Wednesday, November 11th- 7:55 p.m.
| Capture |
To remove a piece from the board via a legal move
× Ashton ×
I didn't know what to do as I watched her drive away.
Obviously, my first option was to follow her, but I knew the person she was most likely trying to get away from was me.
My next option was to let her go, but we both know what happened last time when I let Angel drive away from me.
I was going to end up following her, even if it went against my better judgment. My next issue was that my keys were still sitting inside on the table. I'd left everything when I'd realized she was leaving. I just needed to know she was okay. I didn't realize she was planning on leaving.
As I walked back into the venue, back towards the table where my keys sat, I realized I had absolutely no clue where she was going. Regardless, if I got back out there as soon as I could, she already had a headstart on me, and now it was just a guessing game on my part.
The slideshow was still playing as I walked back in, yet another photo of Auni and I on screen. This one hadn't been one I's sent in, actually it was one I don't even think I've seen.
I wasn't 100% sure who had taken it, but I could remember every single part of that moment like it was yesterday.
× × ×
I stood around the kitchen with Luke and Mikey, enjoying this moment of peace from everything happening.
It was nice to finally have a 'party' that was just us- Luke, Mikey, Auni, Calum, and me. I didn't have to worry about keeping her in my sight at all times because I trust every single one of them. I didn't have to worry about her getting hurt because she didn't need to drink when Andrew wasn't around.
We all stood with a slice of pizza in hand, Luke and Mikey at the kitchen island as I sat on my counter. They filled the time with random conversation about soccer, girls- truly anything that could entertain a high school guy.
"Aren't Auni and Calum going to eat?" Mikey finally spoke up, pointing out how they were the only two missing.
"At some point. They're probably playing Mario Kart," I shrugged. "Auni doesn't eat a ton anyways but she ate this morning so I'd be surprised if she ate at all tonight. I have no clue about Calum."
Luke and Mikey both looked at each other for a moment of confusion before turning back towards me. I'm guessing the way I knew her just surprised and confused them both in one.
I slid down off the counter, moving up to grab another slice. I looked up to Luke as he opened his mouth to say something before it got cut off by the sound of someone running across the hard wood floor.
I turned to the sound, watching as Auni ran through the living room and into the kitchen with a smile on her face. She weaved around the other guys, making it over to me as Calum followed behind. I looked back down to her as she got closer, starting to smile too at her antics.
"Kiss me," she said out of no where, almost reaching me.
"What?" I laughed back, catching her as she ran into me. I wrapped my arms back around her back, hers wrapping up over my neck as she pushed to her tippy toes to be closer to my height.
"Just do it," she said again. "Kiss me."
I shook my head slightly before leaning in to her, my hand falling higher up her back to support her as she arched back. I could feel the way she smiled into our kiss, making me smile too before she pulled back.
She wiggled her way out of my grip, running back out of the kitchen, dragging Calum with her.
I watched her turn up the steps again, laughing under her breath before I turned back to look at the guys in front of me.
They both stared at me confused as I looked back at them, just as confused in some way.
"I bet she beat Cal on rainbow road."
× × ×
I looked away as quickly as I could, knowing just the idea of her was too much for me right now. I paced up to the table, grabbing my keys off of it as the whole team looked to me.
"She okay?" Calum asked first from a seat down
from where I stood.
"I don't know," I told him honestly. "That's what I'm going to find out."
Calum just raised his eyebrows in surprise, not knowing what to say to me. It didn't even pass my
mind to grab all the awards sitting in front of us, rather just picked up the important things I needed in this moment.
"Just take all our stuff with you, please," I asked of him. "I'll get it from you later but I just need to get to her right now."
Calum nodded, agreeing to do as I asked. I started to turn to walk out when he stopped me. "Hey, wait."
i looked to him, waiting impatiently for him to spit it out. He pulled a small object from his pocket, handing it over to me.
I looked down to it, seeing the photo that had just been on screen now in my hand, tangible. It was that photo of us in the form of a polaroid. I rubbed my finger across the surface at the bottom, assuring to myself that it was real- at some point in this reality, this had actually occurred between us.
"Flip it over," Calum spoke.
I saw as her hand writing was scrawled across the back, our words written.
"She got her hands on a polaroid camera one night and told me to take a photo. I'm not sure if she was high on life or actually drunk but she was so beyond excited for me to take it. I gave it to her and never
saw it again, until last week... I uh.. I found it on the floor of my car. I'm not sure if she meant to leave it or not, but it had that on the back this time. I figured it was probably supposed to go to you before everything... you know, happened."
I bit my cheek to stop the pain begging to push through- a habit I'd picked up from her.
"Thanks, Cal," I said before taking the photo in my hand and turning for the door. I dug out my wallet, putting the photo in the clear pocket so I would never lose it, even if I was bound to lose her.
I pushed the door open, running through the rain to my car with nothing but her on my mind. I truly had no clue where she would have been heading, so I figured I'd try to most obvious place first.
I unlocked my jeep as quick as I could, trying to move quickly past the trunk as memories from earlier wanted to push through. I got in as quick as I could, starting the engine as I threw on my belt, turning around to back out. I drove quickly out of the parking lot, heading towards the first place I could think she would go- her house.
I drove through our small town as fast and as safely as I could, ignoring every memory of her and I as I passed by places we used to drive past together. I drove in silence, her the only thing on my mind as I remembered every time I'd drove these roads with her in my passenger seat, her smile contagious as she belted the music she'd play through the aux.
But here I sat in silence, thinking about how I destroyed that smile I'd spent so long building- because I'd built it off a lie. I'd done the unforgivable, and here I was begging for forgiveness from her.
I didn't deserve to ever get her back, but that didn't change that I couldn't live without her. I could only pray if she ever gave me another chance, I could become who she deserved.
I turned down her street with the sound of rain on my windshield filling the car. I slowed in front of her house, seeing how all the lights were still out. I huffed out a frustrated sigh, backing up and around the corner so I could see her window on the back of the house. Her room was dark, her window shut.
She wasn't here.
If she's not at her house, where else could she be?
She probably assumed this would be where I'd look first, so she chose somewhere I wouldn't think to go... where was important to her?
I mean she could be at my house...? She knew my mom wasn't home. I'd spent some of the only moments I got to have with her tonight ranting about it.
But why would she ever go to my house? I was the one she was trying to avoid. But where else would she go?
That's when it hit me like a pile of bricks- the only place she knew she could go safely, would take me a while to think, and no one would find.
I stomped on the gas as I sped out of her neighborhood, knowing exactly where she was.
I'd drove this same path so many other times, building so many memories with her in the passenger seat.
I drove this road with her the first night we'd spent time together. I drove this road myself alone that night I called her when I shouldn't have. I drove this road in the early morning when I'd left to get ingredients so she wouldn't have to wake up hungry. I'd drove this road listening to her cassette. I'd drove this road as she stood up out of the roof of my Jeep, letting free as the bridge of Fine Line played through the stereo. I'd drove this road alone when I knew I'd screwed up, needing space on my own.
And now I drove this road, praying she would be at the end destination.
I turned down the stone road I had so many times in the past, holding back tears as I thought about what would happen if she wasn't here.
If I couldn't find her, it's because she didn't want to be found.
I turned again as my head lights lit up the familiar small cabin whose four walls held more memories than words could explain.
I felt myself almost cry in relief when I saw her
car pulled around the edge, a light on through the kitchen window.
I put my car in park, taking my key out as I ran towards the door through the pouring rain, trying to push it open. She'd locked it- something I'd reminded her to do so many times.
I jogged to the only other entrance, the sliding glass doors that lead to the dock, but as I turned the corner, I finally spotted her.
She laid on her back at the end of the dock, staring up at the sky as the rain pelted down on her. It was confusing, because she looked free but also so incredibly trapped at the same time.
I stood silently just watching her, relief flooding through my veins as I finally realized she was physically okay. She must have heard my labored breathing, staying still as she spoke into the air.
"I wondered how long it would be til you checked here."
"I would have checked the whole state if I wouldn't have found you here," I told her, stuffing my keys into my pocket as I stepped closer.
She continued to lay still. I watched as the rain hit across her soft skin, mixing with the tears that were flowing down her cheeks.
"I just couldn't do it anymore," she explained, holding her eyes shut as I finally reached her at the end of the dock.
Just months earlier I'd sat here with a bottle of alcohol, calling Luke in a frantic state trying to call of this bet. I was frantically trying to keep what I was living right now from happening, but we can all see how well that worked.
"I couldn't keep sitting there, reliving every moment, knowing it was all a lie," she continued from her place.
I slowly brought myself to sit down just feet from her, keeping my distance after she'd told me she was scared of me just days earlier.
"It just finally drove me to a panic, and I couldn't do it anymore," she sighed, shaking her head lightly against the dock to prove her point. "I can't do any of it anymore."
I tried to think of what to say back to her, but words felt impossible to form. Instead, I turned from where I sat so my back was facing her. I laid out flat just like her, letting the rain pelt down against me. With our heads in line but out bodies occupying separate part of the dock, we laid in peace- together.
I looked over to her for a moment, smiling at her expression before closing my eyes and facing the sky just like she was. I spread my arms and legs out into a starfish position, just like hers were, listening as she chuckled below her breath beside me.
We laid silently, soaking up what it felt like to be together again and happy in some way, shape, or form.
I didn't want that moment to end, cause the longer I laid there, the more I understood why she was laying like this.
It wasn't societally normal to lay in the rain- you got drenched head to toe and the clothes you were in water logged- but that's why she was doing it. She was breaking herself away from what society deems normal, allowing herself to be free of those standards for a minute.
And for us laying here together? We were breaking societal norms for relationships.
We weren't perfect, in any shape or form. We were shattered to pieces, sitting as we stared at the pile, having no clue how to put ourselves back together. She'd said it best herself- we were a broken and twisted love story that was doomed from the start. The boy who hurts everyone he loves and the girl who fears love cause she only gets hurt by the people who love her. We were bound to get burned from the start.
But in reality, she was the one who got burnt.
For me, I couldn't be burned- I was on fire.
And she wasn't there to put it out like she used to.
"You know, there isn't a single drop of alcohol in this cabin anywhere," she spoke from beside me.
I turned my head towards her, opening my eyes to see the angel behind hers as she stared back.
"My grandparents always hated my mother for marrying an alcoholic, so this was supposed to be a safe place away from it all," I explained, remembering what my grandmother had told me when I was a kid.
"Kinda sucks when I couldn't find anything and just wanted to drown out the world around me," she shrugged as she turned back to look up to the sky.
"Yeah," I agreed, looking away too. "You learn to bring your own with when you know it's going to be a rough night."