to think straight and try to release the worries in company. Well, at least, until Seonghwa stood up, when they all finished their makeover session and seemed still enough not to be concentrating on their dancing.
"Guys.
We should talk a bit, don't we? We made everything together until now...
Good luck, everyone."
He only said with his little and shy yet sincere smile, before sitting back. But by that time, every guy had already pulled off their earphones and stepped next to the others, in order to start a conversation. Soon after, they all began to chit chat, almost forgetting that there were only thirty minutes left for the broadcast. When a staff member entered the room to say that it was time to enter the stage, someone seemed taken aback by the appearance.
The nine finalists entered the main stage as a little clip anticipated their names. Actually, it was just a very fast graphics with their names and some pictures, nothing really emotional. They all stood in a row as the presenter was saying something about the special episode, which was about to start, also mentioning that there was a surprise at the end. A special announcement. The guys were too worried to try to figure it out: what can be more special than the winners' names?
Then, the presenter explained that every single trainee had to show their best today, that there were no votes from the audience and the trending hashtags to use. Soon after, the boys were invited to sit in the front. They were allowed to see and follow all the performances.
The order of them was random. Each time, they raffled a name and the said boy had to perform, after showing a very fast video of his past experience in the program, including the training months. They also added, in the editing, some comments from the social medias. This impressed all of them a lot, since they had been stuck and jailed inside that reality for almost four months now, having no idea about the outside.
When it was time for Seonghwa, San and in particular Yeosang cheered him a lot, stepping in his direction to pat his shoulder. His performance wasn't all about dancing: he did an easy yet scenic choreo, while showing his now perfect vocals. Compared to the point where he started, considering all the bad things the coaches told him, he got to a level which everyone envied.
He was good-looking, had a very stable vocal, perfect facials and overall great dance skills. It wasn't easy to manage the stage by yourself, but he did thanks to his charisma. Even in the moments when the choreo was calm, his facials kept you glued to his figure.
The judges seemed to appreciate, too. Together with them there were also some of their coaches from the training period: Mina Myoung stood among everyone, since she was the only woman. Then, all of their vocal teachers and some more producers. They all seemed so proud: all the trainees who managed to get at that point had had a huge improvement journey. Even San himself, who had started like a level above, got a lot better in every skill.
When it came the time of his turn, the tension raised to his highest. Not only the trainees were eager to see his stage, but also the expectations were high, both theirs and the judges'. This, usually, wouldn't have upset San, but right now he wasn't feeling good at all.
He was doing his best to think straight and not about Wooyoung watching the program on his couch at home. He was focusing on making the other proud, letting him release the sadness and the disappointment of not being here. He could kind of hear his voice cheering him, "come on number one, you can do it".
He used that sound in his mind to shut down all the other thoughts and shifting into his performance mood, making the demon of the stage presence to possess him as usual. Seonghwa and Yeosang patted his back, then, before he stepped at the center of the stage and the lights went out.
The music started.
His voice filled the room, and the lights were still low, a slight pink color. He was sitting at the edge of a stool, eyes closed, as the song went by and he was putting all his feelings in it. The anger, the disappointment, but also the satisfaction and the pride towards himself.
The others seemed taken aback by such calm performance. There must be something hidden.
Then, in fact, he did such a high note which made everyone to gasp, as the music started to be faster and more rhythmed. That's when the dance part started too, but the singing never stopped. He danced, as usual, with an incredible amount of energy. Although, this time it seemed... worse than usual. He was running out of breath and sometimes missed some facials because of that.
Seonghwa and Yeosang exchanged a flash concerning eye contact for this reason. Well, not that they were worried at all: even if San missed something, being the #1 for the whole competition time gave him many securities about the results. Though, they were worried for him. He never missed a note, a step or, more than anything, an expression. Seonghwa's chest felt heavy as he was realizing how bad the other must have felt that week, and how he had underrated that behaviour.
By the way, there was no more time now to have regrets. San's performance had just finished, and, despite all the little imprecisions, the others trainee kept looking at him as he was some overworld and untouchable creature.
"I sucked, right? I felt off beat sometimes." San said in a whisper while sitting again next to Seonghwa, who scoffed him and responded with a little smile.
"No, you didn't, you silly hamster. It was fine, trust me."
San snorted and drowned in silence, torturing his fingers, and gazing everywhere but at the stage. Of course, as every time you did something wrong according to your previous expectations, or your hard work, the feeling of miserability started to navigate his body, making him shake a bit. The tension was really high, not only to San but to everyone there. The remaining time, filled with the rest of the performances, seemed the longest ever. They all wanted nothing but finish that torture, honestly.
As the performances got to an end, the presenter came back on the stage and said that a video was about to be airing. They all expected a video, a longer one, to resume all the journey of the program.
In fact, that's exactly what appeared on the screen: a lot of clips, from the training to the program, from individual speeches to performances, including all the other guys who were now home. They all almost cried seeing those frames all together, as the realisation of what was about to finish was punching right in their stomachs. Of course, when the clips of Wooyoung filled the screen, San had to hold back his tears. Actually, it was pretty easy, since they were all funny or happy clips. He was just thinking about how much he missed the other, but nothing more.
What for sure no one was expecting was the following thing. When fifteen people filled the dark stage, lights fully off. They only could see some people walking in, having no ideas about the upcoming. Or, maybe, imagining they were some eliminated ones, but definitely not expecting the following words of the presenter.
San gasped and gripped Seonghwa's thigh so hard all of sudden.
"It's time to let you know that this isn't the final episode."