Complete us - A BTS ot7+1 Soulmate story.

23

Leaning back and relaxing in the abnormally soft bed I had a million questions swirling around in my head. No real worry about anything, I chucked that down as a probable result of having my soulmate by my side, but with unanswered wonders that still took up a certain amount of my brain power. How had I lost them, when had I lost myself, how did I end up here?

I floated between a mindset of not really needing an answer because I was alright now. I was in the safe arms of a person who, despite just having met him mere hours ago, I trusted. While at the same time wanting to know exactly what went wrong. Thinking if I knew when it happened and how it came to that, I could learn to avoid it if I were ever to be exposed to a similar situation in the future.

"I used to get panic attacks too" Yoongi mumbled from my side. I turned to look at him and saw a gaze lost in thought, pointed at specs of dust in the air in front of him seemingly as a distraction while his thoughts wandered through his memories. Once my eyes were locked on his, even if he weren't looking back, I had lost all sense of want to look anywhere else.

"When Hoseok turned 20 and he connected with us, my mind was playing with me like my brain was a basketball court and my thoughts were bouncing around like a thousand basketballs telling me about different things to worry about." He took a deep breath.

"It started as a worry of me not giving equal amounts of attention to both my soulmates, I was used to sharing a bond with Jin, just the two of us. This quickly developed into me constantly walking around trying not to show too much emotion towards either of them. Then I got scared my worries were for nothing because they both in fact preferred each other over me."

I stared at him in disbelief. The perspective I had heard stories from and seen pictures of always seemed like they all just naturally fit together, no doubts, no issues, just love. Yoongi's insecurities almost made the love story all the more unbelievable.

"I kept silent about it for a long time, spiralling down the black hole that was my own thoughts, convincing myself that my soulmates only spent time with me out of obligation. Hating the then heartbreaking pull I had towards them every time I laid my eyes on them, because of said mindset. I would get panic attacks at night alone, and I spent hours trying to breathe my way through what felt like straws in my lungs to stop the panic from overtaking."

"But what about Jin?" I asked. "He could feel it couldn't he? And Hoseok could read your mind? How could they not notice?"

Yoongi scoffed as his eyes met mine, sending chills down my spine.

"We hadn't figured out Jin's powers yet. At that time we just thought he was more emotional than before because of finding his soulmate. So whenever I locked eyes with him and I started feeling sad, he would feel the same sadness laying over his own emotions like a mist, but he wouldn't know they were in fact my feelings. He thought they were his, that there was something wrong with him. Hoseok hadn't gotten the grasp of his gift yet, as far as we knew he could only read our minds if he touched us, so he had no idea how to look into my mind without that. It was all badly timed and coincidentally self destructive"

I nodded slowly. I couldn't imagine the man in front of me, his visual speaking in volumes of strength and confidence, wallowing in sadness of imagined unrequited love from a soulmate. It hurt to even try to imagine the pain he must have felt from the lies his imagination had spoken to him enough times for him to think of it as truth.

"I'm not telling you I know how you felt yesterday, because I don't believe my pain then could even be compared in the slightest to the thunder surrounding you when I found you last night. But I think maybe learning some ways to try and ease the panic could help if you ever find yourself in that place again, and I want you to know that I will gladly help you find the ways that work for you. But in return, you will have to be open with me, and tell me when things aren't all right."