Wednesday, November 11th- 11:04 p.m.
The peace I felt just being able to lay in his arms again was indescribable.
Yeah...we weren't back to how we used to be- we never would be- but his touch at least comforted me again.
The way he ran his hand through my hair. The way his chest rose and fell below my head. The way his bare skin warmed beneath me. The way his fingers drew patterns across my back beneath his shirt. The way his entire body held me close- they all comforted me again.
I missed just laying with him like this. We used to spend every waking moment together before I spent all that time trying to push him away. It felt like we were slowly falling back to us like I was relearning to trust him again.
What he'd done to me was unforgivable, and I honestly think had I not physically watched him beg Luke that one morning or had he lied to me about a single other thing throughout this all, I would have never even considered forgiving him.
But seeing him in just as much pain as me hurt worse than my own pain did. Yeah, in a way he deserved it, but after all his explanations, he didn't deserve it all. He'd been trying to undo it since it started, but no one would let him. He'd been planning to tell me, but Andrew continued to ruin his chance to explain. He said he used it as an excuse to be allowed near me, not to hurt me- and I believe him.
After he picked me up off my bedroom floor, barely conscious, I knew he'd never wanted to hurt me. He could have left me to die on that floor, but he didn't. He did love me, even if he did hurt me.
He wanted to protect me the whole time. He just didn't know he was the danger he needed to protect me from.
"You okay, Angel?"
I lifted my head from his chest, resting my chin against him as I looked up to the sound. I nodded against his chest, turning back to look towards the TV playing an episode of Criminal Minds- just like it always did when we laid on this couch.
"You sure?" he continued to ask. "You seem off."
"I'm fine," I explained, feeling as his hand moved up to my chin to turn me to look at him. "I was just thinking."
"About?" he asked, shifting to move me as well.
"Us," I explained, moving so I sat straddling his lap like he was moving me to. His hand fell from my chin as I faced him, moving down to my bare thighs to rub patterns across them.
"Do I want to know?" he asked sarcastically, a small smile on his face.
I laughed lightly. "Probably not," I told him, shaking my head as my glance fell to his chest. My index finger began drawing the same pattern he was on my leg against his chest. "It was just stuff we've moved past."
"I'll still listen if you're not ready to move past it all yet," he reassured me, starting to catch on to what I was doing.
I nodded as I focused on how his finger had moved against my skin. This time he stopped and looked to me after he drew the first symbol. I looked up to him with a stupid smile as I realized he was waiting for me to copy it.
When he realized I hadn't got it, he started again, slower this time. I laughed as I followed along, drawing the same straight line he had with two parallel lines perpendicular to the first. I.
I waited for the next one, focusing as he drew against me. I copied the same pattern, drawing the two loops that pulled to a straight point at the bottom. A heart.
I knew the next letter before he even started, so I drew it with him this time, laughing as I did.
"You're so stupid," I laughed as we finished the U.
"Stupidly in love with you," he laughed back, sitting up farther, pulling me with.
"No, you're just stupid and in love with me," I mocked back in normal Anastasia fashion.
"There's my snarky Auni back," he noted.
I rolled my eyes at him, leaning myself back down against his chest. His arm held around my waist as I shifted myself between the back of the couch and him, my head resting against his shoulder.
He let us sit quietly for a moment, the sounds from the TV filling the room, but after his mind roamed for a bit, he spoke again.
"Do you want to stay here tonight?" he whispered so he wasn't too loud close to my ear. "We have to go to school tomorrow so we'd just have to leave early."
"Yeah, we can just sleep here," I finally spoke back. "I'll just text my mum that I'm here."
He nodded. "Do you have other clothes but your dress from earlier that you can wear tomorrow?"
"Shit... No, I don't," I swore below my breath, knowing we'd probably have to go back then. "I just have that dress and sweater. I had spandex under it to but I can't wear them to school."
"We could leave early tomorrow and get clothes from my house or I can go now and you can stay here?" he offered from above me.
"No, you're not allowed to leave me alone here," I quickly shut down that idea, wrapping myself tighter into him. "I don't like being alone."
"You came here on you're own," he chuckled. "You were alone then?"
"Yeah, and I was laying on the dock," I quickly snarked back.
"You just want to go tomorrow morning then?" he asked, stopping the laugh from my comment.
"Why can't we just not go to school tomorrow?" I whined, not even wanting to think about waking up right now.
"Cause if we miss school, we can't go to practice, and if we miss practice, we won't be able to play at our last game before states," he laid it out for me, making me sigh. "Plus, it's senior night. We can't miss that!"
"Fine," I agreed, knowing I wouldn't ever want him to miss one of his games, especially the one honoring his athletic achievements. "We could just go back to yours tonight so we don't have to get up as early."
"Okay," he agreed. "But we have to go now or you're gonna fall asleep."
I mumbled an annoyed sound against his chest, knowing he was right after my eyes had fallen closed. I felt as his other arm wrapped around me, pulling me up with him as he sat up.
"Lock your legs, Angel," he advised. I listened.
With my feet locked behind him, he lifted me from the couch with him. I laughed into his shoulder, thinking back to every other time he'd told me to lock my feet behind his back.
"What are you laughing about?" he asked as he carried me towards the kitchen where all our stuff was.
"You," I told him as he set me down on the counter. I let go of him, watching as he stepped back and gathered together all our stuff. "Every other time you'd told me to lock my legs."
I watched as the memories filled his head too. He smirked as he quickly shook them away, picking up his bag from the floor and setting it beside me on the counter. He stepped over to me then, his arms leaned behind me on the counter as he hid his smirk.
"I'm going to go get your clothes from the bedroom. You can stay here and get you're head out of the gutter," he whispered, kissing my smile quickly before walking away from me.
"I saw your smirk. You were thinking about it too," I called after him as I hopped down to be helpful.
"Fuck off," he laughed back before turning into the bedroom.
I laughed to myself as I walked around, shutting off all the usual things we did before we left. I locked the sliding door, shut off the TV, moved the pillows back on the couch, and picked up the random things we'd left before turning back to the kitchen.
He stood by the counter he'd placed me on, leaning against it as he watched me. He held out his hand as I walked back to him, inviting me to give him mine. I did, slowly following behind as he picked up the last of our stuff.
"Why don't we come back for your car tomorrow after practice? That way you're not driving when you're sleepy," he offered up as we got to the door, shutting off the last of the lights.
I nodded, agreeing to do that knowing it would give me an excuse to spend more time with him. He opened the door for us, walking me up to my side of the Jeep and helping me in like he always did.
He closed it behind me, throwing his bag in the back seat after. He went back up to the house, shutting off the outside light and shutting the door, locking it, and coming back to the driver's side.
He climbed in and started up the car, taking my left hand in his over the stick shift like he always did. It made me smile as I held my hand out, and he took it without thinking twice like we were back to old times.
He drove us back quietly, his thumb rubbing against mine almost putting me to sleep by the time we got back to his house.
My eyes had fallen closed by the time he pulled us into his driveway, but I was still conscious of the world around me. I listened as he shut off the engine, announcing, "we're here."
His hand never leaving mine as he waited for me to react. In a moment of reminiscing, I held my eyes shut, pretending to be asleep to see how he would react. He may have known I wasn't fully asleep, but I was pretty close, so he went with it like I was.
I felt as he lifted my hand in his to his lips, kissing it lightly before setting it back on my side of the console. I listened as his door opened, closing before the back door opened again. He pulled what I would have assumed were our bags before closing the door again.
Soon enough, I listened to my door open. I held my eyes closed as he moved me lightly to carry me inside, wrapping my arms around his neck in a piggyback position before grabbing both my legs to pull me up off the seat.
I slowly felt as he started walking with me on his back, using one hand to wrap down under one leg and latch his hand onto the other so he had one free hand. He shut my car door, locking it before walking us up to the door of his house.
He unlocked it, the light he flipped on inside blinding me as he closed and locked it behind us. He carried me up the steps through the house I hadn't been in since I found out about the bet. Now more than ever, I was glad I pretended to be asleep because at least I didn't have to relive every memory we would pass.
I subconsciously nuzzled my face deeper into his neck from my wandering mind, not thinking before I did it. He noticed, chuckling below his breath before walking us into his room.
When I'd realized what I'd done, I fought back a laugh knowing he'd caught me. He noticed that too, unlatching my hands from around his neck before bouncing me up once and throwing me back off of him.
I let out a small scream at the unexpected motion and fear of where I would land. Thankfully, I landed on his bed, him immediately laughing back at me. "I knew you were awake, you little shit."
I laughed against his bedspread before lighting opening one eye, watching as he dropped the bags he'd carried on his chest to the floor, stepped back into the hallway to shut off the light before walking back towards me and closing his door behind him.
He saw my open eye, on purposely leaning down to my level to emphasize that he did. I laughed before rolling over, trying to escape his glance. He stepped up behind me, stopping me from rolling farther away. I laughed again as he grabbed my arms playfully, pinning me to the bed like a wrestling match.
"Hope you enjoyed your ride," he sarcastically told me, leaning down to kiss me before releasing my arms against the bed and climbing off of me.
"Well, I was asleep..." I started, sitting up to defend myself as he walked away from me. I watched as he pulled the shirt he'd had on up over his head, his back muscles rippling below his skin as he did. He turned as I spoke, my glance trailing up from chest to meet his when I registered he has turned back around. "..you woke me up."
"Really? Wouldn't have guessed that myself," he sarcastically remarked back, walking away from me to grab different clothes. He turned back to me when he got to the closet, "you want your shirt?"
I smiled as I realized he hadn't forgotten in this short time. I nodded back, starting to undo the buttons on the one I was currently wearing as he walked back to me with a shirt.
I got the last one undone, slipping it down off my shoulders with nothing underneath. I watched him roll his eyes at me, throwing the shirt at me before taking back his.
I pulled the new shirt over my head, laughing to myself at his reaction. When it fell down to my hips, I instinctively lifted the collar to my nose, breathing in to see if it smelled like him or not.
"I wore it recently, so you shouldn't be able to complain," he noticed my action, making me smile as I dropped the collar back down.
"I wasn't going to complain," I told him with a laugh.
I truly wasn't... it still smelled like him.