"Honey, I'm home!" The unmistakable nasal voice of one Stone Gossard echoes through the house. I guess he's not too far off, he spends so much time at our place he's probably gonna start getting his mail here soon.
"I hope by honey you mean me?" Chris looks up when Stone walks into the living room, followed by Lucy, Chris' black retriever from Hell.
Chris has been trying to fix an inch wide hole in the wall next to the TV for the past hour and I've been making a bead bracelet on the couch that whole time, which has so far proved to be a weird mixture of annoying and relaxing. Chris even whipped together this cement mixture but at this point it probably looks even worse than it did right after Matt and Kim somehow managed to punch that hole in the wall in the first place.
"Uhh... Sure..." Stone casts an exaggeratedly creeped out look at Chris and then comes over to mess with my beads orderly scattered all over the couch. "Is this gonna be a new torture weapon for Andy?"
"Wasn't planning on it, but I'm willing to shove a bag of beads up your ass if you don't stop touching everything, Stoney."
He holds up his palms and slowly takes a step back. "Relax, Xana, it's okay, no touching happening. So what are you guys up to? Where's Andy?"
"Take a guess." I cast a glance into the general direction from which we can hair the faint sounds of Andy's excited 'fuck yeah's; he gets really into it when he's playing video games.
"How long?"
"At least an hour, I think it's about time for him to take a break."
"Good, good..." Stone nods his head clearly lost in his thoughts a little even while talking to me.
"What did you came here for?"
"I have this new riff stuck in my head, I need Andy to do something with it. It's more like two parts...and I need a bridge... Anyway..."
"You coming to the show tonight?" Chris looks up from his construction grounds.
"Yeah, yeah." Stone nods again looking nothing short of distracted as he does. "Off Ramp, right?"
"Correct. Your memory is just phenomenal, man." Chris quips clearly deciding to take a break too. I honestly doubt he's gonna finish fixing that hole today; the rest of Soundgarden are gonna be here any second even though there's a couple of hours left before the gig, and the wall's probably gonna look like a grey tumour for another week. "Hey, I ran into your girlfriend last week." Chris announces giving the wall one last pat with a metal spatula trying to smooth out the grey lump that the hole has turned into by now.
A moment's silence ensues while Andy's shouting 'go, go, GO!' upstairs in the bedroom, and then Stone finally realises Chris' words must have been addressed towards him. "Who?"
"Katie?"
"Oh, right, right... Not my girlfriend." Stone corrects Chris very casually.
"Since when?" I ask; I clearly remember referring to her as Stone's girlfriend around him at least once, and he didn't correct me, so...
"Since I was born?"
Ugh, goddamnit, Stone. It's been about three weeks since we interrupted their coffee date so either Kat's not into him, or she's just as much of a pussy as he is, and I'm still curious to know which one it is. Which, I guess, goes to show what an exciting life I lead. Hey, it's Seattle, we don't have much here apart from constant rain and seeing same old bands every single night.
"So, no... As in, not yet?" I ask for a clarification.
"Uh-huh, sure... Hey did I tell you guys about this movie we saw a while ago?"
We as in Kat and you? Who's we?! "No."
"It's about a bunch of dead people and sandworms. Very, very weird, but very cool, you should go see it too."
"Did Kat think it's cool too?"
"Yeah, sure. Steve think it's trash though. Then again, that coming from someone who unironically enjoys Russ Meyer movies..."
"Wait, you saw it with Steve?"
"Yeah."
"And Kat?"
"Yeah."
Why would Stone bring Steve to a movie date? He's being a pussy then, obviously. Or maybe Kat likes Steve!? That'd be so tragic, poor Stoney. Then again, if she likes movies about dead people and sandworms, she should eventually develop a taste for Stone Gossard too. Or maybe Steve wasn't even invited! That would make sense, guys just don't know when to butt out sometimes.
"That colour doesn't match the wall very well, you know." Stone points at Chris' work in progress as he leaves the room to head upstairs.
"When did you run into Kat?"
"Umm, last week, at that party you guys didn't go to." Chris shrugs.
"Do you think there's something going on between her and Stoney."
"I don't know. That topic didn't come up somehow, if you can believe that. Maybe she'll finally really open up to me the fifth time I see her."
"Ha. But you gotta admit, Stoney and Kat looked cute at that café sitting together."
"Yeah, but Stoney's always cute." Chris bats his lashes at me.
"Aren't you interested at all?"
"In Stone's love life? Can't say I am."
"He's your friend."
"Look, Xana, I've got nothing against you obsessing over this..."
"I'm not obsessing."
"I don't really know Kat, but I guess she does seem like she could be into Stone, so if she is... Good for him."
"Who was she with at the party? Was she with a guy?"
"Umm... She didn't know the chick whose birthday it was, but uh..." Chris mumbles sitting down on the floor lured by Lucy who apparently feels like getting a belly massage right about now. "She knew this guy there. But I think they're just friends." He adds, reading my mind.
"Demri said someone got a vomit bath?" I chuckle remembering her story, which she recapped in great detail, for some reason.
"Yeah, we got a balcony view of that. I was talking to Kat and then um, I guess someone had gotten sick in the backyard, and then this poor guy ran outside and just fuckin' flew across a vomit puddle Slip 'N Slide style."
"Ouch. Musta been a good party?"
"Yeah, it was alright. You know, Kat did think it was funny...the vomit thing. If that'll be of any help to you in figuring out this Stone situation." Chris gives me a shit eating grin as he mocks me, but honestly, it kinda does help. That's exactly Stone's kind of sense of humour.
"Do you think Stone could be seriously interested in her?"
"Sure. I mean, she's into music, she's funny, she's interesting to talk to..."
"Attractive?"
"Sure." Chris nods while scratching behind Lucy's ears. "Attractive too. Nice hair... And nice legs too, actually."
"Hmm maybe you're more into her than Stoney is?" I ask with a smirk just to see if I can get Chris riled today.
"Hey, I'm a guy." He pulls his shoulders into a shrug with a sort of apologetic smile. "What else do you expect me to say?"
"Speaking of, how's your love life?" I ask as casually as I can, hoping that Chris will somehow not realise I'm poking my nose into his business and tell me something interesting. Andy and I were talking the other day about how the frequency of Chris' casual hook-ups has decreased lately, or so it seems, which is just sad.
"DOA." Chris stands up and beckons Lucy to follow him out of the room.
"Where are you going?"
"What's with all the questions? Are you spying for Russia again, Xana?"
"Are you going out?" I ask, hearing the sound of him grabbing his keys from a shelf by the front door.
"I'm taking Lucifer out for a walk."
"Have fun." I mumble just before I hear Chris walk outside. He does that a lot if he knows he's gonna be in a crowd of people, hanging out or playing a show; he likes to be alone for a while before things like that.
* * *
"I don't know if I wanna go." Kat emerges from her bedroom just as I finish painting my nails.
"Why?"
"I feel like a blob of ew today."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"This." She motions her hands at her body from head downwards.
"You look fine. You could put on something that has a colour for a change, maybe that would help."
"That would make it worse."
"Kat, you look fine." I assure her once more. She really does, there's nothing wrong with the way she looks, it's all in her head, but I'm surprised she's letting it get to her.
"Compared to you, I look like a wet cat."
Okay. Usually it's Lizzy who constantly needs reassurance and encouragement, although I'm pretty sure she just likes to be told she looks good even without actually doubting it herself. Eva will whine about it sometimes too, although usually her occasional lack of confidence manifests through her literally changing fifteen times before she walks out the door wearing the right outfit. But Kat never does that, she just doesn't give a fuck, she never tries to look a certain way, she's just...Kat. She's got her own thing going, which I don't always love, but that's the thing, she doesn't care what other people think. And yet here she is, having a crisis all of a sudden.
"Bullshit. And don't compare us, we both look different but we both look great."
"You won't understand, Gwen, people would pay you to punch them in the face."
"Kat, what the hell are you talking about?" I laugh at her gibberish and feel a little relieved when I see her crack a smile.
"I don't know, I kinda wanna wear a paper bag over my head today, I just don't feel...comfortable. Like, more than usual. It went from like a 6 to a solid 10 just now."
"Well stop it, go back to zero."
"I can't go back to zero, I've never been at zero, Gwen. Think before you speak, Jesus..."
Oh come on. I don't really do pep talks, because they're usually 99 percent bullshit that people say to make someone feel better and I don't like saying things I don't mean, but Katie really looks totally fine tonight, she's wearing her black high wasted jeans and a big loose sweater that keeps sliding off one of her shoulders, and she's got her bowler hat on, which looks really cute on her. She looks just as artsy and pretty as always. "Oh shut the fuck up." I leave the nail polish bottle on the couch and step over to Kat and carefully tilt her hat back on her head a little, making sure I don't mess up my nails. "And you put on winged liner. You know, it always looks really good on you. I don't care if anyone's gonna fall head over heels with you because of your makeup or whatever, but you look fine and you should know that. And if someone thinks you don't then they're stupid, but let's face it, no one in their right mind is going to think that. Just smile, Kat, and let's go. We'll listen to some great music, watch sweaty shirtless guy stomp around the stage, have a drink, and just have a great night."
She gives me a very long, very dubious look, and I begin to fear she really changed her mind irreversibly, but then she squeezes out a kind of pained looking smile. Eh I'll take what I can get.
"You know, when you say nice things about me, I really don't know what to do..."
"Say thank you, Kat."
"Thank you. Actually... You're the only person I believe."
"Aww, because you trust me the most?"
"No, because you're so mean most of the time." Kat cracks herself up as I shoot her an unamused look. I'm not mean, I'm just honest. "Anyway, speaking of the bare chested singer... What are your thoughts on Chris having a crush on you?"
"What?"
"You do know he likes you, right?"
"Tss no, he doesn't."
"I'm pretty sure he does."
"Why? Was he just wandering around looking for me at that party last week?"
Kat rolls her eyes at me impatiently and wrinkles her nose. "I'm pretty sure he only talked to me because being friends with me will somehow lead him to you." She grins at me gesturing her hands about as she speaks.
"Let me ask you something... Did he mention me at all?"
"Nope."
"And how long were you two talking?"
"I don't know, like an hour maybe."
"Hmm wonder what that might mean in the real world?" I mirror Kat's stupid grin. "Couldn't be that he actually likes you for you?"
"Yes, I'm sure he was really trying to seduce me with his vomit puns and band trivia. Anyway, statistically speaking, about ninety percent of the male population have a crush on you, so I'm probably right about Chris either way."
"You need to get off whatever drugs you're on right now, Kat."
Lisa is picking us up in a few since Eva took the car, and either way, I don't feel like driving tonight. I thought about asking Mike to give us a lift, since he's going to the show tonight too, but I changed my mind at the last moment. I don't really know why, I guess I don't want to seem too needy. Not that I am needy by any means, and I do realise asking your...semi-boyfriend to give you a ride isn't being needy, if you think about it, but Mike just doesn't have that much experience with relationships that last longer than three nights, and I guess I don't want to inflict that cultural shock on him. Baby steps.
When we get to the venue the first band's already playing, but there's not nearly as many people as there's gonna be for the Soundgarden set. We've watched their audiences get bigger and crazier for the past couple of years, and I know by now some people have started treating Soundgarden like they're the Beatles, in a way. Just the way some people talk about them; it's like all of a sudden these guys aren't just the local band anymore, they're celebrities now. To some, anyway. Clearly, my friends and I don't have that rockstar and fangirl relationship with Chris Cornell, because he comes to say hi to us as soon as we reach the bar counter where he's socialising perched up on a stool a few feet away.
"Our biggest fans." Chris slaps his palm against his chest and as if on cue both Kat and I snort. "The politician and the stargazer are actually much more alike than I thought. What a plot twist. And who's your friend?"
Whatever the reason is for him calling Kat a stargazer, I concur. It totally suits her. "This is Lisa, we work together."
"Ah right, I thought you looked familiar." Chris nods and smiles at Lisa, and she does the same. "Anyway, I'm glad to see you guys here."
"Well, you know, we are your moderate fans." I flash him a smile.
"Are you gonna stick around afterwards? Should be an interesting night, I think." He nods at a group of people consisting mostly of guys from Cat Butt, Melvins, and Tad, who are, for some reason, handing out sparklers. I'm not sure what it is about all these Seattle bands, but when that many of them get together in one place it usually leads to arson or flood, or both simultaneously, or just something totally random and mildly dangerous.
"Some of us have to get up for work tomorrow morning, you know."
"You guys work at a bar. You don't have morning shifts." Chris looks at me and Lisa.
"Well Kat does."
She was probably just zoning out because when we look at her it takes her a second to react, and then she holds up her hands, waving them a little in mid hair. "Don't mind me. I would never forgive myself if I ruined your night. I can always find someone to give me a lift whenever I wanna go."
"Well that's no fun." Chris mumbles, which I'm now noticing he does pretty often.
"I don't really plan on partying all night either." Lisa informs us looking at Kat.
"So I guess we'll see how the night goes." I add.
"Oh hey yeah, Stone's here already, I saw him near the stage." Chris' eyes dart to Kat and he's got this look on his face as though he's expecting her to throw her arms up in the air and cry out in joy.
"Umm...cool..." Is all that he gets from Kat.
"Any new songs tonight?" Lisa asks.
"Nah. Funny you should ask though, there's actually a couple in the works."
"Halloween's in less than three weeks." Kat announces all of a sudden, and I see Chris eyebrows rise up as he looks at her.
"Is it?"
"So the calendars say."
"What are you dressing up as? Someone tall?" Chris asks Kat, and I'm guessing that's gotta be some sort of inside joke because she swallows down a chuckle.
"Maybe. I would ask what you're dressing up as but I don't really have much hope in you actually dressing up." Kat bares her teeth in an exaggerated grin and points her fingers like guns at Chris, but even though she's being all goofy now, that was totally a little bit of flirting going on between them two. Sure he's only doing that to get to me, obviously, Kat's tooootally right.
"You guys don't respect artistic expression at all." He acts offended.
"I do!" Lisa quickly raises her hand making us all laugh.
"Good evening, everyone." A new voice joins our little group and then Mike drapes his arm across my shoulders while our friends say hi to him. "How's it going?"
"What are you dressing up as for Halloween?" I turn my face to look at him.
"Hmm I don't know. When is Halloween? It's the 31st, right?"
"Wow, you look offended." Chris' voice comes out tinted with amusement as he looks at Kat, and again, the look on her face clearly says she wasn't expecting anyone to pay attention to her right now.
"I mean, it's Halloween, and it's like you guys don't even care."
"No, you're wrong." Chris scratches his chin. "I just wasn't thinking about it at this moment. But I do take Halloween very, very seriously..."
"How're you?" Mike asks quietly, pulling my attention away from our friends, and we slowly drift a few steps away from them.
"Great. You?"
"Not that great, to be honest."
"Really? Why?"
"Cause I haven't kissed you yet today." His face drifts into a smirk, and then he fixes that right away. "So what's that about? You hanging out with Cornell now?"
"Well, we are friends."
"Really? I didn't know that."
"Wait a second, are you getting jealous? Mike Starr is jealous?"
"Nah. I'm better looking than him." He cocks his head with a glance at Chris and gives me the most handsome smile, and I can only agree. But still, I bet he's at least a little bit jealous. That's just how guys are, and they never admit it.
"What if he was hitting on me?"
"Was he?"
"It's a hypothetical question, Mike."
He pulls his shoulder into an exaggerated shrug with an accompanying expression twisting his features. "I can't even feel hypothetical jealousy."
"So if a um, if a guy buys me a drink, you wouldn't feel jealous at all?"
"Pft of course not. Chicks buy drinks for me all the time, it's not a big deal."
"Oh I'm sure, of course they do... Oh, I have something for Layne."
"For Layne??" Mike echoes my words as I bury my hand in my bag to get Layne's bandana that Eva somehow ended up having.
"Yeah. Eva gave it to me and asked to pass it on to Layne." I hold the thing out for Mike and he slowly takes it and stuffs it into his back pocket.
"Okay... Wait, let's rewind a little... You think I couldn't get a drink from pretty much any chick in this place?"
"Ha I mean, you certainly can try. You'd probably succeed eventually."
"Eventually?" Mike grins at me although I can see this competitive fire grow behind his eyes. "I could get a drink before you."
"Bullshit."
"Wanna bet?"
Oh I can't believe this guy! Mike's really something else, I've never met another person who would come up with something like that and act like it's a totally normal thing, which is a shame. It's like we're on the same wavelength somehow. He just has a way of getting me really excited about things; we can be talking or doing...something else, and there's always this excitement bubbling up in me.
And I would never say no to a bet that I know I can win. Not just because guys are sluts and you just have to smile at them and laugh at their stupid jokes, and they'll hand you their wallets... There's also the fact that girls like to get drinks for free, not buy them for anyone, it's just one of those inherent gender role things.
"Sure. What do I get when I win?"
"When you lose, you mean? I don't know, I think just the satisfaction of winning will be enough for me."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"It has to be a girl though. You can't just go to Sean or Jerry and ask them for a drink."
"That goes without saying, don't worry. And it can't be someone you're friends with."
"Okay. You can't tell them anything about the bet either."
"Alright. And just remember, don't take this too hard, it's nothing personal."
"Oh, of course not, it's just that I'm better at flirting than you."
Mike laughs and smashes his lips against mine. "May the best one win, beautiful."
* * *
"Why aren't you entertaining your female friend?" Jerry grins at me once I walk up to him standing around with some other people. Sometimes I swear I can't tell if he's my bandmate or my embarrassing parent.
"We're doing this thing, we're playing a game. I need to get a free drink from someone before she does."
"Well that's an...interesting game to play with your girlfriend. But hey, no judging."
"Yeah, shut up, Jerrbear. Hey have you seen any tipsy, lonely chicks around?"
"Really? That's your plan, Mike?"
"That's the most efficient plan." I grin.
"Just ask someone...not me though, you know how I am with money."
"Money just slips right through your fingers."
"Exactly. Actually, I might be getting some work next week."
"What kind of work?" I'm always surprised by how Jerry manages to get random shifts at paces that he doesn't even work at. I guess he knows how to kiss the right asses, so he'll work in a garage one week, then have two weeks off, then work as a pizza delivery boy for another two, then move on to something else. It's really weird yet impressive.
"Delivery... No, logistics... I'm not sure. Anyway, no drink from me for you tonight, buddy."
"Oh, don't worry. That's against the rules and I'm not gonna cheat."
Jerry gives me this pretty eloquent look but I just wave him off. Whatever that implication was supposed to be, I'm gonna win this fair and square, which might be a little difficult to do, because let's face it, if I didn't know Gwen already I'd probably be trying to buy her a drink right now anyway.
I wander off past Jerry towards the bar counter and notice Kat not too far. She's left Cornell somewhere and is now talking to Turner... Actually, I really don't have anything against Chris, but somehow him hitting on Gwen doesn't seem like such a wild, unbelievable scenario. Not that I'm jealous or anything, but that's just not cool. And either way, not like Gwen's gonna jump into his arms or anything, even if she does flirt back it's just a part of her personality. Like she's probably flirting with someone right now, trying to get that free drink. Not that that's making me jealous either, it's for a cause. And speaking of, I need to get on it too.
"I'm really sad you guys aren't gonna be here on Halloween." Kat's voice carries while I'm looking around to see any potential drink buyers. This chick really does have a thing about Halloween, huh?
"Why? Because you want to see Mark in drag?" Steve asks saying all those words in under a second, probably.
"Precisely."
"Halloween's only one of many many many nights that he does that, don't worry."
I push the image of Mark Arm wearing drag out of my head once I notice the bartender place a glass of what I'm guessing is vodka lemonade in front of this blond chick sitting a couple of stools away on my other side. I step over there and take a seat next to her, at which point she glances at me over her shoulder. Hey, I know her...well, not know know her, but I know of her, I might even know her name, I think it's Kelly...or Rita, or something like that. Now I'm no expert, but her body language doesn't exactly scream 'let's be friends' in your face, but then again, she is alone. I'm sure she could use some company. I quickly scan as much of the dark crowded barroom as I can and spot Gwen standing with Bruce Fairweather. She's giggling, probably at some dumb joke that he just made, and it's so obvious she's just putting on an act. Come on, a blind person could see that, if he thinks she's actually flirting with him he must have suffered a head injury this morning.
"Looking for someone?"
My eyes immediately shoot back to the blonde chick next to me. Stacy... Karen... Kristine! Yeah, I've definitely met her before. She's one of Mel's friends, or at least they know each other. She's not my friend though, so this isn't cheating. "Kristine, right?"
She gives me a mildly impressed look, as though she was waiting to see if I'd remember her, and her whole posture relaxes a little in an instant. Good job, Mike.
"Kristi." She corrects me with a smile. "So? You seem like you've lost something."
"Nah, I'm not planning on losing anything tonight."
"Okay... How's Mel doing? Haven't seen her in ages."
"She's fine, as annoying as ever."
"Oh you're still playing the big brother part?" She gives out this hollow soulless chuckle and glances coyly at me, so I'll take that as her flirting with me. Good, good.
"Yeah well I guess I'm stuck in that character for life, aren't I?"
"Guess so." She downs the remaining half of her drink.
"You tryna to forget something?" I pointedly glance at her empty glass.
"Nah... Well, kinda. I don't know."
"Sounds like you're already halfway."
"Everything's halfway with him..." She mumbles.
"Him?"
"Oh, you know." Kristi lifts her hand and flicks her wrist dismissively. "If there's ever anything worth forgetting it's always either a guy or a girl."
Jackpot? Maybe. I feel like she's on the verge of buying another round, and who doesn't need company when they're drowning an old relationship? I decide to jump on the opportunity and take on the part of a wildly interested conversation partner. "I can't imagine anyone dumping you so I'm guessing you just broke up with someone?"
"Nah, but that's why I'm drinking. I need to forget why I want to break up with him."
"Okay, you lost me now. If you need to be drunk to maintain this relationship then maybe you should just dump the fucking guy's ass once and for all, don't you think, Kristi?"
"Well you see the problem is, I'm pretty sure I'm Mark's female counterpart. We're like two pit bulls... You put one with another dog and that dog is dead meat, but you get two pit bulls together and they stick to each other like glue. You know?"
"Surprisingly, that kinda makes sense to me. Maybe this Mark guy isn't a real pit bull after all though?"
"Oh no, he definitely is. He's a pit bull alright, a fucking dog. I mean, it's Mark Arm we're talking about."
Ohh interesting. I don't really personally know him that well but I hear he's pretty good at getting on people's nerves, so my drink is probably still not out of the question. "Then I guess you should have another drink immediately."
"Are you gonna buy me one?"
"Actually I was hoping you'd buy a drink for me."
Kristi tilts her head back mid-laugh and when she looks at me again her smile gradually fades and she raises one eyebrow. "Oh you're actually serious?"
"Sure."
"You really are a weirdo, Mel's totally right."
"You should listen to my kid sister less, you know. She's like a poodle, very incompetent."
Kristi breathes out a laugh again and pushes her empty glass away. "Hey, how come we've never really talked before, you and I?"
"I guess you keep hanging with the wrong dogs. I mean, I don't know, I'm always around." I twirl my finger in the air. I guess I never found myself wanting to talk to my sister's friends; there's plenty of other girls that don't have the access to all my embarrassing childhood stories.
"Okay. The only way I'll feel good about buying you a drink is if you promise to be my friend tonight. If I talk shit about someone, you give me a hell yeah."
"Hell yeah!"
"Good boy. So what's your poison?" Kristi grins at me already leaning over the bar counter to get the bartender's attention.
"I'll have a beer, doesn't matter what kind."
Kristi orders us two beers and in a matter of moments I wrap my fingers around a cool glass bottle. I run my gaze around the room again and find Gwen still talking to Bruce, still empty handed; I keep my eyes on her until she glances over as if summoned by my will power and I tip my drink at her.
* * *
Instead of heading upstairs I go down as soon as I walk into our building; I gave Eva my cactus sweater just before heading out to work earlier today because she said she was gonna do her laundry, but she said she might hang out with some friends after doing her biomedical science student things in the lab, so if that's the case she's probably not back yet and our clothes are probably beginning to grow mould in the washer.
By the time I get downstairs I'm singing Teen Age Riot to myself, which has been stuck in my head the whole day. Not that I have anything against that, the new Sonic Youth album is the fucking bomb. I walk into the basement room and the next line dies somewhere deep down in my throat when I see one of our neighbours packing her laundry into one of the washers. We exchange awkwardly polite smiles and I glance around to figure out which washing machine Eva used, which has to be one of the only two that have the lids closed, and since one of them is on I make a beeline for the other one. I scoop out the wet clothes from the washer, making sure they're really Eva's, and clumsily transfer them all into one of the dryers, turn the thing on, turn around on my heel, and leave.
So she's not back yet, I guess. I wonder if anyone's home at all. Come to think of it, I can't really remember the last time I was home alone. There's always someone hanging out, like Gwen and Mike, or Lukin and the other guys too. Like the other day Mark knocked on our door in the morning to borrow some shampoo, which was a pretty weird thing in itself, and then ended up watching TV at our place for like an hour. I like it though...I think? I like the kind of effect that being surrounded by people is having on me. I mean, I do get so caught up in my head sometimes that I end up isolating myself from the world, like I did this summer. Ha. I barely ever went out anywhere else other than work, but having people actually come to just sit around and coexist in the same space, not even necessarily talking, has weirdly made me want to be more social. I wonder if it's these people in particular or just people in general.
I reach our floor and when I turn a corner I notice something black hanging on Mark's apartment door handle, and when I get closer... What the fuck... What is my sweater doing here?? I grab it and hold it up before me. Yep, my wet cactus sweater. Did he just... Why was the... What... I push the unlocked door open; I mean, I could knock like a normal person, but what's the point really? As soon as I step inside my ears are assaulted by the sound of the TV and what sounds like Mark singing in the bathroom.
"I've got crazy eyes for you, oh, yes, you know, you know, you know, you know I do because I love, love I love you, oh, so true I've got those crazy eyes for you..."
I walk around a coat hanger serving as a room divider and peek into the living room to find two people, neither of whom is Lukin either. They don't seem to notice me though, too preoccupied with their heated discussion about something, but then the one with a crazy fro in the making glances up and takes a double look at me. "Hi." I lift my hand in a sort of salutation to Buzz Osborne, and then Kim Thayil looks up as well, but before any of us can say anything the bathroom door behind me opens and I turn around.
"What the hell are you singing?" I blurt out as Mark stops in front of me.
"It's a song, Novak." He explains, but I guess I still look somehow baffled, which I kind of am, since 50s rockabilly isn't exactly the type of stuff I'd have expected from Mark. But then again, it's kinda nice to know what I assumed isn't true. "Okay, look, mummy and daddy didn't let me listen to devil's music, so I got some catching up to do, still. Next on the list is this band called the Beatles. What a whacky name, right?!" Mark exclaims with over-the-top amazement reflected in his grinning face.
"Anyway. Why did you steal my laundry?"
"To get you to come here, naturally. I needed to see you."
"You...couldn't just take three steps across the hallway and knock on our door?"
"I don't know when you're home and when you're not." He waves me off impatiently and walks around me towards the middle of the living room, where Buzz and Kim are back to discussing whatever it was that I unwittingly interrupted. "Steve left you a little somethin'." Mark grabs two big flat square things from the couch and holds them out for met.
Just like Steve had promised me some time ago, one of them is a feedtime seven inch and the other one seems to be an LP and it has a picture of a pig with a strawberry on its head on the cover and 'The Damned' written above it. It's one of the bands that Steve and I talked about and I told him I never really got into them, so I guess that's his attempt at fixing that. Nice. As I examine the two records Mark breathes out a nasal laugh and my eyes dart at him.
"What?"
He lifts up the front of his sweater to reveal a black Confusion Is Sex t shirt – exactly like the one I'm wearing under my unbuttoned jacket. "How embarrassing."
"Extremely! So what are you guys up to?"
"I don't know, they just showed up uninvited, they do that sometimes."
"Hmm that's weird, there's this bunch of people that sometimes come to our apartment uninvited too."
"Hmm. You probably need to start locking the door." Mark advises me with a very serious face, making me laugh. Maybe at some point I'll get tired of him and the other guys, but so far I'm okay with their existence intertwining with mine. "You know how it is, you leave the door open and next thing you know, you end up in a bathtub with seven other people."
"I can't say I've ever found myself in that situation, but thanks, I'll be more careful from now on."
"What about you?"
"What about me?" I raise my eyebrows.
"What are you up to, Novak?"
"I just...almost got home from work."
"What's that?" He points at a black faux leather journal sticking out of my tote bag.
"That's a notebook, Mark. It's for writing things down and stuff, one of humankind's greatest inventions."
"So is that your thing? Writing things down? What kind of things exactly?"
"Just things. Thoughts, ideas...you know, things. I'm sure you're familiar with that general process, what with your sliding in and out of Grace."
"What are you implying?" Mark's lips slowly stretch into a grin.
"Nothing, I'm just an adoring fan of your poetry."
"Well I didn't major in English for nothing."
"Same."
"So are you gonna be a published author one day?"
"Nah." I clumsily push the notebook deeper into the bag while clutching my sweater and the two records to my chest. I like to write, I think I need to write mostly, but I'm never proud of it enough to trick myself into thinking I could actually do this for a living.
"Nah?"
"Maybe one day when I'm as meticulous with words as you are."
"Did you say meticulous?" Buzz looks up at me all of a sudden as if that was a magic word meant to wake him up from his thousand year nap. "Now that's a word, meticulous. That's a word you don't hear enough." He points a finger at Kim, so I'll assume that has to do with their conversation.
"You're clearly hanging out with peasants. I hear that word three times a day." Kim remarks nonchalantly and grabs himself a slice of pizza from a box that looks like it's been sitting on the coffee table for a long while, judging by how the grease has penetrated and coloured the carton. Just as he's about to take a bite his hand freezes and he looks at me, motioning his hand at the box. "Pizza?"
"No, thanks."
"What are you, dieting?" Buzz eyes me.
"Nah, I just don't eat meat."
"Ah... If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?"
Vegetarian jokes, now that's totally new and original. "Funny."
"I mean, I think if you take one look at me, I better have a great sense of humour, you know." Buzz cackles at his own words, and I can't help but laugh at him too.
"There's that fly again." Kim mumbles waving his free hand around as he stares into a moving dot in the air around him.
"Did you ever notice how flies get trapped in your house and then they just keep getting fatter and slower, what's up with that?" Mark wonders out loud as he grabs the remote and zaps through a couple of channels before leaving Family Feud on. "Human babies!"
At first I give Mark a confused look as he takes a step backwards and sits down next to Kim, but then I turn to face the TV, assuming he's shouting an answer to a question that the host had asked... Name something you're never supposed to put in the microwave? Well, to be fair, that is a pretty good answer, but I don't think he'd get any points for it.
"Tin foil hats." Kim gives his answer while chewing a piece of pizza.
"Shotguns, probably." Buzz shrugs and then they all look up at me.
"Umm..." I step over to the couch, still hugging the records and my sweater to my chest, and sit down on the armrest, since there's not much more room on it. "Musicians?"
* * *
"Lizzy, can you show the water guy where all the coolers are? They sent this new kid and I am already falling behind, I have so much stuff to do." One of my supervisors pokes her head into the staff room.
"Of course!" I nod while making sure I didn't misbutton my dark red vest. You'd think housekeeping would get cuter outfits, like those slutty maid Halloween costumes or something, but no. I have to wear a shirt and a vest that looks like someone's grandpa was buried in.
"Thanks. He's at the back door in the kitchen, I told him someone would come get him."
I stop to chat with a couple of my co-workers on my way there, just for a few minutes, dreading the moment when I'll actually reach the kitchen and be swallowed by a humid cloud bubbling from all sorts of pots and pans, instantly making me smell like a kebab shop. That's the one thing I really don't like about getting shifts in the hotel restaurant, because other than that I enjoy waiting on tables way more than cleaning rooms. I get to talk to people and it's just way more interesting.
I swing the kitchen door open and dive in no more than fifteen minutes after I've been told to come here. It's like an ant farm in here since everyone's rushing to prepare everything for lunch in time, so I manoeuvre around things and people and make my way towards the back door, but I don't see any guy or anyone waiting there at all. I push it open letting in a gush of cool air and step outside where I find a guy standing around smoking. He's got his back turned to me, so the first thing I see is his long blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail and stuck out through the loop in his blue ball cap as he lifts one foot and crushes the cigarette butt against the sole of his boot before tossing it aside.
"Hey, I'm supposed—Jerry? Hi!"
The lanky guitarist pulls his lips into a grin as soon as he turns around and both our eyes register each other's faces. "Hey, Lizzy."
"I didn't know you're the water guy now?"
"Apparently I am." He lifts his arms and motions his hands at himself to give me a better look at his uniform consisting of his usual cowboy boots and jeans with the addition of a dark blue polo shirt that has the company's logo on it. "So are you gonna show me around?"
"Sure!" I turn around to go back inside, tugging at the hem of my vest, fully aware that the last time I saw Jerry it was that disastrous night with gum in my hair and me falling for that stupid prank with elbows and boobs. I still can't believe I fell for that, but I guess the fact that Jerry's a pretty cute guy helps the pain of embarrassment a little.
"So how've you been? Haven't seen you in a while." Jerry grabs the handles of a cart with five gallon water bottles stacked on it and I hold the door for him as he pushes it inside. "Actually, haven't seen that much of Mike either. How's he?"
We both crack up at Jerry's joke, because Mike still really does spend a lot of time at our place, especially since Gwen only works evenings and nights so she has her days free for hanging out with her friends and him. She told me about this bet they had last week, and I was sure she'd want to punish Mike somehow for winning, but I guess she likes him more than I thought. I mean, she does talk about it, she's told me how good and excited he makes her feel, but she has this sort of tough exterior that goes with it so you can never be quite sure to what extent her feelings go.
"He's alright, he's being taken good care of."
"And you?"
"Oh I'm great. Well, apart from the fact that it's Monday."
"Yeah, Mondays do suck when you actually have a job, huh..." Jerry follows me into an elevator as we continue to chat and I mentally go through all the water coolers on each floor.
"I had a pretty good weekend though."
"Did you have a hot date?" He wiggles his blonde eyebrows making me giggle.
"I did. Well, not really hot, but he was still pretty cute. And he took me out to this fancy restaurant, so I have nothing to complain about. I don't think I'm gonna see him again though." I add right when the elevator bell clinks once announcing our arrival and the doors open.
"Not that great in bed?"
"Jerry!" I gently slap his arm and he gives me a childishly mischievous smile and a shrug. "I wouldn't know about that, but I just don't think we clicked. He's a friend of a friend so I thought I'd give it a go but I'm not that attracted to him in all honesty."
"Fair enough."
"What about you?"
"Did I go out with a cute guy on the weekend? Nah."
"No, silly, what about you and girls?"
"Nah, I don't really go on dates." Jerry stops the cart at the first cooler and begins to carefully unload one bottle to put it in the place of an empty one. "There's this girl... But she moved to Colorado so we're trying to figure things out, you know."
"Oh, that must suck. I mean, not being able to see your girlfriend."
"Yeah, it does sometimes."
"What's she like?"
Jerry freezes for a second while hugging one of the full bottles so tightly that his knuckles are white. "Her name's Dee...Diane. Have you ever seen The Last Picture Show?"
"Yeah."
"She kinda looks like Jacy. Dee's really cool, she's...smart and fun, and all that good stuff, but she got into college so that's why she left."
"Have you ever considered following her there?"
"I don't know that I would want to do that. Everyone I know is here, all of my friends, my band...and they're my family. I probably wouldn't know how to survive without them." Jerry adds with a chuckle, placing the new bottle on the cooler.
"I get that. I still miss everyone back in New York."
"You're from New York?"
"Yeah. I moved to Seattle for school too actually."
"So are you gonna go back?"
"No, not right now, at least. I feel like I should be here now."
"But what about missing everyone?"
"I'm on the phone a lot, especially with my mom, and talking to her always makes me feel better when I'm sad about it."
"That's good." Jerry remarks and grabs the handles of the cart again waiting for me to lead the way. Maybe it's just me, but that sounded kind of cold all of a sudden.
"I know some people think it's dumb that I'm still so close with my mom, but she's like my best friend."
"I don't think it's dumb, I always stayed close with my mom. Like...why wouldn't you?" He punctuates his words with a short laugh.
"Where does your mom live? Is she in Seattle?"
"Um... She passed away last year, actually." Jerry says as we stop in front of the elevator again. Shit.
"I'm so sorry..."
"It's okay. I mean, it's not okay, but it's not your fault, so..."
"Yeah, but I mean... I'm sorry you had to go through that. I didn't mean to bring it up... I can't even imagine ever losing my mom, it would destroy me..."
We both fall silent as we wait for the damn elevator to get to our floor, and I wish the Earth would open up and swallow me right now. I couldn't have known, but now I feel so bad... And I can feel all this pain and sadness coming from Jerry at the mention of it. He's probably trying to forget, and here I am blabbering about my mom and all... I keep my eyes glued to the elevator button as we wait in silence and it feels like years are passing by like that.
"Wow, you really get to know people when you work together, huh?" Jerry quips all of a sudden and makes us both chuckle again.
"I still feel so terrible..."
"Don't worry about it, really." He pushes the cart into the elevator that finally arrived and puts his elbows on the handles kind of leaning on them. "Now it's your turn to reveal something shocking about your life."
"I don't really—"
"I'm joking, I'm joking... I'll have time to pull information out of you later, since I guess I'm stuck with this job for a while." Jerry winks at me.
"I'm not gonna be your tour guide forever, babe, you know. You'll have to memorise the hotel plan yourself."
"Sure thing, ma'am. We'll still probably have accidental secret dates, my hopes lie in that possibility."
"Okay then, I'll try to have something shocking ready each time."
"Wonderful. You know, it's pretty cool to run into you here. So far I've only worked with obnoxious assholes, so this is a nice change."
"There's a lot of cool guys down in the kitchen, you'll see."
I end up showing Jerry around which takes quite a while. Turns out he got the job because he really desperately needs money, so I guess that explains why he's planning on sticking to it for a while.
He actually is a really cool guy, it's like there's not a single quiet minute between us, because when he's not talking he's a great listener. It's funny how things work out like that, it could have been anyone in Seattle but it just so happened to be my best friend's boyfriend's bandmate that got the job, and today of all days too. If only things in my romantic life worked this smoothly ha ha. Eh I guess I'll just have to be patient.