Shiva's pov
It's been a weak since we came to our haveli ,
One weak since we both had a talk with each other. One weak since she looked at me , one weak since we distanced ourselves from each other..
I looked at the fire infront of me , while the priest continued chanting some mantra..
We all were here for a puja at the kuldevi mandir which was supposed to be performed my both the newly weds...
While dev and Rishita looked happy and enjoying these rituals , there was me and raavi who just came here for dhara bhabhi and gaumbi..
When priest asked as us take some vows I couldn't help but think what is the use of all these if someone is not able to keep them..
I slightly looked at her and found her looking no where , she was just standing here physically but not mentally..
I don't know whom I should feel more sorry for?
Her because she has to see the love of her life everyday with someone else and herself be with someone whom she hates a lot , or i should feel sorry for myself because I have started falling for her even after knowing that she could never love me..
I just wanted to cry my heart out after hearing her word form the other day ,
Flashback
It's been 3 days since we came to haveli and mami ki behen ki beti is not even talking to me , forget talking she is not even looking at me..
I know she hates me even more after that day , after our ki..
I couldn't help but think about that day , her confession ,her anger , her hate , everything was still fresh for me and it ace my heart to see the sufferings that she was going through...
I was passing through the kitchen when I heard her talking to dhara bhabhi , thought I didn't wanted to eavesdrop their conversation I couldn't help it..
Raavi : maine apne dil ko samjha diya ha ki meri kismat main pyaar kabhi nhi tha aur naa kabhi hoga..
Dhara : aisa nhi ha raavi , hum sb tujhse bht pyaar krte ha aur...
Raavi : nhi dhara di , sb mujhse pyaar nhi krte ha...
Har din mujhe is dard ke saath jeena pad rha hai ki meri kismat main pyaar nhi likha ha bhagwan ne .Ki mujhse puri zindagi bina pyaar ke bitani padegi..
Kabhi kabhi toh maan krta ha ki apne dil ko seene se nikal ke bahar phek du taki ye dard khatam ho jaiye..Aisa kaun sa paap kiya tha maine jiski itni badi saza de rhe ha wo mujhe ...
Dhara bhabhi hugged her who started sobbing in her embrace like a small lost kid..
I can't see her crying like this ,so I walked away from there , before they could see me and before I hear something which breaks my already broken heart more...
I don't know why am feeling hurt, is it because she is talking about dev and that she still loves him or is it because I couldn't tell her what I fell for her..
I wish I could Console her , tell her that I love he..., But I can't I can't do that .
Seeing her crying like this made me realise that how big mistake I have made by marrying her , it was all Because of me that she has to go through this pain everyday...
I wish I could do something for her..I wish I could remove her pain..
Present day
While priest was tell us the meaning of the vows that we have to take , I looked at her and found her eyes watery...
I can't take this anymore..
I can't make her go through this pain ,she has to sit here looking at the love of her life taking vows with someone else..
I can't hurt her like this .
I got up from my seat and went from there , I could hear dhara bhabhi and gaumbi calling me but I didn't stop i can't stay there , I have to go , otherwise she will have to go on with her pain and I don't want that, I don't want her to cry..
I silently went to the lake and sat there. I closed my eyes feeling the breeze but her crying face came infront of my eyes and I felt a pain in my heart.. How good it would have been if she would have never loved dev, or how good it would have been if dev would have never betrayed her.. Atleast she won't have been crying like this...
I was feeling hurt for myself but I was feeling more hurt for her, for all that she had to go , for all her crying , her pain , everything..
The raavi who always use to have a smile on her face , hasn't even smiled after marriage, that girl was crying and I was the reason for it.
I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder , and turned around only to find gaumbi there with a worried look on his face..
I quickly composed myself...
Author pov
Gautam who was looking for shiva finally found him near the lake
He went and sat next to him at the bench and waited for him toh acknowledge his presence, but when he realised that shiva was deep in thought ,he gently put an arm around his shoulder making him aware about him.
Gaumbi looked at his younger brother and realised that all these days he was right about shiva being concerned about something and that he was not being himself..
He knew shiva was having an emotional fight and that he needs to let everything out..
Gautam: kya hua shiva , kyu chala aaya tu aise ,
Shiva : kuch nhi gaumbi , bas nhi rha jaa rha tha waha mujhse..
Gautam : shiva waha puja chal rhi ha aur tu wo chod ke yaha aa gaya, kuch toh baat hogi ?
Shiva : wo raa...
Gautam : aaj raavi ke baare main baat nhi karenge , aaj tu mujhe, apne bade bhai ko aapne gaumbi ko bata ki tu kya feel kr rha ha..mujhe tere dil ki baat jaanani ha
Shiva looked at gautam and realised that if he could be open to anyone that will be gaumbi his elder brother.
Shiva suddenly hugged gaumbi and started crying like a child who was being through a lot and suddenly got someone to relay on..
Shiva : kuch feel nhi ho rha ha gaumbi bas adhura sa lg rha ha , khali pan mehsoos ho rha ha bas.. Aisa lg rha ha ki jaise kisi ne seene main se dil Nikal liya ho aur wapas rakhna bhool gaya ho..
Gaumbi who has been observing shiva from few days now knew that he was hurt about something, the shiva who could rearly get silent infront of his family was being silent a lot , he looked lost and hurt both. He knew it was something related to him and raavi , but what he didn't knew is that it was hurting him so much.. the shiva who barley use to cry was crying like a child holding his elder brother..
And it was hurting gaumbi..
Gaumbi: bas kr shiva kyu roo rha ha tu itna
Shiva : wo khush nhi ha gaumbi mere saath..
Gaumbi : shiva ye shaadi achank se hui ha , thoda time de usee wo..
Shiva: nhi gaumbi , we nhi ha khush , aur kabhi nhi ho paiyenge.. Usko takleef ho rhi ha gaumbi, dard ho raha ha usee , uske ankho main ansoo ke alawa aur kuch nhi dekha ha mujhe in 10 dino main..
Wo pyaar krti ha dev se gaumbi , kaise dekh skti ha wo usse har roz kisi aur ke saath, kaise..
mujhse nafrat krti ha, wo nhi ha khush gaumbi nhi ha wo khush..
Aur mujhse nhi bardasht ho rha ha gaumbi , nhi jhel paa rha hu main uski ye nafrat , nhi jhel paa rha...
Gautam : usne aisa kaha ha kya shiva ?
Shiva : khena kya ha gaumbi uski ankho main maine dekha ha aapne liye nafrat , gussa, narazgi..
please gaumbi , mujse nhi bardasht ho rha ha ye dard aab , maine bht koshish ki usse bhoolne ki usse dur jane ki pr nhi ho rha ha kya karu main aap batao na , kya karu..
Mujhse nhi dekha jaa rha ha uski ankho main aapne liye nafrat aur naa main usse dard mai dekh skta ho...
Before gautam could say anything shiva said...
Shiva : main kya kru gaumbi aap batao naa , kya karu, ki ye dard kaam ho jaiye..apke pass har cheez ka solution ha na toh batao na aap ki main kya karu...
Bht dard ho raha ha mujhe gaumbi , aur nhi bardasht ho rha ye dard mujhse..kyu main kisi ke pyaar ke layak nhi hu , kyu
aapke aur bhabhi ke siwaye koi mujhse pyaar nhi krta ha , kyu koi mujhe samajh nhi pata ha , kya karu main , bht dard ho raha hai mujhe gaumbi please isse khatam kr do please...
Mera dil phat rha ha , bachpan se sabne sirf mera gussa dekha ha koi mera pyaar kyu nhi dekh pata ha , koi ye kyu nhi dekh pta ha ki mujhe bhi dard hota hai takleef hoti hai..
Mera dil phat rha ha gaumbi , bht dard ho raha ha mujhe..
Shiva was crying like there was no tomorrow, and for once he didn't felt like holding himself back..
Gautam who was listening to shiva left helpless for the first time in his life..He felt his own tears streaming down his eyes seeing the pain his younger brother, his shiva was going through..
They all knew that raavi has loved dev as long as one could remember but what he didn't knew was that it has affected his shiva so much..
His little brother who always use to say that he hates raavi was actually crying for her... He knew that shiva was not only crying because of Raavi's hate toward him ,but also because she loved dev or still loves him..
While shiva For the first time in all these days has let his gaurds down..Truly he cried that day ,but he knew he needed someone and that somone was his gaumbi..
He suddenly felt like a 5 year old crying over something , while his father Consoled him..
Gaumbi was not less than a father to him ,and shiva knew he will never be judged by his gaumbi and that's why he cried..
He cried for all these years were he had to pretend that he hated raavi , he cried for the pain he felt when he got to know that she loves dev , he cried for the pain he had gone through when dev and raavi's marriage got fixed , he cried for the pain he felt when he saw her hanging herself , he cried for not being loved and understood by her...He cried for every emotion that he has felt, from love to hurt to pain to jealous to irritation everything..
But most importantly he cried because he failed to hide his emotions for her , he cried because he loves her and that she could never love him back....