21: NOT ABOUT WHAT'S IN FRONT, BUT WHAT'S BEHIND
When Joana screamed, all hell broke lose.
Hundreds of grown men and women started to scream as well. The sudden noise sent chills running Gabriel's spine. His heart was suddenly gripped with fear so strong, it paralyzed him.
Something dark and evil suddenly closed in on Gabriel. Something strong, something heavy. It felt sinister, like a thousand different faces and voices of terror coming together into one oppressive entity.
A scream tore out of Gabriel's throat. It was echoed by a hundred different screams, all ripped out of the hearts and souls of every Guardian in the Pass.
The mist flew into the length of the passage, slithering through every person in the Pass, carrying their screams away with it, until it stopped a few yards away from the Guardians.
Gabriel was still screaming, but no voice came out.
The mist stole his voice. The mist took his terror and merged it with the thousand different fears of his comrades.
Slowly, right in front of their eyes, the black mist carrying the cacophony of frightful screams merged together. out of the smoke grew bones, and out of the bones grew flesh. out of the flesh ran blood, thick, dark, almost black. The beast was slowly coming into being, and they could do nothing but watch in terror, their mouths open in a silent scream.
The beast was a giant bull with four horns and two faces. It had the front legs of a horse and hind legs of a dragon. It had wings spanning the entire width of the passage and claws longer than an ordinary Guardian's sword.
But none of them saw the beast.
They saw their fears coming to life, in rotting flesh and dark, crimson blood, right in front of their eyes.
No one could draw his or her weapons, for how did one draw weapon against their worst fears?
Some saw death. They saw the rotting faces of their loved ones, accusing them of failing in the mission. Some saw demons, vicious, powerful, dangerous, coming at them before they could even lift their swords. Some saw insects morphing into giant beasts, attacking villages, eating children, killing men and women.
Gabriel saw water. Dark, murky, thick, black, closing in on him, drawing him close, enveloping him in darkness, pouring into him, drowning him.
Solenn saw fire. Dancing flames burning bright and furious, scorching everything - her house, her forest, her friends, her mother, Solomon - until all that's left was ashes and embers.
Selina saw darkness. Everything was pitch black. She couldn't hear anything, see anything, feel anything, smell anything. It was just a void.
Joana saw failure. She saw the disappointed look on Gideon's face, the victorious sneers on the other Champions' faces, and the entire city of Cielos falling to Astana because she didn't bring them to Gate Pandora on time.
Solomon saw a thousand different choices, a thousand different possibilities, all of them leading to one thing - the death of his mother.
Mateo saw Cielos crumbling into a city of broken glass. The towers had collapsed and the Flaming Sword, the symbol of their duty, had died out.
Lukas saw his hands turning black, decaying, rotting, falling apart until all that's left were bones. He knew it was his punishment for not using his Triune-given power to heal Solenn fully.
"I couldn't!" Lukas said."The poison was going to transfer to me! I don't want to die!"
"So you really didn't heal her, after all! Solomon said, his eyes burning with accusation."
"Lukas. Lukas, I'm dying. Why didn't you help me?"
"I'm sorry!"
"Lukas, I've always known you were a dishonorable cur, but I thought for once you've changed," Solenn saidas she drew her dying breath. "My death's on you. I'll wait for you in the afterlife, and then, I'll kill you."
Everyone was shouting, calling out their worst fears, their biggest regrets, their shame. The beast at the edge of the passage didn't even have to lift a single finger.
The Guardians were destroying themselves. What they feared had overtaken them.
***
Gabriel knew he wasn't hero material.
For one thing, the black hole in his memories had always limited his capacity to move forward. He honestly felt like he had to retrieve his lost years before he could become the man he wanted to be in the future. He had no foundation, no ground on which he could plant the seeds of his destiny.
For another, he wasn't as brilliant as Solomon, as strong as Solenn, as intelligent as Joana, as charming as Lukas, as steady as Selina, or as cool as Mateo. He thought he was pretty awesome back on Earth, but the moment he stepped into Cielterra, he was bludgeoned by the fact that no matter how hard he worked, he would never be half the Guardians his comrades were.
It was a little disheartening.
Gabriel, at that moment, thought there was nothing more terrifying than being given a chance not only to prove, but also to findhimself, and blow it.
So what was he doing here, screaming his head off at the sight of water, for heaven's sake?
He didn't understand where all this fear was coming from. Maybe he drowned when he was a kid, and while his mind didn't remember it, his soul did. The soul remembered more strongly than the mind, after all.
Water was one part of the past that he didn't want to go back to, even if he didn't know what had happened to him to make him fear it.
The fear was strong. Magnified. It crippled him. It paralyzed him. It possessed him and made him feel like everything good in his life had died, but somewhere at the back of his mind, he heard the voice of the Memorare speaking to him, slicing through the deafening voice of fear.
Be brave, Gabriel.
What? he thought. It wasn't the Memorare. Well, it sounded like the Memorare, but it was like his weapon was carrying another voice. Who are you?
He heard a chuckle, and then he felt a hand rumpling his head.
Don't blow this, OK?
It felt real. The voice. The chuckle. The hand. It felt like a memory, like it had already happened in the past. He was happy back then, he was sure.
That little glimpse of a happy past gave him enough strength to break free of the fear that had taken hold of him.
Gabriel didn't understand what happened next. All he knew was that the waters disappeared, and right in front on him was the biggest, ugliest and most despicable beast he had seen in his life.
He took the Memorare from his back and prepared to strike, but he stopped dead on his tracks when he saw Solenn standing in front of the beast, looking as if she was fighting a battle only she could see.
The barest of seconds passed before Solenn charged.
She was the only one who was able to break free from the clutches of Fear aside from Gabriel, and it seemed to him that she was the only one strong enough to defeat it. Wrapped in sinister black mist, Solenn leapt to the air, her sword raised.
Like an angel of death, she brought down her sword with a furious battle cry and sliced the beast in half.
The moment she did, everyone in the passage stopped screaming. They were all gasping, trying to catch their breaths as they were pulled from the consuming nightmares they were trapped in.
But then, her eyes still ablaze with fire, Solenn turned back towards Gabriel and screamed.
***
Solenn hated it when she was weak.
There were very few moments that she ever felt weak since she was a child, and right now was one of those rare ones.
She had known all along that Lukas hadn't completely healed her. When he tried to heal her that time, she felt the transfer of the poison from her wound into Lukas's own skin. She felt him hesitate for the briefest of moments before continuing, but Solenn caught his eyes and shook her head slightly.
Don't.
He nodded back, and released her arm. She didn't miss the look of relief on his face.
She could still feel some of the poison running through her veins, slowly eating away at her strength and life force. She could feel herself getting weaker every day, but she didn't hold it against Lukas. He didn't deserve to be punished for the crap she put herself through. It was her fault the demon was able to hit her. She wasn't fast enough to dodge it.
Besides, it was just physical weakness. She knew the limits of her body. She could still fight, even with the poison in her system.
And as if that weren't enough, right now, she was also gripped with fear and terror at the sight of the fire dancing in front of her eyes. Solenn didn't like being afraid, because she always believed that any form of fear is a weakness.
And whenever she felt weak, she got angry.
She had always been sickly as a kid, which is why her family had always protected her from all sorts of things, even the ones she didn't need protection from. When she was little, she had basked in the attention, because it made her feel special. She felt loved.
But the night her world fell apart, she found out that Solomon had been forced to choose between saving her and saving their mother. She hated that the Astanason soldiers were cruel and that they got a kick out of making a small boy choose whose life he would save. She hated that their mother silently commanded Solomon to choose her, because she was too weak to save herself.
Solenn thought that if she were strong enough to protect herself, then Solomon wouldn't have had to choose, and then he could have saved their mother.
From then on, she promised herself that she would grow strong. No one would die for her, anymore. Instead, she would be strong enough to protect the few people she had left.
She fought hard to live, even when they were on the run in the Outbounds. She fought hard to become strong when Samson had picked them up and enrolled them in the Initiative. Day and night she worked to become strong, until she became one of the best students in the Initiative. When she became a squad leader, she protected everyone under her command with a ferocity that was only present in the strongest of leaders.
But the strength of her heart rivaled the strength of her hate. She never once forgave herself for being weak.
She never once forgave the Astanasons for killing her family.
She never once forgave Xandros for betraying her and the Force. And she couldn't even forgive Gabriel for forgetting that the four of them - Samson, Xandros, Gabriel and herself - grew up together, adopted and raised by Magdalen, the woman who died protecting her children from the whims of evil soldiers.
There is no room for fear in a Guardian's heart, Samson would always say. Solenn agreed. There was no room for fear in her heart, because every chamber that wasn't occupied by the people she loved and the city she protected was already filled with hate.
Hello, Solenn, a familiar voice suddenly greeted in her head. It sounded ancient, old and powerful as the Worlds. In the blink of an eye, a massive wolf-like beast appeared in front of her eyes. She knew that beast. It was the living, breathing form of the spirit of her hate.
"Leave me alone," Solenn snapped. "I don't need you."
"Ah, but you always do, my little angry lamb. You've always needed me. I've always followed you around. I've always protected you. Why, if it weren't for me, you would have gotten more than that gash on your arm. You would have been dead."
"I don't need you anymore. I'm a Champion now. I'm stronger."
"No, you're not. Without the hate that has driven you to become this powerful over the years, you will be nothing more than an ordinary soldier. You see, my angryone, most people are destroyed by their hate. But you? You were always special. You thrive in it. It has become your fuel. So feel it, Solenn. Let it fuel you again. Let it be your power. You can overcome that puny poison in your body. Your hate is stronger than any poison in the world."
"I said leave me alone!" Solenn replied, swiping at the beast with her sword. In her weak state, she wasn't even able to touch it.
"Let me fight your fear. Let me fight that beast. Let your hate conquer your fear, and afterwards, we will go after the one who broke your heart. We will kill Xandros."
Something in Solenn broke again at the mention of the man who betrayed not only the entire Guardian Force, but also her and Solomon. The three had entered the Initiative together. They had been inseparable growing up, finishing one course after another, rising up the ranks faster than any other student had managed to. Solomon and Solenn together were unbeatable. With Xandros in the team, they were invincible. Before the two were identified as Candidates, the Judges had been eyeing them as successors. They could easily picture Solomon in Beta, Xandros in Alpha, and Solenn in Zeta, but their aptitude tests had all grouped them together in Alpha.
It came as a surprise to everyone in the Citadel when Xandros disappeared one night. When Xandros went missing, the two felt as if they been blindsided with the blunt edge of his sword. Confused and hurt, they turned to violence and started fights in the Citadel. Only Samson was able to curb their rebellion when he finally threatened to kick them out of the Initiative.
The next time any of them heard of him was when Solomon and Solenn were on Earth. Xandros was already leading the Astanason forces.
Solenn had never been good at forgiving any form of betrayal. Xandros, that cur, had thrown away an entire lifetime of friendship, and for what? She didn't know, and she didn't care.
A traitor was a traitor, no matter the reasons behind the betrayal. "Yes, my angry lamb. Feel the hate. Feel the fires of your fury. Let your fury consume you. I will make you stronger, and we will defeat everyone who dared to hurt you."
Solenn could feel it, the hate. It was familiar, wrapping itself around her like a blanket, like an old friend.
She didn't know which was stronger, her fear of the fire or her hate of everything, but she felt it both.
She stood up on both legs, the poison pushed back by her powerful emotions.
Fear, in front of her, paralyzing her.
Hatred, right beside her, pushing her forward.
She was about to follow the voice of her hatred, but just as she shifted to take the sword off her back, she saw a small movement out of the corner of her eye.
Solomon. He was writhing in agony, caught in an endless loop of terror.
She looked beyond and saw behind her the Guardians who were caught in their own private hell.
And then, like the night of the fire, she saw it. The beautiful white dove.
It flew towards her and landed at the tip of her sword.
It had been years, but the sense of peace and comfort the dove brought with it was as familiar as the hate slowly washed away.
Who are you? Solenn asked.
It didn't answer back then, when her world was ablaze, and it didn't answer now.
It just stared at her with its brilliant burning eyes and nodded towards Solenn's fallen comrades before it pecked at her arm again.
The Mark of the Champion blazed on Solenn's arms, bursting into blinding white light, until all she could see was the Flaming Sword of Eden, quietly but steadily burning.
Everything faded, and then the dove was gone. When she came to, she was back in the cave, and in front of her, the beast called Fear was laughing at them all.
Beside her, the beast called Hate continued to lure her into allowing it to posses her. But behind her were the men and women she had sworn to fight with and protect when she took the Guardian pendant from Samson on the day of her Investiture.
Behind her were her new comrades - pains in her hide, all of them, but friends as well.
Selina, Joana, Mateo, Lukas, Gabriel and Solomon.
Watching them suffer, she was forced to remember the one reason why she chose to fight.
To be strong enough to protect the people I love.
Solenn stared at the tip of the ark of Covenant, right where the dove had landed and whispered the first heartfelt prayer she said in years.
Please, give me strength.
And then she flew towards Fear and struck.
***
Gabriel didn't even think twice when Solenn yelled for him to strike.
He blindly slashed sidewards with the Memorare and heard the furious howl of the beast he didn't see until then.
He shuddered as he watched this other beast burst into brilliant flames. He also swore he heard it curse at Solenn.
"I'll be back," it said, the fury in the voice turning Gabriel's blood to ice, "because you will need me again."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, you ugly dog," Solenn said. She was leaning heavily on her sword, but she didn't look sickly and half- dead anymore. Only tired, and maybe a wee bit smug for being the one to kill the large demon that attacked the entire troop. She started to walk towards the others, but she stumbled and caught herself before she fell face first into the rocky ground.
"What the heck was that?" Gabriel asked as he walked towards Solenn to lend her a hand. "Was that the freaky thing that's been following us around since we first came here to Cielterra?"
"Yeah," Solenn replied as she took Gabriel's arm to right herself. If Gabriel was surprised that she allowed him to help her, he didn't show it. "But don't mind it. It's gone. Thanks for destroying it."
"But it said-"
"No. It won't be back, anymore. I'm sure of it." Solenn's voice was firm. She was about to say something else but Gabriel cut her off with a question.
"How did you break free?"
"From that ugly demon that screwed with our heads?"
Gabriel nodded. "It was our fears, wasn't it? I've never been more terrified in my life."
"But if you were terrified, how did youbreak free?" Solenn countered with a question of her own.
"I don't know. That's why I'm asking you how you did it. Because I can't remember how I did. Weren't you caught by the fear, too?" Solenn shrugged. "I was. But then I realized something."
"What is it?"
"That I love the people behind me more than I'm terrified of what's in front of me."
Gabriel felt his heart beating three times faster, but it wasn't because of fear this time. He opened his mouth to talk, but then Solomon's sarcastic drawl cut through their conversation. Again.
"If you two are done with your courting," he said, amusement tinged in his voice, "we'd appreciate a little help here."
"Oh, shut up, Solomon!" Solenn and Gabriel both said with identical scowls.
Every Guardian and Champion, finally free from the clutches of their inner demons, all burst out into hysterical laughter. It was only after Solenn had tried to punch Solomon that they realized her newly manifested gift from the Triune.
Super strength.
Solomon had barely managed to dock, but the wall behind him crumbled into pieces.
Everyone quickly shut up and ran down the Pass before the mountain could collapse in on them.
Solenn had the last laugh.