One embarrassing air mattress purchased, one extremely comfortable sofa discovered and purchased, a ton of meal prep from Mom, and a few tear-filled goodbyes later, my parents left with my mattress still strapped onto the hood of their car.
Goodbyes with my parents were always bittersweet. On one hand, they'd always be my parents and I loved them, despite their annoying overprotectiveness. A slight 'shit, I'm on my own now' fear surfaced briefly, which like usual was washed over by the small sigh of relief that always escaped me last. This year, I was especially relieved they'd stayed largely quiet about my new roommate.
Guess time will tell if they're really on team Logan.
After their minivan drove around the apartment building's corner, I dropped my raised hand and marched upstairs. Logan's wet hair and a faint sense of humidity in the air told me he'd showered, but fortunately he was dressed.
"Come on." I waved for him to follow me and walked right down the hall to Wes and Charlie's apartment. I hadn't checked but assumed from the heavy footsteps that Logan followed behind me.
"You've got some serious explaining to do," I blurted out as soon as the hallway door opened and revealed Charlie's pretty face. I only lasted about ten seconds before a smile split open my pretend angry face.
"Ellie!" She flung it all the way open then squeezed her strong, toned arms around me. Once she pulled back, her blue eyes lifted over my shoulder and she stated the obvious, "Oh you... brought the big guy."
"Let's rip the bandaid off at once," I muttered, squeezed past Charlie, then landed my gaze on my third suspected conspirator. "Hey Wes."
"Ellie," he said slowly and scratched one hand over the rough stubble on his chin, a move that I knew meant he was nervous. "Glad you, uhh... made it here."
He should be nervous.
"Sit." I pointed at their small, soft gray sectional that I was envious of. "All three of you."
My hands squeezed my upper arms tightly while I stood between Wes' ridiculously large TV and Charlie's soft gray sofa and waited until all three were seated. Once three pairs of eyes traded short glances at me then dropped to anywhere else when I looked back, I started right away.
"So... Anyone have anything they'd like to fess up?" My question produced three slightly guilty expressions, although the gleam in Logan's eyes and slight upwards curl of his lips was a bit distracting.
Focus Ellie. They planned behind my back, stay mad.
"Yeah." Wes frowned. "LT, I ate the rest of the food you left here. I'd say sorry but... I'm not."
Logan just laughed in response and replied, "And I ate all your cereal this morning, Wes."
"Bottomless stomachs aside..." I clapped one hand over my forehead and sighed. "Nothing related to infringements on my living situation?"
My question was met with pindrop-quiet silence. Not even a cricket chirped from those three.
"Anything?" No one made a peep, so I squeezed one side of my mouth into my cheek and pressed, "Let's play a little round of confession then... where I ask a question and one of you tells me the answer."
Directly or indirectly, both work.
Wes' large hand shot up. "Question."
I knew what he had in mind and shook my head. "No pleading the fifth."
After Wes silently lowered his hand and rested it on Charlie's nearby thigh, I looked between all three of their expressions. "Who's idea was switching roommates, really?"
Guilt flashed in all six eyes but when four of them shifted slightly sideways, my gaze traveled with them over to Logan. He looked at Wes and Charlie's silent sell-out, then rolled his eyes.
"I uhh, suggested it," he admitted, ran one hand through his hair, then jerked his thumb towards Charlie. "After I saw these two getting it on -"
Charlie and Wes' heads snapped so hard that my neck sympathized. Logan had always been honest, brutally honest sometimes, and proved some things were still the same when he just grinned and finished with, "Twice."
Somehow Wes became the recipient of Charlie's palm smacked into his chest. "You said we were alone!"
"I thought we were." He flashed his palms up, then rubbed one large hand over the spot where she'd hit him. "Shit, sorry LT."
Wes' words only lit a pilot light under Charlie. Her entire body stiffened and her voice was edged with irritation. "Sorry LT!? What about sorry Charlie!?"
Awkward. Walked in on them myself.
Many, many times.
With his grin still in place, Logan's eyes shot up to mine. "After the second time, I suggested we switched."
While I appreciated the straight-forward answer, I definitely wanted more details. "Before or after you knew I was Charlie's roommate?"
My words dissolved his grin and replaced it with a sheepish expression and another hand rake. "Uhh... After."
Mental note, discuss that later.
"Just another teeny, tiny, detail." I spaced my index finger and thumb close near my right eye. "Who decided that Logan's my husband? I mean, if I'd gotten married then I wish I could've at least been there."
My question prompted the exact response I hoped for. Logan and Charlie's mouths dropped wide open, hers included a soft gasp, and Wes just looked... confused.
"M-M-Married?" He finally asked in a voice that sounded like it'd gotten stuck in his throat.
Like that's not suspicious, Wes.
"My housing application paperwork." I raised my eyebrows at them. Logan flashed his hands up, Charlie's eyebrows tensed, and Wes again...
Think we have a winner.
After another rough chin scratch, his brown eyes dropped down like my worn out tennis shoes were the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. "Was that a, uhh... pink form?"
"What the fuck did you do now!?" Charlie smacked him in the chest again, which earned her a grunt on contact. "You were just supposed to drop off our change forms in the leasing office!"
"They had an extra form for Ellie." His broad, muscular shoulders lifted slightly. "You know I'm not good with details... forms... There were some checkboxes, didn't think Ellie was a grad student or had kids..." Wes' voice dissolved into a mumble but the guilt he spoke with was actually adorable.
"So you went with I'm married?" I stared at him while a hearty set of laughs erupted from the peanut gallery on the other end of the sofa. "You could've - stop laughing Logan."
"Sorry," he choked out between laughs. "That's funny."
"Ellie," Charlie started with a rushed voice. "That was never -"
"More than a mistake," I finished with a smile. "I know and already cleared it with the leasing office."
Relief washed over all their faces but I couldn't resist and teased, "And thanks for a memoryless wedding night," I added with a wink to Logan.
His laughs stopped right away and I definitely caught how his eyes darkened slightly and his mouth curled upwards. Before he said anything that for sure embarrassed me, I looked back at the bickering couple. Charlie had turned her back on Wes, pointed her knees at Logan's, and wore a small pout on her lips. Wes sat up, propped his elbows on his knees, and held his forehead in his large hands.
Logan, however... sat back casually, crossed one ankle over his other knee, and grinned like he'd won some kind of jackpot.
"And you guys were just... okay with this?" I suppressed a smile at Charlie and Wes' discomfort. "Passing me off to a stranger as his wife?"
Guilty looks cast over both their faces again. Wes' brown eyes peeked at me between his fingers, then he mumbled, "Seemed like a stand up guy?"
"Are you asking me that?" I rolled my lips together and suppressed the laugh that wanted to escape because Wes looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here now. Charlie's expression was definitely not amused and read full-on guilt.
Mental note, discuss now.
"Logan..." I shifted my voice to the sweetest possible octave I mustered at this point. "Would you and Wes mind giving me and Charlie a few minutes alone?"
"Sure." Relief flooded over his face like he thought he was off the hot seat, but he sure wasn't. He planted his feet then stood up.
With one look at Logan and after another dirty look from Charlie, Wes also stood up. He pressed a soft kiss on the top of Charlie's head, which only earned him a 'hmph' before he and Logan left.
"See you later, Mrs. Hightower," Logan called cheekily over his shoulder. I had no answer other than a raised middle finger and angry glare, but he only laughed at both.
Once they left, I sat down next to Charlie where Logan had sat. My palms pressed into the soft velvety texture of her sofa, which was still warm from him, until I realized that I petted her sofa like a cat.
"Charlie...teasing aside," I started softly. "Please, enlighten me here."
"Okay," her head dipped slightly down. "I recognized Logan when I met him at camp. He didn't say a word about you, but after Wes proposed... And apparently Logan saw us being together, he mentioned the idea to Wes."
"But..." I rolled my lower lip under and bit down for a few moments. "Why? You didn't want to live with me?"
"Not at all," she assured me quickly and squeezed one hand into one of mine. "You're a lot cleaner, amazing cook, and smell better than Wes, that's for sure. And don't get me started on the disgusting mess in the bathroom sink after he shaves."
I smiled at her melodrama, which faded when she continued with, "Logan suggested we might need more practice living together, which is probably true but..."
"But?"
"Wes, Logan, and I have athletic scholarships," she explained with a shrug. "I know how worried you get about money and... That's why I got us the smallest, cheapest apartment. You've worked two jobs for two years, which is respectable but you're so worried about money."
"When it's thirteen thousand a year for just tuition," I mumbled. "You'd probably worry too."
What I hadn't told Charlie was how I had a million dollar trust in my name from the nondisclosure agreement my parents settled with Ryder's parents when everyone lawyered-up after I'd revealed his sexual assault to my parents. I had access to the funds once I turned twenty-one but every inch of me hated the money. It disgusted me and I had no plans that I ever used a single dime for myself.
Instead, I worked hard both during school and over the summers, saved and saved, and studied the hardest in all my classes until I proved who I really was.
More than a sellout.
"I'm not saying don't worry, just... lighten up a little." She offered a fleeting smile. "Have fun. Take the ass stick out."
Apparently Charlie had a different view of my college life, but I assured her, "I do not have a stick up my ass."
"No..." Her eyebrows lifted suggestively. "But maybe you should try getting something else stuck up inside you."
Somehow I don't think we're talking about my ass anymore... but I'm grateful for that.
"Charlie." I gave her a warning look.
"I'm sure your husband Logan would be willing to help you out there." Her toned shoulders bounced as she giggled.
"Charlie."
"I'm just saying." Her blue eyes flashed knowingly at me and her lips curled into a soft smile. "The boy looks like he'd let you climb him like a tree and monkey swing 'till your vagina's content, that's all."
No, he doesn't... does he?
"You're digressing," I dismissed whatever thought train she derailed with a waved hand. "It's not privacy with Wes or money. What's the real reason?"
Her head dipped down again, which cascaded her long, straight blonde hair over her shoulders. "You're too damn perceptive Ellie. That's not the real reason."
The weight in her blue eyes paused my thoughts because now she looked really, truly concerned. "Charlie..."
The shine of tears in her eyes pinched a tightness in my chest. "Are you..." She paused like she searched for the right word. "Happy, Ellie?"
"What?" I sat back slightly from her. "Of course I am."
"I mean, really happy... You study, work too much, and I have to drag you to football games," she started hesitantly. "You're not living but more, just, well existing."
My lips parted with a protest but she continued, "I've never seen you look at another guy, ever. Only Logan. And there's been a lot of interested guys."
"I doubt that," I scoffed and looked away from her.
Her giggle brought my gaze back to her. "And by the way you eye fuck Logan's pictures, which girl I get, I know you aren't into girls."
A small huff escaped me. "Charlie, I do not -"
"I know, I'm teasing. It's not just guys from the team, it's -" she stopped herself with a sigh. "Nevermind. But Logan... I mean, he's gorgeous and all, but you look at his pictures like he's..."
"He's what?"
"Like you still have feelings for him," she stated, not asked. Her voice was soft though, like she was genuinely concerned, not teasing or judgmental. "And besides, after -"
Her statement stirred up a lot of emotions that I'd buried years ago, dark and uncomfortable ones, of which guilt rose to the top of the pile. "Charlie, it's... messy, falls under a lot of what I can't talk about but..." My voice choked off when I became the one threatnened with tears.
"But what?"
"I messed up," I whispered huskily. "I pushed him away because he..."
A giant lump welled up in the back of my throat, I swallowed hard and blinked rapidly. Thankfully, instead of attempted efforts to fill in my blanks, Charlie just sat silently, watched, and waited until I finished. With a near strangled voice, I admitted, "He deserved better."
"Oh Ellie..." She gasped softly, then leaned forwards and wrapped her arms around me. "There is no one better."
I didn't answer, only sniffled into her shoulder and hugged her back. One of her hands patted warmly on my back until the tremors in my shoulders subsided.
"You've gotta believe that, Ellie," her whispered words rushed over my left ear.
While every part of me wanted to believe her, deep down I knew I just... couldn't. When we were together, Logan had been my rock, my foundation. He never judged or pressured me into anything. He'd also gone behind my back like everyone else in my life at the time, which had pissed me off, but by the time I collapsed under the pressure of my own depression, I'd already pushed him away.
And I can't forgive myself for that.
Maybe someday. Hopefully.
"Okay, enough about me." I blinked my eyes rapidly to clear any lingered dampness, then looked down at her left hand and slipped mine under it. A smile stretched across my lips at the gold ring with a sparkling round diamond on her slender finger.
"Charlie, it's beautiful." I gaped. "I really am happy for you."
"Crazy," she murmured and looked down at her ring. "Never thought I'd be twenty-one and engaged but here we are."
"Crazy," I echoed. "How did he ask?"
"He's insane," Charlie's lips spread into a bright smile and a sparkle popped into her eyes. "He faked an injury in practice then made Sampson fetch me."
Miles Sampson was the team's physical trainer and technically Charlie's boss. "I couldn't figure out why I was needed when Wes sat on the turf with a dumbass grin on his face."
"Awww," I returned her smile. "That's still adorable."
"He spewed off the most romantic words, but I can't even remember them." Her eyes twinkled brightly. "Something about always knowing, always loving me. I couldn't think or see anything other than the ring, which he'd apparently just picked up before practice."
"That's so sweet," I cooed and fingered her ring between my index finger and thumb. "You might want to make sure of one thing though."
"What's that?"
My lips twitched into a smile. "Make sure you're the one who fills out the marriage application."
"Fair point." She took her hand back and broke out into a hearty laugh. "I am really sorry about that. And trust me, Wes will be too."
"I believe that." My smile faded and I stood up. "But I need to go..."
"You need to talk to Logan." She followed suit but wrapped me into a tight hug. "I'm glad to see you again. If you need anything, even some breathing space, we have that extra room."
"Thanks," I said over my shoulder while she walked me out.
The walk down the hallway seemed longer than normal and my heartbeat thumped louder the closer I got to our apartment door. One of my now-damp palms reached for the door, turned the door handle, and my breath hitched when I opened it and Logan stood right there next to Wes.
When Logan's eyes met mine, his handsome face cracked into a tentative, almost uneasy smile. I inhaled slowly and gathered every ounce of sarcasm I held inside.
"Out Wes." I held the door open wider. "I need to talk to... my husband."