I was tired. Doing the same thing repeatedly to get it just right would do that. Especially when the set up each time took close to 40 minutes. I'd probably shove the next hairdryer I saw up the ass of the person who held it.
"All ready on set. Go for talent." A static voice sounded over the walkie-talkie held by the gopher who waited at the door of the room.
I sucked up my annoyance as I was once again doused in water; this time it was to complete my look, and not part of a scene. And it was so frigid the liquid was basically a slushie.
Shivering, despite the layers I wore, I was ushered out of the room, and met by another frozen and soaked actor, and the director at the door across the hallway. It wasn't easy to listen to him babble incessantly about how he wanted things to go. I was distracted by the fact that there were literally cubes of ice inside my clothing.
When the scene was called, I ran across the room, and slid into a table that wasn't where it should have been. Throwing back my head, I cackled and began ripping off my cold wet clothing.
"Stop moving, you idiot!" I obeyed the command that came from the other actor, only because a pair of icy hands had gripped my torso and forcefully stopped me. I shivered as the sopping lump of clothing was tugged off and discarded, leaving me in a sports bra.
The floor of the room was scattered with our shoes, socks, jackets and shirts. He was red and soaked from head to toe, and I knew I looked no better. I flipped a now melting icicle over my shoulder and we both broke down in laughter as directed.
"Stop dripping on my floor!" I threw him a towel from the closet. "Bathroom now."
As soon as the door closed behind him, I changed into a dry pair of sweats.
"You know, Love," The actor's blonde head popped out of the bathroom door, and then he shuffled across the room in nothing but a towel. "I thought we were about to have a movie moment."
A movie moment... I turned my head to hide my eye twitching as I scoffed my answer at him. "In your dreams, Love."
"All the time," he drawled.
I pulled a shirt on as he did a lousy job of keeping a straight face while saying his next line "It's getting kind of ridiculous really."
I had a feeling we'd need to do this scene again, and I really didn't want to. It was hard enough already. I grabbed the shirt off the shelf and raised an eyebrow at the blonde boy, trying hard to stay in the teasing moment. "Ridiculous how?"
He made no move to take the shirt from me, and I was glad, because my palm burned from the pressure of my fingers fisted into it.
"Awkward dreams in math class, ridiculous." He delivered his line with impeccable timing, his hand reaching to caress my face.
He guffawed like he was supposed to, and I stared at him through increasingly watery eyes, wringing the shirt in my hands. Eyes widening to alert me to my missed line, he jokingly poked me, his accent switching to a British one. "That's one for the blooper reel, then!"
I choked out a sob, and once it was out, the dam I'd been holding shut since arriving burst open. On the floor of the room that had once been mine, in front of a stranger that resembled Eddie, I broke down.
"CUT!"
"I told you we should shoot this tomorrow! She's had enough!" Scolded a voice I was thankful for having here with me, as footsteps rushed at me. A thick towel was thrown over me, and someone rubbed my back as our therapist, Susanna, continued to berate the director.
"Come on, Nic." Emma hummed in my ear as she helped me stand, and guided me out of the room. "Let's take a break, hmm?"
I tried to ignore the looks I got from the crew as I sniffed and sobbed past them. Some were pitying, but most were sneering because the spoiled unqualified brat who got the role because of her father, was unsurprisingly making a scene. Nevermind that I'd written the book. Nevermind that I'd already lived this once.
The director made a loud call for the scene to be reset, we'd re-try it in the morning. Emma and I said nothing to each other as we trudged through the halls and got on a golf cart that wheeled to the vast stretch of shiny metal trailers behind the teacher's quarters.
The morning had been spent with fake-Eddie and I being shot at by the ice cannon. We had to reset and do it three times―drying ourselves, changing wardrobe and redoing makeup each time―till they got all the shots they wanted. All while wearing thick coats in the sweltering July heat.
Then we had to run up the front step of the residence building, slipping along the hardwood floors, sliding on the steps, and crashing through my former dorm room door. That was four takes.
Like that wasn't enough, I'd had to sit through makeup while they painted bruises and applied welts to my skin, in preparation for the semi-naked scene I'd just botched.
I found it hard to care though, because my body was tired, and once again, my heart ached. I'd wanted to leave Eddie & I's post ice-cannon shenanigans out of the script, but they said it was good. Part of me wished that there was no fake-Eddie to deal with, but I took the thought back quickly―Eddie deserved to be there. He'd been the one to save us all.
Emma hugged me as she left me at the steps of my trailer and disappeared into hers. Susanna would join us soon to go over how we felt about today; it was her idea that we write the book to help us heal. And here we were a year later, making a movie out of it. She'd said we weren't ready for this part, and she'd been right of course. I didn't want to talk to her about it and wondered if she'd leave if she thought I was sleeping.
"What the glitter?"
There was a ridiculous amount of flowers in my trailer, and I glanced at Emma's door across from mine to check if this was her doing. It wasn't a special day. I stepped in slowly, peering around and catching sight of a navy-blue duffle shoved into a corner. My heart sped up and I looked around wildly.
"You look like a drowned rat, Cole."
Kellen!
How had I missed him on the banquette among the flowers? Startled by his presence and the teasing smile he wore as got up, I stumbled into the trailer and dropped at his feet. The emotions I'd been trying to reel in resurfaced.
"Babe! Was it that bad?" He helped me up and hugged me tightly. "Ems told me you guys were starting filming on the Eddie scenes today."
Of course she would. They'd all been worried about it. I wanted to be mad at her, but having him here helped. I mumbled as much. Kellen smoothed back my wet hair, smiling softly. "Of course, I'd be here for this. Let's get you dried off, hmm?"
I let him lead me to my room in the back of the trailer and watched as he dug through my things. He took the towel and blanket I'd been wrapped in, tossed it out of the trailer, then ducked into my bathroom as I got changed.
The bed dipped behind me and a hair dryer whooshed on. When he was done, I chuckled. "You're lucky I like you, or I would have shoved that up―"
Kellen's fingers combed through my hair and a warmth pooled in my stomach. He tilted my head back as I moaned and smirked down at me. "I'll remember that for next time. Personally, I think you look hotter like a drowned rat, anyway―it was really working for me."
He leaned down, the tip of his nose tickling my chin as he kissed me softly, a whisper of lips against mine, as if he was unsure of doing it. "You sure about this, Cole?"
Over a year of therapy had taken me past the worst of the trauma and loss; I felt more like me than I had before the Tannen fiasco. And, frankly, I was sick of us being late night conversations and falling asleep staring at each other's faces on cell phone screens.
It came up in almost every conversation between him and I, and we'd decided that the next time we saw each other we'd change the name of our ship. I could understand his apprehension, because not working out would hurt more than either of us had space for in our already hurt hearts.
There were a lot of variables to consider―our feelings, my first year of college, and his second, distance, my acting career hopefully taking off―but I was tired of weighing them all out.
"I missed you, Kels!"
Smiling, he dropped down beside me, tracing the necklace that rested on my chest; on the back of the winged pendant was etched the word he lived to call me. He'd given it to me on the one day we'd seen each other during my last visit to New York. That was right before filming had started and I never took it off. "I missed you too, Hero."
"How're things with you and Katia?"
"You seriously think I want to talk about my sister when I'm finally holding my Hero?"
I grinned but pushed his arm away as he attempted to curl it around my torso. "You better tell me, or I'm calling her right now and you can kiss those cuddles we talked about goodbye."
He handed me his phone, calling my bluff. "Liar," he laughed. "We're good, Babe. She told me I better not come back without rocking your world."
"She did not!"
He swiped through his phone and showed me her last text to him.
"Wow." I flushed. "I think I liked it better when you were trying to murder each other."
"Cole." He sat up, tossed his phone onto my nightstand, and leaned on the headboard. "Are we going to keep talking about my sister, or are you going to answer me... are we really doing this?"
I joined him, and closed the space between us, kissing him softly; it was finally happening and I was going to take my time. We both deserved that.
I closed my eyes as his mouth moved to the side of my face and then the top of my head. Kellen pulled me into his lap, and I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck, breathing in everything about him I'd missed. "We're doing this."
His chest shook with a deep laugh that melted me. "Good, because if you said no after that..."
"What would you have done, Kels?" I laughed, settling my back against his chest.
"Honestly? Waited."
His words inflated my chest with elation, and my heart beat along with the wings of those damned hundred butterflies fluttering in my stomach, threatening to float me out of the room. I laced my fingers with his and pulled his arms around me, securing myself in place.
He would have waited. But, we'd waited long enough.
Our last year at Waterbridge had stolen too much from us. Some of us were still healing, some of us were lost, some of us were so far off the rails we'd likely never come back. None of us would ever be the same, either mentally or physically.
Even if everything else in my world was still a mess, at least we felt right.
Together we felt right.
And I wasn't going to wait another minute for that feeling.