Jin's POV
Waking up before everyone else would always be the best thing about my day. Not because I needed time alone or because I didn't like spending my mornings with the others. But having everyone's emotional spectrum running through your body gets you used to a different type of normal. And that small amount of time in the morning where it was just me, my mind void of any emotion but my own, lead me to feel so much excitement and anticipation for my soulmates to wake up and each of their emotions to wash over me like a warm wave.
I'd never been able to sense them while they were asleep, which was probably just the universe saying that within your dreams your emotions can go haywire and we don't need all that in someone else's head. However If I were to sleep and they were awake, their emotions would be tightly weaved into my dreams, and if ever they got too powerful it would immediately wake me.
I remember years ago when Yoongi used to get panic attacks at night because of his fear of rejection. I'd wake up all sweaty in the middle of the night, desperate to find out who the panic belonged to, my brain on alert to find which soulmate of mine needed comfort.
Comfort, that was probably it, the thing that fuelled my gift. Why else would knowledge of your soulmates' emotions be anything of advantage if not to be able to comfort when a soulmate was in need? Had I ever been forced to separate from them I don't think I'd stay sane long if I had to be a wallflower with their every emotion but not be there to help them process the bad ones.
That was probably what worried me the most about our situation with Hannah. If we messed up, she could end up choosing to be without us, she could end up only wanting some of us, she could end up only keeping enough contact to stay healthy. Namjoon had told me many stories of soulmates who knew they were physically and spiritually linked but disagreements or differences in culture or habits made for a rocky road that ended in separation.
I couldn't imagine the struggle around being able to sense Hannah's emotions, but not have the privilege to be there for her.
I never held that fear beside my affection of my other older soulmates. We knew we were right, We knew we could work, and we made the decision to stay together even before the bond manifested between us.
Not that I necessarily want to put the two situations up against each other to compare because I am vividly aware of the differences and why they are how they are, but even so it is an insecurity within me, a fear that Hannah would not want to stay.
I stood in the kitchen mindlessly making breakfast while my memories brought me to the longest week of my life trying to not reach out and talk to Hannah whenever she felt sad or anxious or angry. It was painful to be a bystander to her pain when I knew I could possibly help. I didn't want to feel like that again, and in a less selfish point of view I never wanted her to be sad and think she had no one.
Slowly but surely my mind came back to the surface of the current reality as I could feel the most important people in my life waking up, from the silence of me and my thoughts my own emotions now rested atop a cloud of my soulmates'. I smiled to myself while I chopped veggies and sliced bread. Jungkook had requested a healthy breakfast this morning to not be puffy during the show, and what Jungkook wants, Jungkook gets.
"Morning, Hyung" Jimin's sweet voice cooed behind me as a pair of soft arms wrapped around my torso, his body pressed against mine in a tired hug.
I let go of the knife and moved my hands to my back to hug him as well, quickly noticing my fingers brushing against his smooth skin and realising this was due to an absence of clothing covering his upper half. My hands caressed his warm back in teasing adoration.
"Not that I don't enjoy your body Jiminie, but where is your shirt? What if Hannah..."
"Shh, it's fine. Hannah fell asleep hugging this shirtless body last night, I'm pretty sure she won't mind" I could hear the teasing tone in Jimin's voice and I turned myself around in his arms, bending my knees ever so slightly to connect our eyes on the same level.
I won't lie and say it didn't surprise and excite me how close she was getting with us all, almost a sense of pride rolling off me on behalf of Jimin's confidence. But I guess nothing should be coming as a surprise as Hoseok had been walking around making sure to refer to Hannah as "hIS gIRlFrienD" ever since their trip into town two days ago.
I kissed Jimin's lips quickly before turning around once more to keep preparing breakfast. "Okay, fine, but you're distracting me.. go put on a shirt." I mumbled, the words painfully true as the only thing flowing through my mind was the sight of Jimin's naked torso pressed up against me.
Jimin tightened his grasp around my waist, pressing himself flush into my body, leaving nothing to my imagination as his body's curves and edges melted into mine.
"Are you sure you don't mind being a little distracted?" Jimin whistled as he began swirling his hips suggestively against me, knowing just which buttons to push to make me react. I could feel my ears heating up as my first sign of interest to the offer at hand, and my neck followed suit the colour red definitely painted across my flustered features.
I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath, pulling my thoughts out of the gutter and onto the street.
"Yes, no, yes.. yes I am sure" I turned around again and pecked Jimin's cheek before I pushed him away from me and towards the door.
"Now go put on some clothes" I tried to sound stern but the smile resting on Jimin's lips telling me he knew exactly what he was doing was making it difficult for me to breathe, let alone speak.
Everyone finally dressed and awake we ate breakfast together like a family, seeing all of my people comfortably eating and chatting about everyday stuff made every inch of me rejoice in joy. We seemed normal, well functioning, complete.
"So what time do we want to be there today?" Namjoon asked, going through the plan of events for the day. Today was the day of the festival and the excitement for going to do something new was high. "When are you meeting your friend, Hannah?" He asked, looking to our smallest soulmate who was still eating silently.
She held up one hand to cover her chewing mouth and displayed four fingers on her other hand as an answer, I couldn't help but giggle at the sight of the flustered girl not prepared to answer the question.
"Four," she mumbled after swallowing her food. "Your performance starts at 6 right? That gives us some time to hang out!" Her enthusiasm was growing with each word, but giving away a slight feeling of something hidden beneath, it felt like guilt, or a version of it at least. Could she be feeling guilty about wanting to spend time with her friend?
Namjoon continued to speak without hesitation about the plans for the rest of the day obviously unaware of my sudden interest in the layers of Hannah's emotions.
"Are you all right?" I pushed towards her through the connection and her eyes snapped to mine in surprise to hearing my voice.
Like it was never there the weird underlaying feeling melted away from her and she smiled a small smile towards me. "I'm just nervous. Don't worry" she assured me and I nodded quickly, that made sense.
I should have thought about the fact that today's big thing wasn't just performing at a festival. It was Hannah being with us but not with us. Her attendance wanted, appreciated and anticipated but still positively nerve wracking, because of the many precautions taken for her not to catch anyone's eyes and be labeled as suspicious in her attendance, we'd made the entire event much more dramatic in our minds than it probably was.
I disliked having to hide her and her having to hide us just as much as the other guys, me being more emotionally driven than some of the others I would also think I am the one feeling bad about it the most as well, constantly aware that our lifestyle can seem intimidating and alien to the people who aren't in the middle of it.
But I wanted Hannah to be in the middle of it.
Arriving at the festival space it was as if a collective groan came from every man in the car when Hannah opened the door to escape our presence and leapt into the crowd making their way to the entrance of the festival.
Everyone in the car kept their eyes on her as she walked further and further away from us. I'm sure that they all, just like me, could feel the slight ache in their chest trying to remind us like a seatbelt alarm that a soulmate was walking away. We knew she wasn't leaving and we knew she would come back if she felt any form of discomfort, and that knowledge was the only thing strong enough to convince us to park the car at the back and go find our dressing room.
It felt like I hadn't performed in ages when I began my vocal warm ups. It had only been four weeks since we ended our tour, and I'd been complaining about how tired I was and how much I just wanted to never dance again. Yet here I was, stretching my legs and gargling warm water, excited to perform once again.
Despite the smaller scale of the venue and the crowd, it gave the same amount of adrenaline and anticipation, I'd fooled myself into thinking this would be a walk in the part, a calm compared to the storms that were our tours, but then I remembered Hannah would be in the crowd and it knocked the confidence out of me.
"Don't be nervous, she's a fan. She knows us too well to suddenly not like us" Hoseok encouraged, picking up on my inner cries for help to escape my overthinking mind. He pecked my lips and let his arm caress my back in confident motions to calm my abruptly appearing nerves.
Piblo walked in to the dressing room and greeted us all with one of those awkward hand shakes where you never really know what to do but you try to wing it because you're terrified of seeming uncool and admitting you have no idea what you're doing. I preferred hugs, handshakes always made things awkward. Hugs always helped on the mood.
The calm, almost angry looking artist spoke quietly about the finished song and how it was ready to publish the minute our performance was over today, his excitement over the project almost outshone his 'cool guy' face. But not quite, he managed to keep his mask.
We'd been informed of PiBlo's unusual way of promoting himself, the different names and the forever lasting fight to not be a recognised artist and producer seemed like an awful lot of work for what ultimately became a way of limiting his own opportunities. Though I did envy the fact that PiBlo could go out and do normal stuff all day without anyone recognising him, maybe that fact would make it worth it if you looked at it from the right angle.
He'd chosen to go with a new name entirely for this performance, his real one. Michael would be the featuring name on the track. No last name and no links to previous works, just Michael, plain and simple. And for some reason, with how common the name was we all knew he wouldn't be recognised. He was so cool, almost like a spy in his own spy movie, where he also played the role of the bad guy.
Spending time together like this without Hannah almost felt like we were excluding her, my mind knew we weren't, but my body desperately wanted to find her, to once more connect the dots faded through distance and hear the ring of her presence in the back of my head.
As if on cue we all felt a sense of calm wash over us without warning, every mind hyperaware that Hannah was close by again.
"Where are you? Are you alone?" Her beautiful voice rang through the bond and every person privileged to hear it immediately let a smile fall across their faces in adoration.
"Changing room c, PiBlo just left so we're alone" Taehyung informed and before we could even process it a light knock sounded on the door and we knew with our entire souls who was standing on the other side of the door.
"I wanted to wish you good luck..." Hannah mumbled after opening the door slowly and making eye contact with all of us. "I know you do these things all the time and it's probably not a big deal" Her words were cut short by Namjoon walking up to her and wrapping her in a tight hug.
"Thank you, it means more to us than you think" He said and kissed her temple before he hugged her tight to him once more.
The emotion from this morning is back within the mix of emotions tumbling around her like a tornado this evening. Worrying me more than I'd think it would, almost like it was trying to tell me something, if I could only put my finger on what it was.
"I'm just nervous to be spotted" She explained to me even before I had the chance to ask, removing herself from Namjoon's embrace she walked straight in between my arms, hugging her ear to my chest to ensure comfort around her statement.
Hannah walked around the room tugging every single one of us into a hug, we were a touchy group of soulmates yes, but this gesture still caught onto me as unusual. We were just performing three songs and then we'd be back with her. However I was not one to mention that as the blonde beauty tucked me between her arms in another hug before she steered her body towards the door.
Standing in the doorway she glanced her eyes across all of us with a tight lipped smile on her lips.
"I told Megan I was going to the bathroom so I should probably get back before she comes looking for me... I'm sorry I have to leave you...Good luck today!" She opened the door and right before she skipped down the hallway she turned once more to look at us and muttered a silent "Sorry" once more before she disappeared and the door shut behind her.
It was strange, a bad feeling welled up in my stomach and I couldn't help but wonder why she was acting so abnormally. It turned out I wasn't the only one thinking like that this time as I panned my eyes over to Hoseok and noticed everyone else had done the same.
Hoseok shrugged and closed his eyes for a short moment. "All she is thinking about is finding her friend... And how good Jungkook looks in that vest"
I could feel the sadness and anxiety within Hannah, it was so vivid I felt like I could almost touch it. But it could be me paying too much attention, thinking it was anything more than Hannah's inner struggle with staying out of sight and having to lie in front of her friend. A reality that still made me feel awful about what we were putting her through just to be with us.
"She found the friend" Jungkook said from beside me and I looked at him to find his eyes glassed over in the familiar sight of him looking through a soulmate's eyes. He suddenly spun around in his spot slowly, a grin plastered onto his face. "And I do look hot in this vest. Thank you Jimin for confirming"
Jimin's eyes snapped out of not so subtly checking out Jungkook's body once he heard his name and we all looked between them before we laughed in realisation. The mood was immediately lifted and Jungkook was back to his own eyes when he walked to Jimin to pick him up bridal style and placed our boyfriend down on the sofa before laying down with him to cuddle.
We would perform three songs today, Make it right, Fake love and the new song with Michael. I was excited, almost giddy at the chance to perform again, my body knowing well where my element was and anticipating the adrenaline rush even before it came. I wanted to share my excitement with Hannah before the concert, tell her how nervous I was to get up there, ask her where she was standing so I knew I'd see her.
But she'd told us she'd be blocking out our volume in her mind for the performance, wanting to experience it as a fan and not being distracted by Hoseok's counting his steps or any of us accidentally shouting through the mind link when speaking out loud wasn't an option. I understood, but I also really wish I could share this pre concert nervousness with her as well as our other 6 soulmates. Though I guess I'll have to make do with fooling around with Jungkook in order to break the tension in my head.
The performance was addictive. We jumped around to the music, at some point deciding to just forget the choreography in favour of interacting with the audience and have a good time as we danced to the beat spontaneously. Hannah was standing in the front of a crowd of people and once I saw her it was difficult to force my eyes to travel to other people in the audience, her presence almost highlighted in between everyone else. I knew we all sensed it because we all kept moving to the side of the stage that was closest to her until we were reminded that it might seem suspicious so we moved around to include as many as we could.
Seeing her dance and sing along to our music was the best thing I'd seen in quite a while, her energy in the crowd was infectious and I wondered if that's how she felt about our energy on stage. I'd have to ask her later.
When we were done we all swam in a pool of adrenaline and exhaustion as we made our way to the dressing room we'd gotten way too familiar with the inside of.
According to Namjoon's planned schedule of the day we were going to stay here until everyone were back on the ground, Hannah would come here after telling her friend goodbye and then we'd go out to eat a fancy meal to celebrate a good day. I had been looking forward to the meal all day, but right now I was more excited about seeing Hannah and finding out what she thought about our concert.
I was so eager to know if it was what she expected, if us being her soulmates changed her attitude towards our band in any way and if she could see herself attending more performances in the future. It was nerve wracking to know we would have to ask her to join us on tours and hopefully come back to Korea with us.
Waiting in the dressing room we all had different ways of winding down after a performance. Jimin was spread out on the couch with his head in Yoongi's lap. Yoongi would be assumed to be sleeping where he sat with closed eyes and his head resting comfortably on his shoulder if it weren't for his hands slowly brushing through the soft strands of Jimin's hair in his lap. Hoseok and Taehyung were stretching in the back, they'd done the most dancing on stage today and were visibly enjoying helping each other stretch their limbs. Namjoon was sitting on chair watching a recording of the performance they just did as his manager would always send it to him when they walked off stage, and Jungkook was taking advantage of the adrenaline and was doing squats and push ups on the floor in front of us.
I loved observing my soulmate's habits after a performance like this. Standing to the side providing my tired body with water I was filled with love looking at the hardworking loves of my life.
As if a switch was flipped the atmosphere of the room suddenly got gloomy, a cold feeling ran like ice down my spine, it stung like loneliness in my chest and sounded like a choked scream in the back of my mind.
The room around me spun in slow motion as I looked around to locate the source of the failed emotion after realising it didn't belong to me. None of my soulmates seemed to have noticed the shift, they were all casually doing what they had been doing for the past five minutes, then my eyes landed on a pair of shaking hands clutched around a phone and I knew I'd found the source.
Namjoon's eyes were shut open in panic, his hands were shaking, his feet tapping the ground nervously and his body tensed as his eyes were glued to his phone.
I walked towards him to find out what was wrong and before reaching him he looked up and locked eyes with me, but I could tell his mind was somewhere else.
"H-H-hoseok" He whispered, almost so silently that we couldn't hear him, but Hoseok turned towards us. I didn't know what do to, didn't know how to respond. I couldn't interpret Namjoon's reaction and I didn't know what the right words would be to ask, so I just waited for him to keep talking.
"Can you hear Hannah?" He asked and the pain in my chest tightened at the mention of our soulmate in a sentence filled with pain.
I turned to look at Hoseok and his confused eyes closed momentarily as a concentrating facial expression took over. Like with Namjoon the same cold feeling extended to Hoseok as he opened his eyes and looked at him, shaking his head saying he couldn't hear her.
The dread of their emotions overwhelmed me, I couldn't tell the difference between up and down and the room felt like it was spinning as I reached out to grab Namjoon's phone, assuming it was the source of topic for this painful change in atmosphere. I felt my breath escape me in an involuntary gasp as I read the words that made a correspondence from Hannah.
One message and a picture.
"I need to know" the message read and I scrunched my eyebrows.
Next I looked at the picture and an email titled "Disabling soulmate abilities" made the last drop of calm leave my body as I felt my knees give in underneath me.
Hannah's POV
I'd been walking close to the edge of the festival area all day, my untruthful excuse was explained to be my eager want to taste every single dish from the different food tents located around the same spot, but I knew within myself that I was doing this to test myself. All distance indeed felt like distance, and even just staying at the opposite part of the lot was making my body send out an alarm that I was worryingly not close to my soulmates.
It wasn't painful, it just stung in my chest like a reminder, a constant voice telling me to turn and walk in the direction of them, the direction of what my soul considered safety. But I kept track on my self, worked against instincts I knew were in place because of the soulmate connection and I filled my head with thoughts of what I was doing and where I was going as a blanket to cover the thoughts laying underneath.
I didn't want to lie, didn't mean to lay my true intentions into hiding in favour for a fake reality where my worries expired and turned into contentment. But I knew this was the only way I could make what I was going to do work.
"You're so lost in thought today Hannah, it's almost like you're not with me here at all, are you alright?" Megan asked, her worry mixed with the usual judgement from not really caring enough was shown clearly on her face.
It wasn't necessarily that she didn't care, but in the past hour all she had been able to talk about and probably think about was the fact that we were in the same place as BTS, and with my whirling mind trying to not think of the guys it irked me to witness her excitement. Though her entire attention focusing on them did do me the favour of her not digging to much into my emotional spectre which I knew she knew well from years of friendship so I couldn't really complain.
"I'm fine" I assured, smiling at my friend "It's nothing really, I just haven't been much out of the house lately" I excused, filling my mouth with a cheese ball that was almost too hot to enjoy still but it effectively shut me up and removed the expectation for a wider explanation.
We'd talked about my breakup with Martin briefly, Megan was worried about that naturally, seeing as she had to learn the news from him when I hadn't answered my phone for so long and she had ended up calling him to find me. I explained a version of the situation that was as close to reality as I could make it without spilling the soulmate beans, knowing that would be a topic too large for casual walking through a festival area.
My mind kept wandering to my soulmates as we made our way around the park, through Hoseok I could somewhat keep up with what they were doing, but every time I heard his voice ringing clearly through my head it sent a feeling of longing through me. I let it go on for quite some time, the longing a deserved punishment I gave myself.
But 20 minutes before their performance, when Megan eventually took over controlling where we were going, and we found ourselves right by the stage, the pull to find them became too strong. They were too close for my body to accept their distance, close enough for it to act as if I'm 99% done with a task and the final 1% would be to walk to find them.
"I'm gonna go find a toilet before it starts" I said, "Will you stay here?" Megan nodded and pulled out a blanket from her bag and placed it on the ground, sitting down to maintain her spot in front of the stage. I smiled at her and turned to run towards what I knew weren't the bathrooms, but hoped Megan thought were.
From my back pocket I pulled up my backstage pass provided to me by Namjoon in the car for after the concert when I were to meet them, and showed it to the man guarding the backstage area. Walking into a small building and down a long hallway I realised that even though I knew my soulmates were close, I didn't know if it was safe for me to appear.
"Where are you? Are you alone?" I sent through my connection with them and it only took a few seconds before I got an answer, Taehyung's voice sending powerful waves of comfort through me.
"Dressing room C, PiBlo just left so we're alone."
I nodded to myself and made my way down the hallway to find the door marked with a C, I was right by it and I took a deep breath before I carefully opened the door, revealing all my beautiful soulmates gathered in the small space.
The courage running through me immediately exchanged with the feeling of want. Wanting to be there with them, wanting to sit down next to them and just stay. But I pushed the emotion far down, making sure I was portraying a happiness and excitement to see them as those emotions also built from the sight in front of me.
"I wanted to wish you good luck..." I said as I took a step into the room and closed the door behind me.
"I know you do these things all the time and it's probably not a big deal to you but" Namjoon's arms were wrapped around my body and the scent that was so unmistakably him pushed like a wind through my nostrils as my head landed to rest on his chest, a wash of calm immediately hitting me from the sensation of his body against mine.
"Thank you, it means more to us than you think" He kissed my temple, sending soft sparks from where his lips touched me and through my entire body in a tiny show of fireworks that had me almost falling over in surprise of the effect. It startled me how powerful his touch was, how overpowering his affection was, and it forced a surge of guilt to flood through me that I knew I had to cancel out immediately.
Jin was the one I needed to make sure didn't catch on to the nightmare of different emotions swimming through me right now, while I also had to keep my most noticeable thoughts on anything else than what I was wanting to think about out of my head for Hoseok's sake.
I made eye contact with Jin and saw he'd taken notice to the shift within me and I knew I had to do damage control. "I'm just nervous to be spotted" I explained to him and wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug initially to stop him from focusing on my emotions but once I had my arms locked on his tall frame all I could think of was the feeling of him next to me. Effectively distracting myself almost too easily.
Searching for every set of eyes around the room I walked between each of my soulmate to hug them, each hug waking a similar feeling of comfort and safety inside me and an intense urge to not go through with what was going to happen today.
I hugged Jin once more, his emotional awareness the one I was most worried about in that exact moment, walking to the door I gazed across all their beautiful faces once more and sighed as I took in the sight of them.
They were breathtakingly beautiful, all seven shining brighter than a star in their makeup clad faces, fashionable outfits and perfectly styled hair. Looking like art sat out in a gallery I struggled to get comfortable with the feeling of turning around to leave the room.
"I told Megan I was going to the bathroom so I should probably get back before she comes looking for me..." I took a short breath before I continued. "I'm sorry I have to leave you... Good luck today!" I knew if I stayed longer I'd say too much, I'd raise suspicion and uncertainty, almost out of the door I turned once more just to see them one more time. Their smiling faces and lively energy taking my breath away. "Sorry" I repeated myself before I took off towards the public festival area once again.
I needed to find Megan, she was probably still sitting where I left her, no one would leave such a good placement at a BTS performance. I couldn't imagine anyone in their right mind risking losing the spot that would give them the full visual access to seeing Jungkook looking as good as he was today in a vest. I almost had to stop myself from drooling when I felt his soft muscles hug my body to his in the dressing room and sure Megan doesn't know how good they look today, but surely she knows they always look this good.
I found her where I thought I'd find her, first row, on the ground, her face tilted up in an empty smile as she took selfies of herself to commemorate the experience.
"Want me to take some of you?" I asked and her head flickered up towards me, a more genuine smile taking place over the false one for her pictures.
Handing me her phone she stood up and brushed her clothes down to make it look like she hadn't been sitting on the ground for the past 15 minutes before I snapped a bunch of pictures of her from different angles. She was enviously attractive and every picture turned out nice looking, it had always been an insecurity within me to be frequently seen around someone who looked that much better than me, and now I guess the universe was really spitting in my face, giving me 7 soulmates of the same caliber.
Once the intro music started it was as if the rest of the world faded into background noise. The air around me was electric and my body was filled to the brim with anticipation of seeing my soulmates perform. To the normal eye I looked like an excited fangirl, with an abundance of adoration towards the men now running onto the stage, but as soon as my eyes locked with Jimin I knew for sure it was more than that.
They were amazing, my eyes almost couldn't keep up with the show, always lingering on slight movements, small telling dynamics speaking in volumes about their relationship with each other if you knew what to look for. I saw the quick glances they shared when they sang something sweet, I saw how Jimin intentionally brushed his body against Taehyung's when he passed him on the stage and I saw how just like they could sense each other, they sensed me, always glancing in my direction for the shortest of seconds, but always making sure I noticed.
The new song was so sweet, so well made and had my mind immediately travel through the past days with them, watching as they made their music in the studio, sending encouraging smiles when they complained about lack of inspiration, laying in bed late at night with Jungkook talking about the meaning behind his lyrics while his soft hands caressed the skin of my arm and my head rested atop his naked torso.
The normality of that sentence in my mind almost catching me off guard, I'd gotten increasingly comfortable with them to the point where sharing a bed with one of my seven celebrity crushes while he was half naked, didn't phase me as odd anymore.
It was a strange development, one I didn't see coming that quickly and it assured me even further as to why I had to do what I was going to do today.
When the end of the last song was nearing I could feel the nerves build up in my body, no longer was my stomach filled with butterflies from the sight and sound of them, all I could think of was that this would be my last seconds to fill my eyes with a memory.
Hoseok had explained one night how after they performed, their bodies were so full of adrenaline that it overtook everything, and until they calmed down or spent it on something, their minds went haywire and soulmate communication became more difficult. The topic had come up when I asked him if he was always able to read our minds, his answer had been yes, but it was more straining when his body was tired and hyped up from a concert so he usually let his mind rest then.
This was what I was counting on. I'd given my plan a lot of thought, though none when Hoseok was awake. The past three days I'd been answering the professor's emails in the darkness of the night, sitting up for hours analysing my emotions, my motivations and my feelings.
The performance being over, I turned towards Megan, ready to initiate the next part of my plan.
"Are you driving back home now?" I asked her hoping with all my might that she would say yes.
She nodded, giving me a confused gaze as she spoke. "Yeah, but I mean there's still more to do here right? This is a festival, there will be other artists too right?" She seemed reluctant to go.
"No one we're into, now could I please get a ride with you home? And could we go like now. I swear I'll explain in the car, but I really need to leave." I said, my voice cracking up from the heavy weight of emotion breaking it apart and I hoped she could see the desperation in my eyes.
Thinking for a second longer than my patience had the energy for I rejoiced in a happy whistle when she said yes and we quickly grabbed all our things to walk towards her car parked outside.
Manoeuvring the car out of the parking lot the silence between us was deafening. We had a three hour drive ahead of us before we were back in our home town and I was certain that I wouldn't be so lucky that she wouldn't want to know why we were leaving the festival in such a hurry.
I grabbed a small bottle of an unmarked liquid from my purse and screwed the top open to chug the content quickly before I began thinking of what it tasted like. My face contorted in disgust at the feeling of the concoction sliding down my throat and my mind was screaming in discontent when hoseok's mind, which I had been paying attention to to make sure I hadn't been noticed, suddenly faded into nothingness and I was all alone within my own head.
I unlocked my phone and texted Namjoon, my fingers shaking with each letter typed, and attaching the picture without an explanation, knowing he would understand my meaning. Then I took a deep breath and spoke to Megan.
"I have a soulmate" I whispered just loud enough that I knew Megan could hear my truth. Well, seven of them to be exact but that wasn't a fact Megan needed to know.
She turned towards me for a second before her eyes were back on the road but the disbelief in her gaze was evident.
Before she said anything I continued.
"I've been spending time here, to be with my soulmate, and it's wonderfully overwhelming, spiritually and physically consuming and I literally cannot think of anything else than the bond between us and how it makes me feel" I sighed to catch my breath but didn't allow her to cut me off.
"And now I am running away. Without a single explanation, I have left, because within the overwhelming reality crushing me with comfort I've realised that I'm not sure if my emotions towards my soulmate are mine or just a higher power telling me how to feel in order for the bond to make sense. I am running away to know that I can choose to not stay and that my choice to stay will be mine if I make it."
Megan didn't look at me, her jaw was tightened and her eyes hyper focused on the road ahead of her. I knew this was a frowned upon topic, I knew people didn't believe there was truth within the myth. From my own experience I knew exactly what she was thinking because that was my own attitude towards it just three weeks ago.
"Hannah. You're speaking nonsense, there's no such thing" She whispered, her voice riddled with doubt and insecurity. I knew her reaction would be of this sort.
"I know it sounds insane, it sure as hell feels insane and right now the last thing I need is someone telling me I am imagining it all because I know I'm not. I am bound to someone, a perfect match you could call it. And I am forcing my body to make too great of a distance between us, and it is not coping well right now because I am freaking out. I am desperate to know I have control over my life, Megan."
She nodded and I could see she was deep in thought.
"He was at the concert" she said, it wasn't a question, but I nodded in answer.
"Did I see him?" She asked.
"Probably" I admitted quietly.
"Is it Suga?"