20: FURTHER INTO THE DEEP AND FARTHER FROM THE LIGHT
Mateo looked behind his back for the umpteenth time. He had been feeling eyes on him since he entered the pass, but every time he looked, there was nothing.
He felt something akin to panic rise in his chest, but he swamped it down by taking deep breaths.
There was no reason to be afraid. He had walked through dark alleys and dangerous valleys in his stint as a student in the Initiative. He had also fought and faced vicious demons, contrary to what the Alphas thought about them. He had survived many dangerous battles in his short life, the ones he had fought the past few days being the hardest, so one dank, dark and damp cave wouldn’t scare him.
He knew that he was in the company of better fighters, but he was confident that he had been a good contribution to the team. He was the weapons master and the gadgets expert, and he made sure that all of their logistical needs were taken care of even before they left the Citadel. He wasn’t a brilliant tactician like Solomon, or a good leader like Solenn — her temper and attitude aside — but he knew that he was valuable to the team as well.
Just as there’s no room for fear, there’s also no room for self-doubt in a Guardian’s heart, he told himself.
He only hoped his fellow Beta understood that. Joana took some time before warming up to the team, especially the Alphas, not because she was hard on everyone, but because she was hardest on herself. She always thought she had something to prove, which is why she pushed herself very hard on the things she knew she could excel at. Downside of it was that she became very competitive and proud, and she couldn’t relate well with people who had almost the same attitude.
Like Solenn. Like himself, whenever he wanted to poke fun at Joana by outdoing her in projects and presentations back when they were still students at the Initiative. But in spite of her doubts, in spite of her competitiveness, he considered Joana his friend and he didn’t want to impede on tasks she had embraced as hers.
Which is why he was a bit wary of asking Joana to let him help her with the navigation. He didn’t know how, but somehow, he had begun to have a feel of the place as soon as they entered it. There were shadows and whispers, but he was quick to dismiss them and instead tried to feel his way around the place.
Actually, he had that feeling of being familiar with the environment the moment he stepped out of the Chamber of Champions. “Remarkable” didn’t even begin to describe his experience during the Anointing. Gabriel once said that he felt like he was engulfed by water when he said yes. Mateo felt like he was embraced by earth.
Even now he couldn’t quite explain it. One moment he was standing in the heavenly Chamber, and the next, everything was earth. Over, under, and in between, all earth. He didn’t want to be lost. He grew up surrounded by luxury and comfort, but he had always felt disconnected with everyone, even his family. Being surrounded by deep, rich, earth made him feel grounded. Anchored. Yes, he felt suffocated for a moment, but when he held in his hands the battle ax that named itself the Tabernacle, everything faded and he was back in the Chamber.
Surreal. That experience was so surreal.
After that though, he felt more in tune with his surroundings. “Joana, how long is this Pass again?” Gabriel asked, his question breaking through Mateo’s thoughts. They had been walking through the Tyriad Pass for what seemed like hours already, but the puésto was nowhere near in sight.
“Just a few kilometers, according to the geomap,” Joana replied. Her brows were furrowed in concentration as she studied the device again. Mateo bit his lip to keep from taking over. He’d give her a few more attempts, but if she couldn’t lead them to the puésto soon, he’d tell her that he would take over as their navigator. Her pride is not worth their precious time. “I don’t understand,” Joana said. She sounded irritated, but Mateo knew from years of rivalry and odd friendship that she was just masking her desperation. “It says here that we should be at the edge of the Pass by now.”
“It’s more like a cave than a pass,” Lukas remarked. Mateo saw him keeping a steady eye on Solenn, who was looking worse as they walked further into the dark. He frowned when Solenn ran her hands down her arms to ward off the chill and looked away.
Something was wrong with Solenn. She knew it. Solomon knew it. Lukas knew it. Everybody knew it, but nobody was doing anything about it.
He was about to call on it when Gabriel’s voice cut through the thick silence that had been accompanying them since they entered the dangerous pass.
“Solenn, you’re sick.”
“I’m not,” Solenn said without missing a beat.
“You are. There are huge circles under your eyes, your skin’s become pale, you keep massaging your arms because the chill that only you are feeling is bothering you and you’re not making rude comments and you’re not threatening to kill me.”
Gabriel poked at Solenn after each point, pushing her farther and farther back. “You’re sick.”
“If you don’t stop poking at me, you’ll be sorry.”
“OK, that’s better,” Gabriel said. “But you’re still sick. See, at that point, you’re supposed to say, ‘Stop poking at me, or you’re dead meat,’ but you just said I’d be ‘sorry’. That was the lamest threat, ever.” He sent an exasperated glare at Lukas. “Come on, Lu. I thought you healed her already with that awesome blue light after the fight?”
“Calm down, lover boy. Fine, I’ll have a look,” Lukas said, pushing Gabriel aside to check at Solenn’s wound. It had dried already, the blood turned into ugly scabs. “Look, it’s all dried up. I took the poison out already, but the wound will scar.”
Solenn shrugged. “Doesn’t make that much of a difference. Thanks, though.”
Gabriel looked thoughtful for a moment before he addressed Lukas. “Hey, that reminds me,” he said, “that awesome healing thing you did back there. Have you always had that?”
“No,” Lukas replied. “Only after the Anointing.”
“Well, it’s not surprising,” Mateo remarked. “Champions receive gifts from the Triune during the anointing. I’ve read many books and stories on Champions. Sometimes, the gifts manifest themselves immediately after, like in Lukas’ case. In other cases, it might take the Champions quite some time before their gifts manifest.”
“It’s what makes us Champions, I think,” Joana added. “We were given abilities that no ordinary Guardian possessed. We’re to use these abilities to help save Eden.”
Gabriel nodded as he processed the information. “I wonder, though, when the rest of us would manifest our gifts. Does it say in the books how or when?”
Mateo shook his head. “Just that it will come out when the Champion is ready. Sometimes in trickles, other times in one go.”
“In trickles?”
Mateo took out a thin, rectangular glass tablet from his back pocket. He pressed on it a few times before a holographic image of a large, burly-looking man popped up from it. “Take Orías, for example. He was from the last generation of Champions. At first, he could heal only small wounds, but later on, his gift became so powerful, he was able to restore life.”
Gabriel’s eyes widened. “Like bringing back the dead?”
“I think he could, if he tried,” Mateo replied. “He was able to restore dead forests and refill dried up lakes when he tried, but he never trifled with the lives of the Menfolk.”
“I wonder why he never tried bring the dead back to life?” Gabriel mused out loud.
“You don’t trifle with the dead,” Selina replied. She joined the conversation but she was scanning the dark passage they were walking through. Her eyes were narrowed, as if she was watching out for something to happen, but then again, that’s how she always looked. “And besides, it is not the powers that make a Champion. It’s the character of the Champion who was granted those powers. The reason Orías thrived even long after the war was over was because he was a man of character.”
Which was more than what could be said for us. The statement wasn’t voiced, but it hung heavily in the silence that followed.
“Food for thought,” Selina said. “For all of us.”
***
She kept hearing voices. They weren’t loud, just faint whispers, but they were enough to derail her thoughts. Joana’s train of thoughts could run a mile a minute, but usually they were focused and sharp. Now, in the dark recesses of the passageways that should have been a single straight path, Joana’s mind was running amok in all directions, trying to grasp at every possible way that could get them out of this place.
Sometimes she caught the words lost and fail, but she would shake her head furiously and continue studying her geomap for the location of the puésto.
But that’s just it. The geomap wasn’t working anymore. It stopped working the moment they entered the passage, but she couldn’t tell that to the others.
She didn’t want them to think she was wrong or weak.
But you are.
“I’m not!” With a frustrated yell, Joana suddenly flung the geomap towards a rocky wall. She leaned against the wall and took heavy breaths.
“You’re not what?” Mateo asked as he walked up to her. “Weak!” Joana spat. “I may be a Beta, but I’m not weak!”
“Joana, calm down,” Mateo said. “No one’s saying that. You’re the one who’s working the hardest here. Everyone knows that.”
“Do they know that?” she asked, pointing towards the quiet Alphas. She swore she could see their condescending looks. She was sure the whispers she’d been hearing were from them. After all, haven’t they been going at how Betas were useless in battle? The Alphas are the heroes. They’re the fighters, the front liners, and the Betas are just researchers. Nerds. Useless wimps who sit in front of their stations all day long, scanning and reading page after page of data. The only physical effort they ever exerted was flying their fingers over the keys of their control panels.
Well, if that’s what the Alphas thought, then they were wrong. Joana did her work, too. She worked harder than everyone else on this wretched team. She stayed up late mapping their possible routes, plotting the terrain, and even taking note of the different kinds of creatures each terrain had, in order to supply her comrades with reliable information on how to deal with them.
And if that weren’t enough, because she wouldn’t darehold back the team during a fight, she’d wake up a few hours earlier every morning and train by herself.
She wasn’t useless. She wasn’t weak.
The voices got louder, more sinister. They wrapped around her like a cold, damp blanket, suffocating her. The voices slithered in her mind, whispering, taunting. They wouldn’t stop.
Weak. Useless. Coward.
“Joana?” Mateo’s voice cut through her thoughts. “Joana, take deep breaths. You’re hyperventilating.”
“I’m not!”
Solenn slowly walked up to them, her hands raised as if to calm Joana. “Hey, look, just calm down, OK? We’re going to get out of here.”
“Oh, what do you know, Solenn?” Joana spat. “What, are you going to get us out of this place? Are yougoing to be the hero, again, Captain? You’re probably sneering at me, whispering behind my back. I can hear you, you know. I’m not deaf, and I’m certainly not weak.”
“Whispers?”
“Yes.
“You’re hearing whispers?” Solenn asked.
“Yes. You’re loud, you know.”
Solenn didn’t reply immediately. She looked thoughtful, as if she was weighing something in her mind. “Joana, I hear them, too. If you’re hearing voices, don’t listen.”
“What?”
“The voices. They’re nasty. Don’t listen to them,” Solenn said. “Actually, I’m beginning to think my hunch is right.”
“What hunch?” Solomon asked, walking to her side.
“That there are spirits in this place that prey on our darkest thoughts,” Solenn said. She raised her voice and spoke to all the Guardians. Her voice was strong as it bounced off the rocky walls of the passage. “Lock your minds, Guardians. Our enemies are invisible and their targets are your minds. Don’t let them come in.”
“What kind of demons are we dealing with this time?” Gabriel asked.
“The ones we can’t see,” Solenn replied. “The most dangerous kind. We don’t always wrestle with flesh and blood, but against rulers, against authorities, against the cosmic powers of over this present darkness... against the spiritual forces of evil even in the most heavenly of places.”
“Father Andres told me about that before,” Gabriel said, deep in thought. It was one of the rare moments he had listened to the old priest’s lectures. “The best weapons we have against those powers, he said, aren’t swords and shields. That’s why we meditate. That’s why we pray.”
She nodded at Gabriel. “That’s what Samson always says.” She turned to Solomon and nudged his arm. “Good thinking on giving the soldiers time to meditate. It wasn’t much, but it’s helpful.”
Solomon smiled and bopped her right back, but it quickly disappeared when Solenn keeled over at the slight nudge. “‘Lenn!” He quickly straightened her up. She looked paler than usual, if it were even possible, and it looked like it took all of her strength to keep standing up. She pulled away from Solomon and waved off his help.
“Move out,” she said. “Let’s get out of this place. It’s giving me the creeps.” She had only taken one step forward when she collapsed. Selina was quick to catch her.
Solomon flashed Lukas an angry look. “What have you done to her?”
“I healed her,” Lukas replied. His voice was calm, but his eyes were sharp. “You saw it.”
“She doesn’t seem healed to me,” Solomon hissed. He took a few steps towards Lukas, but Mateo stopped him.
“Solomon, don’t.” Mateo pushed back harder when Solomon resisted. “You heard Solenn. There are spirits in this place. I think they’re aggravating our negative emotions. We have to stay calm. One small slip, and they’d take over. When they take over one of us, they take over all of us.”
“Sol, drop it,” Solenn said. She was still leaning heavily on Selina. “Let’s go find our way out of this place.”
Everyone grudgingly followed the captain. It was quiet in the Pass again, save for the shuffle of heavy boots against the rocky ground. The silence was as heavy as the dark that had been descending heavily on Joana’s heart.
Meditate, Joana commanded herself. Calm down. Don’t listen to the voices. Walk forward. Don’t look back. Just walk away.
Oh, but my dear Joana, a voice said, clear and strong as if it were somebody in the group that said it.That’s what you’ve been doing all your life. You’re just walking away.
Joana snapped her eyes closed, as if it could ward off the sinister thoughts that continued to attack her. It didn’t. The voices got louder and louder, bludgeoning against the walls she built in her mind.
Her heart was beating furiously against her chest. Every beat was an accusation.
Lost. Weak. Coward. Failure. Lost weak. Coward. Failure. Lost weak coward. Failure. Lost weak coward failure.
The voices got in.
Joana broke. She screamed.