I open my eyes and it takes me a moment to remember where I am. My cloudy gaze slides over the side of the room that I'm facing in the sticky dimness; then I roll over on my back and when I glance at Kat's face, I see her eyelids twitch as if she just closed them shut.
We fell asleep. Fully clothed, except for our shoes. And I...love it? I mean, I've missed this, just talking to someone until you fall asleep. It felt nice. Felt like...I was safe, I guess. From what? I don't know, but I do know that the guys that were discussing the fuckableness of girls last night would ostracise me if they heard me say that. It's just so chill and felt so normal, like I could have stayed in Kat's room with her for hours, doing nothing... Well, not exactly nothing. Just making out some and laughing and listening to music and talking some, and falling asleep. It just felt like everything is ok, like I didn't need to worry about anything, or be anyone.
"Are you gonna pretend to sleep for much longer?" I prop myself on my elbow and poke Kat's side.
"Do I have panda eyes?"
"What?"
She sighs, rubs her under eyes with her knuckles and sits up on the edge of the bed with her back turned to me. "It's almost nine."
"I was right then." I sit up too and stretch my arms.
"About what?"
"You didn't throw me out at five."
"Congratulations," she mumbles, jumps to her feet, and walks to the bedroom door but instead of opening it, she freezes and presses her ear to the door crack. "Are you in a hurry?" Kat looks over at me.
"Uh...no, not really..."
"Do you mind staying here until there's no one in the living room?"
"Are you ashamed of me?" I tease her but judging by the look on her face, this situation is graver than my uneducated brain could ever comprehend. "What's the big deal?"
"Gwen and Eva are out there."
"So what?"
"Well that's the thing!" Kat turns around and throws her arms out dramatically with a pained look and that same whisper-shouting she was using last night. "It's not a big deal, but you don't know my roommates. Lizzy's gonna start planning our wedding—"
"Because I spent the night here once?"
"Yes! And Gwen's gonna be acting all smug because she's gonna think she was right all along and—"
"Right about what?"
"You know...things! And Eva's gonna get all quietly judgy... I would just rather not have to deal with that... You have some weird roommates too, you should understand."
"Hm." Maybe she's got a point. After all of Xana's outbursts of obsession with Kat and Stone's relationship, there's no way in hell I'll ever allow her to find out about last night.
"Shit! I'm in a hurry! I forgot I work at ten!"
I have to do something or Kat will blow a fuse so I step over to her and put my hands on her shoulders while she's looking around frantically, completely taken over by panic. "Calm down, it's going to be okay."
"Who knows how long they're gonna be sitting out there? And I can't even call in sick or something... What if I just leave you here?" Her eye suddenly sparkle at me.
"No!" I snort.
"Nah, it wouldn't work anyway because someone would probably come into my bedroom to borrow a sweater or something... I can't risk that..."
"Just go into the living room and distract them?" I suggest while running my fingers up and down the sides of Kat's arms, which she either is, or pretends to be, completely oblivious to.
Out of the blue, without no warning whatsoever, she slaps her own forehead, squirms out of my reach, and starts piling books in the middle of the bed. I should have seen this coming. I should have known. That's why I'm so intrigued by Kat. I'm always attracted to psychos, plain and simple.
"Come on!" She climbs on top of the little book tower and opens the skylight and motions for me to follow before hoisting herself up and out of my sight. "You can tie your shoes later!" She pokes her head back in through the hole in the ceiling so, of course, I obey.
"This seems pretty dangerous." I glance around once I join her on the roof. It's been raining during the night and it's slippery, and even though there's a barrier keeping me from sliding off the edge of the roof, I still stand by my words. "Again, you just know exactly how to turn me on, Kat, don't you?"
"Oh psh, I've been up here a million times and I'm still alive."
This is fucking ridiculous...I love it! I follow her as she makes her way to the other side of the building until we reach another skylight and she opens it, with much more ease than she did the one in her room. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed being awake in the morning this much as I watch Kat stick her upper body in through the window and talk to someone, although I can't hear what she's saying. Then her head comes back out and instead she lowers her legs, then torso, and then disappears inside completely, so again, I follow her.
There is no bed directly under the skylight, but it seems like we're in someone's bedroom. It looks nothing like Kat's though. Not only the shape of it is different, it also looks like...like a dude's bedroom, it has that vibe. And just when I thought this couldn't get any more absurd, I turn around whilst inspecting the room to find Mark Arm standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame.
"I'll explain later." Kat mumbles while walking past him.
"I'm looking forward to it." Mark flashes me a toothy smile and I nod at him, scratch my face, point at Kat whom I can see in the next room, and go out after her.
"Nice place. Smells kinda weird, but excellent use of space," I comment on the two rooms that I just got to see.
"Yeah, I've told Mark to get some incense sticks but he thinks that's gonna make his place smell weird. Okay, you gotta go now," Kat informs me after looking out through the peephole and comes to grab my forearm and escort me to the door.
"Geez, you just can't wait for me to leave, can you?"
"Oh hey, can you hear the church bells ring in Lizzy's head?" Kat cups her ear dramatically.
"Okay, okay, I'm going. Goodbye, Kat." I press a hand to my chest as I back out through the door and end up standing in the hallway.
"Yeah, see ya later, Chris."
"Hopefully sooner rather than later."
A smile springs to her lips and she closes the door swiftly yet soundlessly. I get down on my knee to tie my boots as faint laughter seeps out from the geeks' apartment. Hm. Maybe it would have been even more entertaining in a very bizarre way to let her roommates see me walk out of her bedroom.
"You can tie your shoes later!" Kat reappears in Mark's doorway and whisper-shouts one last thing at me before leaving me alone in the hallway again.
* * *
"So why are you sneaking Chris Cornell out through my apartment on this beautiful Sunday morning?"
"Because I— Wait, it's Sunday?"
"Yeah."
"Not Monday?"
"Nope."
"I don't have work today then... Anyway, I don't want my roommates to assume things and start gossiping and get all smug, hence sneaking Chris Cornell out through your apartment."
"What about me? I can do those things too!"
"I love my live-in friends and all, but I'd rather take that from you than them."
"Well, well," I rearrange my facial features into the smuggest smirk I can. "Chris Cornell, eh?"
"Oh, he... It's nothing," Kat shrugs as if trying to shoo a mildly annoying fly off her shoulder. "I'm not sure if it's a faux pas to tell you this, but we didn't even have sex."
Not that I necessarily needed the image of them having sex in my head, but it's there now, so yeah, moving on. "Last time I saw you, just this week, you said you don't care about guys and want nothing to do with them. What happened?"
"I still continue to not care. And speaking of that night, I drank stuff and I said things. I was even trying to have a heartfelt conversation with you, getting into emotions and shit... Let's not dwell on it, okay."
"Eesh, wish I could forget that." I shudder exaggeratedly. I'm glad she mentioned it though, it's good to know she was sentient then. And plus she seems like she's better now, so that's good. And also now we can just mock ourselves and move past it.
"I know, gross. Anyway, why are you awake so early on a Sunday?" She makes her way back into my bedroom and I follow suit.
"Oh, you know..." I trail off with a shrug, hoping that's enough of an answer.
Kinda funny she should ask. Except that it's not really funny. I just couldn't sleep anymore, I woke up at six and started thinking about asking Kristi to move in and it was all downhill from there. On one hand, it feels right, it feels like it could work just fine. I would have a...a...a girlfriend, right here, living with me...And Kristi's not the domestic type anyway, she's cool, she's her own person, she has a social life, she's smart enough to not interpret living together as starting...some sort of a...family life...thing. On the other hand, just the asking part itself makes my stomach turn. What if she says no? What if she freaks out on me? Or worse, what if she says yes?!
"What's wrong with you?" Kat inspects my face with narrowed eyes.
"Can you keep a secret?"
"Yeah?"
"So can I." Actually, it's not much of a secret, or not for much longer.
"Whatever. Oh, I don't know if you know this..." She starts while looking around the room, then runs out and comes back with a chair from the kitchen, all while talking slightly louder. "Lizzy ran into your Kristine and invited her to hang out with us before Lizzy goes to New York for Christmas."
Now that's creepy, why would Kat be telling me about Kristi right now? Can she read my mind? Kat? You hear me?... "Yep, I've been informed about that..."
Actually, that's another thing that's kept me from sleeping this morning. I've made my peace with it though. If Kristi becomes friends with Lizzy, she'll maybe want to live next door to her and then they can hang out whenever, and I can continue to be fine with this whole thing. They could totally be friends...the yin and yang type of friends, where one's a sweet angel and the other's Kristi. Maybe Kristi could be friends with Gwen...they both have that...fierceness about them? Like they own whatever place they just walked into. Or maybe that's a bad thing that they're both like that... Hm.
"It's fine if she doesn't want to. I mean, obviously I don't know what her feelings are about it, but no one's gonna be offended if she doesn't want to come. But if she does, just don't say anything! It's cool if she does! Just, you know...whichever."
"Okay."
"Okay." Kat gives me two thumbs up...? And positions the chair right under the skylight, so I guess she's going back.
"Now what?" I ask when she hesitates in the middle of stepping on the chair.
"I have a Dion and The Belmonts song stuck in my head..."
"The what and the what song?"
Kat slowly turns around to face me looking deeply horrified. "Dion and The Belmonts? Dion DiMucci? You don't know who Dion is? You're joking right?" Her voice keeps getting higher when I shrug multiple times.
"Swear on my mother."
"How can you... What... Have you ever heard of the fifties?"
"Did this Dion person play rock and roll in the fifties? Because I wasn't allowed to listen to any of that stuff, I told you."
"Are you just being sarcastic?" Kat continues to look at me without much trust which makes me laugh.
"I was born in an air force base. Where do you think the music of the devil fits into that sort of childhood narrative?"
"Oh please. So you just morphed into a dirty hardcore punk person without ever getting into proper fifties rock and roll?"
"I swear on...your mother too?"
"Oh my gosh." She becomes animated again and gets up on the chair to get out through the skylight again, which I'm still somewhat confused about why that's happening right now. "I'll have to make you an educational mixtape sometime."
"This is the age of CD, Novak. Keep up."
"Have a day, Arm." She closes the window from the outside. Ha. Have a day.
* * *
"So we're really hiring again?"
"Jack realised he actually needs to work himself if he wants to have fewer employees." Jeff answers my rhetorical question as we watch our manager put up a 'HIRING' sign in the shop window. "You're an hour early."
"I'm not going to start working just yet. I just figured there's no point to go home between lab and here."
"Oh yeah? So how's...that whole thing going?" Jeff asks while taking cups from the dishwasher and drying them, and sounding kind of embarrassed, or maybe bored, I don't know.
"It's interesting but exhausting. It also follows me wherever I go..." I lift a thick book that I was clutching to my chest and then let go of it a couple of inches above one of the tables in the cafe, letting it drop with a dramatic thud.
"Woah!" Jeff whistles with raised eyebrows as he looks over. "Coffee?"
"I do need one, but I can make it myself..."
"It's alright, not like I have any customers right now. I'll make it for you."
"Oh okay, thanks."
I take off my jacket, make myself relatively comfortable on a padded corner bench, and start reading about a study that examined the effects that herbicide has on tadpoles. Turns out most types of same herbicide that kills bees and weeds actually gives tadpoles a kind of immune system booster and makes them toxic to predators, and now I have to get into this fifteen page text to understand why exactly does that happen.
Jeff brings me a coffee with milk in a little while and I add a teaspoon of sugar in it without ever peeling my eyes off the page. My investment in the book is enough to completely drown out the sounds of people walking in, talking, or walking out of Raison for four and a half pages, until one vaguely familiar voice starts screaming something about corruption and discrimination.
"It didn't occur to either one of you to tell me you're hiring again?!" Heather is standing in front of the counter and yelling at Jeff while pointing at the sign in the window with one hand.
"Jack only put the sign like half an hour ago," he answers as I dart my eyes back to the page, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to block their voices anymore.
"Why didn't he tell me though? Babe, why do you let people make an ass out of me like that?"
"Wh—"
"You don't care that Jack is being a dickhead to me, you let your friends think they can push me around..."
"Okay, first of all, what the fuck? And can we talk about this later?"
"I want to talk about this now. And I want to talk to Jack too."
"He's probably upstairs at the Sub Pop office, you can...go do that."
"Ugh. Jeff!"
"What?"
Okay, focus, read words...tadpoles...carcinogenic...glyphosates... No matter how hard I try not to, I can still hear every third word that Jeff and Heather are saying, and it sounds like there's an overdue fight brewing between them two. Seriously though, why didn't he just tell her Raison needs another barista? If he gets in big trouble with her now, it's all his fault. And I don't even want to be around her, much less work with her, why am I even worrying about this? I guess anything to stop the angry screaming...
"Maybe you wouldn't need to hire anyone new if she actually did some working around here?" I don't even need to look up to know that Heather is talking about me. Ugh just leave me the hell out of this. "She's literally just sitting there."
"She's not working yet, she showed up early."
"Why are you defending her??"
"I'm not defending anyone, I'm just telling you..."
"Can we go talk somewhere private?" Heather's voice goes down but somehow sounds even more frightening.
"No!" Jeff's voice in turn goes up and shrill. "I'm at work, I can't go anywhere."
As if to illustrate his point, a small group of girls walks in to get their coffees, which leaves Heather standing on the other side of our espresso machine while Jeff is on the other side pulling shots. Geez, some girlfriend he has. When I first realised she wanted this job when I started working here, I kinda felt bad. I mean, not bad enough to give up the sweet deal that I'm getting here, that allows me to both work and study, but just a little bad about how Jack was a dick about it and didn't even give her a chance. But now I totally understand him. Every time she comes here, I like her less and less... Or, it's not that I like her less, I just think she's annoying with her constant whining. And that only makes me question Jeff's intellect more.
I'd started reading again when my thoughts get interrupted by Heather's voice once more. "You never have time for me anymore, you never talk to me. And I'm tired of pretending like that doesn't bother me."
"What are you—Look, I'd love to talk to you right now, but I can't."
"You'd love to talk to me? Please..."
"Honestly, I don't want you to be mad at me, but I really can't talk right now."
"Well maybe then I'll leave and go home."
"That's a good idea. I'll come over when I'm done here."
"Don't bother. It's gonna be too late."
Oh my fucking god, this is never going to end. It's like a really bad soap opera. I can't believe Kat thinks Heather's not that bad, as she put it. Then again, Kat likes weird people.
"You just admitted it." Heather continues to freak out after whatever Jeff just said. "Your job is more important to you than me! And what kind of job is this anyway? You're just making other people's coffee!"
I can't listen to this anymore. I can't read either. I don't know what Jeff's thinking right now, but he needs to take care of this mess that is his relationship, so I get up, grab my things, and go into the staff room only to emerge a minute later with my apron on, just in time to take a new customer's order. There go my forty five minutes of quality time with my book.
"I'll take over from here," I mumble quietly, out of fear of attracting Heather's attention, as I squeeze past Jeff to get to the espresso machine.
He kinda hesitates, but when the curly haired psycho continues to publicly list all of her problems with him, he gives up and asks her to wait a second while he goes to get his stuff from the back. And then, finally, the usual quiet sounds of a coffee shop envelop the place. A little while later I grab my book again and set it down open on the counter behind me so that I could read it between customers. This is all I ask for; I can do things my own way, not have anyone boss me around, clean and close the place for the night, and do everything at my own pace. Perfect.
* * *
"Who's in the bathroom?" I ask no one in particular after attempting to open the locked door.
"Mike." Gwen answers from her bedroom and I poke my head in to see her put her earrings on.
"Is he taking a shower?"
"No, he's just peeing. He should be out soon because he promised to give me a ride to work and I'm almost late."
"Aren't you always late anyway?"
"Lizzy! Not the point!"
"Why aren't you driving yourself?"
"Honestly? I just like it when he drives me places." She laughs and I go get myself a snack from the kitchen, where I find Eva, and only the notice Lukin on the couch.
"Where were you?" He asks over the sound of the TV.
"I was taking a nap."
"Aw, little sleepy baby," Eva ruffles my hair and grabs the sandwich that she just finished making.
"You're not working today?"
"Nah, I just have some...homework for uni," she points at her bedroom while making her way towards it.
"Where's Kat?" I ask Lukin and he shrugs.
"Haven't seen her today."
I hear Mike leave the bathroom so I dart in there before anyone else can occupy it again, briefly waving 'hi' at him as I do. What am I going to do today? I guess I'll call my family in a little while, then maybe see if any of my friends feel like grabbing some dinner...although I don't know that I want to go anywhere tonight. I was so cosy in bed, I after a long shift at the Fairmont. Plus I'm pretty sure it's raining. Maybe Matt wants to watch a movie if he's planning on hanging around here tonight? We could go to Blockbuster, pick up some snacks on our way back... Huh, so that's as close as I'll get to having a love life right now? Using Lukin as a boyfriend substitute? Well, better to be alone together, I guess.
I come out of the bathroom just in time to hear knocking on the door, so I go get it while Gwen's staring into one of the kitchen cupboards and complaining about someone always eating her chocolates. I open the door without looking who it is, while my roommate is shooting accusatory death glares at oblivious Matt.
"Hi... Is Eva home?"
"Uh, hey!" I almost choke on my own tongue when I realise that the person standing in front of me is Jeff. "Yeah, yeah, she's here. Why uh, what did you want from her?"
"I just...wanted to have a word with her." Jeff shuffles on his feet.
"You know what, let me just go get her, okay? Just come in, make yourself at home." I usher him inside with a smile and then run into Eva's room, almost entirely closing the door behind me.
"What's up, Lizzy?" She just glances at me from her desk.
"Jeff's here, to talk to you!"
"Who?"
"Jeff! Your co-worker Jeff!"
"Ha ha, very funny."
"No, I'm serious!"
She finally turns to face me completely and gives me a puzzled look. "What are you talking about?"
"Jeff's in the living room! Waiting for you!"
Eva stands up slowly and squints at the door as if trying to see straight through it, then walks over to it and out of the bedroom, and I follow her. Jeff's standing in the middle of the room as Lukin talks to him from the couch, and for a second neither one of them notices us so Eva glances back at me with the most comical expression of horror mixed with curiosity. I notice that Gwen too is watching the whole thing from the kitchen area.
"Hey, Jeff?.."
"Hi," he almost flinches at Eva's greeting and turns to her. "I just...I uh..." He glances around the room and Gwen, Mike, Matt, and I all become reanimated and try to act like we weren't all trying to eavesdrop.
"You wanted to talk about something?"
"Yeah, yeah." He steps over to Eva and I go sit down on the couch.
Our joint living room and kitchen space is not huge, but it's big enough, and with all the other sounds going on, it's not that difficult to talk privately if you just lower your voice a little bit. Which means I'll have to ask Eva later what they talked about, because all I can hear are single stray words and phrases like Jeff saying 'thanks' and 'didn't ask for it' and Eva responding with 'sure' and 'whatever' and 'I couldn't study anymore anyway'.
"Are they sleeping together now?" Matt asks me casually, obviously meaning Eva and Jeff.
"No!"
"How do you know?"
"I just do. Eva doesn't even like him..."
Annnd another knock on the door. No one seems to know that we actually have a doorbell. I get up and open it, and this time find another musician on the other side.
"Hey, Lizzy!" Chris greets me with his toothy grin and I step aside to let him in.
"Hi! How's it going?"
"Good, good. How about you?"
"Same old. I was just trying to have a chill night in but..." I glance around realising there's nothing chill about this scene. "Turns out I live in a frat house!" I chuckle.
"Speaking of, is Kat home?"
"No, I don't know where she is."
"You don't know where she is? What if she got murdered somewhere in an alley?"
I think that's just Chris' sense of humour, but I don't like it. It just puts a frown on my face. "Don't even say that!"
"When's the last time you saw her?"
"Um..."
"Does she not live here anymore? Did she move to the moon after all? It's been like a week..."
"It's been a week since what?" I think that's what he said, although he mumbled the last part, so I can't be sure.
"Since I've had uh, the..."
"Hey, weren't you here about a week ago? When you drove Kat home?"
"Yes..."
"Did you leave something here?"
"No... I took something!"
"What?"
"Yeah, it's been a week since I've borrowed Kat's record. When I dropped her off. And then I left immediately, that same night."
"Which record?"
"Einsturzend Neubaut."
"Oh, so that's why you're here?"
"Yes!"
"Did you bring it back?"
"No...I mean, I don't have it with me. I was just stopping by to...see if Kat's here and tell her I'll give it back soon."
"Should I tell her to give you a call?"
"Nah. Actually, you don't even need to tell her I was here. I mean, she said I can keep the record for as long as I want, so, you know, I'll give it back. No need to pester her about it. What's happening there?" Chris notices Jeff and Eva and changes the topic.
"I don't know yet."
"Bye, everyone!" Gwen shouts out as she walks out the door with Mike following behind.
"I'm gonna head out too," Chris nods at the door and Lukin gets up to leave as well, and then Jeff catches up with them at the door as well, and before I know it, it's just Eva and I that are left.
"What did Jeff want?"
"I don't know... I don't know what his damage is."
"I thought you two were getting along better?"
"Yeah, we're fine. He just came over to thank me for taking over a little bit of his shift the other day, but he was all cocky about it. Didn't really sound that appreciative to be honest."
"What'd he say?"
"He was like," Eva lowers her voice and matches it with a mildly disgusted frown. "Thanks for doing that. Although I didn't ask you to do it, I could have handled it myself. You know?" Her talking goes back to normal again. "I did him a favour and he can't even admit it."
"Ugh, that's lame."
"Where did everyone go?" Eva finally notices there's no one else but us.
"Left. They all left."
"When are you leaving? I mean, for Christmas?"
"In exactly a week!"
"Wait, that means Christmas is next week?"
"Yeah, Eva!" I laugh at her obliviousness.
"Uff, my head doesn't seem to work tonight. I keep reading the same line over and over again."
"Great!" I clap my hands together and she gives me a curious look. "Because I was just looking for someone to watch a movie and have dinner with!"