Ari
I saw Johanna down in the subway
She took an apartment in Washington Heights
Half of the ring lies here with me
But the other half's at the bottom of the sea...
I kick my heavy feet back and forth as they dangle off the edge of the stool, watching Maya do her usual dance to this song with Sassy. If I didn't love them, it'd be really obnoxious.
"Ey, Ey, Ey, Ey, Ey!" They both belt out at the top of their lungs, hopping around on their front stoppers.
I mean it still is obnoxious, but quite the distraction from the hell reigning over my current thoughts.
Work and school, and work and school. It's all I do. I try to stay out of the house besides when it's time to sleep. And even then, I'm practically sneaking through my window to get inside without Diana noticing.
She's been demanding half of my paycheck each payday. I give it to her, but after Thomas stole my savings, it's really set me back.
My birthday is just over a month away, and I'm no where near ready to move.
"Come on, Sunny! It's a slow day, slow days are for dancing!" Sassy snatches me by my wrist and flings me out into the parking lot until we're gliding in circles together.
Slow days aren't for dancing for me.
They're for going hungry and fighting back tears at the end of my shift as I pray for a better day tomorrow.
Stacey pokes her head out from her office. "Why don't you guys call it early? It's mid week, we'll make up for it by Friday. You know how it goes."
I swallow over the knot in my throat, rolling slowly to the register.
"You got it boss-lady," Maya says giddily.
The two of them hightail it to the break room while I tap my fingers on the red countertop, my bottom lip tight between my teeth.
The girls are loud and giggly and excited, pulling off their skates and chatting over plans they've just come up with for the remainder of their day as I stand idly by the register. Without a single clue.
She and Maya have gotten really close lately. It started with me overhearing some plans they'd made, to me hearing funny stories about others where they went out, probably while I was home, babysitting my foster mom after shed had too much to drink.
It stings to watch her gravitate toward someone else. Not like it's intentional, it's just what's natural at this point.
Let's face it, I'm not much fun. I'm a stressed out mess, more focused on carrying the weight of the world on my back and surviving than hanging around the mall on a Friday night and trying on outfits I'd never be able to afford.
And Sassy's a fun, cool college girl who still has time to do such things even with a toddler and husband waiting on her at home.
Normal things.
My eyes swell up the longer I stand here, no matter how hard I fight it back to avoid being questioned. It's just one of those days where I'm just too tired of staying strong to continue keeping it up.
"Ari," Stacey calls, her keys in hand. "I'll take you home."
I sat uncomfortably in the passengers seat of Stacey's car as we rode. My eyes stayed fixed out the window while the flat land turned to hills, turned to buildings, turned to houses.
I ignored the grumbling in my stomach as usual. Hunger was easier to fight than any other feeling. It'd stop soon.
But the car stopped long before my stomach quieted down.
I glanced over at Stacey as she shut the engine off and then looked around.
"What are we doing?"
"Shopping plaza. Everything you need right in one place. Brilliant, right?"
I stare at her blankly. Lost.
"You ma'am are the most stubborn person I've ever had the absolute pleasure of knowing." She smiles at me. "I just figured, if you're not going to tell me when you need things, I'll tell you when you need them and handle it that way."
"Stace."
"Ari." Her brows raise as if she's challenging me to argue.
I didn't. Honestly, I was too weak to fight anything other than my emotion at this point.
I couldn't honestly let Stacey spend money on me. Even if I needed things, desperately. She already gave me a raise I wasn't even qualified for. She already added small bonuses to my checks from time to time.
But I was so grateful for her. Too grateful not to just smile and say thank you and promise to be the best asset to her business I could possibly be.
We spent the rest of the day together. Shopped, ate, and at the end of the night when we finally returned to the car, I couldn't help feeling like something was still being left unsaid.
Something big.
I was good at that. Reading other people's emotions. Last year in psych, Mr. Freeman said it was a survival tactic learned in early childhood. To see the signs and behaviors exhibited by your parents and know whether or not to stay out of their way. Whether it would be a good day or a bad one.
That deep gnawing pit in my stomach wasn't just hunger. It was letting me know of a bad day to come.
"Ari," she begins, face forward, her hands lightly gripping the steering wheel as we sit in the quiet car. "You know I really care about you, right?"
"Yeah."
"I mean, you're like a daughter to me. You're like the kid I could never carry." She glances my way and the tears glistening in her eyes are like blades jutting into my chest.
"Stacey." I frown, my heart pounding.
"This is so much harder to get out than I thought..." she breathes.
"Stacey, it's fine. I know you care about me. You're the only one that cares about me, that does anything for me. You taught me everything I know. You gave me a chance. Because of you I know I'll be okay."
She lets her head rest against the back of the seat and rolls it toward me, a vicious tear running down her cheek as she looks me over.
"Ari, I'm sick."
My face wrinkles in dismay. "Sick?"
"I've been sick. I'm dying."
"No." I shake my head, examining her face. People who are dying don't look like that. They don't smile twenty-four seven. They don't get up and work day in and day out, they don't have pristine skin and crystal blue eyes. "No you're not. You're fine."
"I'm not fine, Ari. I thought I would be, but I'm not. It's been eating me away for a while now, and it's getting harder to fake like everything's okay."
My eyes prickle and itch, but I keep from letting my emotions overflow. I'm too dehydrated to cry anyway.
"I didn't tell the girls yet. I wanted to tell you first because I want you to run Rocket Rudy's when you turn eighteen."
I bat and blink my eyes. "What?"
"I wrote out a will and I'm leaving the restaurant to you. I mean, if you want it. I don't know what plans you had after high school, but the restaurant is doing really well. Yeah we have some slow days, but the weekends are killer and that place has a way of taking good care of you if you take care of it and I know you—"
"Stacey." I frown. "What about Sass—Amelia. She's your cousin. Family. Wouldn't she want it?"
"Amelia's got her own things going on. This is a part time gig for her, a fun side hustle. She's got two baby's and a whole husband, she couldn't m take this on. Knowing her she'd respectfully decline if I offered anyway." She slightly laughs and it eases my anxiety just a little. "Like I said, you're like a daughter to me. I know with you, it'll be in good hands."
I didn't bother saying another word. Only snapped off my seat belt and reached over to hug her. The tears fell then. Not many, but whatever I had left in me.
I'd lost people before, but knowing that Stacey was next really hurt. She was all I had left.
The last standing genuine person I had, and soon she'd be gone like the rest of them.