"Can I ask you something? You will not feel bad?" Bharti asked as she took the tea. She seemed nervous and so was I.
"Sure." I tried to sound normal but I know I didn't fool them.
"We didn't talk from the second night." She continued.
"And I wanted to know what happened that day? Why did you run?" She asked confused from my action.
I sighed and answered.
"I knew what he was going to ask, and I didn't want to be with him," I replied.
"But we thought the only thing you feared was, if he leaves you again. So, we spoke to him and asked him," Bharti said with seriousness.
"Basically, we threaten him. We will kick his ass if he ever hurt you again." Avika interrupted, Bharti clucked, and I choked,
Avikaa winked at me. Bharti continued again seriouS.
"We asked him, why was he here? Why was he following you everywhere?" I raised an eyebrow, and she smirked.
"He loves you Jasmin," Bharti whispered slowly. I stopped smiling and looked at my tea.
"I don't care, he left, I spoke in misery.
"But jas why are you so stubborn? I know he left you but he loves you and so does you. And if he is ready to spend his rest of the life with you, then why are you saying no?
We thought you still loved him and the only thing that scares you was to express your feeling and the feeling of betrayal if he leaves you again. But if he says he will never then why are you saying no?" she asked confused.
I have never seen her so confused and1 hyper at the same time. I took a deep breath and looked at them with worry eyes. I was feeling uncomfortable; I didn't know how to share or how to explain them without sounding dispersed, and I have never done that before.
"You know he is married right?" I asked. It was the first thing that came to my mind.
"Don't start that again. We all know he is getting divorced and we also know you don't have any problem with his past, you will still love him the way you have always done." Avika said annoyed at me.
"Wait let me finish, let me explain." I raised a hand and asked them to have patience.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath again and tried to calm myself before saying. I opened my eyes they were looking at me with concern.
"You will not interrupt me until I'm done, ok?" I asked them, they both took a biscuit and started eating, encouraging me to continue. Despite being worried, their
action made me smile a little.
"He is married and has a child." I started with a stern voice.
This explanation was not just for them but was for me too. I was convincing myself why the decision was right. I was trying to assure them and my heart. And continued.
"Even if he does give her divorce, it will not change my decision because what will happen to his child?" I paused, and they exchanged a look.
They were not sure if they should answer or not, but they kept quiet and I continued.
"You know? I had a very rough time growing up, my parents always fought, it was very hard for me to look at them.
My father was never there for me when I needed him the most; he has never been there. I have spent many nights crying and wishing that I should have never been born. My parents never cared if I cried or no, they always thought about themselves
and because of that it makes me crazy sometimes. I know that they had their problems, but also did they forget that they had a child and it was their responsibility to take care?
They gave me everything, food, clothes, education all the basic needs were fulfilled, but I needed their love more than pocket money. How could I say? How could
I ask?" I paused for a breath.
"The only reason I smile and make everyone smile is, when I was small, I cried every night for the life I was living and there was no one to make me smile at
that time. So, I make everyone happy and make them smile praying to god, the way I was making them smile just like that when that one day comes when I'm crying, please send someone to make me smile. The only
emotion I'm scared of is of depression and I can't see myself crying." I paused, took a deep breath; I didn't look at my friend.
My eyes were wet; I had never said these things before. I closed my eyes, and a tear flowed on my cheek and I wiped it quickly with the back of my hands. I was worried about what my friends would think about me because it was the first time, I was sharing such a deep emotion with them.
I continued slowly.
"I don't have a big dream to have a big house or marrying a rich person. I only have one dream to get married to someone who loves me, have three kids and be a mother that never brings a tear to their child's eye
ever" I again pause for breath and closed my eyes as speaking these emotions made me depressed.
And I tried to calm myself and continued.
"So, when I see his kid, all I remember is my childhood, so if I tell him yes now that means I will take that child's father away and how can I do that? I'm not a selfish person to think about myself I have ever been that I have always looked for others before looking at my feeling, then how can I tell him yes? I will never be happy thinking I stole a child's father." I sobbed.
Bharti hugged me and so Avika patted my back.
"Yes, you are correct; you are the most selfless person we know. I'm sorry that you had to go through all this alone if we knew it was so much personal then we would have never interfered in your life. We are sorry" Bharti said taking my hand.
"i'm sorry too." Avika whispered.
"Hey, please don't feel sorry for me. I shared this not because I needed your sympathy. I shared because I want you to understand the reason, I said no." I explained to them.
"Ok, we understand" Avika replied sadly.
"But jasmin you need to tell Aly all these, you need to talk to him once." Bharti pleaded.
"What's the use? I know if I share this with him, he will try to talk me out of it. He will ask me if everyone is ok then why am I worried about their marriage, and I just can't explain my emotion. And also I'm not someone that one day you say you love me and the next day you leave saying nothing and shift to a whole new continent and get married and have a kid and then after nine years when it didn't work out he'll come back to me and ask me to forget everything; like it never happened." I asked; angry.
"We are not saying you to tell him, yes, we just want you to explain him your no," Bharti whispered.
"I left him in the hotel room while he was sleeping." I couldn't help myself andI smirked.
"We know," Avika replied with a grin, she enjoyed that.
"Oh" I said surprised.
"He called Nidhi first then Avikaa and then me, to ask where you are.
He was worried and to be honest we were worried too, but we didn't know what to say so I told him if I know something, I will inform him." Bharti said sheepishly.
"You have his number?" I asked in amazement.
"Yes, it's not 2009 anymore. We all have a Smartphone, and it's not a big deal to exchange numbers now," Bharti replied casually.
"You don't have his number?" Avikaa asked astonished.
"No! Why would I? I didn't have any reason to ask him for it." I replied thoughtfully.
"No wonder he called us." Avika answer relieved to know the reason, he called them and not me.
"No, I don't want you guys to tell him aboutme. I don't want to talk to him;I want to just move on now" I pulled my chain out from my top and looked at it.
"It's time to remove this," I said while holding the chain up with his ring.
"Okay, if that's what you want, we will not share your number with him, don't worry" Avika promised.
I sighed heavily, and I started laughing.
Avika joined me then so did bharti.
We started talking about other friends we met at the wedding. We shared the photos we clicked and which one should I upload on social media. At 12:30 p.m., they left, and I started getting ready for work.
After my friends were gone, I felt nice. It was nice to talk to someone and explain my feelings. It was not as bad Ithought it would be, but I did see sympathy in their eyes,
which I didn't like. But anyway, it was nice.
I felt normal now. I quickly showered and called my mother to inform her I will have dinner with her tonight, will go directly after office.
Time at the office went quickly. Before going to my mother's place, I purchased groceries, some for me and some for her.
When I reached home, she was making Paneer, which is my favourite. We talked about the wedding and I showed her all the pictures and thanked God that I didn't had
any of Aly's photos. She complimented me, that I looked beautiful, which made me roll my eyes. She was biased as I was her daughter. We talked about our family
and what was happening or any plans.
Spending time with my mother was nice.
Once I found my own place and explained to her, I needed space from her and all the emotional torture of our family; She understood and let me free to live my life as I wanted. She is a kind soul; I have learned to be independent from her, also learned to take responsibility for ourself. Even if she is not the world's greatest mom, though she made some mistakes in her life I never judged her, yes, I did sometimes blamed her but also, I respected her, as I knew even, she has suffered a lot in her life.
After I was done, I left for my place; I was tired. My head had started aching. I carried the bag of groceries in my one hand and pulled house keys from my pocket with my other to open the door.
As the lift opened, I walked out straight carefully holding the bag and started to open the lock.
"Do you need any help?" someone said in a husky voice, which made me jump startled, and I turned.
"What the fuck." I gasped as I looked behind.
So guys what do u think who the person is??