• n o o r •
After taking a warm shower, I changed into a royal blue Shalwar kameez and wrapped a towel around my wet hair. Once I walked out of bathroom, I found Faaris standing in front of the mirror and getting ready for office.
"Breakfast?" I asked.
"I have an early meeting. I'll eat something after that." He said.
"Okay," I said, although I felt bad for letting him go with empty stomach.
I walked over to the dressing table and took the space beside him. Pulling the towel off my hair, I ran my fingers through damp knots, untangling them. Beside me, Faaris was setting his hair with his expensive hair products.
"Shit." I heard him curse.
"Language." I tsk-ed.
"My button is loose." He said and I turned to look at him. The top button of his shirt was undone, giving a hint of his skin underneath. "I have a meeting and this is my lucky shirt."
"Lucky shirt?" I bit my lips to stop myself from laughing.
"Don't." He said and walked over to the closet. "This day is ruined."
Rolling my eyes, I searched the second drawer for a needle and thread and walked over to him. "Stop whining. I'll stitch it up."
He stopped searching and angled his neck to look at me. "You know how to do this?"
"Obviously. It's not a rocket science." I said and put the thread into the needle. I walked over to him and motioned him to hand over the button. Due to our height difference, he was towering over me and my eyes were on the level of his chest.
He lifted his chin up and I began stitching the button. It didn't help that he was practically inches away from me and I could feel his eyes on me, observing me from very closely. I gulped and stuck out my tongue to wet my dry lips, all the while trying to concentrate on the button which was a rather difficult task in his overwhelming presence.
"Ow." He winced when u accidentally stabbed him with the needle.
"Sorry." I raised my head and said to him.
"It's okay." He said, staring back into my eyes.
Once the button was finally done, I leaned towards his collar and cut the remaining thread with the help of my teeth, which made him gasp for some reason.
"All done." I said and stepped away from his sharp cologne.
"Thanks." He said with a flustered face and tugged his buttons to check if it was done properly.
°°°°°°°°°°°
Yesterday, I thoroughly cleaned the bedroom and today, it was study room's turn. Although the housekeeper had kept the apartment as clean as possible, it was still in need of some deep cleaning and redecorating.
This was the first time I was entering Faaris' study and just like his personality, it was mostly grey. It was an average sized room, with a desk in the middle and a book shelf on one side and a window on the other.
I picked up the cloth and started with dusting the bookshelf. The front of the shelves were clean but there was a thick layer of dirt behind the books. Well, that's what happens when you don't keep an eye on a worker.
I cleaned each and every part of the bookshelf and once I was satisfied with it, I made my way to his desk. There was a whole mess of files and notes on it and I didn't know where to start. The first thing is did was pick up the whole heap of files to put them away and that's when I noticed the photo frame that was hiding behind those files.
My heart twisted inside my chest as those kind brown eyes in the photo stared back at me. After deleting almost every memory of him from my life, there he was; my Usama, or at least who used to be mine.
My legs seemed to give up so I leaned against the desk and picked up the photo frame. So many memories came running back to me; of us playing around in our childhood, of him joking around with me every time he returned from US, of the spark in his eyes when our parents arranged our marriage, of our engagement ceremony, of our post-engagement period when we talked every night at 11 and shared every little detail of our day, and last but not the least, memories of his last days with me that were probably the happiest times of my life.
Tears filled up my eyes and streamed down my cheeks. There was so much pain that I had kept buried in the deepest, darkest parts of me. Because the minute I let myself feel, all I feel is that sharp, gripping pain in my chest, rendering me unable to breathe.
Usama was gone, and with him, he took away the part of me that used to dream. He wasn't supposed to die. We were supposed to build a life together, have kids and grow old together. But he was gone, breaking all the promises of giving me a happy forever.
"Why?" I said to nobody in particular.
I hugged the photo frame and let the tears free. That's why I don't think of him often, because whenever I do, it feels like my heart is on fire.
I don't know how long I stayed there, crying in pain. I don't know when I slid down to the floor and sat there limply, or when someone walked in the study and witnessed my situation. The next thing I remember hearing was Faaris' voice.
"Noor," He said. I opened my eyes and found him kneeled in front of me, his worried eyes observing me keenly. I didn't bother to stop crying because honestly, I didn't think it was possible at this point.
I felt him sit beside me and pull me towards his chest. "Oh my God, you scared me." He said, hugging me tightly, his body pressing against mine and the photo frame in my hands the only barrier between us.
"I miss him Faaris." I whispered, burying my face in the crook of his neck. "I miss him so much that it hurts."
"I know." He said and made comforting circles on my back.
We stayed there in the same position for I don't know how long, until I realized I have stopped crying now. As my senses slowly returned, I became aware of Faaris' scent against my nose and his arms around me.
I tried to disentangle myself but his hold was stronger. I lifted my head a little and found him staring blankly at the wall in front of him. There was a thin layer of moisture in his eyes and his nose was flushed. This was the first time I was looking at him so closely, every little freckle of him and it was strangely intimate.
Sometimes, I forget that I am not the only one who lost Usama. He was Faaris' brother and they both were pretty close to each other. He had lost a part of his whole being and his memoires must be just as painful for him, if not more.
I put the frame aside and then used my now free hand to hug him back. Realising that I was now stable, he immediately loosened his hold around me. I pulled away from him, feeling a little cold at the loss of his warmth.
"I'll go freshen up." He said, refusing to meet my eyes.
"Okay, I'll prepare something for you to eat." I said.
°°°°°°°°°°
• f a a r i s •
Every step that I take towards Noor, Usama's memories make me take two steps. How can I take comfort in her presence knowing how much she loved him or how much he loved her? It leaves me guiltridden that I had taken Usama's place in her life. What's worse is that she would never feel for me an ounce of what she felt for him.
I am just a nuisance for her. That's all!
"You should've been here Usama." I whispered as warm water trickled down my cold skin. "You would have made her so happy. Such a perfect couple you both could have been!"
Closing my eyes, I let the water wash away all the exhaustion-- physical and mental. By the time I dressed up and reached the kitchen, she had already laid the dinner on the dining table.
I sat down on the chair and poured some Bhindi in my plate. She had made roti with it, that was burnt at some places and shaped almost like an apple.
"Sorry." She said.
"It's okay. I'm sure it tastes better than it looks. The Bhindi looks amazing though." I said.
"I was sorry for what happened back in your study. Nice to know my roti looks bad." She said, making a sallow face.
"Um... Uh..." I struggled to find an appropriate response for my little mess up. "I didn't mean that."
"You did, though." She said and then pouted. "If you want perfect roti, you can cook it from now onwards."
A corner of my lips curved upwards at this. "Sure, madam." This made her roll her eyes.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Who here misses Usama? :(
Btw, is it time for a little romance or should we wait first?
Vocabulary:
• Bhindi: A dish made with Lady finger
• Roti: Flatbread.