"No matter what you do or decide with your life, I will always love you, my little sister."
His body was lifeless.
You made this happen.
"Don't leave me." You whispered weakly. You tried to reach out for him despite being surrounded by darkness, but he was being pulled back.
Was it all your fault?
"Yes, it was your fault."
"You stood there and let it happen."
"It should've been you who was killed."
"You worthless idiot."
No, please wake up.
Eugene, please wake up.
Please.
"Hey, wake up!"
"Cass, wake up!"
"Stop it!" You jolted up as you threw my hands in the air.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry." You quickly panicked as you tended to Frida who got hit on the face.
"No worries. Hey, I heard you sobbing in your sleep. If you need anything I can go down and get you some wat-"
"It's okay. I'm okay, thank you for worrying. I..I'll go down and get some fresh air." You assured her.
As she noticed how you slowly settled down, she let you go and decided to go back to her bed after you apologized for interrupting her sleep, which she continuously told you to stop saying sorry before she could smack you on the back of your head, which was a joke obviously.
You decided to go to the fireplace but then you realized that the crackling wood would be enough to wake up some light sleepers, so the better option is to heat up some milk before going back to your room.
Dinner hall it is.
As you strolled through the corridors and got in front of the door, you were surprised to see light peeking from under the door. Thankfully, you wouldn't be alone. Not that you were scared but you guess some company wouldn't hurt especially when you woke up from a dreadful nightmare.
You peeked through the door and to your surprise, the seats were empty except for one. Ah, of course this is how it works.
You thought of returning back to your room before the raven-haired man with a clean undercut would notice but as you saw him slightly turn his head towards the door, you realized that it was too late to go back.
You decided to join him despite his gaze that tells you he wasn't that pleased to see you here.
"Don't you ever think I'm going to let go of your insubordination." You suddenly remembered your last conversation with him.
"Good evening, Captain." You greeted in a formal tone while giving him a small nod.
"It's almost 5 in the morning." His attention was on his teacup that he continuously swayed on his right hand. If you regarded the Captain as someone patient, it would be a lie seeing how eager he is to let the inside of the tea bag seep in quickly on his tiny cup.
"I didn't realize that it was already 5." You answered honestly since you did not bother looking at the clock before leaving the room.
You headed towards the counter to grab a glass of milk and heated it up.
As you approached him on the table you noticed how he placed the pile of documents near him to give you more space so you placed your mug across from where he is sitting but you stood there while contemplating about something. He noticed how you were hesitant to say something, not because you were nervous or tensed but because your hands were slightly fidgeting.
"What?" he asked.
"Well, I..."
"You look like you're about to shit your pants. What is it?" Impatient as always, I see, you thought.
"I decided to apologize for what I said two days ago. Since it occurred to me that it was uncalled for to raise my voice to my superior. So, I-I guess I'm sorry."
He snorted. You raised your eyebrows thinking that he regarded it as a joke.
"Did you rehearse that for the past two days?" His remark made you confused and flustered at the same time.
"Do you regret not following my orders?" He asked again.
"Like what I said two days ago, I don't regret saving my comrade since he wasn't killed in the process. So, no I don't regret it."
"Mhm. Since you're that brazen, I suppose cleaning the stables wouldn't be a problem for you." The captain glanced at your direction like he was waiting for you to oppose his order once more, like he was expecting you to lash out or something. He had a smug look on his face that you found difficult to control yourself from wiping it out.
"The whole stables outside?" You gulped.
"Mhm."
"Just me?"
He nodded.
"Fine." You groaned. "I suppose this is better than cleaning the whole HQ." You rolled your eyes.
"Make sure you also empty out the containers where they finish their business. I'll check your work tomorrow afternoon." Levi added as he started to read the documents that were placed on the corner of the table. Was he really this busy that he decided to finish his paperwork at 5 in the morning, or perhaps he also had trouble going to bed?
"What if I don't?"
"Then I'll make sure you're unable to ride a horse on your next expedition." He threatened you as he shot you a glare, stating that he expects the stables to be close to spotless tomorrow afternoon, which was kind of impossible since you only had the experience to clean bedrooms and such.
"You do know how improper that sounds right, Cap?" You teased him and slightly grinned, countering his response.
"Shut the fuck up, you shitty kid." He turned the page of his document roughly than before.
You snickered at his response and instantly gulped the milk you prepared a while ago and decided to head back to your room. You contemplated to sleep for at least an hour before facing the punishment given to you.
"I'll see you in a while, Sir."
He hummed in response.
~~~
"Tell me how I managed to agree with this task." You mumbled to yourself as the smell of the uncleaned stables were fucking unbearable as you cleared out the manure on the side. You hosed it down with water and a fair amount of cleansing soap, but the smell was still evident.
You scrubbed the floor using the cleaning tools that you found in the HQ's stock room which you assumed to be Levi's. You constantly moved the tool with a clockwise motion and adjusted its grip from time to time to avoid your arm from straining.
You must've really gotten on Levi's nerves back then.
You took a break for a while and it was a good thing you brought a fair amount of water and an apple with you. You did not bother eating breakfast since you wanted to get the job done in an instant and you felt regret for doing so.
You gave your back a stretch before proceeding again since you suddenly felt a sting on your lower back. Dang it, am I getting old?, you thought.
You continued scrubbing the cobble stones when you heard someone enter the stables. You glanced at the entrance and was surprised to see Nikolai Dietrich with his usual guarded impression that was quite stoic and unexpressive. He noticed you cleaning the area and headed towards the other side to tend to his stallion.
He glanced at your direction and opened the fence assigned to his horse. You were about to tell him that you weren't done cleaning that area, but he walked quickly to avoid having a conversation with you. You decided that you wanted none of his silly games anymore. You dropped the cleaning tool on your left hand and washed your hands before approaching him.
"I find it quite difficult to understand why I seem to cause you discomfort these past few days." You broke the silence as he was about to head out the stable while guiding his horse outside. He slowly turned to face you with a grim expression plastered on his face.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, little miss." He gave you a sarcastic smile.
"Back at the fortress, you conversed with me differently from others and at the tavern, my squad mates seemed to notice your displeased glare. I'm not ignorant and dense to conclude that nothing is wrong. Now tell me Mr. Dietrich, what did I do to displease you so much?" You did not bother to sugarcoat your words. You were well aware of his standing in the regiment. He was a squad leader, and you were just someone starting her passage towards the scouts but you were quite eager to acquire an answer from him.
He sighed for a while and directed his cerulean gaze towards you. His striking features were evident which is why you felt intimidated for a second.
"Cassandra Beaumont isn't that ignorant after all." His tone was bitter and unpleasant. Hearing him mention that name made you shiver.
"How did I know?" He let out a dry laugh. "Eugene Kuschler, or should I say his real name, Eugene Frederick Beaumont, was my comrade. A good soldier without a doubt, promoted to be a squad leader after a few months of training and had one of the highest titan kills. A man whose morals are incomparable and someone who never abandons his comrades."
As you slowly looked at him, you expected his eyes to be full of rage and coldness, but what surprised you was that you caught sight of a hint of sadness and unsettlement.
You gasped. He knew your brother. You were unable to let your voice out, so you continued listening to him. He was not waiting for you to respond so he continued.
"A competent soldier who got killed for protecting his illegitimate sister, and his sister who just watched everything and let her brother die."
"I...I didn't.."
You watched him in dismay as you clutched your chest and found it hard to breathe.
"No matter what you do or decide with your life, I will always love you my little sister."
His last words kept echoing in your head.
How could he know? You made sure that your records were clean before setting foot in the HQ. How could he possibly recognize you? He even knew of your real identity as Eugene's half-sister, and not just Peter Beaumont's pretend niece.
You panicked as you flooded your head with questions that would be unanswered.
Just who is this man?
Was he from Mitras as well?
"I...loved Eugene." His voice cracked, like he was hesitant to tell you everything that he kept all to himself.
Many people loved him, and you couldn't blame him for resenting you since your brother died while protecting you from his fiancé.
Then you realized that his love for you brother was different. He didn't just love your brother because he was Eugene. He loved him unconditionally, without hesitations and doubt. He loved him wholeheartedly and seeing him like this in front of you, strengthened the guilt inside of you.
"He took you away from me."
"Don't leave me for him..."
Calista's words suddenly made sense. She was referring to Nikolai and Eugene's relationship back then.
For a while, you were glad that Eugene had someone he could rely on despite the pressure of being the eldest of the clan. He had someone to share his burdens with, even if he refused to share some of them to you because of his selfless nature of not wanting you to get involved with his troubles. Nikolai was probably the same, all he had was Eugene and now he was gone.
He loved him as a man and not just as a comrade. Realizing everything, you were surprised to feel hot water pour out of your eyes.
Being able to let go all of your pent-up emotions at the same time was a foreign feeling. You were raised to be composed, stoic, and almost emotionless all your life, but you decided to leave that girl right away.
Right now, you were not Cassandra Beaumont, the Marquess's daughter. You are Cass Belova, one of the scouts who possess an unyielding character. I am myself. I am my own person, you kept repeating to yourself.
As you saw Nikolai's unshed tears, you reached out for his arm and embraced him, not bothering how you showed him your most vulnerable state as the tears on you eyes continuously poured, which you had restrained for a long period of time.
~~~~~~~
Hello everyone! I hope you all enjoy this chapter aside from the fact that it was kind of poorly written :((
Don't hesitate to share your thoughts about Nikolai's confession about his past? Feel free to drop your thoughts about this chap. Thank youu