"Look inside the fridge." Kat lazily instructs Steve from the couch where she's sitting squished between Mark and Eva.
"Why would a knife be..." Steve trails off having just found a knife he's been looking for exactly where Kat said it might be, and I would laugh at his expression if I wasn't afraid of making my headache worse.
In fact, I'm so hungover and tired that I can't even be bothered to listen to the TV or half the things my friends are saying, or moving my eyes really, so I just stare off into the kitchenette's general direction while Steve is making himself a sandwich.
"Lizzy?"
"Huh?" I look at Eva when she elbows me gently.
"Just checking if you're still alive."
"Yeah, yeah. A better question though would be whether Gwen's still alive."
Eva lets out a chuckle that makes her voice sound like she's been drinking and smoking for the past 50 years, and we both glance at Gwen's bedroom door. I've been told she came home with Mike in the middle of the night and no one saw anyone leaving since so they both must still be in there. I can't wait for him to leave finally so that Gwen could tell me everything!
"Thanks for the cheese." Steve returns to the couch and slumps down next to me waving his sandwich in front of my face as he does. I'm not even sure when him and Mark came over, if they even left last night at all, but when I crawled out of my room at about 10 am, the two of them and Kat were already having breakfast in front of the TV.
"Sure, no problem." I smile at Steve, clumsily pushing myself off the couch, using what energy I have left in me.
"Where are you going?"
"To get myself a glass of water. You want me to grab something for you?"
"No, no, sit down." Steve pushes me back down with his hand on my shoulder and leans forward to grab a half full glass. "Here, drink mine. I didn't get my spit in it, don't worry. Well, not too much, anyway."
"Oh, okay, thanks."
"No problem. We're even now." He chuckles at his own joke as I take a sip of water that feels like god's elixir this morning.
I feel like Steve's the least likely to make you feel uncomfortable with his inappropriate replicas out of the band, and I really appreciate that. Although I have heard him make some really crude jokes, but I feel like he mostly reserves those for people like Mark and Kat. I guess sometimes people think I'm too fragile to handle their sarcasm, but that's fine with me. I don't really care what they think, as long as I can have a normal, civilised conversation with someone without a bunch of gross jokes and comments.
"Is it good?" I eye the food in his hand after quenching my thirst. I usually don't even like thinking about food when I'm hungover, but this sandwich does look good.
"What? Cheese?"
"Yeah. And the sandwich."
"Uh-huh, very... Um, you want some?"
"I wouldn't mind a bite." I flash Steve a grin and he narrows his eyes a little as if deciding if I deserve his sandwich.
"I'll give you half. But you owe me now."
"You'll give me half of a sandwich that you made solely with our food, but I owe you?"
"Well, when you put it like that..." He trails off chuckling and carefully tears the sandwich in half.
"Hey!" Kat's voice slices the air and then she slaps Mark's hand as he smiles sheepishly. "That's my favorite sweater, you asshole." She examines the front of her black sweater with a big cactus on the front and I notice a good spoonful of mushy cereal sticking to it, while the rest of it is in a bowl that Mark's holding.
"Stop yelling at me, it's just a little cereal. Not like you were very clean before anyway."
"I told you, it's not me! You probably have some of Lukin's vomit on you, that's what you keep smelling."
"Sure, sure, I believe you."
"Why did I even let you in?" Kat mumbles while scooping the cereal blob with her hand and dropping it back into Mark's bowl.
"Oh." Steve's hand shoots up in the air as if he's the only kid in class who knows the answer. "Because you're too nice to let me sleep in Lukin's barf."
This banter and laughter goes on for a few more minutes before I turn my head to the sound of Gwen's door opening and she walks out with Mike following behind. I can tell from the look on her face that she wasn't really expecting to find a bunch of people chilling here, but we all just say hi anyway and she proceeds to walk Mike out the door. The two of them disappear in the hallway and close the door behind, but Gwen's not wearing shoes, so I'm assuming they're just saying goodbye for today out there. Yep, I will need to hear every single thing!
"Okay, who wants to go see if Matt's still alive?!" Mark jumps up to his feet and beams at us enthusiastically as if that's the most exciting thing anyone could ever do, but the lack of reaction on our part gets him frowning a little. "Okay, suit yourselves. But just so you know, you're missing out, girls."
"Remember what you just said when you're scrubbing Matt's vomit off the back of your couch, Mark." Steve giggles and I sort of zone out again for a moment, losing all interest in whatever they're saying, and then Kat stands up as well and pushes Mark out the door.
"Nice having hangover breakfast with you... Lizzy. Eva. Thanks for the food, stay hydrated today." Steve gives us a brief wave and leaves too, and before Kat can shut the door behind them Gwen comes in with a ghost of a smile still sticking to her lips.
"Moooorning, Gwen." Kat greets her again and closes the door as Gwen goes to put the kettle on.
"Good morning, Kat."
"Someone looks happy." I peel myself off the couch and go over to the kitchenette.
"Someone looks like she had too much to drink last night." Gwen shoots back with a smug grin.
"Lizzy got a piece of gum stuck in her hair while she was flirting with Sean and Jerry." Kat informs Gwen while making herself comfortable on the couch again.
"I wasn't flirting with them!" I don't think I was, at least. Not intentionally..? We were just talking, but Kat always thinks I'm flirting with everyone.
"Anyway." She rolls her eyes demonstratively and I shoot her a look but she doesn't reciprocate. "Sean's not a bad choice. I mean, out of the four of them, Sean is obviously the hottest..." Kat trails off and sheepishly glances at Gwen trying to hide her grin.
"Excuse me?" Gwen pops her eyes dramatically.
"Well, in my book, anyway."
"Hmm I think Jerry's better looking." I think out loud and then Eva breathes out a laugh and we all look at her.
"I would go for Layne if I had to choose. Kinda funny, isn't it? How we're so divided on this?"
"But kind of makes sense too." Gwen points out, and it's true. More often than not, our opinions on guys differ drastically. And not just guys, really; just people in general. We have some people that all four of us like and are friends with, but we tend to have our separate friend circles that we stick to. And then there's us, of course. The geeks. I have no idea how, but it works for us for some reason. It's like we're so different from each other that we fill one another's cracks and hollows perfectly. I mean, I definitely have more in common with Gwen than with Kat, for instance, but I think we're all different in just the right ways.
"What about Soundgarden?"
"What about Soundgarden?" Kat echoes my question.
"Which one would you choose?"
"Either Chris or Kim." Kat answers in a beat.
"Matt." Gwen gives her answer.
"Hey! Okay then, I'm taking Kim." Eva declares.
"So I'm left with...what's the bassist's name?"
"Hiro, I think?" Kat answers my question hesitantly.
"I'm okay with that, he's cute. He looks like the normal one in the band anyway."
"He does, doesn't he..." Kat mumbles thoughtfully and a quiet pause ensues before Eva speaks up again.
"What about them?" She nods her head at our apartment door, obviously meaning Mudhoney.
"Well, Kat gets Mark."
"And Lizzy gets Lukin." Kat shoots back matching my sly smile with one of her own.
"I think I'd go for that other guy...Steve. If I really had to." Gwen voices her decision.
"So I get Danny? But he's such a baby." Eva drawls the last word with a frowny smile. "Lizzy should get Dan, they'd be like the toddler couple, cutest thing ever."
"Just because I'm shorter and younger than you doesn't mean I'm a toddler!"
"Yeah, but when you keep wearing that diaper thing, we just can't help but assume." Kat barely gets the words out before she cracks herself up, and my other two roommates laugh too. I have these pyjama shorts that kind of bunch up and look puffy when I wear them, and these three silly geese think it's the most hilarious thing ever.
"Okay, I'll take Danny. I get all the cute ones." I wave them off with a flick of my wrist. "What about Mother Love Bone?"
"There's five of them." Kat reminds me and Gwen glances at her looking mildly surprised.
"Really?"
"We can pretend Jeff Ament doesn't exist." Eva mumbles half-heartedly.
"Oh no! You get Jeff!" Kat cackles.
"The fuck I don't!"
"Nah, I think Kat's right, you and Jeff seem to hate each other so much, and you know what they say about love and hate..." Gwen gives Eva an eloquent look while pointing a teaspoon at her.
"Hey, how come you guys don't think I like Stone but you're so convinced I like Mark?" Kat suddenly turns to me and Eva and we both shrug. I don't know, I mean, I guess just the fact that Mark lives right there...I don't know.
"Wait, you don't like Mark?" Gwen gives Kat a genuinely surprised look; it's either that or she's practicing for an acting audition.
Kat breathes out loudly and frowns while throwing her arms out in exasperation. "No!"
"Do you like Stone?"
"Nah." Kat leans back and scrunches her nose a little at Eva's question.
"Really?"
"Oh there we go again!" Kat sighs and stands up when Eva decides to double-check.
"No, I think what Eva means..." I interject. "How long can you keep hiding and shutting everyone out? Maybe you should try going on a date or two."
"Oh please." Kat dismisses my words with a snort on her way towards the bathroom. "Anyone need to empty your bladder?"
The three of us give negative answers and Kat goes in to take a shower. I don't think I'm wrong though. Kat always tries to act cool and like she's incapable of having feelings for someone, but that's bullshit. I can't blame her though, her last serious relationship was a catastrophe, more or less, and I probably would be scared too if I was her. But it's been two years. I personally wish I liked someone right now, I love that feeling when you're excited to talk to someone and you think about them all day and always want to share everything with them, like a joke you heard or just something that you find interesting, and then you see each other and even just sitting around doing nothing together feels like the best thing ever. I miss that.
"Hey, wait for me!" I scurry to Gwen's room after her when she retreats there with a cup of coffee and one of Kat's muffins from a couple of days ago. "You're not gonna get away without telling me about...all this." I motion at her bed closing the door behind me and she looks over at me with an ecstatic smile.
"Didn't think so."
"So? What happened last night?!"
"So..." Gwen walks over to her jacket hanging on the door and rummages through the pockets briefly before taking out a handful of bills and coins. "Mike called last night before I went to work, he said he wanted to see me, so I let him come pick me up afterwards." She dumps her tip money into a jar sitting on the windowsill and returns to her breakfast.
"Annnd?"
Gwen lets out a giddy laugh sitting down on the bed. "He's so hot, Lizzy."
"I know, I've been hearing about it for the past three weeks, hun. So he drove you home and... What happened to your plan to not put out for as long as you can?"
"Well, apparently, this is as long as I could." She keeps grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"Fair enough. But... Come on, keep talking! When are you seeing him again? And what...I mean, where does that leave you two right now? Are you gonna be like, exclusive?"
"Well that's one thing I intend to find out soon. We didn't really discuss that while having sex, you know."
"Right."
"He said he'll call, and he knows that if he takes too long, it's not gonna go well."
"My god, you're actually training men like puppies. You've got a gift, Gwen!"
"Thank you, I know."
"So... How do you feel about all this? I mean... What if he just wants to mess around for fun?"
"I'm not into that. We obviously like each other but if he can't fully commit then I'm backing out, because I know that I won't be able to keep feelings out of this, you know. I can't do casual, I know I'll fall too hard."
"Yeah, I know what you mean... But I'm sure Mike's not stupid, I'm sure he understands that you're as good as it gets."
"Well, we'll see about that." Gwen shrugs nonchalantly and hides half of her face behind her coffee cup, but I can tell from the sparkle in her eyes that she's really excited about this, she's already in too deep to not care if Mike does something stupid. So let's hope he doesn't.
* * *
I swear I had a hair tie somewhere, I never leave home without one, and if I show up at Raison with my hair all over my face that'll only be one more new exciting thing for Jeff to harass me about. Ugh not on my wrists, not in any of my pockets...in my bag maybe? I quickly glance up to make sure I don't walk into anyone or anything and bury my hands in my bag as I walk the last block towards the café.
"Woah!" Someone grabs my elbows before I can react to the sight of that person's feet before me, and I swear I nearly experience a fucking heart attack. "Watch where you're going, Eva." Layne smiles at me.
"Hey. Sorry, I was just... Going to work."
"Raison?" He points a thumb behind him and I nod. "Early or late?" He asks after glancing at his watch, since I guess it's a weird time to be starting a shift – 45 minutes past two.
"Early. I work with a walking pain in the ass so I have to try extra hard if I want to keep him off my case and keep my sanity."
"Jeff?" Layne asks again a little surprised, although still smiling. He's got a really nice smile, like really nice.
"Yep."
"Well I would love nothing more than to come over for a cup of coffee and watch you two battle... I mean, and help you maintain your sanity, but I've got somewhere to be."
"That's okay, it's probably more fun without an audience."
"See, there's always a bright side to things." Layne gently nudges my shoulder with a look that's supposed to be encouraging, I guess. "Anyway, I'll remember to drop by some other day. I'll bring styrofoam swords or something."
Okay, smile, let's tone ourselves down a little. At least running into Layne put me in a good enough mood to not want to punch myself in the face and break my nose to get out of working with Jeff today. "Hey, you wouldn't happen to have a hair tie, would you?" I eye Layne's blonde hair sticking out in all directions with a washed out bandana tied around his head, mostly hidden by his wild locks. Surely he uses hair ties sometimes.
"Hmm..." He pats his palms against his thighs and freezes for a moment with his eyes averted to the side, then brings his hands up to the back of his head and a second later holds up the bandana. "I got this... You can tie it like a ribbon maybe?"
"Uh... Yeah, that's perfect, thanks."
"So don't they pay you enough to be able to afford hair ties now?"
"Nah, it's just that Kat's always stealing them."
"That's the redhead, right?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah, I've always felt like there's something fishy about redheads."
Layne's remark draws a laugh out of me and I give the ends of the bandana one last tug to secure it. "Well, thanks for the uh..." I point at my hair and he kind of winks at me with both eyes. "I'll give it back to you as soon as I can."
"Maybe you can pass it on through Mike. Now that he's started um, frequenting your roommate's boudoir and all."
"Yeahh, I do get to see him once in a while."
Or like, almost every day for the past week. And I still don't know how I feel about him, it's like he comes over to bang Gwen and eat our food in front of our TV, since he doesn't have a job or anything... I mean, ah... It's not that not having a job is something horrible per se, but Mike just doesn't sit right with me. I hate to sound like someone's annoying mother, but he's kind of a freeloader. I get that Gwen likes him and has fun with him, and that's great, but that doesn't mean I can't be suspicious about him.
"Okay then. I'll see you around, Eva. Kick ass!" Layne flashes me a grin and speeds off.
He kind of looks like he should be a surfer, like he could pose for those cheesy postcards from California with tanned dudes standing around on the beach with their boards and sending you 'sunny greetings'. But there's also something about his personality that's like that; he's just a really pleasant person to be around, I guess.
This time of day is always kind of busy, a lot of people come to Raison on their lunch break. The Sub Pop office is in the same building so we see them every day and then all sorts of cashiers and whatnot from shops on our street like to drop by too. Though I guess I do like it better when there's people than when it's empty and boring.
"You're—"
"I'm not late." I cut Jeff off when he opens his mouth as soon as I walk in.
He glances up at a clock on the wall and back at me and I can practically see the disappointment radiating from his face. "You're early. You do know you're not getting paid for extra minutes, right?"
"I'm aware, yes."
"So why don't you..."
Thankfully the heavy door swinging shut behind me blocks Jeff's voice out as I go to put my stuff away in the back and a few minutes later find myself at the counter, catching a glimpse of John leaving early with a smug smile on his face. Of course he would; but he's the boss so he can do whatever the fuck he wants and Jeff will only thank him.
If I plan a few steps ahead, I don't really have to deal with Jeff much, I just go about my business taking orders and serving clients, and make sure I stick to what I have to do before Jeff can find something to complain about. So that's what I end up doing , until... "You're supposed to clean up after yourself when you pull a shot, you know?" I hold up the portafilter full of wet coffee grounds. Jeff will do stuff like that once in a while and yet I'm the unprofessional one. How the hell am I supposed to serve the customers efficiently when I have to do half his job?!
"I just made six coffees to go, okay, it's not like I'm just lounging around. I was gonna let the chick go with her coffees and then clean up, okay? And you just splashed coffee all over the floor." Jeff points down and I immediately put the portafilter in the sink. "Plus, those two empty cups have been sitting there alone for ten minutes." He directs his finger at one of the tables that I was serving, like it's his place to give me instructions and orders on what and when to do.
"Well I was busy too, believe it or not."
"Well you're about to get even busier because you gotta mop the floor now."
"No, I have to clean up after you so that I could make a coffee for a waiting customer."
"I said I'll do it myself."
"Okay, do it then."
"Thanks, but I don't need your permission."
"Well nor do I yours. So I'm gonna go do my thing." I point at those two cups and leave Jeff to clean the damn portafilter.
I can't fucking stand this idiot. I don't get in his way! I don't leave my shit for others to take care of! I don't slack off! And yet, it's like Jeff always makes a point of finding at least one thing to criticise me about every time he opens his mouth. And it's even worse when his stupid girlfriend comes here and they get all whispery and judgemental. When John's around it's not as bad though since he's not a fan of hers either. Like the other day it was just me and John when Heather dropped by to pick up her sewing sketchbook that she accidentally left here while distracting Jeff from work the afternoon before that, and I thought her head was gonna explode because John was playing dumb and making her believe he had no idea what she was talking about, and she was honestly losing it. Then he eventually gave her damn sketchbook back to her, but that ten minute nervous breakdown was truly beautiful.
"Could I get a splash of soy milk?" This pretty young man in a suit asks me pointing at a mini jug of regular cow milk on the counter.
"Sorry, we're all out of soy milk today." I repeat for like the tenth time in the past thirty minutes and for a second my attention flickers to the door of the café as Stone strides in.
"I can't drink regular milk, I'm lactose intolerant." Something in the tone of his voice tells me this is not gonna go well at all.
"Well, we have dairy free milk powder..."
"I specifically asked for soy milk." He stresses his words and his voice goes five tones ruder.
"There's really nothing else I could offer you, I'm sorry."
"I'm not buying this coffee then."
"But you—"
"I ordered coffee with soy milk."
"N-no, you—"
"What seems to be the problem, sir?" Jeff butts in, speaking in a disgustingly polite voice.
"This coffee is not what I ordered and I'm not paying for it."
"How so? What's wrong with the coffee?"
"I specifically asked for black coffee with soy milk on the side, and now I'm being told there's no soy milk."
"Um, well I'm really sorry if Eva here failed to—"
"Excuse me, but you asked for a black coffee with milk on the side, you didn't say anything about soy milk until after I made the coffee." I interrupt Jeff mid-sentence; honestly, I have to deal with this asshole customer, and on top of that Jeff wants to throw another shit talking party?!
"No, I'm pretty sure I specifically asked for soy milk. I'm lactose intolerant." The guy repeats again like I should give him a fucking medal for not being able to drink normal cow milk.
"I've been telling people we're out of soy milk for the past half hour, I know I would have told you that too if you'd asked."
The guy's face drifts into a thoughtful stare for just a fraction of a second; it's definitely the kind of expression you have when you realise you're about to lose an argument, and yet, he opens his mouth again. "Okay, well it doesn't matter who didn't say what right now. I'm not paying for a coffee I'm not going to drink."
"But you ordered it and I made it for you, you have to pay."
"No, because I haven't touched it yet. You can sell it to someone else, for all I care."
"Well, you see, I actually saw you take a sip, so..."
Who what now?! Did Jeff Ament just actually say that or am I having a stroke?? I can almost feel my eyes crawl out of their sockets as I turn to him, and he's got this totally straight face on. I guess the satisfaction of being right was more tempting this time than his desire to push me under the bus; I mean, it's only a coffee cup sized bus at this point, but still.
The guy in the suit gasps soundlessly like a fish and then probably murders both me and Jeff in his head. "Fine then. But I'll not be coming back here." He drops a few coins on the counter in double quick time, grabs his coffee, and storms out.
"You're welcome."
"What?!" I return my attention to Jeff.
"You don't have to pay for his coffee from your pocket, thanks to me."
"Right." I snort at him. Wow, my fucking hero.
"Don't be a dick, Jeffrey." Stone pipes up cheerfully at just the right moment, stopping me from blurting out something mildly offensive. "The girl didn't fuck up the order. If anything, it's probably your fault, because you didn't buy enough soy milk."
"Congrats, asswipe, you just lost your free coffee." Jeff glares at Stone making him gasp, and as he turns away to take an order from a new customer Stone leans over the counter ad gives me an obviously feigned sympathetic smile while pointing at his friend.
"Premenstrual syndrome."
* * *
"Vodka lemonade." I push a freshly filled glass over the bar counter to a scraggy looking guy who's so thin, this one drink will probably be enough to knock him out.
"Hey, Gwen, isn't that Matt Cameron's girlfriend?" My co worker Lisa points a bottle of Budweiser to indicate the direction in which I should look before opening it and handing it to whoever asked for it.
"Yeah, I know her." I confirm when I see Eva's ex co worker Aimee chatting to some guy I'd never seen, and even if I had he obviously didn't leave a lasting impression on me. I don't really know that girl too well, but Eva recently updated me on her guy situation and apparently she and the blonde drummer are a thing now...or are they? She's running her fingers along this guy's collar in a very flirty manner, which is a move I myself am guilty of sometimes using. I voice my thoughts about it and Lisa bobs her head.
"Yeah, I mean I wouldn't say she's all over him, but there's certainly flirting happening there."
"Then again, in a place like this..." I cast an eloquent look around. "Not like seeing someone cheat on their significant other would be anything new here. People go to bars and clubs to have fun."
"Oh come on, Gwen! You always assume the worst. Maybe she's just that kind of, you know, flirty, friendly person."
"Or maybe she's cheating on her boyfriend." Honestly, I may be projecting my own insecurities here, but the fact is that people cheat. There's no point in pretending otherwise. And anyway, I don't think it's really about me this time, I am perfectly happy with how things are going with Mike, and with him always wanting to come over and hang out I feel pretty confident he's not bored of me yet.
"No one really does the girlfriend boyfriend thing these days." This other vaguely familiar looking blonde guy with big teeth sitting at the bar speaks up letting us know he's been eavesdropping.
"I don't understand, how does that work?" I prop my hands on the edge of the counter and look over at him.
"Well, if I got a girl, she's just this chick that I'm likely to end up with in bed every other night."
"Well maybe that's a problem that you personally need to deal with instead of assuming it's a common thing?"
"Come on. You don't see people going on cute little dates. You don't see anyone planning families and stuff like that. Our generation is too fucked up for that, too preoccupied with defying everything that our parents taught us."
"I can definitely agree with some of that, but I believe functioning monogamous relationships are still an option for some of us."
"I didn't say people fuck around necessarily. It's just that no one seems to buy into the idea of tying yourself down."
"It doesn't feel like tying yourself down if you really like the person."
"We still like to think we have options though. We like to feel like we're free and the world is our oyster." The guy drawls caustically and gives me a smile that somehow looks like he's mocking me.
"You know a hell of a lot about what we are."
"I've been alive for a while, can't help but notice stuff."
"And yet, you got it all wrong."
"Oh so you know better?"
"I do. Almost none of what you just said makes any sense. You've clearly never been in love."
"And you have?"
"That is not a discussion for this time and place."
"What about a different time and place then?" The guy gives me the slyest smirk, probably real fucking proud of that line, but I just shrug.
"Maybe, you never know, we might run into each other again five years later and talk about it."
"Really? Is your schedule that busy?"
"Actually...yes. So are you gonna order anything?" I flash him a grin and then walk away to get him a drink when he does ask for one after all.
"Bruce is totally hitting on you." Lisa whispers close to my ear after I get the guy a beer and leave him be.
"Who?"
"The blonde guy! He's in Mother Love Bone."
Ohh, right, five guys. "Good for him."
"Obviously not that good since you're not reciprocating."
"Well, sucks to be him then."
"He's totally still checking you out."
"Is he?" I ask with absolutely no indication of any interest in my voice whatsoever.
I mean, I'm not trying to play dumb or hard to get, but so what? So he's hitting on me, what do I care? I'm not obligated to respond to that just because a guy shows interest in me. When I was in high school no boy would even hold my hand, and now that I admittedly look hotter than I did five or six years ago guys hit on me regularly which only goes to show how much better off I am not paying any attention to most of them. I'm not interested, that's the end of story.
Besides, working in a place like Rock Candy it's inevitable. A lot of guys seem to think that just because you're a bartender here it gives them the right to treat you like an old buddy or shamelessly flirt with you and you're supposed to reciprocate, like it's part of the job. That is exactly why I don't pay attention to it most of the time and just do my actual job. So that's pretty much how my night goes – pouring drinks, making small talk, counting change, cleaning up after someone spills their drink, repeat.
Tonight's a little more entertaining though because when the last band is done playing they turn on some music, and someone decided to make this Saturday a 60s night. I don't know what it is about that kind of music but it just makes you want to swing your hips and bob your head, which makes serving drunk guys and girls a lot more pleasant.
"You wouldn't happen to—Oh." The tall, dark, long haired singer of Soundgarden freezes like a wax figure for a second when I turn around to face him. "Hey. Fancy seeing you here."
"I don't want to get fired so I keep showing up." I motion at the general direction of shelves of alcohol behind me.
"Fair enough."
"What did you want?"
"What did I... Oh, I was gonna ask if you have a lighter." He holds up a neatly rolled joint. It's actually something I noticed at their party a couple of weeks ago; the joint he was sharing with me looked almost like a factory made cigarette. I don't know, I guess it's just one of those little things that get stuck in your head for some reason.
"Are you gonna smoke that here?"
"Am I not allowed?" Chris eyes me as I fish out a lighter form my back pocket.
"No, but it's kinda rude to sit here getting high while some of us have to work."
"Hey, I wouldn't mind it if you came to my workplace and wanted to roll one."
"Isn't getting stoned a part of your so called job?"
"So called?" He clenches at his chest in feigned offense.
"Anything that requires ripping off your shirt can only be a so called job."
"It's not a requirement. I can stop anytime I want." Chris smiles at me sheepishly and lights his joint before giving the lighter back to me, and I feel my hips moving slightly to the rhythm of Love Potion No. 9 as I hide it in my pocket again.
"Good thing you don't then. Are you alone?" I take a glance around and it really doesn't seem like Chris is here with anyone else.
"Yep."
"A little sad, no?"
"Sad? Why?"
"It's Saturday night and you're hanging at a bar alone."
"I don't think there's anything sad about being alone."
"I know, I like getting coffee alone sometimes, but hanging here with a joint on a Saturday night still seems a little sad to me." I raise my eyebrows and shoulders.
"Well you're here, I'm kind of technically not alone anymore. And as usual, I'll share my Mary with you... Hmm?" He does that thing where you hold the smoke in as he speaks and then exhales kind of sighing and twirls the joint between his fingers before my face.
I don't know if I really see why Kat thinks Chris is intimidating, he's just kinda weird. I don't know what it is, but there's this strangeness about him... I don't know, and nor do I really care. I take a glance at my watch and make a clicking sound with my tongue. "Say that again in 38 minutes."
"It's a date then."
I breathe out a laugh and nod with an obviously condescending smile. "Sure. So, are you gonna drink anything?"
"Jack. Neat."
"Neat?" I scrunch up my nose at his disgusting choice of lukewarm alcohol, and mixing that with weed no less. But comply anyway and set a glass before him a moment later.
"This is a stupid song." Chris remarks through a smoke of weed.
"I like it."
"I like it too, but it's still stupid."
This is exactly what I mean when I say he's weird. What the fuck kind of thing is that to make small talk out of? It's a pop song, just a silly little song about love, they're all stupid, and we still like them, that's the point. This is totally the kind of thing Kat would say though. Maybe she needs to get over her fears because Cornell just might be her long lost twin. "And why is that?" I ask anyway. We're nearing closing time, the barroom's getting emptier, I just finished cleaning up a little before Chris showed up, and I really don't mind having someone to talk to, however strange the conversation might be. Better than just standing around counting minutes.
"So this guy goes to a gypsy with his girl troubles, right? And this gypsy lady gives him a potion that turns him gay. It's stupid...you know, in like a funny way. It's hilarious."
"Hmm. I guess. Hey, can I ask you something?" There, now that I said it I can't back out. That chat I had earlier tonight is still somewhere in the back of my mind, and I guess a lightly intoxicated Chris could at least be useful for that.
"Yes, but I can't promise I'll answer."
"Ha. I'll take my chances. Do you think, hypothetically speaking, guys and girls are after totally different things in terms of relationships? I mean, do you think that's actually true, or is it just a stereotype?"
"Hmm. Why do you care what I think?"
"I don't, you just happen to be sitting in my field of fire."
"Oh, okay. I think it's bullshit. I think there's two types of people – those who still have hope and those who already now there's no hope."
"Wow. Which one's you?"
"Currently transitioning." Chris shakes his palm with outstretched fingers in the air and downs his Jack. "What do you think?"
"About what?"
"Having guy troubles, is that why you're asking?" There's a mocking tone in his voice as he smirks at me and I just snort.
"Even if I was having troubles it wouldn't be any of your business."
"Naturally. So how was tonight? Anything interesting happened?" He glances at the dark stage and around the room.
"Not really. Although I heard someone slashed someone's tires outside. An ex lover thing, I think."
"That's interesting."
"Yeah. I actually went outside to check if my tires were okay."
"Oh..." Chris puckers his lips and his 'oh' turns into a short whistle.
"What?"
"I was gonna offer you a ride."
"How kind of you."
"I know. And now I don't get to do my good deed of the day, thanks to you."
"Maybe I'll be in desperate need some other time, who knows."
"Yeah, who knows. So what do you drive?"
"Eva and I share her dad's old Falcon. The pale blue thing, you couldn't have missed it."
"Oh yeah, I saw it alright. Nice. I personally strive to own an array of very expensive limousines and a motorcade of cops one day. Cops that wear ice cream salesman suits, actually."
Weirdo!?! It's like Chris has two facial expressions – he's either fake smiling or is totally poker faced, which makes all of his statements sound even weirder. "Fingers crossed." I force my eyebrows back to their normal height.
"Hey, Gwen, did you put the empty boxes at the back door?" Lisa appears holding a mop and pointing at the stockroom door.
Oh, right. I hold up my finger and turn back to Chris. "Well, seems like my job is too real to allow me to stand around chatting with you."
"Isn't that what all politicians do though? Stand around and chat?"
"I'm not into that. I'm going to be a different kind of politician."
"Good. Let's hope you will."
* * *
"Hello?"
"Hi, fuckface."
"Hi, nerd asshole." Steve's voice barks back at me from the receiver.
"Nerd asshole? How does that work?"
"Look in the mirror, Stone." He cackles while Andy and Bruce both bust out laughing at something funny on the TV. Although... I wouldn't bet on them laughing at the TV. Bruce had this brilliant idea to get high on DXM, so that's happening. Not that I have anything against DXM but I mean like, do it on your own time and not when we're supposed to be rehearsing, maybe?
"Huh. So what are you up to?"
"I was just gonna go down to Mark's."
"What? The Mudhoneys actually rehearse!? Wow!"
"Nah, I just need to pick something up, no playing today."
"Well there you go. Wanna see a movie later?"
"Depends."
"Beetlejuice."
"Sure!"
"I promised to give Ames a ride to...uh...somewhere, I don't know... Are you still gonna be at Mark's in about an hour?"
"Um, probably. Yeah."
"Hey, you should..." I trail off when Xana strides into my attic-studio-apartment and greets us simultaneously exhaling a thick cloud of smoke.
"What?" Steve croaks but Xana waltzes up to where I'm sitting slouched in an armchair to put out her cigarette in an ashtray on the windowsill and cuts me off.
"Who are you talking to, Stoney?"
"Um... No one."
She pulls her lips into a smug smile that clearly means she thinks all secrets of this universe are known to her. "Is it Kat?"
"Nope."
"Really?"
"Nope."
"So it is Kat?"
"Nope."
"Stone!"
"Xana!"
"You're a fucking weirdo."
"Why thank you." I grin at her and she rolls her eyes back before turning to get her lover boy from the couch. Maybe it's just my opinion and I don't understand anything about anything, but I'm pretty sure that even if I did like Kat it wouldn't be any of Xana's business.
"Stone, I'm a busy man, don't keep me hangin'."
"Okay just gimme a sec, Turner, Jesus. See if anyone else wants to go while you're there, especially Kat."
"Why—"
"And if she does, tell her she's bringing snacks."
"Ohh. Good thinking!"
I hang up and get up to find my car keys while the others are getting ready to take off as well. It seems like Xana's pretty amused by Andy and Bruce, lucky for her. Or lucky for Andy, actually; if he annoys Xana too much she doesn't shy away from headslapping or kicking him, and he's definitely not in a right state for any physical activity right now. He can barely stand on his feet at this point since he's giggling so much and flailing his arms about like a flightless pigeon, so if Xana tried wrestling he'd be out cold in a beat.
"Okay, children, let's go." I put my hands on Jeff and Bruce's shoulders to walk them out.
"Um, I think we should wait a little." Jeff shrugs me off.
"Wait for what?"
"You know, just...wait."
"Why?"
"Um just, like, you know..." He walks over to a window looking out into the street in front of my parents' house and immediately turns back to me with a smug smile. "Actually, yeah, let's go."
"What the..." I leap over to the window too and when I look down I see none else but Heather lurking on the driveway like a malignant tumour, just waiting for the right moment to make herself known. "You fucking tricked me!"
"I didn't trick you. I just gave you a convenient amount of information." Jeff bares his fucking teeth in a grin.
"Convenient for who?"
"For me, of course."
"Oh, oh, I get it, this is your revenge, because I told Eva about the job. Jesus, Ames, you can't hold grudges like that. Bad karma."
"And you can't keep being a dick like that." Jeff nods at the window and makes a beeline for the door. We all follow him out and the guys go down the stairs but Xana lingers a couple of feet away from me as I lock the door behind us.
"I gotta hand it to you, Stoney... Telling Eva about the job at Raison was a great fucking idea. Best you've ever had."
"Was it though?" I nod my head down at Heather leaning against the hood of my car. "I just think it's really amazing how she doesn't understand that people don't like her."
"I know, right!? The poor girl came in and started going on about how Eva's slacking off at work and always bothering Jeff and stuff like that. I literally didn't even say anything and she talked for like fifteen minutes straight."
"You didn't throw her out?" I fake gasp.
"Nah, it was actually pretty amusing. She sounded like she's Jeff's mom, you know, complaining about kids bullying him at school or something."
"Hmm that's not a good mental image." I mumble as we catch up with everyone waiting around mine and Xana's cars.
"Hey, Stone!"
"Heather, what a surprise." I drawl while simultaneously shooting Jeff the dirtiest look I can hoping it'll somehow cause him physical pain.
"Hey, I just remembered I need to pick something up from the store." Heather walks around the car with her curls bouncing into all directions as she walks. "Can we stop at Walmart or something?"
"Umm... I'm kind of in a hurry, actually." I shrug. "Maybe Xana can take over?"
"Not on my way." Xana retorts without even looking at us as she whips out a new cigarette and seats it between her lips.
"I don't necessarily need a Walmart, pretty much any store will do."
"I don't think there's any stores on my way at all."
"What um, what do you need to buy?" Jeff asks.
"Ear plugs."
"How about some mouth plugs?" I suggest none too loudly.
"What?"
"What?" I echo widening my eyes and Heather rolls hers, accompanying the gesture with a click of her tongue.
"Jeff!" She whines like a small fucking child who doesn't understand the word no.
"What? I don't have a car. Why are you in a hurry anyway?" He turns to me, probably thinking I'm lying to not have to spend time with Heather, which to be honest I would generally do, yes.
"Because time as we measure it progresses in one particular direction and I've adapted to that." Following my perfectly reasonable explanation Jeff gives me a look, like he does when he's trying to let me know I annoy him because he has no sense of humour.
"What's the problem, kids?" Andy's head and shoulders poke out from the passenger window of Xana's car.
"Look, I gotta go." Xana motions at him. "Good luck, Stoney." She flashes me what could only be described as an evil grin. Filthy traitor! And Jeff too! It's like he actually keeps Heather around just to piss everyone off.
"Come on, it'll take fifteen minutes. Half an hour tops."
"Half an hour to get ear plugs?!"
"I need some other stuff too. But I really won't take long." Heather keeps nagging me as the three of us get into my car, and as luck would have it she waits for Jeff to get in the back and takes the front seat herself. What an incredibly fun afternoon! God, someone up there must really fucking love me!!
"I can drop you off at the store or I can take you to your place, it's either one or the other. It's a fair deal."
"Umm..." Heather bites down on the tip of her finger because apparently that helps her think. "Hmm... Home."
"Okay, as you wish, close the door, let's go."
"So where are you going? Why are you in a hurry?"
"I'm seeing a movie with some people."
"What people?"
"You know, people. Steve, maybe Kat. Whoever else might wanna go."
"Kat... I don't like her." Heather announces nonchalantly after a second of contemplation and I take a sharp breath to keep myself from reacting verbally. And yet, even though neither Jeff nor me ask, Heather decides to elaborate anyway. "She kinda seems like one of those desperate girls, you know. Like she'd pretend to like sports to get guys' attention and stuff. And why does she have to dye her hair that ridiculous colour?"
"That um... That's her natural colour, Heather." I try to concentrate on the road but her voice is too annoying to ignore.
"Really? Oh well... I don't really know her, but I don't like her."
I glance at the rear-view mirror and catch a glimpse of Jeff eagerly staring out the window. That's right, buddy. "It kinda seemed to me like you liked her alright for months. What happened?"
"I mean, I'm polite, you have to be polite, but like she's not a friend to me. I wouldn't want to be friends with her."
"Oh, okay, gotcha. I thought it might have something to do with Eva, but..." I shrug and feel Jeff kick the back of my seat, which contrary to his desired effect puts a smile on my face.
"Don't even get me started about her! But I suppose it makes sense that they're friends, like what normal person could stand someone like Eva? You have to be the same kind of bitch to be around someone like that."
"Nah, you don't, trust me." Another kick from Jeff. "Hey, Ames, you're very quiet today. What kinda bug crawled up your ass?"
"More like a stone, actually. A human sized one."
"He had to work an extra hour with Eva this morning. Right, babe?"
"Aw poor Jeffrey. Was it very horrible?"
"Uh-huh, unbearable." Jeff mumbles half-heartedly and returns his gaze to the window from what I can tell.
Heather, on the other hand, continues to fucking yap about how much she hates this and that – mostly Eva though – and... I don't really know, I turn on the radio and just focus on that for the rest of our carpool trip. I honestly don't understand what the fuck is wrong with Jeff, like he's not a dickhead, he never talks about people like that, he never fucking complains that much like a spoiled child, but he never says anything when Heather does it either. The sex better be really fucking great... Ew! Stop thinking about Jeff having sex, brain!
I drop them off and finally pull up in front of a red brick building and honk the horn a few times. A minute or two later Steve walks out the door holding his skateboard and gesturing his free hand as he converses with Kat.
"Why do I have to pay?" I hear her whine when they get closer to my car.
"For what?" I voice my confusion.
"Tickets!"
Tickets? What? I give Steve a questioning look and he responds with a positively guilty smile before turning back to Kat. "Because Stone is driving, he paid for the gas."
"Okay, but why do I have to pay? Your input amounts to a total of zero dollars here, Steve."
"You're the one with a secure job, Kat. You can't rely on me to provide, because I don't have a steady income. It's very simple."
"So this is what our friendship's gonna be like, huh?" Kat glances at me and Steve alternatively and shakes her head with a quiet sigh.
"Katie, of course not. It hurts my very soul that you'd even think... Wait, did you bring food?" My eyes dart to her bag and she chuckles while getting into the car.
"You guys are lucky you're funny, at least you got that going for you."