I find you in sad songs, the sound of rain, sunsets, Sundays, smiles, and all the small things.
- perry poetry
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Chapter 57
Camila's POV
I led us back inside the house. I'm holding her hand while guiding her since we're basically walking in the dark. The only light we have is upstairs where everyone is. They were filming Shawn while he do a demo on how to create a song which gives me more time to be with Lauren.
I sat back down on the couch and look at Lauren. As soon as our eyes met, I tap my lap motioning her sit.
"I'm heavy." She whispered. Her voice filled with hesitation towards my offer.
"What do you think of me? Weak?" I whispered back and we both giggled.
"I just don't want you to get hurt because of me."
I saw something flashed in her eyes, something I'm so well familiar with. And it pains me that I can't do anything to make her feel better. I want to save her from herself, I failed before and until now I'm still failing. All I want is for Lauren to be happy because that's what she deserves but why does it feel like it was the most hardest thing to achieve?
I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her down until she's already sitting on my lap. I hold her tightly to make her feel safe.
"I'll bleed for you and still love you with all of my heart." I tuck her hair on the other side of her neck. I trail soft kisses on her now exposed skin down to her shoulder blade, "Tell me what haunts you so I know what I'm protecting you from."
Lauren rest her back against my chest. She reach for my hand and play with my fingers as silence took over us.
"Is your nightmare back?" I asked, almost whispering.
Lauren shook her head, "No."
"What you told me back there... did someone talk to you? Is it Shawn?"
Lauren shift from my lap so she could look in my eyes, "You can't protect me from everything, you know? And I don't want you to. I'm all grown up now, Camz. I can take care of myself."
"But Lauren—"
"All I want from you is to always stay by my side while I'm fighting my own battle all by myself. Never leave me."
"I won't." I leaned in and press our lips together, "I promise."
I pulled away, enough for me to see her face. Even in darkness her beauty still glows. Even in small amount of light illuminating her skin, a little bit is enough to make my heart beat rapidly inside my chest.
"This is fun." Lauren suddenly spoke after a minute of comfortable silence.
The meaning behind her words made me grin, "Totally. A lot of bad things going down in darkness. And I'd love doing it on couches. Though it's a bit small but it's okay."
"Yeah, like killing someone. Psycho killers loved murdering their victims on couches, at least that's what the docuseries are telling."
I didn't understand what she said except for the first four words. I was way too hypnotized by her eyes to process the entire words that rolled off from her beautiful mouth, "With pleasure. By choking, straddling, and grinding."
Lauren gave me a questioning look, "What?"
"Do you know the difference between being hungry and being horny?" I asked with a smirk.
The green eyed brunette raised her eyebrows motioning me to continue.
"Depends where you put the cucumber."
"Camila!" Lauren push my face away from her like I was some kind of plague, "Jesus! When was the last time you visited church? I am not even thinking about that when I said 'this is fun'."
My cheeks immediately heat up but I quickly regain my composure, "I know, I know. But that's what I'm implying us to do right now."
"We don't have a stock of cucumber."
I bit my bottom lip while staring straight in her eyes, "We can do alternatives. I really don't mind either way."
Lauren smiled before she get off of my lap. She lay me back down on the couch and hover on top of me. She placed her right hand on the side of my head to support her weight.
"I'm so In love with you. Can't take my eyes off you. Couldn't take my eyes away for a moment, not a minute if I had to." Lauren leaned in and kiss my lips and then pulled away, "There's this one thing or a certain person which saves you every time you feel like giving up on life. That's you, Camz. You're my real life super hero. You're my Wonder Woman." Her kisses traces the outline of my jaw then up to my earlobe as she whispers, "Maybe you're not my first but I know you will be my last love story."
Lauren's lips goes down to my neck. Her kisses are so loving and emotional yet so heated and uncontrollable. I slip my hands inside her shirt and gaze on her porcelain skin as Lauren backs up and connect our lips once again. The room falls away as our lips dance in sync. We were kissing passionately and I've never gotten so lost in kiss before. My heart keeps missing beats and my hands cannot bring her close enough to me. I've kissed other people before but it didn't burn me alive like this. My heart never tame. It keeps beating faster and louder like a drum.
When the air becomes needed, Lauren pulled away and rest her forehead against mine. We were both panting hard, trying to catch our breath.
"All the little touches you do make my heart flutter in so many uncontrollable ways."
Despite of having insufficient light, I can still see her cheeks getting redder every passing seconds. I can't help not to smirk while Lauren chuckled before she completely flops down on top of me and hide her face on the crook of my neck.
"Why hide it when I already seen it?" I teased and Lauren mumbled a soft 'Stop' against my neck. I sigh contentedly as I wrapped my arms around her. Even though there's nothing between us and I can already feel her body against mine, I still pulled her closer just to make sure there will be no space between us. I hold her like my dear life lays in the palm of her hands. Like the world is falling apart. Like this will be the last time.
"Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" Lauren mumbled against neck before she adjust herself and rest her head on my chest.
I stare at the ceiling for a couple of seconds while playing with her hair.
"I don't know." I answered truthfully cause I really don't. Life is unpredictable. It was a hell of a ride so all you gotta do is buckled up and watch it all unfold. "What about you, my princess?"
"In 10 years from now I don't want to be just another name. In 10 years from now I still want to be in your life. In 10 years from now I want someone to stop you on the street and ask how you're doing and bring up my name. In 10 years from now I don't want your answer to be "I haven't seen her in ages". In 10 years from now I hope you say "She's waiting for me at home"."
I smiled and caress her cheek lovingly, "I'd l—"
"Camila? Camila, baby, where you are?"
Lauren and I immediately pulled away from each other the moment Shawn's voice echoed around. I could hear shuffling footsteps going downstairs and heading towards the living room where we are.
Lauren smiled as she reach for my hand, "Goodnight, Camz. I'll see you tomorrow morning."
She thinks I didn't notice the sadness that suddenly flashed in her eyes but quickly conceal it with her hopeful smile, but I did see it.
"I'll see you in my dreams."
"I will be there." The green eyed girl leaned in and plant a soft kiss on my forehead.
"I love you."
"I love you more."
It takes everything in me to drag my feet away from her and meet Shawn and the rest of the camera men behind him.
"There you are!" He immediately pulled me in his arms and hold me tightly. I didn't hug him back and just simply rest my head against his chest. "I've been looking for you."
"I know. I just need to have some fresh air."
Shawn pulled away and cupped my face, "Do I sound pathetic if I say I miss you all the time?"
I glance over his shoulder and I saw Roger watching us. He raised his eyebrows motioning me to respond. I tear my eyes off of him and look at Shawn's brown orbs. I smiled timidly and shake my head no. I gulped heavily before I spit another lie, "I miss you all the time too."
He smiled from ear to ear with a flustered cheeks before pulling me in for a kiss. Shawn put his arm around my shoulder as we head to our room to wrapped up this day.
"Okay guys so Camila and I are heading off to sleep. I really had so much fun today. How about you, babe?" Shawn turn his head towards my direction and it took a while for me to answer since my head is clouded with thoughts about a certain green eyed girl.
"Definitely, yeah, I mean I've had a blast. Everyday is fun when you're with me."
Shawn blush, "Same."
We both waved at the camera for the last time before Roger shouted 'Cut'. We thanked the whole crew for working so hard today. I know following us the whole day just to film us is a very exhausting job so I gave each of them a hug to at least ease their exhaustion.
"Can I have a word with you, Camila?" Roger barged inside the room before I could close the door.
"Sure."
I have a feeling that this won't be good considering the looks he's giving me all throughout the day.
"You've been MIA the whole day." He stated the obvious, "This is a reality tv show of you and Shawn, not just Shawn."
"My girlfriend needs me, okay? You can't expect me attached my hips to Shawn all the damn time." I said, getting annoyed.
"I think you should practicing how to separate personal issues to your job."
"And I think you should start practicing being considerate."
"Guys, enough." Shawn came in the middle as the tension between Roger and I keeps increase more and more every passing second. "It's okay. It's not even a big deal that I filled Camila in. Besides, it's just a pilot episode. I'm sure Camila will make it up for all the times she was gone."
"That's the thing, it's a pilot episode and she's nowhere to be found!"
"Well maybe because I don't want to do this!" I almost yelled and Shawn push me behind his back.
"I got this, Mila. Can you please settle to bed already and rest? I'll handle Roger."
I didn't say any word and just headed to bed. I flop down and stare at the ceiling. I could hear Roger still complaining to Shawn while the Canadian boy trying to calm him down.
"The label will kill me if Camila continues to act like this! I'm her manager which means she's my responsibility. Her failure will never backlash on her. It'll backlash on me, Shawn! Me!"
"I understand, Roger. Just please calm down and I will talk to her, okay? We can always reshoot if we needed and I actually don't mind. I'm sure Camila wouldn't too."
Their conversation continues for the next 5 minutes before Roger called my attention. I never bother myself to look at him but I still lend my ears to whatever he's about to say.
"There are cameras installed everywhere in your room to record you guys while sleeping."
"What the fuck?" I can't help not to flinch from the bed and looked at Roger frustratedly. "What do you mean there are fucking cameras in our room?"
"That's part of the 24/7 reality tv show concept that the producers and writers of this show included. We want to make sure the fans will really feel that they're engage with your relationship."
"That's bullshit!" I snapped.
"Well, you should've read the contract before you signed." And with that, Roger walked away.
Shawn close the door before walking towards the bed. He sat down to the empty side next to me where Lauren usually lays.
"I'm sorry."
I grip tightly on my hair to control my overwhelming frustration, "It's not your fault."
"I know you don't want this."
"It's a job we need to pull off together. If there's anyone who should apologize I think it's me for throwing you off alone like that."
"Lauren needs you and I understand that you need to be with her."
I look at him and I was met by a warm chocolate eyes and a small smile. Shawn was always understanding when it comes to me and to think that he still does despite of what happened to us... I don't know. I suddenly felt guilty for ending things in a bad way.
"You're too good for me, Shawn." I told him sincerely, "And I don't deserve it. You deserve someone who will love you with all of their heart. I'm not that girl."
He looked away, sadness slowly creeping on his face. "What happened to us, Camila?" His voice cracked and I can feel the pain wanting to break free but his trying his best to remain sounding so casual. But I know him so well not to know. "How is one letter changed us? How is one mistake became your reason to leave me just like that?"
I fell completely silent.
"One moment we were happy. I remember the last time we talked we were still so In love with each other. I remember you thanked me for saving you. I remember the way you said 'I love you' to me. It was sincere. I remember how those three words assure me that no matter what happens I'm yours and you're mine. I remember how we made love. And now... in just a blink of an eye you were gone."
I darted my eyes on the floor, feeling guilty and ashamed. And then I felt his eyes on me; his brown eyes that was full of pain and tears that keeps falling down all because of me. "I know I've hurt you, Camila. But it's just a one mistake. One. Out of everything I did, I didn't know all you need is one mistake to leave me."
"Shawn—"
"I just can't understand, Camila. Lauren hurt you countless of times. Lied to you, cheated on you, left you. But despite of all those painful things she had done you still keep coming back to her. Why? Why, Camila? Please let me understand because I really can't."
I met his gaze, tears already forming in my eyes. "I love her, Shawn."
"And you never love me?"
"I loved you, Shawn. At one point I did truly loved you more than just a friend. But I—"
"But you love Lauren more."
"I see you like my own brother and I love you because you were my best friend and that overweighs everything. But Shawn I tried... I really tried and I'm so sorry."
Shawn lift up his hand to touch my face but stop at the mid of it. I could tell it was the pain he's dealing right now that stopped him from doing so. And I feel like my heart is being squeezed a million times tighter just by looking at him.
Shawn's important to me as well. I love him like I how I love Normani, Dinah, and Ally. I know relationship don't last long, but friendship does. And that's why I'm still hoping that he could be my friend despite of what happened to us because I really wanna keep him in my life. He may think that I never love him but I do. Maybe it's not the way he want me to, but I do. I love him.
"Let's just go to bed." Shawn lay back down and slip his body underneath the blanket. I nod my head and stayed silent as I lay next to him and slip under the cover. As soon as I did, I felt two pillow in vertical position that serves as our boundaries.
I look at him one more time and he already had his eyes closed. "I care about you, Shawn. I hope you find a girl who's more worthy of your love. I'm sorry for everything. Goodnight." I leaned in and plant a soft kiss on his forehead. I felt his body stiffened and tense up but remain motionless in his place.
I pulled away and turn off the lights. As soon as the darkness creeps the entire room, I found myself staring at the ceiling with a burning prayer within me.
I hope one day he finds the right girl that was meant for him.
***
I woke up with a pair of arms wrapped around me. Smile beats my eyes because before I could open them my lips already twitched into a wide smile. I turn around so I could face her. Without opening my eyes, I buried my face on the crook of her neck. I inhaled her scent except this time she's not wearing her usual vanilla scent. She actually smells like peppermint and it smells so good. I'm not gonna lie that it actually turns me on and made me have a boner in the morning even though I don't have a dick to start with. I start kissing her neck in the most innocent way to avoid waking her up but my cravings towards the green eyed girl turns me into a starving wolf. My innocent kisses turns into a heated one. I trail my lips on her collarbone and bit down her skin. I heard a raspy groaned and a hand around my waist, squeezing it tightly. I immediately soothed it with my tongue before I trail my kisses to her jawline.
"C-Camila,"
And that voice immediately stopped me from what I'm doing.
Shit!
I quickly pulled away like a jolt of thunder causing me to fall down from the bed straight to the cold floor. I could feel my cheeks heating up incredibly fast because of embarrassment. And I've been praying to god, just this once, let the floor swallow me alive.
"Are you okay?" Shawn peeked to the side of my bed to check me. His face is red as well as if we're mirroring each others faces. But that's not what caught my attention. It's the mark I left on his neck.
Fuck, Camila! What did you fucking do?!
"Y-yeah," I get back on my feet and slip my hands inside the pocket of my pj. "I-I'm sorry. It's just... I thought you're Lauren. We're always sleeping together and I always do that in the morning and I'm really sorry god I'm so stupid I-"
Shawn chuckled. "You're rambling, Camila."
"I know." I buried my face in my hands to hide my face that became even more redder than it was a minute ago. "I'm really sorry."
"It's okay, Camila. I understand. Let's just... leave it behind like nothing happened, okay?"
I nodded and smiled timidly, "Thanks, Shawn."
"Yeah, no problem. Come on, let's grab breakfast."
Shawn headed to the door while I was trailing behind him. As soon as he opens it, the crew and camera men are what welcomed us. They gave each other a signal before they motioned us that the camera is about to roll. We simply nod our heads as our response.
"Rolling!" One of the crew shouted and that's our cue to pretend to be a couple who's head over heels In love with each other. Shawn put his arm on my shoulder while I wrapped both of my arms around his waist. We headed downstairs and the first thing my eyes look for is Lauren. I roam my eyes around but the only people I saw was Alfred, Vero, Andrew, and of course my annoying manager.
"I'd like seeing you with no make up. You're really this beautiful goddess and it makes me so In love with you." Shawn snap me out from looking around. I turn my eyes on him and smile.
Just as I'm about to answer, my eyes catches someone. It was Lauren, she's standing in the 2 steps stairs with Alfred with her green eyes watching us.
Great.
I heard Roger's impatient foot tapping behind me so I focus my eyes back to Shawn. "I'm so In love with you too."
"I love you, baby."
"I love you more."
Shawn slips his hand to reach mine and intertwined our fingers together as we walk to the kitchen.
"Morning, Alfred. Morning best friend." Shawn greeted. I look at Lauren and the way she's looking at Shawn is enough to make me feel the tension that they're both currently having.
"Morning, glad you're awake." Alfred greeted. Though he's smiling I know his greeting hides an overwhelming amount of sarcasm.
"I've had a great sleep if you don't mind me telling. And I'm sure Camila did too, right babe?"
I nod my head and smile, "I did."
We had our breakfast that morning with me sitting on his lap and I'm so glad Lauren's not around the entire breakfast scene cause I don't want to see her gets hurt because of it. After that we headed to the living room where we're met by the one and only.
"The management already approved your request." Roger informed me, "So go ahead and pack your stuff because we already got a house."
"Near here?"
He nodded, "A couple of blocks away."
"That's okay. Can I have a minute to speak with my girlfriend?"
Roger nodded using his eyes, "We'll wait for you in the van." He walked away with Shawn trailing behind him.
Now I need to find Lauren.
I roam around the house until I spotted the green eyed girl hanging out in the garden all by herself.
"What are you thinking?" I asked softly to avoid startling her.
Lauren looked over her shoulder and smile, "You."
I smiled cheekily as I walk towards my girlfriend and flop down in her lap. "I hope they're all good."
"It is, except they're not so innocent." Her signature smirk plastered on her lips before burying her face on the crook of my neck. "I missed you so much, princess."
"I missed you too, Laur."
"Did you sleep together?"
"Uhmm, well, Roger told us that they set up bunch of cameras inside the room—"
"They were still filming even when you're sleeping?"
I nod my head, "Unfortunately."
"So you slept in one bed with Shawn?"
I nod my head, "I have to."
Lauren's demeanor immediately changes. From being sweet to being completely pissed off so I did what I know best that can calm her down. I place a chaste kiss on her lips before she could say anything.
"I love you, Lauren. I am In love with you. You're the only one I love." I whispered in her lips while looking in her green eyes.
"You mean that?"
"With all of my heart, yes."
"So.. nothing happened between you two?" Lauren asked. Her voice was low, filled with insecurity and fear.
And then I remembered what I did this morning. And just like that, I was caught between telling her about it or not but then I also remembered that lying will never bring good to us. It's better to come clean and admit what I did and let her be mad because it's my fault for not remembering it's Shawn I'm laying next with and not my girlfriend. For being an idiot. For letting her pay the price so I could live in this dream.
"Lauren, I—"
"Camila Cabello! We don't have the entire time to wait for you! Have you pack your stuff already? Have you said your goodbye?" It was Roger. Of course he always had to ruin the moment.
"Just... two more minutes, okay?"
"One minute. That's final. And you better hurry up!" And with that, he disappeared from our sight.
"What is he talking about? What's the goodbye for?"
"I've talked to Roger about this show yesterday. I know you don't want Clark to get exposed in this kind of world and I want the same thing too, so I asked them to get us a separate house where we can film for the show."
Lauren furrowed her eyebrows, "You're gonna live with him? Camila, I don't think this is a good idea. At all."
"Well, do you want Clark to see what we're doing? Cause I don't."
"And I can't bare to see you living with him! Camila, what the hell is this?! Nonstop PR and then a reality tv show and then now you're moving in with him?! What's fucking next? Marrying him?!" Lauren push me off of her as she get back on her feet.
"No, Lauren," I reach for her hand but she yanked it away.
"Don't fucking touch me!"
"Lauren listen to me first, okay? We're just staying there for filming but every night I will come home here. Nothing will ever change, Laur. This is still the place I'm going to sleep and wake up in the morning. This is still the place I'm going home to. You're still the one I want to see before my day ends and my day starts. Lauren, there's nothing to be jealous about. All of these are just temporary."
I look at her but Lauren killed me with her silence.
"Lauren please, say something."
"Go pack your stuff." The only words she said before walking away.
Great. Just fucking great.
I walk back inside the house and pack my stuff as fast as I can. Well, not really my stuff but Lauren's. I took most of her clothes with me so I could carry her smell and feel that she's with me wherever I go. When I'm done, I headed downstairs where I was met by impatient and annoyed Roger.
"Finally." He said sarcastically before taking the duffel bag from my hand and walk towards the van.
I stop by the door frame and look for Lauren once again but I couldn't see her anywhere. I felt my chest getting tighter when I heard Roger called my name. I took a deep breath to collect myself before walking out of the house.
***
I was silent the whole drive since I'm not really in the mood to conversate with anyone after our fight. Shawn tried to talk to me every now and then, trying to get a reaction out of me but I always answer him with either a nod or shaking my head. After several times, he gave up and I silently thanking god for it.
Roger dropped us first at SiriusXM to do an interview. Shawn's the one who do most of the talking while I'm just sitting there nodding my head in agreement even though I have no absolute idea what they're talking about. The only time I'll open my mouth to say something is when I have to promote my album and which song will be the next single. My head's not really at the moment cause Lauren's the only one I could think of. I think there's a flaw in her curse. She told me the only thing I could think of when the clock strikes 10:10 is her. And yet, every single damn time I always find myself thinking about her.
"...I remember the last Shawn was here he told me that all of his songs are about you. Is there a particular song in your album that's about him?"
"Yeah," I nod my head, "I mean, I can't think of any better way to show to your person how much you love them by writing an entire album dedicated to them, you know?"
"So your entire album are about him?"
I capture my bottom lip with my teeth and lie, "Yes. All of it."
"So last question before I let you guys go. I always asked this to my guest. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?"
Shawn answered first, "Probably the most happiest husband in the world raising kids and married to Camila Cabello."
The interviewer smiled cheekily before he turns his eyes on me. I took that as my cue to give out my answer.
"10 years from now I'd probably married to the guy I've always dreamed of marrying."
"When will the wedding happen? That's like the golden question everyone is waiting for. When?"
I let Shawn answer the question for us cause I'm not entirely excited talking about marriage with him though I know it will never happen.
"When we're both ready to settle down. I mean, Camila and I wants to take things slow. We're still young and we had plenty of time to prepare."
After the interview, Shawn and I do the walk-in-the-park stunt in every street of LA. Roger called bunch of paparazzi to take us bunch of pictures. I did what I have to do with all of my best so I can get this over with. I really wanna go home and fix things between Lauren and I cause something feels twisted inside me whenever we fought. It's like I don't have much strength to function the whole day.
We stop at some public coffee shop where lots of young people are hanging out. Since teens and young adult are our target population, the said place that we're in is perfect. Shawn leaned in and kiss my lips. We were kissing with his arm around my shoulder pulling me even more closer to him. But then I can't feel anything. I was numb. When the air is much needed, we both pulled away.
"I love you, Camila." He smiled before planting a soft kiss on my forehead.
Smile is the only response I gave to him. After doing few stunts that earned everyone's attention, fans started to come for us and ask for pictures. We took few before Roger waved his hand in a distance motioning us that it's time to go.
We bid our goodbye to our lovely fans before walking back to the van. I thought we're about to do another interview but I was surprised when Roger led us to unfamiliar house which I assumed is the house he got for us.
Shawn hop out first and offered his hand to me. I smiled and rejected it politely as I hop out on my own. We walked together inside the house and I was surprise to see Manuel waiting for us in the living room.
"Dad! What are you doing here?" I can tell Shawn's surprise to see his dad too.
"Just visiting my son and my lovely daughter-in-law," He gave each of us a warm quick hug, "How's things going?"
"Good." Shawn answered shortly, "Is it okay if I leave you two guys for a bit? I'm just gonna go and help Roger."
"Sure, son."
We watched Shawn accompanied Roger upstairs while carrying our bags until he disappeared from our sight. As soon as everyone's out, I felt his eyes on me.
"I'm glad to finally see the two of you going back to normal. Honestly, there's no daughter-in-law I'll ever want for my son other than you, Camila."
"I'm so sorry Mr. Mendes, but I think we're not reading the same page here."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm doing this so I could keep my job not to pick up what your son and I left off. I just want to clarify that."
"What did you see in her anyway?"
"The same reason why you want to live."
He fell silent.
"Lauren is my life. I love her."
"You're being In love with someone who's temporary and nothing but a lousy back up. I think you should invest that to someone who can give you a better life. You're a smart woman, Camila. You're better than that."
I furrowed my eyebrows upon hearing his words. I don't like the way he's saying things about Lauren, cause first of all he don't know anything about her. Hell, she's not even Lauren's father and it angers me how he easily compared Lauren to Shawn when he don't know shit.
"I respect you Mr. Mendes, but I don't like the way you talked about Lauren. First of all, you don't know her! You don't even know a single damn thing about her! Stop comparing Lauren to Shawn because nothing can ever change my mind about it. So what if he can give me a better life? She makes me happier more than anything else. Lauren is beyond everything. She's not temporary, whatever the hell that means, and most importantly she's not a lousy back up to anything or to anyone!"
He smiled professionally as he straighten out his suit, "I think between the two of us, I'm the one who knows Lauren better."
And with that, Manuel walked away. I was left where I am puzzled and wondering... is he playing with my head or his words really meant something?
***
Lauren's POV
Camila and I are not in speaking terms for four days now. The day we fought over this moving in matter, she came home that night. She tried fixing it just like what she always does but I was so pissed at her. The only time I'm talking to her is when we're in front of our son. And then the next two days she didn't come home because Shawn's "sick" and she needs to take care of him since his parents is "out of town" which for all I know is just a bullshit excuse made up by Shawn. Camila called me in facetime hundreds of times but I declined all of it and go to sleep instead. But who did I fool? Those two days are sleepless nights for me. I tried to stop my brain from overthinking but I always found myself picturing all the possible scenarios they were doing. It drives me crazy.
Today is Camila's birthday and I don't have any single idea what's the plan. All I know is Camila texted me this morning saying she asked Roger a time off for the whole night until tomorrow after lunch to celebrate her birthday in private and with us— Us by means no Shawn. But knowing him, I know he'll find a way to barged himself in the picture and ruin this day for us like he do best.
I guess I'll just let him surprise me once again.
Camila's just finishing her radio interviews so while she's away we start planning things for the birthday bash. Clark skipped school as well as Ally. Normani came up with the idea of celebrating Camila's birthday at the beach and we all agreed. I think beach birthday party is fun. Normani is in charge of the finding the best beach in LA. Ally's in charge in decorating part, Alfred's taking care of the foods since his cooking skills is literally bomb, Clark and I are the ones who will think of the possible theme, while Dinah, well, she's Dinah so she boss us around while chilling in her seat.
The beach hotel Normani found was heavenly paradise. It was a wow and I'm sure Camila will love it here. Clark and I decided to have a princess theme party since the brown eyed brunette loves Disney movies so much. She's obsessed with it. All of us starts working and transforming the whole place into a fairy tale world which takes us almost the whole day finishing. Night time, the place is already set. Alfred cooked all of her favorite foods and he even got Camila a huge Cinderella's shoe inspired cake.
Our oh-so-helpful friend picked up Camila so it gives us more time to fix ourselves. Clark's wearing a suit and tie while I'm wearing a fitted white dress. The girls settled in their most comfortable clothes and often times they would teasing me for looking like I'm about to attend my wedding and I just laugh it off.
I've got her favorite flowers and I even wrote a song for her. For the sake of her special day, I wiped my ego away and shoved this issue at the back of my head just to make her happy tonight.
"Mom, do you think mommy will like it?" Clark raised his neatly folded paper. He wrote Camila a short letter for her birthday.
"Of course, baby. Mommy will like it. It's from you though. You know everything you do makes mommy very happy."
"Is Yawn coming?"
"Do you want him to?"
Clark immediately shakes his head, "He's like a dog's tick"
I can't help not to laugh, "Why though?"
"Cause he's annoying and so itchy to look at."
"You're such a bad boy but I like it though so keep up the attitude, little Lauren."
Clark and I do a high five, "Especially towards Shawn." I added and the little brown eyed boy giggled.
We wait for almost half an hour before Ally yelled that they're finally here. We all gathered around and stand behind the balloon that says "Happy 23rd Birthday Camila".
We wait for them to walk over and as soon as they were on the spot, we all yelled in unison, "Happy Birthday, Camila!"
The brown eyed girl gasped and squealed in happiness. Clark immediately run up to her and pulled her in for a tight embrace. Camila picked him up and spun them around before peppering him with kisses while laughing.
At this moment I want to be Clark.
Ally and Normani came up to the brunette and give her a hug which Camila reciprocated. When it's Dinah's turn, she koala hugged Camila causing both of them to crash straight to the floor. The Polynesian girl bombarded Camila with kisses while greeting her a happy birthday.
As soon as they got back up from their feet, Camila's eyes met mine. Her huge smile downgraded from being weak as her body shift uncomfortably knowing the state we were for the past four days.
I walk towards her and smile, "Happy birthday, princess." I leaned in and kiss her lips. I pulled away and Camila still has her eyes close. She looked so stunned by my kiss yet the longing to feel it once again is so evident to her face.
She slowly opened her eyes and now it's my turn to get stunned by her breathtaking brown eyes.
"Does that mean you're not mad at me anymore?"
I nod my head.
"So, we're okay now?"
"Yes, Camz."
The brown eyed brunette throw all of her weight on me. Thanks to my reflexes, I quickly manages to wrapped my arms around her to maintain our balance.
"You made my birthday even more better! I love you, Laur!"
"I love you too, baby." Camila leaned in and capture my lips once again. We were kissing with so much passion and intensity when Dinah suddenly pulled Camila away from me.
"We're here to witness the birthday party not to watch you two making out. It's all too much for my eyes to take." The Polynesian girl remark.
"At least we're making out like a decent human and not like fish."
Normani, Ally, and Dinah blurted a laughter while Camila's glaring at me.
"I don't kiss like a fish!" She defended herself.
"I never said you were." I responded playfully and Camila rolled her eyes before giggling.
"Let's start the party by giving our birthday speeches for the birthday girl, shall we?" Ally started as she walked towards the microphone.
"Come on, Walz. I'm your date tonight. Don't mind about Lauser." Dinah dragged Camila to the center.
Her head snap back to look at me and mouthed, "You look very hot in your dress" and then she wink. I shook my head while smiling and lent my attention to Ally who's clearing her throat before she started giving away her speech.
"First of all, happiest birthday to you, my dear Camila! I don't want to be so emotional and dramatic because this is your day, but I've known you ever since we were this reckless and carefree teenagers. And now years later, you're this strong independent woman and amazing mother to Clark. You don't know how proud I am to you, to watch you grow and accomplished everything in your life. I'm so thankful and blessed to still have you in my life and to call you my best friend for the past seven years that we've known each other. The bond and friendship that we have is rare and I wanna keep that for as long as I could. Cheers to your 23rd and I know I'll be standing here again giving away my speech when we're 80. I love you, Camila."
Ally run up to Camila and pulled the brunette for a hug. Camila's already shedding a tear while thanking Ally.
Next to give away their speech is Normani then next is Dinah. I'm sure Camila will shed more tears not because of happiness but because of embarrassment these two are about to put her in.
"Camila, Camila, Camila," Normani begin with a smirk, "I remember how you filled the condom with water and gave it to the little boy saying it's a limited edition balloon with strawberry scent. I remember the day I bought you to my house to meet my mom and you asked her how many months due she was and my mom wasn't pregnant in the first place. I remember the day 'Puss and Boots' premiered and we agreed to watch it together. Everything's going well until Puss appeared on the screen and due to too much excitement, I suppose, you suddenly screamed 'It's Pussy time!'. I remember one time I asked you if you have halls because my sore throat is killing and with all seriousness, you asked me, 'Is that for deep throat?'."
"Oh my god, Normani!"
We all burst out laughing and I swear Camila wanted to simply evaporate at this very moment.
"Oh! Wait, wait, wait, I was suppose to give my birthday speech for the birthday girl! Oops, my bad," Normani crack a small laugh, "I actually wanted to get you something super special, super terrific, unique, and beautiful for your birthday, but sadly I don't fit into a gift box. Happiest birthday, Canola! I love you!"
Normani handed the microphone to Dinah and the Polynesian girl had the same smirk.
"Happy birthday my Karla, to my other half chanco, my chola, my CuBongan sista, my TOKOsis. I'm not here to continue Normani's chain, so don't worry. I just want to share a few words to express how much I love you." Dinah cleared her throat, "Don't cry, okay?" She beamed a smile towards Camila before she proceeds on her speech, "I knew I found my truest best friend in you when you and I were walking down the hallway and you thought you saw Ally up ahead so you ran to catch up on her, calling her name. And as you got closer you realized it wasn't her so you just kept on running past, shouting "Ally! Ally!..". Then there's this one time we were walking at the park and you heard a lady shouted "Anyone who wants an ice cream come over here" so you dragged me with you and headed over with several others. I told you that I'm still full so you walk towards the lady who's handing out ice cream to them all then she turns and asked you "Who are you?". That's when we realized that the rest were her family members."
The laughter surrounds the place once again as Dinah paused keeping a straight face though it's obvious she wants to laugh too.
"I'm not here to tell everyone how you always find a way to embarrassed yourself every waking seconds of your life for the past 23 years of your existence. I'm just telling everyone how funny you are. Again, happy birthday to the smartest, funniest, and most beautiful person in the world. Wait... did I say "to"? I mean "from". Anyway, happiest birthday, Walz! Here's to 23 years of being gay and still counting! I love you, loser!"
We all clapped our hands and cheer as Dinah pass the microphone to me. The moment Dinah step closer to Camila, the brown eyed brunette slap the back of her head while laughing shamelessly along side with Ally and Normani.
I breathed out before I look at my son and give my hand to him, "Ready to make mommy happy?"
"Hmm!" He smiled and take my hand. We walk towards the stage and everyone clapped their hands.
I get down on my knees and let Clark sit on my lap while I'm holding the microphone for him.
"Hi mommy it's me Clark!" The little brown eyed boy waved his hand while looking over where Camila is, "Thank you for always answering my exam sheets and help me cheat on my homework. Thank you for taking care of me even though sometimes I hate it when you're the one giving me bath because you always bite my sausage then play with my eggs like it was some kind of bell."
I can't help not to burst out laughing causing everyone to laugh as well. Within this given distance I could see Camila's face became even more redder.
"But most importantly, thank you for bringing me into this world mommy. Thank you for loving me. I love you always mommy even though your jokes are so horribly bad just like your handwriting. Love, Clark."
"Karla Camila Cabello Estrabao, we need to talk." Ally said firmly, causing another set of laughter to echoed around us.
"Go give mommy a kiss." I whispered in his ear as the brown eyed boy run towards Camila and give her a kiss and a tight hug. Her brown eyes turns to me, pleading for me to not spill anymore embarrassing facts about her.
"I didn't prepare any birthday speech but I wrote you a song because that's how important you are to me."
Camila's smile grew 100,000 times wider.
I cleared my throat before I pulled out my phone and started singing my heart out.
"Would it be okay if I took some of your time?
Would it be okay if I wrote you a song?
Would it be okay if I opened my heart?
Would it be okay if I held you awhile?
Would it be okay if I kissed your face?
Would it be alright to look in your eyes?
Would it be alright to never tell lies?
Would it be alright to find a way?
Would it be alright to long for the day
To pull you close and whisper in your ear and tell you our feelings are nothing to fear?
Would it be okay if I took some of your time?
Would it be okay if I wrote you a song?
To tell you there's nothing I'd rather do
Than spend my whole life loving only you..."
I open my eyes and I saw Camila shedding tears yet again. I smiled at her and she immediately run towards my direction and pulled me in for a hug.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and rest my chin on her shoulder blades. "Happiest birthday, baby. I'm sorry if this is the only
gift I could give to you on your special day. I hope it's enough."
Camila pulled away, enough for her to meet my gaze. "It's more than enough, Laur. I love it and I love you."
"I-I really wanted to give you something special and probably the best gift you'll ever have but—"
"You already gave me the best gift I could ever asked for, Laur. You gave me Clark."
"I love you so much, Camz." I pulled her in for a hug again and the girls immediately joined in.
After the birthday speeches, Dinah brought the cake so Camila could make a wish and blow the candle.
"Thank you so much for all the birthday love. Honestly, I really don't know if we're celebrating my 23 years of existence or making me regret that I exist in the first place? But seriously, thank you guys so much for making my birthday so memorable and the best birthday I've ever had so far. I love y'all."
We clapped our hands as Camila leaned closer to blow the candle out but then a very familiar voice suddenly echoed.
"I'm so sorry mi vida, we're late."
All of us turn to where the voice came from. Shawn's walking towards our direction with Mr. Mendes walking beside him. Trailing behind them are bunch of camera men filming the scene and of course, Roger. A mischievous grin plastered on Manuel's lips the moment our eyes connects for a split second.
I immediately looked away and motioned Alfred to take Clark away from here because I feel like there's something will happen that kid isn't suppose to see.
Without any word, Shawn wrapped his arm around Camila's waist and pulled her closer to him. I clenched my fist tight while eyeing them intensely when I felt my phone vibrate. I pulled it out and it was unknown number calling.
I pick up the phone without tearing my eyes off of them. "Hello?"
"Did you made up your mind already?"
I furrowed my eyebrows and look for Manuel but he's nowhere to be found.
"I've already made it clear the last time we talked. I will never leave Camila."
"Is that really final?"
"Yes."
"Funny, cause it looks like Camila already made her decision and she's obviously choosing Shawn."
"Liar."
I can feel him smirking on the other line, "I've sent you a video. See it for yourself." Then the line went off.
I looked at my inbox and I saw the video he sent. It was Camila and Shawn lying on the same bed with his arm around her waist as the video's thumbnail.
My hand begins to tremble and the beat of my heart became slower. A huge part of me don't want to play the video and see whatever the hell he wants me to see. I know he just want to break us up so his son could have her entirely. But I trust Camila. I trust every words she said to me. I believe her.
But then I look up and in just a blink of an eye, I felt like I'm slowly swallowing everything I said a few seconds ago at the scene playing right before my eyes.
Camila's holding an eye to eye contact with Shawn with her arms around his neck. I don't know if I'm hallucinating or the jealousy is making me see the things that never existed in the first place, because right at this very moment while I'm looking at Camila, her brown eyes held one strong emotion that makes other emotions irrelevant— love. She's looking at him the way I looked at her. Shawn then leaned in and kiss her and what breaks my heart is when she kissed him back as if the room falls apart only the two of them matter at this very point. As if she forgot that I'm right here.
And just like that, I was left questioning everything I thought I knew. Alone and trying to make sense of what was left between us, if there is anything in the first place.
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A/N:
Ready?